Practical Help/Advice for Confession

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Hi all! I came into the Church at Easter Vigil last year (2013), so I’ve been at this for a year, but I still feel uncomfortable with the Sacrament of Reconciliation. My first Confession was great - I worked really hard on it, spent lots of time reflecting, wrote out everything I wanted to say, etc. - and I just read through everything.

I think I’ve gone to Confession about 7 or 8 times in the past year, and still feel like I don’t know what to say and/or how to say it. (Twice it has happened that the priest thought I was done after just my first item). I also have ADHD and find it sometimes a bit overwhelming to sit down and really do a good examination of conscience, and so I end up putting it off week after week.

Any tips? Advice? Reassurance? Going in without a list, I often freeze when I get in there and end up not saying all that was on my mind.

I was also thinking that for those converts who are now about to prepare for their own first Confessions, it might be helpful to give some specific language that is used. What do you say when you enter the Confessional (of course I am not looking for someone’s personal information here)? How do you express your sins? Like, for instance, how would you confess the sin of sloth? What would you say?
 
Hi there!

We were baptised and confirmed into the church on the same day. Wow! I remember feeling so proud of myself on my second confession when my priest told me that I’d made a clear and consist confession. My priest is really easy going in confession, which makes me feel more comfortable. Although I haven’t been a Catholic for that long, I can give you some advice:

You go in and you say ‘Bless me father, for I have sinned.’

And if I can remember correctly you begin your confession. Just take it easy, don’t freak out and try not to get nervous. Remember that you’re speaking directly to Jesus. If you find it’ll help, take a list and start with your mortal sins then move on to venial. That way you won’t miss anything out and the most embarrassing ones are over at the start.

If you need to pause and reflect, do so. Also, explain to your confessor that you have ADHD and find it difficult to word your confession. He’ll understand. He’s also there to answer questions and guide you.

In my parish, there’s a step-by-step guide on what to say in your confession. If you don’t have one of those, look it up on the internet and note it down on paper, then take it in with you.

I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just treat it like a conversation with your Priest, but remember your confessing to God all your wrong doings and that you’re seeking forgiveness for these things. Remember that once you’re absolved you don’t have to confess the same sin again unless you commit it again after being absolved. And don’t feel bad about that, most Catholics repeatedly commit certain sins. (I do)

Also, you don’t technically have to go to confession unless you commit mortal sin. So keep that in mind. However, there’s nothing wrong in regularly going to be absolved of any venial sins.

Good luck!
Peace 🙂
 
Well, for me…

I say
"bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It has been (2 months) since my last confession.
I’d like to confess: insert your list here…mentioning what troubles you the most at the end. I also generally say “this is the thing I feel I need the most help with at this time”.
And then I let the priest talk about whatever he feels my need is.
Then he asks me to say the Act of Contrition.
Then he gives me a penance,
Then he absolves me.
Then I go to my pew and complete my penance.

I hope this is what you were asking…if not, sorry I misunderstood.
God bless you! If you went 7 or 8 times in the past year, you are doing well, my friend. Many go far less often…I’ve had children preparing for First Reconciliation that say their parents have not been in 20 years. Or teens preparing for Confirmation that have not been since their very first time.
Many blessings to you. You clearly love the Lord and are trying to do the best you can.
God bless you!
 
pianistclare said:
Well, for me…

I say
"bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It has been (2 months) since my last confession.
I’d like to confess: insert your list here…mentioning what troubles you the most at the end. I also generally say “this is the thing I feel I need the most help with at this time”.
And then I let the priest talk about whatever he feels my need is.
Then he asks me to say the Act of Contrition.
Then he gives me a penance,
Then he absolves me.
Then I go to my pew and complete my penance.

