L
Litcrit
Guest
So, I live in a post-Communist country. Public schools and certain medical check-ups for children are mandatory (and free, by the way; but still mandatory).
Today I had the pleasure of taking my 2.5 yo daughter for a first check-up with a speech therapist and defectologist AND getting information from them about my 5 yo’s check-up that was conducted in her preschool class.
It was a real treat.
I was told my (wonderful, sweet, smart, almost bilingual, introverted) 5 yo is “socially impaired” (because she’s shy in large groups and with strangers), “behind” (because she apparently didn’t know all the arbitrary things expected from her at that age), and needs help from them.
The (pretty mean-looking, intimidating, crabby) lady told me it was obvious my daughter wasn’t used to a “collective” - she’s been at home with us all her life and never went to daycare, something they obviously saw as neglectful and somehow evil - and she needed institutional help so she’d catch up with other, “socialized” children.
When I asked exactly what techniques and methods she thought she could use to help my daughter adjust to a school setting with more ease, the woman frowned at me and said “That’s for me to know!” I replied: “I can’t give my consent unless I have information on what you propose to do to my child” and she still wouldn’t tell me! So I declined - the lady was giving me, a grown woman, the creeps, I certainly don’t want to expose my sensitive child to her!
She said my child had cognitive issues. When I asked for examples, this is what I got:
(And, only after writing this, I actually find the courage to say that this is baloney! I studied language development in uni and there’s nothing wrong with being bilingual!)
Then it was my baby’s turn. She was, to begin with, speech impaired - yes, she develops verbally a bit slower, but she’s got a good ear and is catching up quickly. She just started showing an interest in learning words later. She’s more interested in her motor development.
They were concerned and seemed to blame me for not “working with her” enough. See, I have to actively teach my child speech, not just talk to her in a normal way.
One horrible oversight on my part is not teaching my children onomatopoeic words. You see, a child will never learn how to speak and will forever lag behind if you don’t drill into her when she’s two years old that a doggie says “woof” and a cow says “moo” and a sheep says “baa”. Or whatever. I told them I wasn’t sure I knew them all and I am a language and literature teacher at a university.
(I just remembered - she does know that a mouse says “click”
)
It was problematic that my 2.5 yo was still not “part of a collective” - i.e. at daycare 8 hours a day. (I have no reason or desire to put my child in daycare).
And it was shocking when my toddler asked to nurse. They asked me why on Earth I was still nursing her. I answered “Because the WHO encourages it until at least the age of 2, and then further if both mother and child are happy with it,” to which I was given a lecture about the bad quality of my milk.
My milk has great quality, by the way. It has just been used to cure conjunctivitis in my toddler and myself, and has warded off strep throat for my toddler.
Then she said I was attaching my toddler to myself by nursing so long, and she won’t be able to be a part of a collective and learn well in the future because of it!
I asked her what research she has to back that claim up and mentioned that experiments in attachment psychology (Harlow, Ainswhorth, Bowlby and others) have demonstrated that securely attached children actually do a better job exploring and learning.
To which she replied that I can have my theories, but it was her job to tell me what the consequences of my actions were.
All this time, they were talking to me and asking me questions, never even looking at my toddler. The poor kid noticed toys in a box and tried to get them, which I attempted to bring to their attention, but they ignored it, and she gave up and headed towards the soap on the sink. I got up and took the soap away from her, as it looked yucky, and the speech therapist had the nerve to reprimand me for not listening to her, but paying attention to my child instead!
I’ve been sad, angry, crushed, all day long. My husband told me we should just ignore it all and keep doing our thing. But I can’t help feeling both reprimanded as a bad mother AND afraid for my child in the future, if people like this ever get to her. Trying to turn her from an introvert into an extrovert. Trying to make her into a neat case with all the right boxes ticked. Knows days of the week? Check. Detached from parents and adjusted to the collective? Check. Fully “socialized”, i.e. institutionalized? Check.
Ugh. Sorry for the long vent. It helped.
Today I had the pleasure of taking my 2.5 yo daughter for a first check-up with a speech therapist and defectologist AND getting information from them about my 5 yo’s check-up that was conducted in her preschool class.
It was a real treat.
I was told my (wonderful, sweet, smart, almost bilingual, introverted) 5 yo is “socially impaired” (because she’s shy in large groups and with strangers), “behind” (because she apparently didn’t know all the arbitrary things expected from her at that age), and needs help from them.
