Possibly converting

[brikar]

Laughing Crow,
I have learned so much through the internet. I love listening to Relevant Radio online. (particularly Go Ask Your Father, and The Inner Life) Look at their archives for shows. Itunes for pray-as-you-go, catholic answers, Fr. larry richards, word on fire, etc. There’s so much, explore. also look at youtube for ewtn, etc. There are many Catholic programs, and they are wonderful. Pray and ask for guidance. Bless you.

 

[mcrow]

In reply to mcrow, Im glad you dound faith, but my problem is that you have moved on from your old life and suffering, but I still hold onto it. In fact, many of you will be offended, when I was 16 (and a very outspoken atheist) I once destroyed a friendship I had with a catholic. One day id been having it rough, and my friends said not to worry as God has a plan for all of us. I guess I just snapped and said to him if Gods plan is to subject my entire family to suffering then he is, and I regret these are the exact words I said, “Then God should be condemned to hell for being the most sadistic bastard to ever exist” obviously i regret that now, and the lose of that friend.

Still, i find it odd that Im actually looking into religion after years of basically waving the finger at any religion I passed.

Oh…I held onto it for a long time. I’m 33 now and I hated religion (particularly the Catholic Church) since I was in my teens. I’m not sure how old you are but it takes a while. I still have some issues that trouble me from my old life, but none that are major. I guess the important thing for me was, like you, I couldn’t trust anyone. Not my mother or friends or anyone else. Then I met my wife on a blind date and total fell in love with her. To this day, she is the only one other than God and Christ that I can fully trust. In fact, I trusted her before God and that trust lead me to God. Letting my wife in was a huge step for me. It seemed everytime I let someone in before something bad happened and I would lose them. However, this time when meeting my wife I just decided that I would take one more chance. It worked out. She’s a born and raised Catholic, which is kind of ironic given how much I hated (unfounded hate as it may be) the Catholic Church at the time.

So, for you to move forward you have to do two things:

#1- You need to trust someone. Be it a friend, family member, or significant other. Preferably God, first but in my case I needed a human bridge, I guess. If you don’t have anyone you are willing to trust, then I would suggest talking with the Father at your local church. By and large Catholic Priests are about as good as you can get. Many Catholic Churches have good programs like RCIA where you can get together with other non-religious people who are curious about the Church. This way you don’t feel out of place and you can learn everything you need to know to make your decision. Not only that but you will have a sponsor who will help mentor you, also another good choice for someone with trust issues like you and I. They like the sponsor to be a family member or friend that is Catholic, but if you don’t know any they can find a member of the church to sponsor you. So, what I’m saying is that they have a good support system and I think it’s beneficial to curious people.

#2- I don’t want to make this sound too harsh, but I speak from experience here. At some point you have get past the “Poor me” thing as well. As long as you keep that rain cloud over your head it will make it more difficult to move on. Not only that but you basically push others away with the pure negativity you put off.

As I stated above, I would check out an RCIA program since it’s taylor made for people who are interested in the Church but still on the fence. There’s no pressure to join the church, they’re just trying to help answer questions and educate you on what the church is. When the initial set of meeting is done you have the choice of continuing and joining the Church or if you decide it isn’t for you, not join the church. There is little if any pressure put on you to join the church, though they certainly would like you to.

 

[jc4751]

Thank yo uto suncatcher, i had seen that church but did not know if it was a catholic church.

To Della im afraid I was the opposite. You looked to hope, I turned to nihilism (nothing in this world has any value what so ever). You turned to the bible, i turned to “The will to power” and “Twilight of the idols and the antichrist”. I like you analogy on faith being a lake to dive into, unfortunately im still on the shore wondering if the water is deep enough that I dont hit the bottom and break something. Basically, Im afraid to step forward in case all I do is get hurt again.

