Poverty and Raising kids

[utunumsint]

I have five kids, ages 7 and under. I am the only bread winner at home. My kids go to public school and the are close to their cousin. Bottom line, their friends all have more money than we do. We live pay check to pay check. There isn’t a lot of extras in the budget for presents and toys and games.

How do you deal with poverty in your own homes? How do you encourage your kids to appreciate what they have, to be happy with what they have?

God bless,
Ut

 

[Em_in_FL]

It’s tough.
We’re barely scraping by (after a job loss and trying to start a new business - it’s been a very rough year!!)…
We are still sending the kids to Catholic school (our financial priority) - which actually makes for MORE of a discrepancy of wealth between the kids and their friends.
There are definitely times when the kids fall into the “I want”'s of life, especially when they visit a friend’s house with the latest Xbox or iPad, but we just try to talk them through the situation and be very open with our communication. We have very understanding kids, so they tend to work through their “wants” when we take the time to communicate and explain our family’s priorities. LOTS of communication helps.
Also, we do try to get out of the house and stay BUSY as much as possible. It’s possible to have fun and stay busy on a tight budget - pack a lunch and go to the park, hike in the state park, walk around the neighborhood, etc. Getting out of the house and being distracted tends to help a lot.

God bless you!!!

 

[Serap]

I have five kids, ages 7 and under. I am the only bread winner at home. My kids go to public school and the are close to their cousin. Bottom line, their friends all have more money than we do. We live pay check to pay check. There isn’t a lot of extras in the budget for presents and toys and games.

How do you deal with poverty in your own homes? How do you encourage your kids to appreciate what they have, to be happy with what they have?

God bless,
Ut

It’s tough. We buy most of our children’s toys at a Canadian second hand chain called Value Village. It’s awesome. Do you ever shop second hand? It’s a great way to find things that they “want” at a price you can afford.

I have found SpiderMan jackets, shirts, pajamas, etc. I have found expensive toys also. I have also found black sparkled Ugg boots for my daughter…things that are expensive new.

 

[utunumsint]

It’s tough.
We’re barely scraping by (after a job loss and trying to start a new business - it’s been a very rough year!!)…
We are still sending the kids to Catholic school (our financial priority) - which actually makes for MORE of a discrepancy of wealth between the kids and their friends.
There are definitely times when the kids fall into the “I want”'s of life, especially when they visit a friend’s house with the latest Xbox or iPad, but we just try to talk them through the situation and be very open with our communication. We have very understanding kids, so they tend to work through their “wants” when we take the time to communicate and explain our family’s priorities. LOTS of communication helps.
Also, we do try to get out of the house and stay BUSY as much as possible. It’s possible to have fun and stay busy on a tight budget - pack a lunch and go to the park, hike in the state park, walk around the neighborhood, etc. Getting out of the house and being distracted tends to help a lot.

God bless you!!!

Wow. That must be hard sending your kids to Catholic school. We have a publicly funded Catholic school where I live, although the catechesis there is pretty terrible, but it works if you supplement it with a lot of catechesis at home and at the church. … at least I hope it does. There is a private catholic school near by with a perpetual adoration chapel and really great priests who support is, but it is so far our of our budget.

My son’s current “want” was to replace an old original XBox game that one of my younger kids had scratched to bits. He has been asking for it for ages. I finally found it on ebay and got it mailed from Portugal for less than $10 only to find that it does not work because of some silly regional block. European versions don’t work on American systems. We wanted to give it to him for his birthday in November, but he lost a tooth and was wondering why the tooth faerie had not given him any money for his tooth. So we put the game under his pillow instead. He was so happy, then so disappointed when it did not work. The kid was crying, but still trying hard not to show his grief, because he knows we don’t have a lot of money.

We create so many “needs” for ourselves out of “wants”. It is ridiculous that he should be so attached to such a small thing that it causes him that much pain. But it still breaks my heart to see him so unhappy. I tried to tell him not to be so attached to things, but how do you explain the concept of Christian poverty of spirit to a 7 year old who is already keenly aware of the discrepancy in his parents income compared to the rest of his friends and extended family? I mean honestly, compared to some, we are rich, but because of our social circumstances, we feel poor. Isn’t that ridiculous?

/end vent.

Anyway, thanks for sharing Em. God bless you too.

Ut

 

[utunumsint]

I will pray for you, may God bless you and your beautiful family!