I hope this is what you were asking…if not, sorry I misunderstood.
God bless you! If you went 7 or 8 times in the past year, you are doing well, my friend. Many go far less often…I’ve had children preparing for First Reconciliation that say their parents have not been in 20 years. Or teens preparing for Confirmation that have not been since their very first time.
Many blessings to you. You clearly love the Lord and are trying to do the best you can.
God bless you!
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This is exactly how I was taught to do my Confession about 70 years ago, the only difference is that today the priest says the absolution prayer in English instead of Latin.
I would suggest one thing though. Preparation for going to Confession is almost as important as the Sacrament itself. Why don’t you enter “Examination of Conscience” onto any search engine. You will find a menu of several sites. Explore several sites and choose one that most suits you. Then, using this as a guide for examining your conscience, just remember that you have to be completely honest with yourself in this process. Write down your sins on a piece of paper. Take this paper into the confessional with you. You should be able to read it by the light that comes through the screen between you and the priest. In this way, you won’t forget any of your sins.
When you have finished Confession don’t forget to put the paper in your pocket so you can destroy it later.
G*d Bless!
 
Welcome to the Catholic Church. Congratulations for hanging in there and for going to Confession on almost a monthly or bi-monthly basis since you’ve come into the Church. That’s pretty good!

Don’t worry too much about being nervous. Lot’s of folks who have done it for years still get nervous so you are in good company. Many put off the task of the examination of conscience, too, for many reasons including because it can seem overwhelming. Remember to take things one step at a time.

I go to confession every week and every week I go in with a written list. There’s no rule that says you should or should not use a list - do what makes you comfortable. As you will see, I’m not concerned about sharing personal information here, it’s all venial stuff and not serious at all, at least when looked at on the surface.

I usually examine my conscience based on either the 10 Commandments or the Seven Deadly Sins. I’ll say something like "I’m guilty of breaking the First Commandment by not putting God first in my life …
…I have neglected most of my daily prayers
…I have used my religion in order to look like a good Christian instead of allowing myself to be truly transformed by God’s will
…I neglected to perform the penance imposed in Confession last week
…I have put love of God second in my life, behind that of food, rest, entertainments, and love of self.

I have broken the Fifth Commandment by …
…neglecting my health by overeating and
…neglecting to take my medications

– etc – "

In answer to your specific question, here’s how I’ve confessed Sloth at different times in the past:

In my sloth I neglected my morning and evening prayers twice this week.
I have been slothful in being inattentive to a friendship, not visiting her as often as I could, she is essentially home-bound.
I’ve been slothful in entertaining distractions during prayer at home and during mass. I’ve also been quite lazy in ignoring most of my housework.
I have neglected much of my prayer this week; through sloth, procrastination, and spiritual luke-warmness.
I have been lazy about not going to daily mass when I had an opportunity to do so on Tuesday and Thursday but instead stayed in bed.(this was during Advent)

May God give you peace.
 
Hello.

Welcome to the Catholic Church. 🙂
DAML72 said:
Hi all! I came into the Church at Easter Vigil last year (2013), so I’ve been at this for a year, but I still feel uncomfortable with the Sacrament of Reconciliation. My first Confession was great - I worked really hard on it, spent lots of time reflecting, wrote out everything I wanted to say, etc. - and I just read through everything.
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Sounds like you did a good confession. We need more like you. 🙂
DAML72 said:
I think I’ve gone to Confession about 7 or 8 times in the past year, and still feel like I don’t know what to say and/or how to say it. (Twice it has happened that the priest thought I was done after just my first item). I also have ADHD and find it sometimes a bit overwhelming to sit down and really do a good examination of conscience, and so I end up putting it off week after week.
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Here are some ideas that I’d wish I’d put into practice more in my life–> do a daily examination of conscience and write the stuff down & put it where prying eyes can’t get a hold of it;
realize that it is uncomfortable to take a good, long look at yourself and that it’s difficult to be honest with yourself, especially when it comes to sin; realize it’s even harder to tell all this gut wrenching terrible stuff to another human being, the priest; realize that the priest will NEVER tell anyone what you tell him because he is bound by the seal of confession as well as is sitting there in persona Christi; realize you are actually telling Christ your sins, and, you know, Christ was always compassionate towards sinners ; realize that the alternative to not confessing your sins isn’t too rosy, you don’t want to ever risk going to Hell when there are times that it’s only a few minutes of confession standing between you and eternal bliss with our Almighty Father; and I don’t know what else to tell you… these are only some of my thoughts after I read your post and I repeat, it’s how I understand things… and oh yes, be SURE to tear up your list IMMEDIATELY after confession and throw it out where no one, no one at all can ever get a hold of it…
DAML72 said:
Any tips? Advice? Reassurance? Going in without a list, I often freeze when I get in there and end up not saying all that was on my mind.
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I’ve heard all kinds of things of having a list vs having no list. For years I was scared to write a list, I’d heard so much from my religion teachers about “it’s time to abandon the laundry list” and similar comments. (this was all many years ago) But a list works for me now. I don’t forget sins as much, and as I get so anxious it’s way easier for me to simply read my list because sometimes I’m trembling and probably couldn’t remember my phone number at the time. As I understand things, what’s important is having the sorrow for sins and the contrition for the sins and being willing to repent, as you certainly sound, to me, to be. Someone please correct me with all I’m wrong about here.