In reply to mcrow, Im glad you dound faith, but my problem is that you have moved on from your old life and suffering, but I still hold onto it. In fact, many of you will be offended, when I was 16 (and a very outspoken atheist) I once destroyed a friendship I had with a catholic. One day id been having it rough, and my friends said not to worry as God has a plan for all of us. I guess I just snapped and said to him if Gods plan is to subject my entire family to suffering then he is, and I regret these are the exact words I said, “Then God should be condemned to hell for being the most sadistic bastard to ever exist” obviously i regret that now, and the lose of that friend.

Still, i find it odd that Im actually looking into religion after years of basically waving the finger at any religion I passed.

The pull of the Holy Spirit is a very strong attraction indeed. For all the times in my life I’ve turned my back on God, I found that when I relented even for a moment, I found myself pulled back to the Church and to the Good Lord.

As far as being hurt by something goes, I think it’s a two-fold thing we face in “hurt.” We expect the world to conform to a certain vision we have and we expect that people will act how we think they should. However, this stems from pride – assuming our wishes and will are the determinant for how the world should be. I did not see this clearly until recently when facing a serious personal test.

I don’t necessarily buy the analogy that faith is like diving into a lake – in that case, we are told (or are assuming) that the water is of a safe depth. With God, we know how deep the water is – we have been told. If we do not believe what we are told, then are we doubting God? Instead, the thing that we are battling is whether indeed we are ready to pick up our cross and follow Him. (that cross is many things – for me, it has been humility, among other things).

I didn’t use to believe in “God’s Plan” and I still think it’s an oversimplification of things by people sometimes. We look too hard for interpretations and meanings of things as they occur, but the plain truth is, our scope and vision is very limited in relation to the wholeness of the world. Again, I will witness that things we want to have happen in life may not happen as they should, even though we think we are being let down, that there is unnecessary suffering in the world. The thing to keep in mind here is that the earth is a transitory, fleeting thing and our human lives are a blink of the eye and that the purpose of our lives is to serve God, not ourselves. This is why the accumulation of wealth for its own sake is such a terrible thing, for example – by doing so, we live for a false idol, so to speak, and ignore what God is calling us to do. The other side of the coin is the notion of thanking God for unanswered prayers. I recently interviewed for a job that I really wanted, was well qualified for, etc. Some things in my life changed and I saw that I would have been in difficult shape had I gotten it.

I do wish you well on this journey and will pray for you – once you truly let God into your life, it is an amazing shift in how you see yourself, others and the world, like a weight being lifted from your chest.

 

[SonCatcher]

I’m glad you know where your church is, now. (here’s hoping that means it is easily accessible to you)

 

[Laughing_Crow]

First, to Soncatcher, no its still not to accessible (especially since the roads are flooded XD) but knowing there is one near by helps.

to mcrow, I’m 19, 20 on Halloween (yes I was born on the day of the dead), though I’m told regularly that im like an old man in the way I talk and act, and the fact I talk more comfortably with people twice my age then people the same age as me. Unfortunately my entire family is atheist (my father and brother heavily against it) thus confiding in a family member is a no go and same for friends (all agnostic or atheist) so no go their. I will try to get down to my local church and try RCIA and talk to the priest there. Also I am past the ‘poor me’ stage, at least I think so though I think its more easily judged from another persons perspective:shrug:.

I think one of the major problems Im having is ‘accepting’ God, not his existence but, how do you say it ‘opening my heart to him’ i think. After basically isolating myself from others its hard to open up to people let alone Him.

Also my pride is a problem, I dont really accept the idea of Gods plan because I feel only I should control my future. ‘Id rather make a bad choice and have it be my choice then have the right choice picked out for me by someone else’ is basically my opinion on the matter.

 

[mcrow]

to mcrow, I’m 19, 20 on Halloween (yes I was born on the day of the dead), though I’m told regularly that im like an old man in the way I talk and act, and the fact I talk more comfortably with people twice my age then people the same age as me. Unfortunately my entire family is atheist (my father and brother heavily against it) thus confiding in a family member is a no go and same for friends (all agnostic or atheist) so no go their. I will try to get down to my local church and try RCIA and talk to the priest there. Also I am past the ‘poor me’ stage, at least I think so though I think its more easily judged from another persons perspective:shrug:.

