Pornography Addiction and Annulment

[sixlittlesaints]

Thank you again to everyone who responded to this thread. I apologize for my delay in posting an update. I believed the thread was closed so I stopped checking for responses.

My situation here is improving. I am not seeking annulment outright at this time. My husband is improving drastically. He has been ‘sober’ since September 1st. he is treating me so much better and in many ways appears to be on the proverbial Cloud 9. He is praying a lot more than ever before. There is hope.

Unfortunately, I am still in immense pain. He is freed from his addiction by dumping it on me. Now I must deal with the years of lies and infidelity. He has happy memories when he thinks of our dating time and early years of the marriage. I refuse to contemplate my memories anymore as I now know what he was doing in between dates and during all those years of marriage. His professed love was all a farce. We would have these nice dates and then he would go home and join the internet porn stars for his fix. So much for loving me. I am trying so hard to forgive him and move on. Right now I can not. He has taken so much from me. I am not in love with him anymore. I can not respect him and admire him. I can choose to do loving things for him but I am just disgusted and apalled.

That is the current situation. Again thank you for the prayers.

 

[Celtic_Catholic]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
I have reached a state of spiritual confusion where I feel a tribunal would likely annul my marriage if I were to divorce my husband and apply. I know this would not be in the best intentions of my children and have no intention of going down this route at this time. However, in the future if things get worse I feel I might.

Before we were married my husband had ‘known’ five other women in the biblical sense. I was vaguely aware of this but he would not talk about any details. He was a wonderful man and very involved at Church. We met at church and we would even go to Mass as part of our dates. He led me to believe that his struggle with remaining pure for his future bride was way… in the past and that he would always be faithful to me. I suppose I figured that I would just get over it and should marry him as I did love him.

Fast forward 8 years and our marriage is less than ideal. He is whining and begging me to have six more often, insisting that I have to reach climax everytime or else something is physically wrong with me, and even asking for anal sex and S&M stuff. He finally reveals an addiction to pornography and masturbation, goes to counseling, and proclaims to be free from sexual sin at last. I (stupid me) believe him and we conceive two more children one of whom we miscarry.

Now, 2 more years have passed and I find out that he was clean for only 6 months. That means another 18 months of lying even when he knew that he was committing adultery. I find out that he masturbated almost every time he took a shower just be remembering the porn stars. He would even masturbate in the bathroom at the pool while the kids and I were swimming. Plus, in his delusional thinking, he spent 6 years holding onto the belief that our second child was not his because she shows a few recessive traits.

It turns out that the pornography thing started at age 10 and lasted through our dating time, engagement, and entire married life. My question is, “How can a man who masturbates to pornography for 4 to 5 hours a night, 2 to 3 times a week, during his engagement actually be preparing for marriage?” Clearly, he is missing some essential element of understanding what marriage is all about. Clearly, he is physically and emotionally incapable of vowing to be faithful for life. In my husband’s case the “faithful for life” part only lasted three weeks. Then I was pregnant and he was stressed to finish his dissertation so he could support me and the baby. Being on the computer late at night working while I was throwing up or sleeping made the “faithful” part too hard to keep.

He is doing everything he can now to get over this but there has been a lot of damage in our marriage. I really do not want to be married to someone who is chemically dependent on the high resulting from breaking the marriage covenant. It is all really gross.

Naturally, I’ve gone through ever state of hurt and devastation I know about. I am calm now but still I feel my marriage could be annuled someday in the future. I no longer feel a life long “till death do us part” attachment to my husband. If his addiction gets worse or he stops seeking help then I want to get far away. I do not want to be hurt again so I can’t trust him again. My heart is broken. I know God can heal and restore our marriage but… what if that happens and then my husband relapses again No matter what he or I do now will not change the fact that we do have a decent case to bring to a tribunal. That is terrifying.

Please help.

This story is so very similar to my own, including meeting at church and my former husband accusing me of conceiving our child with someone else. Totally untrue since I was completely faithful and still, 12 years after he left me, have never been with another man. In my case, alcohol was involved as well. And I had no idea he was addicted to porn when we married. I tried to talk him into counseling for both the porn issue as well as the drinking but he refused and left when our baby was an infant. I’ve been through a great stuggle but my child and I are doing wonderfully and I’m blessed to be as successful as I am. I’ve never tried to get an annulment because I have no interest in dating or remarrying at this point. But I was told by a priest many, many years ago that I have grounds.