Specifically which child or children are you talking about? You said you have five children under the age of seven. I assume that finances are not an issue with all five children, since clearly some of them must be very young and not even in school yet?

Is it your older child noticing they do not have certain things? Clothes for example or toys?

My seven year old. The younger ones are still fairly unaware of our situation.

God bless,
Ut

 

[utunumsint]

It’s tough. We buy most of our children’s toys at a Canadian second hand chain called Value Village. It’s awesome. Do you ever shop second hand? It’s a great way to find things that they “want” at a price you can afford.

I have found SpiderMan jackets, shirts, pajamas, etc. I have found expensive toys also. I have also found black sparkled Ugg boots for my daughter…things that are expensive new.

Oh yes. We live in Ontario, so we buy from Value Village, Winners, we shop a lot on Kijiji for second hand stuff and ebay for cheap deals. We never buy anything that isn’t on sale and try to coupon as best we can.

We also get a lot of second hand stuff from neighbours and relatives. I can honestly say that we rarely have to buy any clothes for our kids because people just drop off their used stuff much of which is very high quality. Honestly I think we have been given over 10 grand over the last 8 years in discarded hand me downs. It boggles the mind how much we waste things here in North America.

God bless,
Ut

 

[Serap]

Wow. That must be hard sending your kids to Catholic school. We have a publicly funded Catholic school where I live, although the catechesis there is pretty terrible, but it works if you supplement it with a lot of catechesis at home and at the church. … at least I hope it does. There is a private catholic school near by with a perpetual adoration chapel and really great priests who support is, but it is so far our of our budget.

My son’s current “want” was to replace an old original XBox game that one of my younger kids had scratched to bits. He has been asking for it for ages. I finally found it on ebay and got it mailed from Portugal for less than $10 only to find that it does not work because of some silly regional block. European versions don’t work on American systems. We wanted to give it to him for his birthday in November, but he lost a tooth and was wondering why the tooth faerie had not given him any money for his tooth. So we put the game under his pillow instead. He was so happy, then so disappointed when it did not work. The kid was crying, but still trying hard not to show his grief, because he knows we don’t have a lot of money.

We create so many “needs” for ourselves out of “wants”. It is ridiculous that he should be so attached to such a small thing that it causes him that much pain. But it still breaks my heart to see him so unhappy. I tried to tell him not to be so attached to things, but how do you explain the concept of Christian poverty of spirit to a 7 year old who is already keenly aware of the discrepancy in his parents income compared to the rest of his friends and extended family? I mean honestly, compared to some, we are rich, but because of our social circumstances, we feel poor. Isn’t that ridiculous?

/end vent.

Anyway, thanks for sharing Em. God bless you too.

Ut

God bless you! He will remember this and appreciate it when he’s an adult. I promise you!!!

 

[Serap]

Oh yes. We live in Ontario, so we buy from Value Village, Winners, we shop a lot on Kijiji for second hand stuff and ebay for cheap deals. We never buy anything that isn’t on sale and try to coupon as best we can.

We also get a lot of second hand stuff from neighbours and relatives. I can honestly say that we rarely have to buy any clothes for our kids because people just drop off their used stuff much of which is very high quality. Honestly I think we have been given over 10 grand over the last 8 years in discarded hand me downs. It boggles the mind how much we waste things here in North America.

God bless,
Ut

Do you have an extra bedroom in your house that you could spare? We have Japanese international students stay with us for about $800 per month. We provide them with room and board and this allows me to save for my children and buy them things that they need.

Do you live in a city? I could provide you with the company name?

 

[Em_in_FL]

Ah, I see what you are saying. Okay, I have been right where you are it is a struggle please let me share my own experiences:

First, you cannot **tell **your children not to be attached to things you have to show them. I heard a priest give excellent advice on this and this was you have to have a spirit of gratitude in the home. Hard to do but try, I did and still do. Have a spirit of gratitude. I try and tell my children frequently “Aren’t we blessed!” We are so blessed to have a car when so many people in the world do not have one. We are so blessed to have a nice warm home. We are so blessed to have food. We are so blessed to have clothes. I try to do this every day my children would get tired of it “yeah mom whatever” but I would keep at it!

When children hear often that you and your wife are grateful for what you have it will rub off on them, eventually I promise you that. It may take years and years and years but it will sink in eventually. You cannot simply tell them “do not be attached to things be grateful for what you have” they have to see you LIVE it. This is not easy you have to make an effort. It is hard when your car is rusty and old and your furniture may be ripped up and your appliances are conked out and your clothes are from the second-hand store but be grateful!