Yeah, I know the feeling. It seems to me you need to trust someone, so going to RCIA and talking with a priest or one of the sisters may help with that. Wether you trust them or not God and Christ are both with you at all times. That is the most certain trust you can find. Though it was easier for me to trust my wife before God, but at that time I doubted the existence of God.

I think one of the major problems Im having is ‘accepting’ God, not his existence but, how do you say it ‘opening my heart to him’ i think. After basically isolating myself from others its hard to open up to people let alone Him.

Well, that’s not as difficult as you may think. If you believe God exists already and Jesus is the Christ you are a good way there already. I would suggest praying. No need to get complicated but just ask God for guidance in this matter and to help you open your heart to him and Jesus. Prayer is a powerul thing and those weakest in faith can perhaps gain the most from it. Don’t be affraid of how you word thing or how you say it, God knows your thoughts and what you mean. So long as you think it, God will get what you mean and he loves all prayer well spoken or not.

Also my pride is a problem, I dont really accept the idea of Gods plan because I feel only I should control my future. ‘Id rather make a bad choice and have it be my choice then have the right choice picked out for me by someone else’ is basically my opinion on the matter.

Well, God can control your future but it seems to me that, in general, he lets us make our own decisions, good or bad. This is how evil people to exist, because largely God allows us to be autonomous to some degree. For instance, he may allow a man to mistreat his wife, but the man has committed a sin and will answer to Christ for his sins on judgment day. He could repent and do good deeds and possibly still make it into heaven if Christ judges so. God may also allow not so pleasant things to happen to the man before death.

My point here is that largely the Lord leaves us to be free of mind and to make our own decisions, we just have to live with the reprecussions of our decisions and actions. Be it on earth in life or on judgement day before Christ. .

 

[RebeccaJ]

First off, sorry if this is in the wrong section but it seems the most appropriate sub forum to post in.

OK, I am no longer atheist and do believe in a god and ‘devil’ or dark god, and Im much more open to religion. However, I have encountered some problems, mainly information, as I know of no Catholic churches near me nor any practitioners (rather shunning religious people up until recently) thus lack any real resources to know ANYTHING about Catholics (other then this forum).

My second problem is accepting the ‘black and white’ view of religion after living most of my life seeing only ‘shades of grey’ in morality mainly (ie, seeing an act of evil that creates or results in a greater act of good acceptable, kill one to save ten etc).

The main problem Im having is the ‘trust’ needed for religions. I have lived most of my life believing that I can make it in the world alone, and to an extent still do. This obviously makes it hard for me to trust other people, let alone something I cant see, hear or touch:shrug:.

So basically Im asking for any books or pod casts that can help with information, and talking (on here or some place else) about views of morality, spirituality etc as no one out here can offer a Christian view (or what you may call a ‘true Christian view’ apposed to the ‘fake Catholics’).

Hey, I’m a convert from atheism. You sound like you might be my clone. I was where you are exactly, about four years ago.

Pray my friend. Even if it is awkward and you don’t feel like you have much to say, just talk to God.

I recommend this blog.

Peace.

Rebecca

 

[SonCatcher]

I think one of the major problems Im having is ‘accepting’ God, not his existence but, how do you say it ‘opening my heart to him’ i think. After basically isolating myself from others its hard to open up to people let alone Him.

If it helps any, God accepts you as a person. (specific actions may be a different matter but that’s a different conversation)

Also my pride is a problem, I dont really accept the idea of Gods plan because I feel only I should control my future. ‘Id rather make a bad choice and have it be my choice then have the right choice picked out for me by someone else’ is basically my opinion on the matter.

Take things one at a time. You can deal with this later.