Sorry to break in on this thread. I don’t know where it’s gone since I only read the original post and that was from November. But it’s just so close to my own case, I thought I would post. I hope everything is going well for OP. I’ll come back later and check the subsequent posts for an update.

 

[whatevergirl]

Thank you again to everyone who responded to this thread. I apologize for my delay in posting an update. I believed the thread was closed so I stopped checking for responses.

My situation here is improving. I am not seeking annulment outright at this time. My husband is improving drastically. He has been ‘sober’ since September 1st. he is treating me so much better and in many ways appears to be on the proverbial Cloud 9. He is praying a lot more than ever before. There is hope.

Unfortunately, I am still in immense pain. He is freed from his addiction by dumping it on me. Now I must deal with the years of lies and infidelity. He has happy memories when he thinks of our dating time and early years of the marriage. I refuse to contemplate my memories anymore as I now know what he was doing in between dates and during all those years of marriage. His professed love was all a farce. We would have these nice dates and then he would go home and join the internet porn stars for his fix. So much for loving me. I am trying so hard to forgive him and move on. Right now I can not. He has taken so much from me. I am not in love with him anymore. I can not respect him and admire him. I can choose to do loving things for him but I am just disgusted and apalled.

That is the current situation. Again thank you for the prayers.

I know the memories of what once was, must be very painful, because you now see a different picture. But, while I don’t know you or your husband, I don’t believe his love was a farce. Many people who are addicted to sex, porn, etc…don’t love themselves and don’t know how to truly love others. I have a strong feeling, once your husband kicks this habit once and for all, he will see that he lacked love for himself and therefore, it was hard for him to completely love you …agape type love. How can anyone love themselves when they are using an immoral outlet for escape? That is truly what went on back in your dating days…not that he lied to you about his feelings for you, but rather that he might not have completely understood pure love, the way you do…so, it sounds like he is trying. Hoping that time will tell, in a positive way for you both. You have put forth such a valiant effort, with God’s grace, it would be a shame to give up…just yet. Tell your husband how you feel too, don’t keep that bottled up…he needs to know the hurt he’s caused, otherwise, he won’t know how to change things. I will be praying for your marriage. :hug1:

 

[whatevergirl]

*sixlittlesaints–one more thing I wanted to add…to what I posted yesterday. I am happy to see that your husband WANTS to be forgiven. That is key. Without that, as I said yesterday, the marriage can’t be saved by one person. Takes two, and I know you have been hurt, but I am happy to see he wants to be forgiven, and wants to earn your love and respect back. He went into the marriage perhaps with the porn problem, and so I know you feel betrayed. But, he at least hopefully, now, sees the hurt he has caused himself and you…and there are no lost causes with God. I will keep praying. *

 

[John21652]

I can not respect him and admire him.

What if he did break the long standing habit? What if he did turn over a whole new leaf?
We can admire a drug addict who totally kicks the habit and turns their life around, so why not in this instance too? Then, if he becomes an attentive husband and father, surely, there’s a lot to admire.

I notice that most of the posters here are women. So, I’m gonna stick my neck out and address some comments and questions to the women.
I have three young daughters. I worry a lot about the world they are inheriting. One of my main worries is the increasing sexualisation of women through the media in all its forms. Internet included. If you Google the sexualisation of young women, you will see quite a story unfolding before your eyes and it is a story a lot of people are worried about. Here, in this thread, men are copping the blame for giving in to the temptation of porn. But there’s a flip side. Disregarding same sex porn, there are women involved. Young women. daughters and sisters of other people. How can they do it? I posted a comment up the page a bit where I found that many women are also addicted to porn, as well as those others who are actively involved. So what to do?

I have long blamed the womens’ liberation movement. One of my compatriots, Germaine Greer, gave the sexual freedom of women a big push in the 1970s with her Female Eunuch. In it, she blatantly stated that sexual freedom for women would bring greater equality. Has it? All those women who are involved in the porn industry, who watch it, all those involved in the advertising industry and who exploit young women (and girls) are guilty, in my opinion, of selling out their own sex. Over the years women have screamed blue murder for greater freedoms, sexual freedom included and here we are today with literally thousands of women involved in this pernicious trade of what was once femininity. Trashed. Objectified.