Also when other people have nice things tell your children that is a part of life and we should be happy for our friends even though it is hard. It’s nice that Johnny has a nice home. It’s nice that Mary has a new dress. We are happy for our friends when they have new things. Children will not necessarily “get this” right away. They will still be a little sad or jealous when their friends get something new, this is normal. Try and be okay with the fact that you son is going to be sad sometimes. When your son is sad and jealous of others this just means he is normal.

The most important relationship your children have is their relationship with Jesus Christ everything else brings emptiness. Tell your son that, he is only seven years old but that is still old enough to understand. Even if the x-box were to have worked it would have broken eventually. Christ is everlasting and will never break. A child will still want the toy but he needs to start hearing that Jesus is forever, over time it will sink in. Hope this helps a little.

Ditto!

 

[utunumsint]

Ah, I see what you are saying. Okay, I have been right where you are it is a struggle please let me share my own experiences:

First, you cannot **tell **your children not to be attached to things you have to show them. I heard a priest give excellent advice on this and this was you have to have a spirit of gratitude in the home. Hard to do but try, I did and still do. Have a spirit of gratitude. I try and tell my children frequently “Aren’t we blessed!” We are so blessed to have a car when so many people in the world do not have one. We are so blessed to have a nice warm home. We are so blessed to have food. We are so blessed to have clothes. I try to do this every day my children would get tired of it “yeah mom whatever” but I would keep at it!

When children hear often that you and your wife are grateful for what you have it will rub off on them, eventually I promise you that. It may take years and years and years but it will sink in eventually. You cannot simply tell them “do not be attached to things be grateful for what you have” they have to see you LIVE it. This is not easy you have to make an effort. It is hard when your car is rusty and old and your furniture may be ripped up and your appliances are conked out and your clothes are from the second-hand store but be grateful!

Also when other people have nice things tell your children that is a part of life and we should be happy for our friends even though it is hard. It’s nice that Johnny has a nice home. It’s nice that Mary has a new dress. We are happy for our friends when they have new things. Children will not necessarily “get this” right away. They will still be a little sad or jealous when their friends get something new, this is normal. Try and be okay with the fact that you son is going to be sad sometimes. When your son is sad and jealous of others this just means he is normal.

The most important relationship your children have is their relationship with Jesus Christ everything else brings emptiness. Tell your son that, he is only seven years old but that is still old enough to understand. Even if the x-box were to have worked it would have broken eventually. Christ is everlasting and will never break. A child will still want the toy but he needs to start hearing that Jesus is forever, over time it will sink in. Hope this helps a little.

Well said and yes, this is something that my wife and I have to work on.

Thank you for sharing this.

God bless,
Ut

 

[marymary1975]

Ah, I see what you are saying. Okay, I have been right where you are it is a struggle please let me share my own experiences:

First, you cannot **tell **your children not to be attached to things you have to show them. I heard a priest give excellent advice on this and this was you have to have a spirit of gratitude in the home. Hard to do but try, I did and still do. Have a spirit of gratitude. I try and tell my children frequently “Aren’t we blessed!” We are so blessed to have a car when so many people in the world do not have one. We are so blessed to have a nice warm home. We are so blessed to have food. We are so blessed to have clothes. I try to do this every day my children would get tired of it “yeah mom whatever” but I would keep at it!

When children hear often that you and your wife are grateful for what you have it will rub off on them, eventually I promise you that. It may take years and years and years but it will sink in eventually. You cannot simply tell them “do not be attached to things be grateful for what you have” they have to see you LIVE it. This is not easy you have to make an effort. It is hard when your car is rusty and old and your furniture may be ripped up and your appliances are conked out and your clothes are from the second-hand store but be grateful!

Also when other people have nice things tell your children that is a part of life and we should be happy for our friends even though it is hard. It’s nice that Johnny has a nice home. It’s nice that Mary has a new dress. We are happy for our friends when they have new things. Children will not necessarily “get this” right away. They will still be a little sad or jealous when their friends get something new, this is normal. Try and be okay with the fact that you son is going to be sad sometimes. When your son is sad and jealous of others this just means he is normal.

The most important relationship your children have is their relationship with Jesus Christ everything else brings emptiness. Tell your son that, he is only seven years old but that is still old enough to understand. Even if the x-box were to have worked it would have broken eventually. Christ is everlasting and will never break. A child will still want the toy but he needs to start hearing that Jesus is forever, over time it will sink in. Hope this helps a little.