For the family/friend situation, you would not be able to hide or disguise any faith you come to indefinitely. Tread cautiously for now. You may be in for a difficult time. Perhaps you might find unexpected help. I’ll remember you in my prayers.

You asked early in the thread about books. Perhaps between myself and others here we can compose a list of “safe” books for you to be seen reading (in light of your atheistic environment). For example, St. Thomas Aquinas, in addition to being a Doctor of the Church is recognized as being a founder of Western thought and philosophy. His works are even printed by secular publishers without the “Saint” title, as seen here. Now, it only they didn’t put a picture of a church on the cover it would completely meet our needs.

Aquinas may not be an easy read, however.

 

[RebeccaJ]

First, to Soncatcher, no its still not to accessible (especially since the roads are flooded XD) but knowing there is one near by helps.

to mcrow, I’m 19, 20 on Halloween (yes I was born on the day of the dead), though I’m told regularly that im like an old man in the way I talk and act, and the fact I talk more comfortably with people twice my age then people the same age as me. Unfortunately my entire family is atheist (my father and brother heavily against it) thus confiding in a family member is a no go and same for friends (all agnostic or atheist) so no go their. I will try to get down to my local church and try RCIA and talk to the priest there. Also I am past the ‘poor me’ stage, at least I think so though I think its more easily judged from another persons perspective:shrug:.

I think one of the major problems Im having is ‘accepting’ God, not his existence but, how do you say it ‘opening my heart to him’ i think. After basically isolating myself from others its hard to open up to people let alone Him.

Also my pride is a problem, I dont really accept the idea of Gods plan because I feel only I should control my future. ‘Id rather make a bad choice and have it be my choice then have the right choice picked out for me by someone else’ is basically my opinion on the matter.

Accepting God is nothing more than accepting love, as God IS Love.

I tread the same path for a very long time, “no one taking care of me but me”, that god you think you knew can stick it, nihilsim (the path to nowhere) and eventually a friend said to me, “you have made yourself immune to love”.

I thought about that for along time. Maybe they were right, then again, maybe they weren’t.

The thing is, you are not alone, there is something, and you can open yourself to love. He is the Way.

Be gentle with yourself. While self reflection and self criticism have value…you are dearly loved, and only need to accept that fact. Or as a friend of mine has said, “God Loves you, get over it!”.

We (all of us) can’t seem to let God love us. The trust thing is, you are looking for a catch, a gotcha, the hustle. I understand, but I can also say, you are safe in His arms. Give it all to Him.

Peace.

Rebecca

 

[Jez1519]

LC,
i can identify with you. The inability to trust people, the bullying at school (which almost drove me to suicide, to be frank), the conviction that i was alone and that i could manage perfectly well in the world alone, the rejection of a God who i perceived to be telling me what i could or couldn’t do. I wish i could advise you in a way that would help you make sense of everything you’ve been through and how you find yourself feeling today but i can offer nothing of any greater value that has already been offered on here-some splendid advice already.
But i would say, though, is that as alone and incapable of trusting as you think you are, you’re not the only one. In a way, being so skeptical of the world in which i lived strangely helped me place my trust in God. Kind of like, well, the world expects me to place its trust in it and all it expounds, the ways it encourages me to live-hello, have you seen the state of the world today! Seeing how messed up it all is, and how directionless the human race has become, almost justified my mistrust. Our Lord said that you can’t serve the world and Him. That’s not to say that we should outright reject the world and everyone in it. Its just that in placing our trust in Him and interacting in the world as we do, in a minute way we make the world that little bit more trustworthy.
Because i see so many similarities between yourself and i all i will suggest is exactly what i did. Pray. Pray sincerely to God that in some way He’ll tell you how to proceed. That led me to seek out a priest, a complete stranger, to whom i explained exactly how i felt, the questions i had. There was no hard sell, no condemnation for things i’d done-totally the opposite of everything i’d ever thought a catholic priest was supposed to be. It was one of the most liberating experiences of my life. After that, continue praying. If its difficult getting to a church now, nothing’s stopping you from learning about Christ and the Church from books and internet sites. There are some truly inspirational resources available. Here’s the first site my priest put me onto- it explained a lot for me.
life4seekers.co.uk/