I’ve just started reading the above mentioned Fr. Mitch’s book Go In Peace and so far so good.
DAML72 said:
I was also thinking that for those converts who are now about to prepare for their own first Confessions, it might be helpful to give some specific language that is used. What do you say when you enter the Confessional (of course I am not looking for someone’s personal information here)? How do you express your sins? Like, for instance, how would you confess the sin of sloth? What would you say?
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Father Altier has a guide to confession that I prefer, though I am willing to explore others. He goes bit by bit through the mechanics of confession. What might be helpful for you is to go face to face to confession. I did this several times and it really helped because the priest saw by my body language how nervous and anxious I was and it was very helpful. But maybe not. Many people prefer anonymous confession - when you stay behind the divider.

I’d confess the sin of sloth depending on where it was happening in my life - and it might help reading up in the Catholic Catechism and other orthodox Catholic literature - these forums have much information too - you can do a general search on them - did you know that a person can look madly busy but yet be guilty of sloth? that there’s spiritual sloth - lukewarmness I think we call it, but someone please correct me if I’m wrong.

And too, remember, you’re new to all this. Just one day at a time. Our Lord gives us just 24 hours at a time and will walk with us all the way, especially if we ask Him.

Also asking your guardian angel to help you with your concerns about confession should help.

Anyway, my two cents. Please remember this is all only my opinion and to take what you like and leave the rest.

You are in my prayers. Please pray for me. God bless you.
 