I totally agree with this comment! Gratitude brings more good things into your life. Always remember the story when Jesus healed the group of people and only one came back to give him thanks. I was given a very similar advice once that I wad in a very difficult situation and I have to say that I’ve noticed a huge change in my life since I have implemented the gratitude thinking in our home. If God is giving us thing but all we do is complain about what we don’t have is like we are closing the door to God’s action. When we start giving thanks to him and rejoice in what we have we open the door to him and he brings more good things into your life. Also when your son is sad try to change the focus of his happiness into other things. X box is broken? What about going to the park, doing outdoor activities, playing sports outside, teach him fun games …there were so many fun games we used to play as children outside that now they have been forgotten because kids want to be stuck in am X box the entire day. What about a family game time, there are many fun things that are free that you can do with your children and teach them to love and appreciate those moments. Maybe the broken x box is not a bad thing, instead is an opportunity for you to find new and fun ways to have quality family time.

 

[Serap]

Ah, I see what you are saying. Okay, I have been right where you are it is a struggle please let me share my own experiences:

First, you cannot **tell **your children not to be attached to things you have to show them. I heard a priest give excellent advice on this and this was you have to have a spirit of gratitude in the home. Hard to do but try, I did and still do. Have a spirit of gratitude. I try and tell my children frequently “Aren’t we blessed!” We are so blessed to have a car when so many people in the world do not have one. We are so blessed to have a nice warm home. We are so blessed to have food. We are so blessed to have clothes. I try to do this every day my children would get tired of it “yeah mom whatever” but I would keep at it!

When children hear often that you and your wife are grateful for what you have it will rub off on them, eventually I promise you that. It may take years and years and years but it will sink in eventually. You cannot simply tell them “do not be attached to things be grateful for what you have” they have to see you LIVE it. This is not easy you have to make an effort. It is hard when your car is rusty and old and your furniture may be ripped up and your appliances are conked out and your clothes are from the second-hand store but be grateful!

Also when other people have nice things tell your children that is a part of life and we should be happy for our friends even though it is hard. It’s nice that Johnny has a nice home. It’s nice that Mary has a new dress. We are happy for our friends when they have new things. Children will not necessarily “get this” right away. They will still be a little sad or jealous when their friends get something new, this is normal. Try and be okay with the fact that you son is going to be sad sometimes. When your son is sad and jealous of others this just means he is normal.

The most important relationship your children have is their relationship with Jesus Christ everything else brings emptiness. Tell your son that, he is only seven years old but that is still old enough to understand. Even if the x-box were to have worked it would have broken eventually. Christ is everlasting and will never break. A child will still want the toy but he needs to start hearing that Jesus is forever, over time it will sink in. Hope this helps a little.

wise advice

 

[CradleJourney]

My seven year old. The younger ones are still fairly unaware of our situation.

God bless,
Ut

It is very hard. And it does not get any easier the older they get, though mine have become more accepting of the situation.

My advice - give them the things their richer friends probably do not have.

Examples:

Our children’s classmates went to Disney over the summer. Our children got to climb up a waterfall at a state park.

Our children’s friends know how to win at Mariokart. Our children know how to shoot a bow and arrow, to play chess, to bake pies, and to quilt.

Don’t apologize for not being able to give your children what they want (feeds the poor me attitude). Instead offer them a buffet of what you can do (using mostly time and talent rather than treasure) and let them be proud of their adventures.

Another example - our children were thrilled to be able to make tissue paper flowers for their teachers as a gift - and apparently these impressed the heck out of their friends at school, who have begged our kids to teach them how to make them.

Encourage the attitude that they may not be able to have the cool item their peers do - but they have unique abilities, experiences and opportunities that their friends do not.

 

[Serap]

It is very hard. And it does not get any easier the older they get, though mine have become more accepting of the situation.

My advice - give them the things their richer friends probably do not have.

Examples:

Our children’s classmates went to Disney over the summer. Our children got to climb up a waterfall at a state park.

Our children’s friends know how to win at Mariokart. Our children know how to shoot a bow and arrow, to play chess, to bake pies, and to quilt.

Don’t apologize for not being able to give your children what they want (feeds the poor me attitude). Instead offer them a buffet of what you can do (using mostly time and talent rather than treasure) and let them be proud of their adventures.