I think it is high time women reclaimed their femininity, their dignity, their value as women, by making a stand against the porn industry and the sexualisation of women on the grounds that it is demeaning to women.

 

[whatevergirl]

What if he did break the long standing habit? What if he did turn over a whole new leaf?
We can admire a drug addict who totally kicks the habit and turns their life around, so why not in this instance too? Then, if he becomes an attentive husband and father, surely, there’s a lot to admire.

I notice that most of the posters here are women. So, I’m gonna stick my neck out and address some comments and questions to the women.
I have three young daughters. I worry a lot about the world they are inheriting. One of my main worries is the increasing sexualisation of women through the media in all its forms. Internet included. If you Google the sexualisation of young women, you will see quite a story unfolding before your eyes and it is a story a lot of people are worried about. Here, in this thread, men are copping the blame for giving in to the temptation of porn. But there’s a flip side. Disregarding same sex porn, there are women involved. Young women. daughters and sisters of other people. How can they do it? I posted a comment up the page a bit where I found that many women are also addicted to porn, as well as those others who are actively involved. So what to do?

I have long blamed the womens’ liberation movement. One of my compatriots, Germaine Greer, gave the sexual freedom of women a big push in the 1970s with her Female Eunuch. In it, she blatantly stated that sexual freedom for women would bring greater equality. Has it? All those women who are involved in the porn industry, who watch it, all those involved in the advertising industry and who exploit young women (and girls) are guilty, in my opinion, of selling out their own sex. Over the years women have screamed blue murder for greater freedoms, sexual freedom included and here we are today with literally thousands of women involved in this pernicious trade of what was once femininity. Trashed. Objectified.

I think it is high time women reclaimed their femininity, their dignity, their value as women, by making a stand against the porn industry and the sexualisation of women on the grounds that it is demeaning to women.

*Women attaining voting rights, equal pay for equal work, becoming educated, etc…are very good things, for example. Porn is a manifestation of the degradation of morals in our world, by both men and women. I don’t think that back in the 1800’s, when women were treated badly by their husbands, and not permitted to vote, etc…that they were thinking of sexual exploitation as part and parcel of women’s rights. I do see what you’re saying…but, I think that ‘‘greater freedoms’’ doesn’t cross over into porn. When I think of my daughter’s rights, I don’t think of her being sexualized…that is not a right or a freedom. It’s an abuse of her feminity. The women who are often times in porn, were sexually abused as children…by men. They think they are worthless, and only ‘‘made’’ to please men in sexual ways…I think that when we look at it in that way, we can see it doesn’t ‘free’ anyone. Men or women. It is a tool of the devil to enslave men and women in sin.
*

 

[Onegin]

Now I must deal with the years of lies and infidelity. He has happy memories when he thinks of our dating time and early years of the marriage. I refuse to contemplate my memories anymore as I now know what he was doing in between dates and during all those years of marriage. His professed love was all a farce. We would have these nice dates and then he would go home and join the internet porn stars for his fix. So much for loving me. I am trying so hard to forgive him and move on. Right now I can not. He has taken so much from me. I am not in love with him anymore. I can not respect him and admire him. I can choose to do loving things for him but I am just disgusted and apalled.

That is the current situation. Again thank you for the prayers.

I will definitely be praying for you. I was in the same situation once and it is a horrible place to be. I’d like to recommend a book called “Affair of the Mind” by Laurie Hall:

amazon.com/Affair-Mind-Laurie-Hall/dp/1561794643

It is a good, Christian account of this issue from other people that have dealt with it. Also, if you haven’t already, speak to your Priest alone about it, and he can help you with some resources too.

God Bless.

 

[gambino]

maybe sit and reflect on the song “moment of truth” by matthew west.

 

[raggetyann]

Hello, I think porn is a disgrace to woman and it cheapens them. It hurts allot of good woman who do not deserve such a person doing this to them. I agree with John about the woman and how brazen they have become and what do they have to offer men today? besides sex, thy can give you aids, and syphilis, not to mention a hundred more, men who watch porn or read this **** are hurting themselves and cheating them self’s of a good marriage and a good woman, they will get caught or they will have emotional problems (In the head) for doing this: God never sleeps. raggetyann

 

[ComputerGeek25]

I don’t know if all this is grounds for annulments. Best case is to consult your priest and/or your marriage tribunal.

