Porn Star Money for Children?

[tabsie3210]

There was a “Dear Abby” not too long ago that’s been bugging me even still, and I’d like to get some genuine Catholic feedback on the situation.

A woman (henceforth known as “Mom”) wrote in to say that her sister (henceforth known as “Sis”) had set up college funds for all three of Mom’s kids, starting them with about $75,000, to which Sis would continue to contribute.

Problem - Sis is a porn star and makes her money from video royalties, and the money Sis used to set up those three accounts came directly from her pornography.

Mom wrote to Abby complaining that she’s against pornography and wants to give the money back, while her hubby says, “Keep the cash!” It’s a lot of money, after all. College is expensive. Mom doesn’t like it but her husband is insisting. They write to Abby to find out what they should do.

A quote from Mom: “Abby, I don’t want my sister’s sexual exploits paying for our kids’ education … Should we return the money? And if we do, is it possible to do it without causing a rift between my sister and me?”

Abby’s response: “If you refuse her generosity, it will appear that you are rejecting her. Nor do I think your children should be penalized because you don’t approve of [Sis’] lifestyle. …You’re not going to change your sister. You may not approve, but love her for the generous and caring aunt she is trying to be and let the money be used for something positive.”

Am I the only one who thinks that Dear Abby was way off base? Yes, it’s a lot of money, but isn’t it better to say no to it, even if it’s not going to chage Sis’ mind? Isn’t it better to not use ill-gotten gains? Gah.

I think the husband and Abby were wrong. Mom should’ve given the money back. Opinions?

 

[dashso40]

Well, it is nice that she’s using the money for something good…if she refused, it will cause a rift…At least she’s giving her money away, I say keep it…

 

[Tosk]

I think you should treat the money the same way that you would treat money coming from a hitman or someone running a ponzi scheme. All the money should go back to the victims of the crime.

 

[Catholic90]

I think you should treat the money the same way that you would treat money coming from a hitman or someone running a ponzi scheme. All the money should go back to the victims of the crime.

For a woman making money off porn, who is the victim? The woman, I would argue, since most porn “stars” were abused at some point in their life. So then she would keep the money, right?

This is different than a ponzi scheme, in which innocent investors lost money, because they thought the investment was real.

 

[tabsie3210]

My thoughts had less to do with who the money should eventually end up with and more to do with the morality of using the cash for the children’s education - if Mom is going to keep the money, in a sense it’s suggesting approval. How can you say, “It’s bad to do porn because it degrades women,” and then ship off your kids to college with the money used to degrade a woman, namely Sis.

Are the Mom’s kids so much more important to her than her own sister’s well-being that she’d sacrifice her sister to put them through school?

That’s where my focus is.

 

[tjm190]

The joy of currency is that where the money comes from makes no difference- you can’t control the evil by which the money was gathered, but you can be sure that is does some good.

 

[John92]

For a woman making money off porn, who is the victim? The woman, I would argue, since most porn “stars” were abused at some point in their life. So then she would keep the money, right?

This is different than a ponzi scheme, in which innocent investors lost money, because they thought the investment was real.

It’s a lot more complicated than that. That’s sometimes the case, sometimes not.

The victims are porn are those who produce it, support it, and watch it: they’re victims of the Devil’s lies. I don’t see how you could redistribute the money to all those people, and they’d probably use the money to buy more porn :whacky:

 

[I_Am_Blessed]

If feelings are strong to now reject what has already been accepted and spent or pending for tuition and one is in a position to repay, perhaps give thoughts to channel it towards a charity. One audited and highly rated and dealing with wayward women may be one to consider. Many women have chosen a dark path money driven and want to reform. There are organizations that would put this money to good use to help these women.
The sister, by her giving, was likely feeling the money was doing good and not evil and pehaps she felt better giving it to help out as education is freedom. We all want better opportunities than what some of us had or did not have. People win lottery by gambling and many share a windfall with family and charities. Some sell illegal drugs, Lots of ill obtained money in families needs laundering.

