Pornography about someone else

[dcb188]

Anything can be explained away, but I don’t think someone else came in and used the computer. We could postulate any number of unlikely scenarios, though, the end result being this. Not wanting to get involved.
Keep in mind that in our culture in 2010 we never want to offend anyone or make them uncomfortable for any reason, even to the extent of keeping secrets from them. Why make waves?

 

[broconsul]

you are his mom and should know about this

The guy’s an adult. Mommy time is over.

We know where the line between right and wrong is on pornography. This is about charity and not causing undue embarrassment.

Like I already said, what remedy comes from reporting her adult son’s porn use? She already knows it’s wrong. She won’t benefit. Here are the two possible results from tattling:

1. If he knows it’s wrong, he’ll be unduly embarrassed because it’s something he’s struggling with, and no talking-to from mommy while he’s already in prison will fix his problem.
2. If he doesn’t know it’s wrong, he won’t care, and the report will just upset his mother.

I would further argue that being charitable is doing more good than spreading hurtful information, even if that information is true.

 

[vz71]

My predicament is a morality question : Do I say nothing? Do I tell everything?

At some point, it is highly likely she will ask about the PC.
When she does, you must be perfectly honest.
Generalized of course, but honest.
If she asks specifics, provide them. But be honest.

 

[dcb188]

Ah, I see now. Yes. It is all to be avoided.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I would give her back the laptop, cleaned of everything I could get to.

I would tell her that there was a lot of porn saved onto the HD. And a lot of other junk. I would tell her that porn can cause a lot of problems in a man’s life (general statement). I would then give her the hardware and get out.

That is all.

Oh, and pray for the family, of course.

 

[rbiel]

Like someone else has already said, we don’t know the truth. We only know what might be the case. There is no reason to start damaging rumors over something that may not be true.

Even assuming that the owner of the computer downloaded the porn, your hypothetical about cheating a friend out of money is an inappropriate comparison. In that situation, there is a remediable offense committed against another person. In this situation, there is no remedy and there is no one offended but God and the man who downloaded it.

Bringing the porn up to the mother is nothing but gossip.

It sure would be nice if the original poster told us more.

 

[broconsul]

It sure would be nice if the original poster told us more.

Oops?

 

[vz71]

It sure would be nice if the original poster told us more.

Honesty is still the best policy here.
It is not the job to draw conclusions, simply provide the facts.

 

[inocente]

As he’s an adult and set a password, morally the material is private and confidential to him. The only reason to expose it would be if you found something illegal or that might put another at risk.

Since it’s now been deleted there’s no proof one way or the other. I’d tell him what was done and leave it to his conscience rather than setting yourself up as a wikileaks.

But whatever you decide, remember you may have to answer to him when he’s released from prison.

 

[Charlemagne_II]

**As he’s an adult and set a password, morally the material is private and confidential to him. **

Does the computer belong to him, or does it belong to his mother? Who paid for it? Who pays the server?

If legally the computer belongs to the mother, she has every right to do as she pleases with it, which includes eliminating the porn. Presumably that is what she would want to have done if it is hers. Whose computer is it?

I agree with your belief that you should be involved to the extent that your involvement might be helpful. I don’t agree with those who say you should stand by and do nothing and say nothing. That is the coward’s out. We already have enough Catholic cowards in this world.

 

[Cristiano]

I see quite a few points that should be considered. First I do not know who is the legal owner of the computer. If the guy is the owner then you committed an illegal act because you did break into his account. If the guy is not the owner but you opened his own account then you might be legally liable for hacking into it, even if you got permission from the owner. I think that the guy has an implicit right to his privacy, even if we disagree with his behaviors. This is a man and not a confused adolescent boy. What good would come out of you bringing it up to the mother? Search deep down into yourself and see what is the real reason behind your idea of bringing it up. Once you are done searching talk to a priest about it.

If you are really concerned with this young man then talk to him and not his mother. That is the Christian thing to do. Anything else will look like “I do not want to get involved but someone else should”

 

[Charlemagne_II]

Cristiano

I think that the guy has an implicit right to his privacy, even if we disagree with his behaviors. **This is a man and not a confused adolescent boy. **What good would come out of you bringing it up to the mother?