hi,
sorry that this is so long-but maybe there is an idea to help you/ Take what you can and disregard the rest please:
i have much the same condition-i call it ADD-when noises are so distracting; for instance, I can successfully do compute work with music/ but combine-some other sounds like at Mccdonalds-that blender sound, alarms back in their kitchen, and some loud cell phone activity-then i lock up…well, since you mentioned it …your desire to go often to confession…i think actually confession seems to help this condition, for some reason; my problem is sensitivity to sound-there is little sound in the confessional booth/ perhaps if we are the same -since i am required to walk in and there is the moment of being put to task-immediately…(since that is the case-i best pray before i go in for about 5 to 10 min.)while at least-i need a bit of breathing room to leave the noise on the outside-i suppose that is the way it works with me/ i never use a template-but i understand that could be helpful/
Forum member, Pianistclare has a good template…generally before i step into the booth-(excuses are avoided and blaming someone else for an issue-might have been thought through before entering the confessional) this to learn or confirm/I i do the impromptu and spontaneous method, for lack of a better term-i seem to pause often, until the priest seems to find a need to intervene…( i think that is OK because each person’s thinking processes are different) something happens anyway…for time’s sake (you know -just me) I chose the most urgent thing on my conscience/ yet…i can’t say for sure my conscience works great…seems there ought to be something that ‘hurts’ the conscience/ but maybe the unscripted method brings the moment to bear-I might even struggle to confess anything-(OK again-I am there!)
and seems sometimes i think of that too strict of conscience, then other times-i am too loose on morals and decisions to recognize there could be improvement…A moral is that i and only I make a choice and related action-Did I do it well? Did i live well? so,
the topic of spiritual improvement must be the mystery of the moment-there are three people in the booth…me, the priest, and Jesus…
so i remember-and recall now-i begin by following the invitation of the priest; the sign of the cross…i say:“I have a problem with sloth…” Actually in the impromptu method (nto selling the idea here) i might actually choose the word…“I have done something stupid; i have been passive last week…” The priest , at this point, seems to hear me and make for sure-the conscience is telling me -i really done wrong in the first place; He repeats, maybe in his own terms…I hear him accept the idea that my concept is correct…
I recall…after that…Next, i say: " I am sorry for being passive…in etc etc situation"
At this point, my method might not be perfect–I still follow the lead of the priest…
(just to interject that about 75 percent of what I say is actually a prayer that God hears, presented to God, as the priest is kind of there to hear the same…(not for sure if that is well practiced) at any rate, the heart is more alive at the moment near the finish-being two things to look forward to …as the priest again invites…Make an act of contrition (and indeed sorrow may gush with every little pin hole of the heart-yet to feel more alive)but to keep it simple i respond in short form:“I am sorry, My Lord…” Impromptu -you see?.. The soul seems to jump, as awakening from sleep…and well the priest does sequence penance, and absolution…then ending, as i match his sign of the cross/this teaches me , from priestly advice, to focus on what might be going on in my life and apply my life in a new way/ there are many options and directions that the whole thing could take/such as my explaination may show no offense at all/ I might not even have done wrong-or to have a great hope to change-seems now a days for me-there is an offence to love itself-love makes the best prayer/ prayer makes the best momentum of love-for God and others…but who changes what? being responsible is learned/ that would be the momentum of love and the presence of God (the confessional is never meant to be a lonely distracting place)-Christ is indeed powerfully living in my priest…

So now to loyally complete penance in the church/ I take confidence-if Sloth be personified-“stay away sloth-I have a friend-more active in my soul that your cold-passive impulse-my friend’s name is Jesus Christ, Son of God, King of Heaven-my friend…”
 
I believe that one of the most important things anyone can do in preparing for their regular confession is to examine their conscience** every day.** Yes, do not let a day go by without examining your words, thoughts, actions that day. If we only examine our conscience immediately before going to confession, trying to remember what we did, or did not do since our last confession, we will not properly recollect our sins. Probably we will remember any that are mortal, but we will likely forget most of our venial sins.

By doing a daily examination, we will soon realize which are the dominant sins. While we are not obligated to confess venial sins, it is very beneficial to do so, and we can hone in on those that we commit most frequently, confessing these, with the purpose of, with God’s grace, overcoming them.
 
Mary_Ellen said:
Welcome to the Catholic Church. Congratulations for hanging in there and for going to Confession on almost a monthly or bi-monthly basis since you’ve come into the Church. That’s pretty good!

Don’t worry too much about being nervous. Lot’s of folks who have done it for years still get nervous so you are in good company. Many put off the task of the examination of conscience, too, for many reasons including because it can seem overwhelming. Remember to take things one step at a time.

I go to confession every week and every week I go in with a written list. There’s no rule that says you should or should not use a list - do what makes you comfortable. As you will see, I’m not concerned about sharing personal information here, it’s all venial stuff and not serious at all, at least when looked at on the surface.

I usually examine my conscience based on either the 10 Commandments or the Seven Deadly Sins. I’ll say something like "I’m guilty of breaking the First Commandment by not putting God first in my life …
…I have neglected most of my daily prayers
…I have used my religion in order to look like a good Christian instead of allowing myself to be truly transformed by God’s will
…I neglected to perform the penance imposed in Confession last week
…I have put love of God second in my life, behind that of food, rest, entertainments, and love of self.