 

[Newbie2]

The joy of currency is that where the money comes from makes no difference- you can’t control the evil by which the money was gathered, but you can be sure that is does some good.

Baloney.

So a cop is justified in taking some drug money that was confiscated in a drug raid to send his children to college (a la one of the Lethal Weapon movies)?

Let’s say instead of porn, the money was obtained from a brother-in-law that was “connected”. That’s OK too?

 

[tjm190]

Baloney.

So a cop is justified in taking some drug money that was confiscated in a drug raid to send his children to college (a la one of the Lethal Weapon movies)?

Let’s say instead of porn, the money was obtained from a brother-in-law that was “connected”. That’s OK too?

The first situation is irrelevant, the manner in which the money is fixed- the immoral act is being committed by a third party and we can assume will be continue to be committed whether or not the money is accepted.

And for the second, it would be unwise to bank your children’ education on money that may or may not have been illegally acquired, given that said money may not be there in the future.

 

[Binary]

Accepting the money could be a moral hazard, in that it may give Sis a reason to continue in her immoral work. “Sure I’m degrading myself, but I’m helping my neices and nephews,” Sis might think. We know that an evil act remains evil even if it’s done with the intent of accomplishing some good. Still, I don’t know what Mom should do.

 

[Newbie2]

The first situation is irrelevant, the manner in which the money is fixed- the immoral act is being committed by a third party and we can assume will be continue to be committed whether or not the money is accepted.

Can you reprase that? You lost me.

And for the second, it would be unwise to bank your children’ education on money that may or may not have been illegally acquired, given that said money may not be there in the future.

Unwise, yes, but the question is “is it moral?”.

 

[I_Am_Blessed]

The sis porn star perhaps could sadly die of AIDS as a result of her past promicuity. If she did not give the money away during her lifetime and left it in her estate, it may well end up given in her will to nephews and nieces in trust and used for education or if no will, wind up with siblings anyway in some manner. Should they reject the money? Would they feel any better about accepting it under those circumstances?
If i were the porn star with cash to give for educational purposes, or from any profession, I would create a living trust f/b/o the nephews/nieces to be used for their education and name a bank as trustee. I would never give it outright to my sibling or siblings with an earmark, verbally, oh… I want this used for their college tuition and expenses.

 

[philialeaf]

It is ill-gotten gains. Sometimes we do have to cause a rift in order to do what is right. I think it would be best if the Mom would talk with her sister about it. Of course she may or may not already know that her sis doesn’t approve of the way she makes her money. If they were close at all before, I don’t see how she couldn’t know this already.
Does she really want her children’s auntie to be around them with what she does? Can they see her as someone to look up to?
Eventually they will find out about her source of livelihood. What will they think about their parents being willing to take funds from that to benefit them? Years down the road they might be embarrassed or ashamed for their parents, or else take their action as an example and continue to be “okay” with this “career”.
I’m not surprised that Dear Abby would say what she said. She is all about not hurting feelings, and porn is seen more and more these days as a legitimate career. We should pray for her that she seek the wisdom of God (Isn’t she Jewish?) in writing her column.
Of course if that Mom had written in to CAF or some other forum or Catholic publication, I’m sure she would’ve gotten different advice! Especially that her advice would include continuing to pray for her sister.
She shouldn’t have let her husband pressure her into taking the money. She felt wrong about it and I believe that was her conscience speaking! But I don’t think “what’s done is done” either. She can talk to him and her sister. The kids and parents can do other things to earn/receive money for college.
Many families don’t set up their children’s college funds and they earn scholarships and pay their way, with help from Uncle Sam if needed. These are the students that I have seen work hard and succeed more than those who get it all handed to them.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I think this is one of those hard cases where you have to tell the truth and likely cause some pain in order to do what is right. She can pray the Holy Spirit gives her the words that she needs to talk to her husband and then to her sister about this, to speak the truth in love. “Love the sinner but hate the sin.” Her sister’s job is not who she is, and given time and the grace of God we can pray she will see that and turn to Him.

