Porn

[Polaris]

I watched Pink Flamingos with friends because it was suppose to be “art” … I didnt get, I just thought it was gross. Im not artsy enough to respect its “genius”, just like a Woody Allen movie. I really try to understand other peoples motives and this topic confuses me the most, I just do not understand how people get addicted to porn especially the married. I can understand, maybe if you are single and your hormones spike, but not really, why do you need the porn, you can just masturbate to regulate and not spend any money. If you are married, I really cant understand at all, you have your wife to look at. Nothing can be more sexy than someone you love, so why would you look at the porn? Like for me, the most “porn” image in my head is my wife with messy morning hair, looking half a sleep, wearing my boxers, a small whitr tee and a cup of coffee in hand. No vacant looking blonde that I do not even know can replace that image.

 

[HarmonyServant]

Porn, blah. Been there, watched that. Didn’t help my marriage any. All it caused was unrealistic expectations and sexual objectification. No, thank you.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

No, I have never seen one.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Early in our marriage, my husband and I stumbled on one of those soft porn channels, late at night. It seemed innocent enough. Then, we started purposefully ‘stumbling’ upon them. I can’t explain it really, but I was not experienced sexually when I met my husband, and so it all seemed so taboo to me, yet something was exciting about the whole thing being taboo. The women on the screen were everything I was not, from a sexual standpoint, and perhaps, that was fascinating to me.

Over time though, the fascination most definitely wore off, and I felt very empty. Guilty. My dh did as well. We realized that we grew to be very selfish when it came to the marital embrace.

We have not viewed porn in over a decade. I don’t miss it, to my knowledge, he doesn’t miss it. We both can’t believe we did that, but we have confessed it since …and in growing in our faith, I see it for what it was. Garbage. Garbage in, garbage out kind of thing. It uses people (in the movies) and it uses the consumer. It takes a beautiful act, and taints it, for money. It is an industry based on lust and greed.

I think that many married couples view it, thinking it’s innocent if viewed together. But, there’s nothing innocent about porn. It causes you to view sex in a very selfish way. I am grateful that we are immersed in our faith, that we couldn’t imagine ever looking at that garbage again.*

 

[Nec5]

*Early in our marriage, my husband and I stumbled on one of those soft porn channels, late at night. *That channel has taken on the informal title of Skinamax for that very reason.

 

[whatevergirl]

That channel has taken on the informal title of Skinamax for that very reason.

Yeah, I have heard that.

 

[NewAgeCatholic]

For some it could be a mild form of Viagra and as a couple stimulating. It gets old like the circus coming to town. Been there done that, yet for some, we pay money as we still like to watch it and it’s not only live, it’s legal. Some say it exploits and abuses animals. To each their own reasons for yea or na. I support everyone’s right to choose what they want to watch as long as they harm nobody else. God bless America as to our rights and freedoms. However if you’re adult maybe a mom or dad and watch pornos in the house and your children find out and stress out, then you’ve crossed the line as to harming the children.

 

[whatevergirl]

For some it could be a mild form of Viagra and as a couple stimulating. It gets old like the circus coming to town. Been there done that, yet for some, we pay money as we still like to watch it and it’s not only live, it’s legal. Some say it exploits and abuses animals. To each their own reasons for yea or na. I support everyone’s right to choose what they want to watch as long as they harm nobody else. God bless America as to our rights and freedoms.

The problem is though, porn isn’t contained in a vacuum. Child porn spawned from adult porn. And who knows what else is on the horizon? So, it definitely hurts people…It hurts marriages…breaks them up a lot…kids are living without two parents because one spouse couldn’t break their interest in porn, etc. So, it’s one of those slippery slope/insidious things that on the surface seems innocuous, but it isn’t. I mean, for my dh and me, it was more of a fun thing at first…but,in looking back, I’m grateful that he didn’t continue viewing it…or that our relationship didn’t go awry from it. It could have happened…had it not been for our revival of faith.

 

[philialeaf]

Just one question: I’ve heard the argument for porn that it can be helpful and educational, like instruction videos for sex. Has anyone else heard this, and how do you feel about it? Personally, I would rather figure things out with my spouse and not try to follow anyone’s instructions, but there are those who are thankful for it! (But I think for some people, having that instruction has tainted their marriages.) Any opinions?

 

[HarmonyServant]

Porn cannot be used as an “instruction” manual for ONE reason alone. Porn = Lust Many of the acts in pornography are sinful: anal sex, three-ways, yadda yadda. Where does any of that belong in a marriage? It doesn’t.

 

[whatevergirl]

Porn cannot be used as an “instruction” manual for ONE reason alone. Porn = Lust Many of the acts in pornography are sinful: anal sex, three-ways, yadda yadda. Where does any of that belong in a marriage? It doesn’t.

Exactly…I agree. It just degrades sex to a point where it’s a mechanical thing, that’s only purpose is for selfish pleasure…at any cost…with anyone…in any sinful way.

