P
PatrickGerard
Guest
Hello everyone,
I just wanted to share with you an experience I had and I could really use your prayers at the moment. I am a 20 year old male who was born and raised Catholic. I come from a traditionally catholic family and I do take my faith seriously (or rather as much as I can I am by no means a pious man). A little history about me…I have been struggling with pornography. I stumbled upon it as an 11 year old and it has been an issue since. However, this year I’ve really been trying to break free even though it seems impossible. Often times I’ll fall. I try to get up and stay positive but here’s the worst part-
I have committed so much sacrilege.
I try to go to confession as often as I can but if I view pornography on let’s say a Saturday night there isn’t confession and I don’t want to make a scene to my family at mass so I go up and receive the Eucharist unworthily. This just happened recently last mass.
Now on to what happened right now. I was lying here on my bed and I felt a really powerful urge. I told myself it wasn’t worth it and I pictured myself in two ways - one as a triumphant saint and one as a man trapped in a cage. I kept my mind on that picture but something had happened.
I started hearing a word. It started echoing in my mind. Something about the word seemed scary. I didn’t even know this word at all. I started thinking it was a name. I would dare not say it and I will not repeat it here. I typed the word into google and it appeared as the name of a powerful demon. I am not one who usually thinks too much on these things but this is too much of a coincidence, right? Or am I just crazy? Should I speak to a priest?
Either way please pray for me. I feel very uneasy and am even afraid to sleep. I could really use the prayers and God willing, His infinite grace and mercy. Thank you.
I just wanted to share with you an experience I had and I could really use your prayers at the moment. I am a 20 year old male who was born and raised Catholic. I come from a traditionally catholic family and I do take my faith seriously (or rather as much as I can I am by no means a pious man). A little history about me…I have been struggling with pornography. I stumbled upon it as an 11 year old and it has been an issue since. However, this year I’ve really been trying to break free even though it seems impossible. Often times I’ll fall. I try to get up and stay positive but here’s the worst part-
I have committed so much sacrilege.
I try to go to confession as often as I can but if I view pornography on let’s say a Saturday night there isn’t confession and I don’t want to make a scene to my family at mass so I go up and receive the Eucharist unworthily. This just happened recently last mass.
Now on to what happened right now. I was lying here on my bed and I felt a really powerful urge. I told myself it wasn’t worth it and I pictured myself in two ways - one as a triumphant saint and one as a man trapped in a cage. I kept my mind on that picture but something had happened.
I started hearing a word. It started echoing in my mind. Something about the word seemed scary. I didn’t even know this word at all. I started thinking it was a name. I would dare not say it and I will not repeat it here. I typed the word into google and it appeared as the name of a powerful demon. I am not one who usually thinks too much on these things but this is too much of a coincidence, right? Or am I just crazy? Should I speak to a priest?
Either way please pray for me. I feel very uneasy and am even afraid to sleep. I could really use the prayers and God willing, His infinite grace and mercy. Thank you.