 

[Newbie2]

The sis porn star pehaps could sadly die of AIDS as a result of her past promicuity. ** If she did not give the money away during her lifetime and left it in her estate, it may well end up given in her will to nephews and nieces in trust and used for education or if no will, wind up with siblings anyway in some manner. Should they reject the money? Would they feel any better about accepting it under those circumstances? **If i were the porn star with cash to give for educational purposes, or from any profession, I would create a living trust f/b/o the nephews/nieces to be used for their education and name a bank as trustee. I would never give it outright to my sibling or siblings with an earmark, verbally, oh… I want this used for their college tuition and expenses.

Good question; the money was obtained in the same way, so morally speaking it makes little difference whether it gets distributed before or after Auntie’s death.

But you’re right in general about the wisdom of establishing a trust…but I’d be hesitant about naming the bank as the trustee, or even a lawyer unless it’s someone she really trusted. But that is a different issue.

 

[philialeaf]

Accepting the money could be a moral hazard, in that it may give Sis a reason to continue in her immoral work. “Sure I’m degrading myself, but I’m helping my neices and nephews,” Sis might think. We know that an evil act remains evil even if it’s done with the intent of accomplishing some good. Still, I don’t know what Mom should do.

Excellent point! I had thought about that one, too!

 

[tjm190]

Unwise, yes, but the question is “is it moral?”.

For the first thing, the cop stole the money. Stealing is bad. Case closed. However, ‘mom’ is not doing anything immoral herself in this scenario.

She isn’t in the clear quite yet, since there are obviously ways to sin via interactions with the sinner. Luckily, they’re spelled out here-

By counsel
By command
By consent
By provocation
By praise or flattery
By concealment
By partaking
By silence
By defense of the ill done

if ‘mom’ continues to openly disapprove of ‘sis’'s actions, then 1,2,3,4,5, and 9 are out right away. So…
By concealment
By partaking
By silence

Silence and concealment don’t seem to apply, since sis is obviously not hiding her actions. And of course, mom is not involved at all in the production or distribution of these videos at all, so she is not partaking.

 

[philialeaf]

For the first thing, the cop stole the money. Stealing is bad. Case closed. However, ‘mom’ is not doing anything immoral herself in this scenario.

She isn’t in the clear quite yet, since there are obviously ways to sin via interactions with the sinner. Luckily, they’re spelled out here-

By counsel
By command
By consent
By provocation
By praise or flattery
By concealment
By partaking
By silence
By defense of the ill done

if ‘mom’ continues to openly disapprove of ‘sis’'s actions, then 1,2,3,4,5, and 9 are out right away. So…
By concealment
By partaking
By silence

Silence and concealment don’t seem to apply, since sis is obviously not hiding her actions. And of course, mom is not involved at all in the production or distribution of these videos at all, so she is not partaking.

She is being silent about not approving, and she is partaking of the money made. By this she is consenting to the money continuing to be made in this way.

 

[tjm190]

She is being silent about not approving, and she is partaking of the money made. By this she is consenting to the money continuing to be made in this way.

As I said, mom would have to maintain vocal disapproval, this is a misapplication in ‘partaking’, and the aforementioned disapproval is opposed to consent.

 

[Newbie2]

For the first thing, the cop stole the money. Stealing is bad. Case closed. However, ‘mom’ is not doing anything immoral herself in this scenario.

She isn’t in the clear quite yet, since there are obviously ways to sin via interactions with the sinner. Luckily, they’re spelled out here-

By counsel
By command
By consent
By provocation
By praise or flattery
By concealment
By partaking
By silence
By defense of the ill done

if ‘mom’ continues to openly disapprove of ‘sis’'s actions, then 1,2,3,4,5, and 9 are out right away. So…
By concealment
By partaking
By silence

Silence and concealment don’t seem to apply, since sis is obviously not hiding her actions. And of course, mom is not involved at all in the production or distribution of these videos at all, so she is not partaking.

OK, let’s say that the bad guy offered to give some of his ill-gotten money, earned through “protection money” to the cop for his family. Moral to accept it?

I watch probably more TV than I should. Is it moral for Carmela Soprano to enjoy the fruits of his labors?