 

[mlubczyk]

Porn “destroyed” peoples’ marriages? I remember when starvation and hyper-inflation was the worst of my family worries Now porn is a problem? What are you Americans? Chimps?

It’s not alcohol or cigarettes people, it’s porn. Just turn it off. Problem solved!!! Young people and your “problems” these days. Makes me giggle.

 

[jdnation]

I continue to struggle with occasionally looking at porn myself.

One thing I would like to point out is that sometimes, at least in my case, I often find myself looking at pornography because I’m depressed or unhappy, and I’m sure many others do because there is something missing from their lives. Porn becomes like a drug, or rather the pleasure that sexual stimulation and masturbation does for our senses, psychologically and on a chemical level is precisely like a drug that people take to forget, to escape reality etc. It’s a sad situation.

So it’s not always driven by ‘lust’ per se. People turn to sexual stimulation because of some external stress in their lives and porn is an aid to have that release happen. However just like drugs it is only temporary and leads nowhere and usually you feel even more depressed afterwards. it is self destructive and does nothing to fix the problems that drive us to resort to that.

For some it can be very addictive. But it’s another thing that shows the sad state of humanity. The only reprive is to turn towards the Lord for courage to move on and become stronger. And in many cases, to find a real woman to love and respect (in the case of men). Sometimes that’s the very thing that’s missing, and for some it may be impossible to find someone (perhaps due to disability or physical ugliness). In some cases, like mine, it can happen due to a fixated kind of love. We find one girl whom we like but for whatever reasons we cannot have a relationship with them. Usually when in this situation, trying to convince oneself that there are plenty of other fish in the ocean is impossible. So from this loss we unconsciously crave something and in a state of madness search for some alternative that doesn’t in reality involve finding someone else out of a refusal to move on from teh person we are fixated on. Porn becomes that handicap as a way to fill up with what is missing from us, in this case the happiness that comes form being with that person you love. However it is like filling yourself with poison because you are thirsty for water and can find none, at least not the brand you want.

 

[nahbios]

I know for a fact that porn is harful to marriage. It’s one of the key factors that tore apart my parents marriage. It is just as harmful as out right adultry. My father watched that smut, and still watches it. That God I have my own computor now.
People that watch that stuff just disgust me. They have a very perverse way of looking at sex.

This is just the sort of damage that porn can do…I just hate it!!

I’m so sorry to hear about your parents…my heart goes out to you and everyone who’s been hurt. I hope that your father will see the error of his ways and be reconciled with your mother and with Christ Himself.

God bless.

 

[nahbios]

I continue to struggle with occasionally looking at porn myself.

One thing I would like to point out is that sometimes, at least in my case, I often find myself looking at pornography because I’m depressed or unhappy, and I’m sure many others do because there is something missing from their lives. Porn becomes like a drug, or rather the pleasure that sexual stimulation and masturbation does for our senses, psychologically and on a chemical level is precisely like a drug that people take to forget, to escape reality etc. It’s a sad situation.

So it’s not always driven by ‘lust’ per se. People turn to sexual stimulation because of some external stress in their lives and porn is an aid to have that release happen. However just like drugs it is only temporary and leads nowhere and usually you feel even more depressed afterwards. it is self destructive and does nothing to fix the problems that drive us to resort to that.

For some it can be very addictive. But it’s another thing that shows the sad state of humanity. The only reprive is to turn towards the Lord for courage to move on and become stronger. And in many cases, to find a real woman to love and respect (in the case of men). Sometimes that’s the very thing that’s missing, and for some it may be impossible to find someone (perhaps due to disability or physical ugliness). In some cases, like mine, it can happen due to a fixated kind of love. We find one girl whom we like but for whatever reasons we cannot have a relationship with them. Usually when in this situation, trying to convince oneself that there are plenty of other fish in the ocean is impossible. So from this loss we unconsciously crave something and in a state of madness search for some alternative that doesn’t in reality involve finding someone else out of a refusal to move on from teh person we are fixated on. Porn becomes that handicap as a way to fill up with what is missing from us, in this case the happiness that comes form being with that person you love. However it is like filling yourself with poison because you are thirsty for water and can find none, at least not the brand you want.

Your honesty and humility is refreshing - thank you for sharing your experience. Keep on praying for help (and confession when you slip) - don’t stop! Find a good sprititual book and read it for comfort (and company) during those testing periods of depression and sadness. I take great consolation in the fact that God loves us so much that Christ comes to us under the humble appearance of bread and wine and, if this were not more than enough, He gives himself to us in Holy Communion for us to receive Him into ourselves. I always love contemplating that incomprehensible, wondrous miracle of God’s Love. (Love with a capital 'l"!)

And I hope you do find that woman, if it’s God’s Will. As Cardinal Newman wisely wrote: “He knows what He is about.”