Another example - our children were thrilled to be able to make tissue paper flowers for their teachers as a gift - and apparently these impressed the heck out of their friends at school, who have begged our kids to teach them how to make them.

Encourage the attitude that they may not be able to have the cool item their peers do - but they have unique abilities, experiences and opportunities that their friends do not.

Camping trips are the fondest memories of my childhood. I am still proud that I know how to paddle a canoe or that I know how to survive in the forest without any supplies.

 

[Country_Gal]

I have 6 kids and my older ones were definitely raised hand to mouth, no money in the bank. They don’t remember feeling deprived at all. They always had healthy food on the table and clothes on their back. We managed to have modest vacations of camping or going to visit a relative in another town.

My 4 sons are all self supporting and debt free. No one graduated college, but two of them make big bucks as software engineers, you don’t really need a degree for that. One is an HVAC guy, he went to technical college for that. The other is a chef.

My daughters, especially, grew up with much more middle class luxuries. 20 years ago I became an RN and I currently have a good job in a hospital and make great wages. My daughters are great, but I do notice a greater sense of entitlement on their part. They believe it’s beneath them to take the school bus to school, for example. They are used to really nice vacations. Both of them are frugal though. I make them pay for their own gas, for example, since they choose to turn down free transportation to school. My older girl is a freshman at university and chose to leave her car at home to save money.

My point is, my older kids, especially my oldest two sons, said they have fond memories of their childhood. They loved building forts outside, and the wealth of growing up in a rough and tumble family.

There are always jobs that kids can do to make money, I’d encourage your young ones to explore those options. They are lucky to have a stay at home mom, that’s for certain. That is a priceless luxury!

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I have five kids, ages 7 and under. I am the only bread winner at home. My kids go to public school and the are close to their cousin. Bottom line, their friends all have more money than we do. We live pay check to pay check. There isn’t a lot of extras in the budget for presents and toys and games.

How do you deal with poverty in your own homes? How do you encourage your kids to appreciate what they have, to be happy with what they have?

God bless,
Ut

I grew up in a poor home, but had a wonderful childhood. It never really occurred to me at the time that we were poor; I only realized that later on as an adult.

I think the key is to not be materialistic, to always be thankful for what you have, and to always make time to do things together as a family. Don’t apologize to your kids for not being able to buy them all the clothes and gadgets that you would like to, and try not to talk too much in front of them about not having money.

It may sound crazy, but when I look back on my childhood, I think that not having much money was one of the things that made it great. If you don’t have much, you appreciate the little things so much more, whereas kids who have tons of toys, clothes, DVDs, etc. tend to take them for granted. For example, I remember that we didn’t have a VCR or cable (both newer technology at the time), but that once in a while my parents would rent a VCR and a Disney movie from the grocery store, and we would have a movie party with popcorn. We kids used to get so excited about that and look forward to it so much. I’m pretty sure that our friends with cable and closets full of movies didn’t enjoy them half as much as we did.

Work to be a happy, close-knit family who spends a lot of time together (there are tons of fun things to do that don’t cost money, or don’t cost much). If you do that, that is what your kids will remember.

 

[tafan]

Wow. That must be hard sending your kids to Catholic school. We have a publicly funded Catholic school where I live, although the catechesis there is pretty terrible, but it works if you supplement it with a lot of catechesis at home and at the church. … at least I hope it does. There is a private catholic school near by with a perpetual adoration chapel and really great priests who support is, but it is so far our of our budget.

My son’s current “want” was to replace an old original XBox game that one of my younger kids had scratched to bits. He has been asking for it for ages. I finally found it on ebay and got it mailed from Portugal for less than $10 only to find that it does not work because of some silly regional block. European versions don’t work on American systems. We wanted to give it to him for his birthday in November, but he lost a tooth and was wondering why the tooth faerie had not given him any money for his tooth. So we put the game under his pillow instead. He was so happy, then so disappointed when it did not work. The kid was crying, but still trying hard not to show his grief, because he knows we don’t have a lot of money.

We create so many “needs” for ourselves out of “wants”. It is ridiculous that he should be so attached to such a small thing that it causes him that much pain. But it still breaks my heart to see him so unhappy. I tried to tell him not to be so attached to things, but how do you explain the concept of Christian poverty of spirit to a 7 year old who is already keenly aware of the discrepancy in his parents income compared to the rest of his friends and extended family? I mean honestly, compared to some, we are rich, but because of our social circumstances, we feel poor. Isn’t that ridiculous?

/end vent.