Is your husband willing to go to consueling? There is also a group out there called Sexaholics Anonymous, which is like AA. I’ve heard good things.

 

[raggetyann]

To me, it really seems like the “grounds for annulment” have changed dramatically since Vatican II. Pre-Vatican II you had about an average of 400 annulments granted per year world wide, after vatican II that number went up to over 50,000. And as one user said in this thread that less than 15% of annulment requests are denied. It is practically a DeFacto acceptance of divorce and remarriage!! The traditional teaching of the church is that a marriage between two baptized catholics are almost always indissolvible. I honestly believe that if this was 1960 (or earlier) and somebody requested an annulment becasue their husband was addicted to pornography/masturbation at the time of their marriage, they would have most certainly been denied. Frankly the way that people on this forum talk about annulments its as if they are a right that is due to anyone whoes marriage isn’t working out. Its really disheartening and shows just how far we have fallen. But to the OP, im sorry about your situation. I will pray that your husband continues to get the help he needs and that he is able to fully and permanently rid himselves of these sins that have so endangered his marriage and his soul. God Bless

I am sorry but i do disagree with those statements of yours, as that sounds very male shovenist and abusive to me. Jesus said you can divorce because of adultery and Jesus also said that if you look at a woman with lust in your eyes then you have already commit-ed adultery. Now i want to know who you can agree with sin if our Lord said it you can divorce because of adultery? This is tragic for a woman to be expected to live like an animal, I believe forgiveness but i will drop you like, the bad habit you adore more then me. I think more woman should get tougher and men might respect them more and not create their own misery. If you robbed a bank and i agreed to assist you i would go to jail to. you let people get away with sin your sinning also! raggeyann

 

[raggetyann]

would like to ask all the Men out there what they would do if their wives cheated on them and also had porn in their rooms, i would like you to be truthful, would you leave them and take the kids to MOMs? would you put them over your knee like they used to do back in the 60’s and back to before Christ? I really would like to know, what is the Catholic rules and I want to hear it from the old school imp-articular. raggetyann

 

[Podo2005]

would like to ask all the Men out there what they would do if their wives cheated on them and also had porn in their rooms, i would like you to be truthful, would you leave them and take the kids to MOMs? would you put them over your knee like they used to do back in the 60’s and back to before Christ? I really would like to know, what is the Catholic rules and I want to hear it from the old school imp-articular. raggetyann

Read John 8:1-11

• counseling would help

Your brother in Christ,
Zachary

 

[Rob_D]

I have read the responses in this thread, but I may have missed this point.

Sexual addiction is an addiction like any other. It is powerful and destructive. As far as an annulment is concerned, would an annulment be available for the spouse of an alcoholic?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that pornography can affect the mind chemically in ways very similar to that of drugs. The CHEMISTRY of one’s mind can be incredibly altered and the “withdrawal” can be very difficult.

I am not condoning the use of pornography in any way, mind you, but it is something to think about.

Prayer is a VERY powerful tool when it comes to combating the lure and enticement of pornography. For those struggling with pornography, I recommend the Saint Michael prayer. It works.

God Bless

 

[raggetyann]

I hope i can put this on the site, i think it will be of benifit to all, please read:
.The Real Truth - Suffering in SilenceSOCIETY & LIFESTYLES
Suffering in Silence
By Vidal N. WachukuJanuary 12, 2010.Statistics worldwide show that over two-thirds of all women are abused in their lifetime, but there is hope for victims of violence!

From Argentina to Zimbabwe, the situation is similar, with statistics showing that over two-thirds of women worldwide are abused in their lifetime—some of whom suffer in silence until the abuser ultimately takes their life. Shame, humiliation, embarrassment, degradation, anxiety, fear of living alone, a custody battle, danger of escaping, and financial worries often outweigh these women’s wishes to remove themselves and their children from abusive situations.

Worldwide Scourge
Violence against women, also known as gender-based violence, cuts across national boundaries as well as racial, class, religious, traditional and cultural barriers. It limits full participation of women in society.