I’ll pray for you, bub, but its up to you. There’s a bit toward the end of ‘Hellboy’ where just as Hellboy is about to go evil and do the wrong thing his friend throws him his crucifix and shouts ‘you have a choice-your father gave you a choice.’ I look at it like that. You have a choice to accept that God is deserving of your trust and love and to reciprocate. God allows us to choose-he gives us freewill. After all, where’s the merit to be found in love of God if its not truly our choice. That choice of who we choose to love is probably the most inalienable choices human beings have.
Sorry if i’ve rambled, LC. I’m new on here meself. I’m just trying be of some assistance to someone who reminds me of where i was and how far i’ve come.
God bless you, son.

 

[joandarc2008]

Try volume 4 of the Catholic Answers Apologetics Series on Atheist, Agnostics, and New Agers. It is pretty basic and written in modern terms - you can pick up your own Bible and Catechism if you want so you can cross reference the material - but they are fairly inexpensive and you can go from there on what you want to know and learn about.

 

[Laughing_Crow]

To Jez1519, I also went through a suicidal phase, to the point I actually had a suicide note prepared and everything, I didnt go through with it because I was looking in the mirror and, had a revelation I guess you could say. Nihilism teaches nothing has value, my argument to that was people give things value, so as long as one person still live then everything has some small amount of value. That was what broke me out of nihilism and allowed me to be more happy in life. I still read Nietzsche as i see it as ‘dark’, the negative aspects of humanity that can surface opposed to the ‘light’ which is the good in humanity.

Also thank you all for replying, as to accepting Gods ‘love’ Im still having trouble, but then again im not giving up on trying, just having to reverse more then 10 years of negativity wont happen overnight

To Soncatcher, i understand I cant hide my turning to the faith forever but I feel at this point, currently stil living at home any attempt to reach out would be stunted or possibly destroyed. My brother is overly judgmental as is my father, my mother i think will be ’ i don’t like it, but I wont stop you as its your choice’ kind of attitude. In truth I’ve always had a better relationship with my mother then anyone else.

I am looking at them online, but for some reason I cant connect with a lot of the writings, not that the writings are at fault, but books always have more value to me if I actually have them in my hands and not on the screen.

Also Id like to report I tried praying last night, though I went through my comfortable way of meditating to do it, I really didn’t ask for anything, just tried shutting out the world for a little and connecting, I don’t know if it worked but I will say I did feel…better, is the only word I can think of.

As for the opening up to a person, as I have no way of contacting a priest or sister in person, I was hoping, and this is going to sound childish but bear with me, if I could use the people who have helped me on here as a confident until I am able to find the means to get to my local church:blush:. There embarrassing hope asked

 

[SonCatcher]

I am looking at them online, but for some reason I cant connect with a lot of the writings, not that the writings are at fault, but books always have more value to me if I actually have them in my hands and not on the screen.

That’s why I was hoping we could get a list of “safe” books for you

Also Id like to report I tried praying last night, though I went through my comfortable way of meditating to do it, I really didn’t ask for anything, just tried shutting out the world for a little and connecting, I don’t know if it worked but I will say I did feel…better, is the only word I can think of.

It’s a start.

As for the opening up to a person, as I have no way of contacting a priest or sister in person, I was hoping, and this is going to sound childish but bear with me, if I could use the people who have helped me on here as a confident until I am able to find the means to get to my local church:blush:. There embarrassing hope asked

We will certainly do what we can. Feel free to PM, as well.

 

[Della]

Two “safe” books, and better, definitive books, are G. K. Chesterton’s “The Everlasting Man” and “Orthodoxy”. The first was in answer to H. G. Wells atheistic “A Short History of the World” (but it goes far beyond that) and the second was GKC’s exploration of what makes religion true, and true religion. Both are classics and indispensable, IMHO.