The (pretty mean-looking, intimidating, crabby) lady told me it was obvious my daughter wasn’t used to a “collective” - she’s been at home with us all her life and never went to daycare, something they obviously saw as neglectful and somehow evil - and she needed institutional help so she’d catch up with other, “socialized” children.
When I asked exactly what techniques and methods she thought she could use to help my daughter adjust to a school setting with more ease, the woman frowned at me and said “That’s for me to know!” I replied: “I can’t give my consent unless I have information on what you propose to do to my child” and she still wouldn’t tell me! So I declined - the lady was giving me, a grown woman, the creeps, I certainly don’t want to expose my sensitive child to her!
She said my child had cognitive issues. When I asked for examples, this is what I got:
- “She couldn’t name all the body parts”
“I find that hard to believe,” I replied. “Which ones couldn’t she name?” I asked and got NO REPLY. My kid knows how to name body parts in two different languages and this was absurd. - “She couldn’t count to ten”
“She can count to one hundred,” I replied. Perhaps she was terrified of this lady. - “She couldn’t name the days of the week.”
OK, this one is true. My kid doesn’t know the names of the days of the week. Those are seven words that she can cram by heart in two minutes, but what’s the point of it in a 5 yo’s life? She’s just never been interested. She can tell time, though, but that doesn’t matter, because the guidelines say that a 5 yo must know the days of the week or be deemed cognitively impaired.
(And, only after writing this, I actually find the courage to say that this is baloney! I studied language development in uni and there’s nothing wrong with being bilingual!)
Then it was my baby’s turn. She was, to begin with, speech impaired - yes, she develops verbally a bit slower, but she’s got a good ear and is catching up quickly. She just started showing an interest in learning words later. She’s more interested in her motor development.
They were concerned and seemed to blame me for not “working with her” enough. See, I have to actively teach my child speech, not just talk to her in a normal way.
One horrible oversight on my part is not teaching my children onomatopoeic words. You see, a child will never learn how to speak and will forever lag behind if you don’t drill into her when she’s two years old that a doggie says “woof” and a cow says “moo” and a sheep says “baa”. Or whatever. I told them I wasn’t sure I knew them all and I am a language and literature teacher at a university.
(I just remembered - she does know that a mouse says “click”
)It was problematic that my 2.5 yo was still not “part of a collective” - i.e. at daycare 8 hours a day. (I have no reason or desire to put my child in daycare).
And it was shocking when my toddler asked to nurse. They asked me why on Earth I was still nursing her. I answered “Because the WHO encourages it until at least the age of 2, and then further if both mother and child are happy with it,” to which I was given a lecture about the bad quality of my milk.
My milk has great quality, by the way. It has just been used to cure conjunctivitis in my toddler and myself, and has warded off strep throat for my toddler.
Then she said I was attaching my toddler to myself by nursing so long, and she won’t be able to be a part of a collective and learn well in the future because of it!
I asked her what research she has to back that claim up and mentioned that experiments in attachment psychology (Harlow, Ainswhorth, Bowlby and others) have demonstrated that securely attached children actually do a better job exploring and learning.
To which she replied that I can have my theories, but it was her job to tell me what the consequences of my actions were.
All this time, they were talking to me and asking me questions, never even looking at my toddler. The poor kid noticed toys in a box and tried to get them, which I attempted to bring to their attention, but they ignored it, and she gave up and headed towards the soap on the sink. I got up and took the soap away from her, as it looked yucky, and the speech therapist had the nerve to reprimand me for not listening to her, but paying attention to my child instead!
I’ve been sad, angry, crushed, all day long. My husband told me we should just ignore it all and keep doing our thing. But I can’t help feeling both reprimanded as a bad mother AND afraid for my child in the future, if people like this ever get to her. Trying to turn her from an introvert into an extrovert. Trying to make her into a neat case with all the right boxes ticked. Knows days of the week? Check. Detached from parents and adjusted to the collective? Check. Fully “socialized”, i.e. institutionalized? Check.
Ugh. Sorry for the long vent. It helped.
Your husband and your instincts are right and those left-overs from Communism are wrong. In a few years they’ll be gone and your daughters will be with you where they belong. Don’t let this bother you. You did great standing up to the old biddies. 