Expand ImageSafe haven: An Asian woman, eight months pregnant after allegedly being raped by a Malaysian volunteer security corps officer, sits on her bunk bed at a shelter for abused migrant maid workers in the compounds of the Indonesian embassy in downtown Kuala Lumpur (Nov. 14, 2007).
Source: Tengku Bahar/AFP/Getty ImagesIn 1993, the international community acknowledged this kind of violence when the United Nations General Assembly adopted the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women, which defines violence against females as “any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.”

The Platform for Action, an agenda for women’s empowerment, expanded this definition at the Fourth World Conference on Women in 1995, during which rape in armed conflict was declared a war crime that could, under certain circumstances, be termed genocide. Several years later, November 25 was set aside as the International Day of Elimination of Violence Against Women.

:

•Between 15 percent and 71 percent of women reported physical or sexual violence by a husband or partner. Many said their first sexual experience was not consensual while 4 percent to 12 percent reported being physically abused during pregnancy.
•About 5,000 women annually are murdered worldwide by family members in the name of “honor.”
•Up to one in five women (and one in 10 men) globally experience sexual abuse as children.
•The practice of forced or child marriages occurs in many countries across Asia, the Middle East and sub-Saharan Africa.
According to the study, limited education of women or their partners, marital conflict, male dominance, economic stress, gender inequality, alcohol and drug use, and restrictive laws on divorce are contributing factors of abuse.

Trapped in a Violent Cycle
Along with this tendency, women often choose to suffer in secret as they are afraid of the repercussions that such a revelation could bring upon them and their families.

A report by the London Abused Women’s Centre said that often it is when women try to escape the violence that they lose their lives.

“Women are at most risk of being killed by an abusive partner after separation. In Canada, intimate femicides account for between 61% and 78% of all killings of women where an offender is identified. Abusers may also kill the victim’s children, parents, relatives, friends or acquaintances. The perpetrator may also commit murder-suicide.”

In Wales, England, for example, domestic violence is the single biggest killer of women under 35, with reports of violence especially skyrocketing during the Christmas season.

A report issued by Amnesty International said that because Yemeni females are considered second-class citizens, they are less likely to come forward about domestic violence.

“Their rights are routinely violated because Yemeni laws as well as tribal and customary practices treat them as second class citizens,” the report said. “Women are not free to marry who they want and some are forced to marry when they are children, sometimes as young as eight…Once married, a woman must obey her husband and obtain his permission just to leave the house. Women are valued as half the worth of men when they testify in court or when their families are compensated if they are murdered. They are also denied equal treatment when it comes to inheritance and are often denied it completely. Women are dealt with more harshly than men when accused of ‘immoral’ acts, and men are treated leniently when they murder female relatives in ‘honour killings.’ Such discriminatory laws and practices encourage and facilitate violence against women, which is rife in the home and in society at large.”

Last year, Ugandan daily newspaper, The New Vision reported that at least 72 percent of women in Mubende District, which has a population of over 430,000, were sexually abused and another 28 percent were raped.

Some cultures even teach that women should feel unloved if their husbands do not beat them!

A Zambian actor’s wife recently spoke to BBC News about a time her husband beat her. Surprisingly, when she called the police, they urged her not to pursue the incident. She received the same reaction from her doctor and several of her friends.

Her husband said that the reason for the beating was a result of cultural traditions in Zambia.

“To be a man, you need to discipline a woman, give her a slap or two,” he said. “You know, in our culture, it’s OK because that’s how we feel we love our women” (ibid.).

Unbelievably, others agreed with him!

---

 

[raggetyann]

The article reported that “more than half of Zambian women have suffered domestic abuse but cases rarely come to light because of the stigma attached to speaking out. Young women are taught by their elders to accept punishment from their husbands when they are disobedient. Even cooking a bad meal warrants a smack.”

“In March 2006, Arcely Gomez was pregnant with her fourth child, when her husband shot her in the face. The husband was angry because Gomez wanted to take the couple’s three children and leave, so he decided to kill her, then himself. But miraculously, Gomez survived.

“She gave birth to her fourth child and began working at carnivals around town to make ends meet.

“Then another tragedy struck.

“Six months ago Gomez’s cousin, Fortunada Cardenas, was murdered by her boyfriend. The boyfriend shot Cardenas, then committed suicide—all in front of the children who were suddenly left without a mother.”

