Possibly going to be a father (out of wedlock)

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MJDorry

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This is going to be a long. I don’t know what I want to get out of posting it. Encouragement? Prayer? Advice? Just to vent my anxieties? I’m 28 and I feel like I’m 15.

I’ve only been dating my GF exclusively for about four months, but we’ve been seeing each other for six. For the first five months, we were good about not getting physically intimate. Then, back during the second week of June, we sinned and chose our sexual desires over our love of God and purity. It was one time and I did more than “pull out”; we stopped having intercourse well before I even reached a tipping point. But perhaps this was enough, as I am now reading that some men can carry residual sperm in their pre-ejaculate fluid.

My GF was supposed to get her period at the beginning of last week. As of today, she’s a week-and-a-half late. Granted, there are a couple of other factors that may be playing into this: she did start a new and intense workout regimen last month, and I suspect she wasn’t eating enough (she apparently has a habit and history of skipping meals). And she’s dealt with polycystic ovary syndrome-like symptoms since coming off of birth control a few years ago, with her cycle never quite being chartable, and other physical expressions of hormonal imbalance.

She says she’s been having a lot of clear discharge and only today had some brown. The former of which I’ve read can be an early sign of pregnancy; the latter being a sign of old blood—and in cases of potential pregnancy, a sign of implantation bleeding…

In the case that I do become a father, I don’t know how I’m going to pull everything together. I have a secure job, but I only gross $30K, and my old college bills bury me as it is. My GF doesn’t fare any better.

I’m a full-on doctrinal Catholic at heart, but I’ve never taken the plunge of confirmation and entry (mostly because I’m wary of liberal or poorly-developed RCIA programs). My GF is not Catholic, and although she states she’s open to Catholicism, she’s not confident she’ll ever agree with some of the most important doctrines. I want to marry in the Church, and I want to do it right with a Catholic woman, raising my children Catholic, but I also don’t want to abandon my GF or raise our child as two single parents if my GF won’t convert with me.

I’m just swirling in my head right now.
 
Even if your girlfriend doesn’t embrace Catholicism, would she be okay with raising your child Catholic? You could also still marry her in the Church as long as you got the appropriate dispensation.

Based on what you describe, she’s PROBABLY not pregnant anyway. But if I were you, I’d head to the drug store and get two or three pregnancy tests. There’s no need to wonder. Figure out whether she’s pregnant before you stress about anything else.
 
Get a DNA paternity test first before doing or promising anything.
 
Step one is to find out for sure if she’s pregnant or not. My understanding is that home pregnancy tests are accurate even very early on. Encourage her to find out for sure.

Step two - if she is, my advice is to focus on the baby first and the long term relationship outcome later. I don’t mean ignore your relationship with your girlfriend, though!!! What I mean is focus on getting things ready for the baby rather than deciding about getting married or her religious choices at the moment. Work on communication, learn and discuss parenting, get finances in order, establish good spiritual habits for yourself, learn more about your girlfriend - things you can do to emotionally / spiritually support her, etc. - things that will benefit the child whether you end up being married or not.

Step three - if she’s not pregnant, work hard on figuring out exactly who you are and what you believe and pursue it - and encourage her to do the same - best situation for a future marriage is to have two people who are strong in faith and comfortable with themselves to decide to join together for life. Learn to communicate well and work together to make each other the best version of yourselves you can be.
 
Get a DNA paternity test first before doing or promising anything.
If she is pregnant, she’s going to need help way before DNA is available to be tested, and plans are going to have to be put in place when the baby arrives. I do think it’s a good idea to have a paternity test if there is any doubt, prior to an order of support being issued.
 
If she is pregnant, she’s going to need help way before DNA is available to be tested, and plans are going to have to be put in place when the baby arrives. I do think it’s a good idea to have a paternity test if there is any doubt, prior to an order of support being issued.
Yes.

If he is the father and he’s AWOL during the pregnancy and then he turns out to be the father, she’s not going to be a very friendly person to work with.

But she’s probably not pregnant, based on the information given.
 
Yes.

If he is the father and he’s AWOL during the pregnancy and then he turns out to be the father, she’s not going to be a very friendly person to work with.

But she’s probably not pregnant, based on the information given.
Agreed /\

Women are ‘late’ all the time. Even those of us who could often set our watches by our cycles. Stress is a huge factor. Your interaction sounded stressful.

If she isn’t put the brakes on now and live up to the man you want to be for your children.

You have been given a gift of a moment of clarity on what you want.

I would suggest watching YouTube videos on Catholic Courtship and ‘Keeping Company’ for some guidelines. ’

If it doesn’t work out with this young lady, meaning you find you want different ‘non-negotiable’ things in life, there seems to be several young women on the forums who are looking for a nice catholic man. But, that is for another time.

You are in my prayers.
 
Even if your girlfriend doesn’t embrace Catholicism, would she be okay with raising your child Catholic? You could also still marry her in the Church as long as you got the appropriate dispensation.

Based on what you describe, she’s PROBABLY not pregnant anyway. But if I were you, I’d head to the drug store and get two or three pregnancy tests. There’s no need to wonder. Figure out whether she’s pregnant before you stress about anything else.
THIS^^^^

Walmart is open 24 hours.
 
In addition to a pregnancy test and a paternity test, budget for a ring as well.
 
I almost raised a child that I knew wasn’t mind. The mother had a miscarriage,which tore her up and myself as well. If she is pregnant, just worry about being the best dad you can be.
 
This post brought to you from the Redpill “women are just manipulative gold diggers who want to harvest your precious fluids” universe.
This situation has the potential to affect him for the rest of his life, certainty of paternity is a reasonable expectation.
 
This situation has the potential to affect him for the rest of his life, certainty of paternity is a reasonable expectation.
I don’t see any doubt in his post though. He certainly knows a lot about her personal health to suggest this was not a drive-by. 😦
 
I don’t see any doubt in his post though. He certainly knows a lot about her personal health to suggest this was not a drive-by. 😦
There is definitely room for reasonable doubt based on the following factors.
  1. IIRC from highschool classes, chances of impregnation from a single instance of sexual intercourse is 20%.
  2. Coitus interruptus certainly lowers that probability.
  3. His girlfriend’s health issues could have an impact on her fertility.
This like winning the lottery with a single ticket. It definitely happens on occasion. However there are significantly more people who buy a single ticket and lose
 
Pregnancy chances are not constant during the course of a cycle. Some days the chance are zero. Fertile days the chances of pregnancy are much higher.
 
This situation has the potential to affect him for the rest of his life, certainty of paternity is a reasonable expectation.
It’s not a crazy thought, it’s just weird that it’s your first thought. You’re right, the odds of her getting pregnant from what he’s described are more than zero but definitely low.
 
I would highly, highly doubt she’s pregnant given the situation you posted.

But, and I don’t mean to be uncharitable, I’m concerned she may be manipulating you for attention before telling you she has her period. This sounds like 16 year old girl drama. Who in 2017 wonders if they’re pregnant for a week and a half instead of just going to Walgreen’s and finding out?
 
I would highly, highly doubt she’s pregnant given the situation you posted.

But, and I don’t mean to be uncharitable, I’m concerned she may be manipulating you for attention before telling you she has her period. This sounds like 16 year old girl drama. Who in 2017 wonders if they’re pregnant for a week and a half instead of just going to Walgreen’s and finding out?
Right. Even the dollar store has pregnancy tests (for $1!!) and they’re accurate.
 
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