I have broken the Fifth Commandment by …
…neglecting my health by overeating and
…neglecting to take my medications

– etc – "

In answer to your specific question, here’s how I’ve confessed Sloth at different times in the past:

In my sloth I neglected my morning and evening prayers twice this week.
I have been slothful in being inattentive to a friendship, not visiting her as often as I could, she is essentially home-bound.
I’ve been slothful in entertaining distractions during prayer at home and during mass. I’ve also been quite lazy in ignoring most of my housework.
I have neglected much of my prayer this week; through sloth, procrastination, and spiritual luke-warmness.
I have been lazy about not going to daily mass when I had an opportunity to do so on Tuesday and Thursday but instead stayed in bed.(this was during Advent)

May God give you peace.
Click to expand...
I think the priest would say this is a good confession. We need to be honest and not use wording that make our sins sound vague.
 
Denois said:
Hi there!

We were baptised and confirmed into the church on the same day. Wow! I remember feeling so proud of myself on my second confession when my priest told me that I’d made a clear and consist confession. My priest is really easy going in confession, which makes me feel more comfortable. Although I haven’t been a Catholic for that long, I can give you some advice:

You go in and you say ‘Bless me father, for I have sinned.’

And if I can remember correctly you begin your confession. Just take it easy, don’t freak out and try not to get nervous. Remember that you’re speaking directly to Jesus. If you find it’ll help, take a list and start with your mortal sins then move on to venial. That way you won’t miss anything out and the most embarrassing ones are over at the start.

If you need to pause and reflect, do so. Also, explain to your confessor that you have ADHD and find it difficult to word your confession. He’ll understand. He’s also there to answer questions and guide you.

In my parish, there’s a step-by-step guide on what to say in your confession. If you don’t have one of those, look it up on the internet and note it down on paper, then take it in with you.

I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just treat it like a conversation with your Priest, but remember your confessing to God all your wrong doings and that you’re seeking forgiveness for these things. Remember that once you’re absolved you don’t have to confess the same sin again unless you commit it again after being absolved. And don’t feel bad about that, most Catholics repeatedly commit certain sins. (I do)

Also, you don’t technically have to go to confession unless you commit mortal sin. So keep that in mind. However, there’s nothing wrong in regularly going to be absolved of any venial sins.

Good luck!
Peace 🙂
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Thanks. I guess part of my issue is that I ‘confession-hop’. The window of time for confessions is so narrow, I sometimes will go somewhere else that might be more convenient. I usually have the Act of Contrition in my purse in case it’s not in the confessional, but sometimes the priests do things a bit differently from each other. I should make an effort to find the instructions my parish priest gave me last year, just to review.

I like to try to go fairly frequently so that I can receive the grace to overcome the challenges I face in life - maybe that’s what’s making my confessions seem more complicated.
 
Mary_Ellen said:
Welcome to the Catholic Church. Congratulations for hanging in there and for going to Confession on almost a monthly or bi-monthly basis since you’ve come into the Church. That’s pretty good!

Don’t worry too much about being nervous. Lot’s of folks who have done it for years still get nervous so you are in good company. Many put off the task of the examination of conscience, too, for many reasons including because it can seem overwhelming. Remember to take things one step at a time.

I go to confession every week and every week I go in with a written list. There’s no rule that says you should or should not use a list - do what makes you comfortable. As you will see, I’m not concerned about sharing personal information here, it’s all venial stuff and not serious at all, at least when looked at on the surface.

I usually examine my conscience based on either the 10 Commandments or the Seven Deadly Sins. I’ll say something like "I’m guilty of breaking the First Commandment by not putting God first in my life …
…I have neglected most of my daily prayers
…I have used my religion in order to look like a good Christian instead of allowing myself to be truly transformed by God’s will
…I neglected to perform the penance imposed in Confession last week
…I have put love of God second in my life, behind that of food, rest, entertainments, and love of self.