 

[Jez1519]

Pleased to hear you’ve been praying, LC. I’m quite new here meself, too, and, regrettably, i don’t get on here as much as i’d like. However, if i can help at all you can certainly pm me, too.

 

[sojo]

Laughing Crow - I was a convert, too. It is a very difficult thing to go through. I don’t remember what books I read as its been so many years. But this was before the internet exploded. I’m sure you can read more online than I was able to find in the Catholic bookstores I haunted at that time.

I found two things helpful - first was to pray to Mary. For some reason, the mother of Jesus seems to have a special compassion for converts. She can help to light your way. I used to pray, “Mary, if you are real, and your son is real, I could use a little help believing that because frankly, it seems pretty far-fetched. Amen.”

The second prayer was to God or Jesus (I really didn’t understand much of who it was I was praying to back then, to be honest). My prayer, over and over, was “Dear God, I’m not sure I believe in you, but if you are who some say you are, you need to know that I’m not that smart or sensitive. If you want me to believe in you and love you and worship you, you can dispense with the still quiet voice stuff - best to just hit me on the head with the billboard, OK? Amen.”

Then one day He did.

I found that being honest in prayer and not trying to be all fancy and spiritual sounding or “spiritually correct” really helped me. When I’m angry with God (and I am sometimes), I used to try and push it aside, and it never helped. But when I just tell him exactly how I feel, He seems to respond right away with a sense of peace and patience. Its hard to explain, but I feel His presence the most when I’m the most brutally honest with Him.

Hope this helps - I will keep you in my prayers. My journey to baptism took roughly 3-1/2 years. The journey since then has been life changing and beautiful. But those first 3-1/2 years were pretty grueling, no lie!

 

[AndyP2010]

LC

To followup on what sojo posted prayer that is simple and direct and honest is often the best way to pray. Reading your post you might try “God I am having trouble trusting you, help” repeated a few times and then just listen with your heart. Don’t worry if you don’t hear an answer right away, it will come. Also if you need to see body language try looking at sacred art like “our lady of Guadalupe” or a crucifix to read the body language of Mary and her son.

 

[brikar]

LC,
As long as you are trying to pray, you are praying. I do like what the others have suggested for you. Be specific in asking God to step in and help you in finding Him. If you can get to a church, please do. Just sitting in church and being with God is quite an experience. I suggested pray-as-you-go earlier. If you have an mp3 player you could download it to, it may be helpful for you. I am praying for you.

 

[RebeccaJ]

To Jez1519, I also went through a suicidal phase, to the point I actually had a suicide note prepared and everything, I didnt go through with it because I was looking in the mirror and, had a revelation I guess you could say. Nihilism teaches nothing has value, my argument to that was people give things value, so as long as one person still live then everything has some small amount of value. That was what broke me out of nihilism and allowed me to be more happy in life. I still read Nietzsche as i see it as ‘dark’, the negative aspects of humanity that can surface opposed to the ‘light’ which is the good in humanity.

You are not alone, and there is something more than nothing. There is another path, where Jesus Christ is the guide. In Him all have value.

Also thank you all for replying, as to accepting Gods ‘love’ Im still having trouble, but then again im not giving up on trying, just having to reverse more then 10 years of negativity wont happen overnight

It is not something you need to do on your own. God is there, whether you believe He is or not. No one is a Christian alone, it just isn’t possible.

Also Id like to report I tried praying last night, though I went through my comfortable way of meditating to do it, I really didn’t ask for anything, just tried shutting out the world for a little and connecting, I don’t know if it worked but I will say I did feel…better, is the only word I can think of.

Perhaps ask Him to guide you to Him.

 

[beth40n2]

Welcome home! Blessings for everyone on the journey to the Catholic Church. It is not always easy, but it will be worth it.