That is certainly debatable. Mental age and chronological age are not necessarily simultaneous, even if the law assumes they are.

Again, what good would come of not bringing it up to the mother? All the more so if the computer is his mother’s (she paid for it) and she is paying for the server. If the mother owns the computer, she has rights. She has a right to know how her son abused her computer, and that if he returns from prison to claim it, he can only claim it on conditions known to her … which is that it is free of filth. If it’s hers, she has a moral and legal right to know what is on the computer. Can there be any doubt that if she knew what was on it, then she would want it removed? That is why, if the computer is hers, was registered by her, or she has a receipt for it, then she has legal and moral rights of her own that supersede her son’s. She has the right to a clean computer, and even though she might be shocked at what you tell her you found, after the initial shock I think she would be grateful that you told her you had cleaned it up. She would also be better prepared for her son’s return from prison and any questions he might have about the computer.

The bottom line is: to whom does this computer belong?

If it belongs to the mother, the mother has all the rights, and the son has none. But you should probably check into this to determine your own standing before deciding to tell the mother that you’ve wiped the porn? In any case, if the son returns from prison looking for his porn on that computer, and doesn’t find it, he’s going to be asking his mother who last worked on the computer. If she knows who worked on it, namely you, he is going to know you know all about his infantile addiction, and that his mother probably also knows.

If he has any shame left in him, that will provide helpful food for thought.

Mothers can get over almost any shortcomings of their children. The truth always frees us up to better combat the lies of the devil. A mother’s prayer for her son is always the most fervent prayer he can get. She also has a right to pray for the end to his addiction.

 

[Cristiano]

Cristiano

I think that the guy has an implicit right to his privacy, even if we disagree with his behaviors. **This is a man and not a confused adolescent boy. **What good would come out of you bringing it up to the mother?

That is certainly debatable. Mental age and chronological age are not necessarily simultaneous, even if the law assumes they are.

Again, what good would come of not bringing it up to the mother? All the more so if the computer is his mother’s (she paid for it) and she is paying for the server. If the mother owns the computer, she has rights. She has a right to know how her son abused her computer, and that if he returns from prison to claim it, he can only claim it on conditions known to her … which is that it is free of filth. If it’s hers, she has a moral and legal right to know what is on the computer. Can there be any doubt that if she knew what was on it, then she would want it removed? That is why, if the computer is hers, was registered by her, or she has a receipt for it, then she has legal and moral rights of her own that supersede her son’s. She has the right to a clean computer, and even though she might be shocked at what you tell her you found, after the initial shock I think she would be grateful that you told her you had cleaned it up. She would also be better prepared for her son’s return from prison and any questions he might have about the computer.

The bottom line is: to whom does this computer belong?

If it belongs to the mother, the mother has all the rights, and the son has none. But you should probably check into this to determine your own standing before deciding to tell the mother that you’ve wiped the porn? In any case, if the son returns from prison looking for his porn on that computer, and doesn’t find it, he’s going to be asking his mother who last worked on the computer. If she knows who worked on it, namely you, he is going to know you know all about his infantile addiction, and that his mother probably also knows.

If he has any shame left in him, that will provide helpful food for thought.

Mothers can get over almost any shortcomings of their children. The truth always frees us up to better combat the lies of the devil. A mother’s prayer for her child are always the most fervent prayers he can get. She also has a right to pray for the end to his addiction.

Again I do not see anyone saying that she should talk first to the guy if she really means well. We should always go first to our brother and then escalate. If we have an issue in doing it because of our comfort level, then we are not as serious as we pretend to be.

I think that the fact of this man looking at gay pornography is only one of the symptoms of his issues. Don’t you think that if the mother is honest with herself already knows that this guy is full of issues and that he needs serious professional help? If she is not aware of it then it is quite obvious that she prefers to keep her head in the sand and wants to be left alone.

In regard to the legality of the whole thing I do not know what to think. I am sure that just because someone owns a computer that does not automatically imply that the individual has every right to know what is under the account of the other users. However, I do not know what the limits are. For example if a lease a computer does the owner have the right to know what is in the hard disk?

