Pornography and Relationships

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Even if you get over it and get married and fall back into it----never. ever. tell. her.
 
Somebody I know decided to confess their struggle to their girlfriend. They’re still together but word travels quickly and now her whole family knows that he’s one of “those” guys.

Basically, he’s guilty until proven innocent now.
 
pray the rosary everyday and fast from meat

you are fighting possibly Satan’s strongest weapon, but you got this bro!
 
Definitely abstain from meat on Fridays though. Whether it feels good or bad for you, the standard practice is to not eat meat. 👍
 
Visit the website https://fightthenewdrug.org/

You are not alone. Not by a long long long long long shot.

I believe that everyone posting here means well. The common theme, though, seems to be to keep a tight, heavy lid on this aspect of your life. And reasons for this seem to be revolving around the possibility of “rumors spreading,” and the possible negative judgments you may be subject to.

I will be the lone voice then, in saying, without any hesitation, you have nothing at all to feel ashamed about. You are not a bad person for this addiction. God is calling to you at every moment and burns with love for you as if you were the only person in all creation.

But abstaining from this activity is about recovery.

Shame is destructive and knowing what to do with it is difficult. Feelng ashamed is needlessly damaging and using shame alone to motivate you to never look again will not work and is just a form of “white knuckling” it.

You should continue the struggle against this addiction that effects so, so many males. I am sorry but if there are posters here who are of a certain age you may not realize that access to hardcore pornography is nearly universal, and anyone under 25 has been viewing it regularly since their preteen years in many cases.

We aren’t talking about magazines. We’re not talking about VHS tapes, we aren’t even talking about DVDs or BluRay. It’s on phones and computers. If you have a cellphone you have access to billions and billions of pictures and videos 24 hours a day.

You should realize that nearly every young person - not just males - has viewed all manner of sexual acts that were once considered totally taboo and purely in the realm of fetishistic. But these acts have now been thoroughly normalized and have morphed our culture into one that is addicted and warped in their perception and understanding of healthy sexuality.

A mature, loving relationship is open and nurturing. This idea that “if you tell her she will tell everyone. Her family will call you one of ‘those guys’” is completely and totally outdated and damaging to a young man’s morale and self-esteem.

You should refrain from telling her this particular part of your life at this point , if only because you need not share the most intimate and sensitive details of your personal life while you are beginning to get to know one another .

At the beginning of courtship, keeping your time together filled with light, fun, yet meaningful experiences that you share together is important. But bringing the heaviest topics to the table right away will only serve to damage that connection you are seeking with her.

It is not “lying” or “deceptive” to withhold the most intimate parts of your life in the beginning of a new relationship.

If there is a person who rarely if ever watches pornography giving advice to never ever tell another soul about your addiction , they are mistaken.
 
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A bit off topic, but OP, what did you mean about you and the young lady are “planning” to date in a few months.

Don’t people just start dating as soon as they like each other any more?
 
I think you should tell her. I think a girl has a right to know this information when considering a relationship. At the very least she should know why she is dating someone with a basic phone with no internet access.
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
A bit off topic, but OP, what did you mean about you and the young lady are “planning” to date in a few months.

Don’t people just start dating as soon as they like each other any more?
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If my daughters are interested in a guy, and he hesitates, they assume he’s not interested and they move on.
 
An addicted person will always first dismiss their addiction as a bad habit. Asking the addict to tell you “are you addicted or do you merely have a ‘bad habit’?” - will always result in an answer of “oh well, just a bad habit.”

And this idea that any addict ever “overcomes” their addiction is ludacris. An alcoholic who has not had a drop of alcohol in 20 years… is still an alcoholic who is in recovery – recovery is the key term. If you reach a point where you feel “oh boy I am no longer an addict” - that just leads to re engaging in the behavior.

My advice to the OP is to NOT seek help for this on this forum. There is just bad advice here.

Masturbation and porn are immoral and sinful, and overcoming the addiction (and I have never met you so I cannot say for sure you are addicted but would assume so considering the state of our society) is of paramount importance.
 
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Same here.
Back in the Pleistocene era when I was still dating , you were either dating or not.
 
Searching1 said:
And this idea that any addict ever “overcomes” their addiction is ludacris.
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What I find ludicrous is people calling their bad habits addictions. You are right, we don’t know the OP, but there have been so many threads begun by young men on this site that do not sound like they are truly addicted to porn.

I am not going to argue further with anyone about this. I stand by my comments.
 
I never did this personally, but I’ve read from people in the NoFap community who told their wife/girlfriend about their struggle and they were fine after. In fact thay usually get encouraged by them.

Of course, in all cases there is already confidence between the two. I wouldn’t say it too early.
 
I have a family member who has been addicted to porn for many years. It was a living hell for his wife who tried to help him overcome it. Finally, she divorced him. It was a sad situation all the way around.

I personally would feel betrayed if someone I was dating waited until we were emotionally involved before mentioning it. Pornography would be a deal-breaker for me. Someone posted previously that the OP should never tell. Trust me, the woman will find out. One way or another, she will know.

It’s not just the pornography; it’s the deceit involved. The user of pornography is living two lives and deceiving his date. Or mate. He may be deceiving himself as well.
 
Absolutely. Why is there no consideration for the woman here. She has a right to know who she is dating or potentially marrying and having kids with. A new husband with porn habits and expectations would be devastating to her.
 
As someone who struggled with this, I advise that you do NOT tell your girlfriend this. It will only create a wedge between you and could be shared in anger. I’m free of it at present (16 months) and put it down to the rosary (impossible to look at this stuff and then try and pray to Our Lady). Start with a decade a day and work up slowly to the 5 decade rosary and see how you go from there. God bless.
 
As a young woman I would disagree. A porn habit is pretty common and sometimes seen as normal and harmless. While I wouldn’t see it as a positive I wouldn’t be surprised if a guy told me(and guys have told me) and I’d actually be impressed they were trying to stop. It’s so common and among young men it’s not usually a secret. Substance abuse would be a red flag for me definitely and is much more likely to lead to problems in a relationship
 
I find that many women assume you are looking at it, it has become that common. However always err on the side of caution, I never told my wife and now I won’t have to. If you have an argument or breakup is this something you want used against you? Depending on your audience this is something that could ruin your life or risk losing your job or promotions because people now have a negative view of you.
 
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