Anyway, thanks for sharing Em. God bless you too.

Ut

All of the following, you may be doing anyway, I certainly do not mean it to be patronizing or insulting:

1. First of all, as with most things in a family, you have to live by example. I am sure that you are not going out and buying yourself or your wife any luxury items. But what is just as important is that your kids o not hear you talk about things you want (and cannot afford). This may seem counter intuitive, but its not. If your kids often hear you say “I would buy a new TV if I could afford it” or “if possible, I am going to buy a new fishing rod next year”,etc; you may think your kids are seeing that you are foregoing your desires and that is a good example. But what they actually see is that they need to “get in line”, because as any money comes available for a luxury item, it may be taken if they don’t make enough noise.
   In general, never complain about being poor or not having enough money around your kids. Never. And that goes for you and your wife. When they ask for something, its fine to say “we can’t afford it” as a reason. Beyond that, it needs to go unnoticed. Never use the term poor with regards to yourself around them. A poverty mentality breeds materialism!!!
   A simple, non-complaining, non-materialistic life-style is what you must show them how to live.
2. Secondly, tell your kids they have something none of their friends have. Other brothers and sisters in a big family. They are rich because of this!!!
3. Your kids have to see that you work hard to support the family. They will not expect much, if they see that Dad is working 50-60-70 hour weeks to give them what they have. Overtime, this makes a big difference. With regards to how your kids are going to turn out, the example you set by working another 10-15 hours a week is worth a lot more than the 10-15 hours of week you could spend with them . And besides, if you are living pay-check to pay-check, you owe it to your family, as the father, to put in those overtime hours or to take that part time evening job, etc.

God bless

 

[ClearWater]

I am from a family of 11, and I could see other people had small families and a lot more money to spread around. We used a lot of board and other games and played together, something a lot of other families don’t know how to do nowadays!

My family LOVES pinochle. They can play, for hours! I, personally, like “Win, Lose, or Draw” or “Scattergories”, “Pictionary”.

For presents, a lot of time, we made our own! I remember making, and giving away, potholders. Once, I had a really wonderful, special teacher and wanted to give him a gift. Everyone else was lined up giving him gifts. They were giving him, I think, expensive colognes and such. Then, I was last. There, I stood with a handmade potholder or two. I think I about wanted to cry!

Everybody had left, and it was just the two of us, alone. I told him I had a little present, potholders that I had actually made for him, myself. I felt really ashamed, and was going to hand them to him and more or less just run out the door!

He told me that handmade presents were his FAVORITE presents, that anyone can buy a gift, that it takes a lot to make someone a gift.

My brother married a lady, also from a family of 11. We got together, and it was wonderful! We understood eachother! We played Twister and all kinds of games! We already all knew how to have fun without spending a lot of money!

For Christmas, her family would each draw a name and get only one gift, to simplify matters.

Some people’s wealth is in their kids, not in material things. Your family is rich! Its richness is in the kids!

One day, you will ALL appreciate it much more that they existed, even if you had to do without Nintendo!

 

[SamH]

I have five kids, ages 7 and under. I am the only bread winner at home. My kids go to public school and the are close to their cousin. Bottom line, their friends all have more money than we do. We live pay check to pay check. There isn’t a lot of extras in the budget for presents and toys and games.

How do you deal with poverty in your own homes? How do you encourage your kids to appreciate what they have, to be happy with what they have?

God bless,
Ut

My dad used to beat us until we were very happy he wasn’t beating us.

 

[Cariethra]

We’ve lucked out in some regards. My kids are showered with so many gifts from grandparents, we had to ask for them to limit it to two gifts per child, just due to room.

I don’t ever tell my children they can’t have something because we can’t afford it. I tell them that we can’t get it now, but they can remind us about it when it gets close to their birthdays. We set aside a portion of our tax return every year, for sports and birthday/Christmas presents. It isn’t much, but they appreciate it.

Even before now, where we are extremely poor, we only set aside a certain amount for the year. It costs us $100 for the year for both children to enjoy swimming lessons, we get our membership for free because my husband works there. In the past there was $25-$40 for a birthday present and $60-$75 for Christmas (which included stocking stuffers). I make up for that by baking with them, and having them help dress up the house.

I don’t make a big deal out of buying from thrift stores or consignment. When we take a load to donate, I give my daughter the coupon, saying how lucky she is that because she was unselfish and donated some of her things, she can go inside when we have time and pick out a one piece of clothes.