Postpartum Intimacy Struggles

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wm1175

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My husband and I just had our first baby a few months ago. We both love being parents, but it has taken a toll on our relationship. I love him and respect him, but I have no interest in being intimate with him at all. Not only am I not interested, I have a complete aversion towards even kissing him goodbye (I do anyway). We are still sexually intimate once or twice a week even though it has become something I dread and something I just have to get through. I had a long recovery and while it’s not excruciating anymore, it is uncomfortable. He can tell I’m not as physically affectionate as I used to be and I know he is struggling with feeling like I don’t love him as much after having the baby. I’ve tried delicately talking to him about how I feel but he doesn’t seem to understand. I know I’m neglecting the intimacy aspect of our marriage but I don’t know how to handle it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
It sounds as if you have a communication problem?

Try talking to your husband at a neutral time and place. Know that baby will not always be this little/needy, this will pass and patience on both parts will work wonders.
 
I believe that is part of the issue. I do need to work on patience, I tend to get frustrated very easily after a long day and that makes the problem worse.
 
wm1175 said:
My husband and I just had our first baby a few months ago. We both love being parents, but it has taken a toll on our relationship. I love him and respect him, but I have no interest in being intimate with him at all. Not only am I not interested, I have a complete aversion towards even kissing him goodbye (I do anyway). We are still sexually intimate once or twice a week even though it has become something I dread and something I just have to get through. I had a long recovery and while it’s not excruciating anymore, it is uncomfortable. He can tell I’m not as physically affectionate as I used to be and I know he is struggling with feeling like I don’t love him as much after having the baby. I’ve tried delicately talking to him about how I feel but he doesn’t seem to understand. I know I’m neglecting the intimacy aspect of our marriage but I don’t know how to handle it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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You need to do 2 things.
  1. talk to him
  2. go to a doctor who can explain to you postpartum hormones–especally while you’re still breastfeeding. Your body is reacting this way for a reason.
 
wm1175 said:
I love him and respect him, but I have no interest in being intimate with him at all. Not only am I not interested, I have a complete aversion towards even kissing him goodbye (I do anyway).
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What was you level of interest in intimacy prior to the baby?
 
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If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages, physical touch used to be mine. My interest gradually declined as I was pregnant and then dropped off to almost completely nonexistent a few weeks after he was born.
 
So presumably your husband will be greatly perturbed by the change, though it is more likely attributed to you present circumstances. Certainly discuss the matter with your dr at the next opportunity.
 
I could have written this too. We have had 3 full term pregnancies, and unfortunately lost 2 baby daughters to unrelated, rare health issues. We now have a 6 month old baby boy whom we love!

However, there’s a big difference in my interest in sex postpartum now, even compared to during postpartum grief after our losses. I have had zero interest, and honestly don’t even want to be touched! I was breastfeeding and am now exclusively pumping, in addition to being seriously sleep deprived (to the point of physical symptoms). I think those are the major factors and have really taken a toll on me physically.

Truly I get very annoyed and turned off that my husband (regularly getting a full night’s sleep, has time with friends, and can eat whatever he wants) has the nerve to want sex! Terrible on my part, I know, but he works long hours and I get very little help with our fussy little one. I also have diet restrictions due to the baby’s health. I feel like when he cares more for my physical needs (ensuring I get sleep and am eating ok), then I will care more for his.

At any rate, I understand. I’m impressed at the once or twice a week, though. What more is your husband expecting? Have you guys talked about what it’s like for each of you right now physically and emotionally, and maybe reach a compromise? I know we’re working on that now, and are hopeful for a change since my cycles just returned! It’s been such an adjustment to have a baby here, even though we love him to pieces!
 
wm1175 said:
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Everything you’re feeling is very normal.

But make sure your husband is understands the hormonal issues involved.

And yes, 1 or 2 times a week is fantastic.
 
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