According to the United States National Crime Victimization Survey, and the most recent statistics, 232,960 women in the U.S. were raped or sexually assaulted in 2006—more than 600 every day! In addition, the National Violence Against Women Survey reported that on average about 1.5 million American women are raped and/or physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually.

Human Effort
To combat this global pandemic, UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon launched the Network of Men Leaders. It includes current and former politicians, activists, actors, and religious and community figures including Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the South African Nobel Peace Laureate.

Mr. Ban also issued two new reports. One focused on the intensification of efforts to eliminate all forms of violence against women, including increased coordination and collaboration among entities of the United Nations and enhanced support for national efforts to address the issue, and the other dealing specifically with violence against female migrant workers.

Additionally, on its site, the UN pledged by 2015 to:

•Adopt and enforce national laws to address and punish all forms of violence against women and girls.
•Implement multi-sectoral national action plans.
•Strengthen data collection on the prevalence of violence against women and girls.
•Increase public awareness and social mobilization.
•Address sexual violence in conflict.
“Our goal is clear,” Mr. Ban said during a speech on the International Day of Elimination of Violence Against Women in 2009, “an end to these inexcusable crimes—whether it is the use of rape as a weapon of war, domestic violence, sex trafficking, so-called ‘honour’ crimes or female genital mutilation/cutting. We must address the roots of this violence by eradicating discrimination and changing the mindsets that perpetuate it.”

Biblical View
Some people believe that God—and His Word—support violence against women. This is absolutely false! He never intended for women to suffer violence.

Genesis 5:1-2 states, “In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made He him; male and female created He them; and blessed them.” Both man and woman were created in the image of God.

In Genesis 2:18, God reveals His intended role for a woman: she was created to complement man. This does not mean she is inferior, but signifies the role she was designed to fulfill—that of providing what a man lacks.

When they sinned, God punished them both. But this did not reduce women to second-class status, nor did it authorize men to treat them harshly.

The Old Testament is filled with examples of women such as Miriam, Rebekah, Rahab, Rachel, Deborah, Esther, Hannah, Ruth and Sarah among others, who played decisive roles in ancient Israel’s history.

.

Galatians 3:26-29 clearly states, “For you are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you be Christ’s, then are you Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

Put simply, God offers salvation to all, both women and men.

In the New Testament, women such as Mary, Dorcas, Lydia, Phoebe, Tryphena and Tryphosa, Priscilla and a host of others played roles in the Church. The fact that Jesus first appeared to women after His Resurrection is further evidence that God holds women in high esteem. (See Matthew 28:1, 5-10; Acts 1:13-14, 9:36, 16:14; Romans 16:1-16.)

When man discriminates or commits any act of violence against a woman, he is acting contrary to the Word of God.

What God Says
In His Word, God instructs husbands to love their wives—not treat them as slaves. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it…So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church” (Eph. 5:23-29).

Men are to honor their wives (I Pet. 3:7). This means to show high respect or esteem. “Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel…that your prayers be not hindered.”

.

These words should comfort women trapped in the relentless cycle of violence.

.

Scriptures outlining the correct roles for men and women are not just suggestions. They are God’s laws, which, if applied, will bring happiness, productivity and peace. But they are not just words on a page—they must be applied!

Only then can the cry of abused women cease.

Under God’s Law, a husband and wife can truly lead happy lives and form a productive team, ready to tackle life’s problems.

 

[sixlittlesaints]

I have read the responses in this thread, but I may have missed this point.

Sexual addiction is an addiction like any other. It is powerful and destructive. As far as an annulment is concerned, would an annulment be available for the spouse of an alcoholic?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that pornography can affect the mind chemically in ways very similar to that of drugs. The CHEMISTRY of one’s mind can be incredibly altered and the “withdrawal” can be very difficult.

I am not condoning the use of pornography in any way, mind you, but it is something to think about.

Prayer is a VERY powerful tool when it comes to combating the lure and enticement of pornography. For those struggling with pornography, I recommend the Saint Michael prayer. It works.

God Bless

You make a good point here but I attest that the spouse of an alcoholic or a drug addict would have grounds for an annulment if the addict had hidden the problem from the spouse prior to marriage. Free consent is a requirement for a marriage to be valid. When one spouse hides significant details of himself from the other prior to the wedding, the partner is unable to make free consent. Examples could include hiding drug addiction, alcohol addiction, past felonies, past sexual encounters, past or even current marriages, or pornography and masturbation addiction. These conditions significantly alter one’s knowledge of the intended spouse and when hidden prevent free consent.

