Post-divorce party

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Lil_M

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Next weekend there is a party to celebrate my brother’s divorce being finalized. They were married at the courthouse with just 2 witnesses (no family), were married 7 years and have been separated 3. He stopped attending Mass as a teenager. My ex-SIL was the source of **much ** anger, hurt feelings while she was in the family, and most of her words and actions, especially during my mom’s illness and death, were downright shocking and rude. So we weren’t exactly sad when she wasn’t around at family functions. She is now supposedly a lesbian and living with a woman, and a horrible influence on my nieces 😦 . But I don’t particularly feel like getting my brother drunk and bashing her. It seems odd to celebrate the end of, even this non-sacramental, marriage. However, I don’t want to look holier-than-thou (siblings are not very dedicated Catholics although they usually attend Mass) or unsupportive. 🤷 It’s going to be very uncomfortable for DH and I if we do go. What to do?
 
Hurry up and make other plans, then tactfully send your regrets.

Glad
 
Yeah, I agree with GladCatholic. If it would make you feel uncomfortable, and it sounds like it could end up being a bash fest…then, best to not attend.

I am sorry things didn’t work out for your brother.
 
Maybe you can offer to have him over for a nice dinner on another day, to show him you care and are there for him. Have other plans for the"party" evening.
 
I’d love to have him over, but DH and I live 1 1/2hr from the rest of the fam 😦 Good idea though. We already have plans (camping) but it’s close enough that we could make it. I know my one sister will grill me on why- not sure if i will get on my soapbox or just say gas is too expensive! :o
 
Lil_M said:
I’d love to have him over, but DH and I live 1 1/2hr from the rest of the fam 😦 Good idea though. We already have plans (camping) but it’s close enough that we could make it. I know my one sister will grill me on why- not sure if i will get on my soapbox or just say gas is too expensive! :o
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They might not listen, so go with the "gas is expensive " idea
Kathy
 
******Something is kind of off when people will have a party that will have it`s emphasis on what sounds like a very sad and painful chapter in someones life. The rest of your relatives might feel like they are doing something to cheer your brother up, but like another poster suggested a better way to do this might be to have family events and specifically be sure he is included. Showing support without making his tragic situation the focus . You are making a good decision in not going I think I would probably be honest about why I was staying away but if you are more comfortable with saying ,for instance, too much to do getting ready for a camping trip or the like would work.
 
I wouldn’t go … it’s not a normal kind of “celebration” and if you would feel uncomfortable, I think your feelings about it carry more weight than what your siblings or even your brother might think.

I think I’d say something like, “sorry, I won’t be coming along, but we’ll have you over for dinner soon” and be sure to follow up with a date shortly after. I wouldn’t offer any explanation at all. I’m a grown-up, I don’t have to explain myself to others.

If “grilled” by a family member, and if I decided to give an explanation, I would say the whole idea of “celebrating” the end of a relationship didn’t sit well with me and the occasion was better attended only by those who felt it an appropriate thing to do - I wouldn’t want to dampen the party. But I still wouldn’t feel obliged to say anything more than, “I love my brother but I have my reasons for not attending and I prefer to keep them private, thanks. Next subject?”

I can understand some people might think this will be helpful to him and it’s probably done with the best of intentions, but IMO it is in the poorest of taste. Why should someone be “feted” to mark the sad end of a messy debacle? Just helping your brother to quietly move on would be the most dignified thing anyone could do for him.

But that’s just me. :o
 
Well, since I don’t have a dog in the fight I’ll go, and then come back and give y’all the report.
 
I would make other plans but wouldn’t tell white lies to get out of the party, if I were in your situation. I don’t think inventing excuses is the answer, but making some other plans in advance and being busy sounds fine to me.
 
Today (after my goddaughter’s baptism celebration 😃 ) my sister asked I we were going, I just said very quickly…“no I don’t think we’ll make it”…switch into new topic :rolleyes: So hopefully they will catch my drift. And I don’t have to worry about going now. It’s just kind of sad that this is something we celebrate now 😦
 
Even when a divorce is a great relief and the end of a terrible chapter in one’s life, at one time there was a marriage entered into with hopes and dreams and love. I’m with you; you don’t have a party for the death of a dream, no matter how much of nightmare it turned out to be. I think you have made a good decision . . .
 
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