 

[RB2]

interesting

 

[rbiel]

alot of these replies are simply not cognizant of what the original poster stated.
I went and reread everything that was posted and can tell you that most of you are way off base.

 

[someoneorother]

The guy’s an adult. Mommy time is over.

We know where the line between right and wrong is on pornography. This is about charity and not causing undue embarrassment.

Like I already said, what remedy comes from reporting her adult son’s porn use? She already knows it’s wrong. She won’t benefit. Here are the two possible results from tattling:

1. If he knows it’s wrong, he’ll be unduly embarrassed because it’s something he’s struggling with, and no talking-to from mommy while he’s already in prison will fix his problem.
2. If he doesn’t know it’s wrong, he won’t care, and the report will just upset his mother.

I would further argue that being charitable is doing more good than spreading hurtful information, even if that information is true.

I would also add that if it were me, I’d be mad that I was treated as less than the adult I am when the guy told my mother. I’d maybe really resent the guy more than I’d want to change any behavior. The guy wouldn’t have any moral high ground in my mind.

 

[vera_dicere]

I once found porn on my computer. I certainly didn’t download it. There was lesbian and gay porn galore.

Several of my friends had used my computer, a flat mate and a family member. Anyone of them, or several or all of them could have downloaded that filth.

Now, the person I suspected, I said nothing too because I honestly couldn’t prove who did it. For a whiel I was rather rude and distanced myself from this person. In the end, I found out who did do it, and I was completely surprised! I was totally wrong.

Basically, you can’t be 100% it was this prison guy’s porn. I’d say just pray for the guy’s soul and conversion, and allow God to sort out his shenanigans. Don’t stress the mum out.

Granted, the mum could say something, maybe she found some, if she says something, just tell her you found porn, don’t know its source, but removed it.

 

[inocente]

Again, what good would come of not bringing it up to the mother?

The OP says “It was her son’s computer” and “the son is allowing the mother to use his notebook”.

It then says “or she now pretty much owns it due to spending all of her money on lawyer fees for him” but that doesn’t give her legal ownership, the computer still belongs to the son.

In most jurisdictions it isn’t a crime to store porno images but it is a crime to hack a computer and also a crime to delete or alter material without permission. Whether one guy is in prison and another guy is trying to help the mother doesn’t change that.

But whatever the legalities, morally if the son set a password then he intended privacy, in the same way as if he had put the material in a safe.

It’s not our place to play off our own morality against someone else’s. Scripture reads “do as you would be done by” not “do what makes me feel righteous”. So the son should be told what was done and nothing should be said to the mother.

 

[markomalley]

I’m working on a friends computer.
It was her son’s computer be has gone away to prison for 1-2 years.
He is around 21/22 years of age.

Anyhow the son is allowing the mother to use his notebook or she now pretty much owns it due to spending all of her money on lawyer fees for him.
As he has just went to prison, and is transferring and (name removed by moderator)rocessing there is not much communication at present.

She complained that she couldnt uninstall or install software on the computer as she only had access to the guest account on the notebook. So she gave it to me work on.

To make a long story short, I gained access to the main account on the computer by illictly setting the password to blank. Found tons of pornography to include an almost equal amt. of gay pornography.
I cleaned it out(a dirty job) and will soon return the notebook back to the mother.
The ‘son’ is an adult of 21/22 years of age in prison(all jokes aside).
Its probably not known that he is gay or attracted to men…he has a child out of wedlock with his girlfriend.

My predicament is a morality question : Do I say nothing? Do I tell everything?

What would you do if this was a paying client rather than one where you are donating the time?

What do your professional ethics tell you to do?

(Say you were working at Geek Squad and you did not know the people involved…not if you were in a Corporate IT department)

The thing you need to worry about is the sin of “detraction”
2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty:

• of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
• of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;
• of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. and if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.

2479 Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.
So the question is if the mother really needs to know?

 

[Cristiano]

alot of these replies are simply not cognizant of what the original poster stated.
I went and reread everything that was posted and can tell you that most of you are way off base.

Thanks for the detailed and informative feedback.