As far as sex addiction is concerned would you choose to willingly marry someone who’s brain chemistry was altered to the point where he was in a state of almost constant coersion to commit infidelity. Such an addict is incapable to committing to fidelity and the partner is denied the chance to give her free consent.

Given this I really do not think my marriage is valid. My husband does not know how strongly I hold this view because my clarifying that detail would just hurt him. I do not intend to seek annulment. My husband is healing and our marriage has a lot of hope. The children need us to stay together. God’s grace will heal my husband completely. God’s grace will completely erase the disgust from my heart. God’s grace will change our marriage into a true image of the Trinity. This will take time and patience. It will be a very painful process but God will prevail. In due time we will re-exchange marriage vows and, in my mind at least, validate our sacrament.

That is my prayer. I hope this makes sense.

 

[CatholicBloke]

Yikies. I don’t know how this thread got so off topic. The reasons why pornography has become so popular or how it relates to women’s rights should maybe go somewhere else.

Anyway, I also had an issue with pornography a few years ago, when I was in high school and college. My issue was that it was just everywhere, and so many people watched it, I didn’t really see it as being very wrong. It was sort of the eagle in a chicken coop story. I limited myself because of my surroundings. In reality though, it was wrong and I couldn’t stop watching it once I tried to. There was just a feeling that it wouldn’t be so bad to watch it one more time. What helped me in the end was going to confession weekly and reading Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West. I needed a fundamental mindset reconstruction - not just someone telling me how wrong it was. Anyhow, it is an easy book to read and I recommend it to your husband.

And still, of course, I recommend that you work through this with him. Being “clean” since September is huge. That means that he is really working on it and the worst of it is behind you two. And I honestly think you can help him (and help yourself) by being loving towards him. Getting angry with him will not help anything (if you are taking that approach). It will make him feel more distant from you and will make it more likely for him to go back to his habit. If you help your relationship become closer, he will increasingly feel like he wants to kick his habit for you - which will just add to his motivation for wanting to do it for God and for himself. Good luck and I will continue to pray for you.

 

[gambino]

Given this I really do not think my marriage is valid. My husband does not know how strongly I hold this view because my clarifying that detail would just hurt him. I do not intend to seek annulment. My husband is healing and our marriage has a lot of hope. The children need us to stay together. God’s grace will heal my husband completely. God’s grace will completely erase the disgust from my heart. God’s grace will change our marriage into a true image of the Trinity. This will take time and patience. It will be a very painful process but God will prevail. In due time we will re-exchange marriage vows and, in my mind at least, validate our sacrament.

That is my prayer. I hope this makes sense.

I really like your prayer at the end. It’s exactly what you need. As for your marriage being valid or not. Who cares. It’s just the evil one sowing doubt into your marriage b/c he knows that’s effective in confusing you. Don’t be confused. God Loves marriage and God HATES divorce. God will be your strength. And one day, you will be healed and in a position to help others. This sin is ravaging marriages all over. We as Catholics need to wake up to it. And someone like yourself is just the right person to eventually give testimony of a healed marriage through the power of prayer, fasting and penance.

 

[Rob_D]

Given this I really do not think my marriage is valid. My husband does not know how strongly I hold this view because my clarifying that detail would just hurt him. I do not intend to seek annulment. My husband is healing and our marriage has a lot of hope. The children need us to stay together. God’s grace will heal my husband completely. God’s grace will completely erase the disgust from my heart. God’s grace will change our marriage into a true image of the Trinity. This will take time and patience. It will be a very painful process but God will prevail. In due time we will re-exchange marriage vows and, in my mind at least, validate our sacrament.

That is my prayer. I hope this makes sense.

I don’t understand all the ins and outs of the annulment process. My priest said that if what was hidden has come to light and both parties want a valid marriage, then the marriage is valid. Again, I don’t know.

Hand sought your husband sought spiritual direction from your priest? Also, you can check out Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). It is a 12 step program based on the AA 12 steps. My priest has recommended it and I can tell you it works.

God Bless and good luck!