I have broken the Fifth Commandment by …
…neglecting my health by overeating and
…neglecting to take my medications

– etc – "

In answer to your specific question, here’s how I’ve confessed Sloth at different times in the past:

In my sloth I neglected my morning and evening prayers twice this week.
I have been slothful in being inattentive to a friendship, not visiting her as often as I could, she is essentially home-bound.
I’ve been slothful in entertaining distractions during prayer at home and during mass. I’ve also been quite lazy in ignoring most of my housework.
I have neglected much of my prayer this week; through sloth, procrastination, and spiritual luke-warmness.
I have been lazy about not going to daily mass when I had an opportunity to do so on Tuesday and Thursday but instead stayed in bed.(this was during Advent)

May God give you peace.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much! This is very helpful.

I will definitely go back to making a list. Not sure why I stopped - maybe because a few times I have gone to kneel with a list in my hand and fallen into the screen. LOL!
 
So much good advice here - thank you everyone! I do tend to examine my conscience daily, but not in a sit-down, formal way. (Having ADHD, and being a very disorganized single mom, having a place to write my daily examination of conscience is just not in the cards right now - that’s one of the things I need Christ to help me with!) I think the problem may be more stress and nervousness about putting it all together in a coherent way to present to the priest. Your encouragement is helpful, as well as practical tips and resources!
 
What must be confessed?

Mortal sins (and in number and kind…and that which changes the kind).

What about venial sins?

They may be confessed -and it is recommended to confess some of such regularly (see Catechism -Confession section–about the great benefits of such).

They do not need to be confessed in any particular way or any numbers given.

They may be also forgiven in many other ways -daily and more often.
 
With ADHD, it can be rough, so I’ve heard.

Get a mini notebook. On the cover, paste the Act of Contrition. Inside the cover, write the formula:

Bless me Father, for I have sinned, it has been ----- since my last confession. These are my sins:

Skip several spaces, and write, “For these and all my past sins, I am truly sorry.”

Now, you have already written on the first page of you’re notebook your sins. You can examine you’re conscience and if you get distracted, easily come back to it.

After Confession, tear out the page and burn it/throw it away.

Thus, you have the formula and prayers, and a way to keep on track. A dear friend taught me this system and although it sounds goofy, it is highly effective.
 
This advice sounds really useful for someone with ADHD. Thank you so much for it.
Miserissima said:
With ADHD, it can be rough, so I’ve heard.

Get a mini notebook. On the cover, paste the Act of Contrition. Inside the cover, write the formula:

Bless me Father, for I have sinned, it has been ----- since my last confession. These are my sins:

Skip several spaces, and write, “For these and all my past sins, I am truly sorry.”

Now, you have already written on the first page of you’re notebook your sins. You can examine you’re conscience and if you get distracted, easily come back to it.

After Confession, tear out the page and burn it/throw it away.

Thus, you have the formula and prayers, and a way to keep on track. A dear friend taught me this system and although it sounds goofy, it is highly effective.
Click to expand...
 
Miserissima said:
With ADHD, it can be rough, so I’ve heard.

Get a mini notebook. On the cover, paste the Act of Contrition. Inside the cover, write the formula:

Bless me Father, for I have sinned, it has been ----- since my last confession. These are my sins:

Skip several spaces, and write, “For these and all my past sins, I am truly sorry.”

Now, you have already written on the first page of you’re notebook your sins. You can examine you’re conscience and if you get distracted, easily come back to it.

After Confession, tear out the page and burn it/throw it away.

Thus, you have the formula and prayers, and a way to keep on track. A dear friend taught me this system and although it sounds goofy, it is highly effective.
Click to expand...
I like that! Now, just to practice my balance so I don’t fall and knock over the screen while trying to kneel with my notebook in hand. :eek:
 
DAML72 said:
I like that! Now, just to practice my balance so I don’t fall and knock over the screen while trying to kneel with my notebook in hand. :eek:
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Small notebook. I don’t want to lead you down the path of clumsiness!!! :eek:
 
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