Practical Questions about Confession

[Kat127]

Hello,

I did a couple of searches for confession on the site but couldn’t find an answer to my question. If there is an answer please direct me to it and forgive me for clouding up the forum with a repeat.

Some background: I was raised Catholic but by the time I was in college I was really questioning my faith and my beliefs. As such I stopped attending mass altogether and stopped praying.

The past several years I have been slowly working my way back to the Catholic faith and started attending Church more regularly. I am schedule to meet with Father to have confession for the first time since my first confession and I am confused. I asked Father for help and he gave me two books to read. Both were very nice in deepening my understanding of the sacrament but were a little light on practical advice.

My biggest question is how much detail. I have heard “name the sin and the number of times committed” but I also have heard that you must tell any circumstances that add to the sin.

So for example, I missed Sunday Mass for years. Do I just say “for about 4 years I failed to regularly attend Sunday Mass” or do I need to say I missed my obligation because I was questioning/abandoned my belief in God and the Church?

My other question is a bit embarrassing. I know any sex outside of marriage must be confessed. But what about a kiss or something like that? I know it seems so silly but I want to get it right but I don’t want my priest mentally rolling his eyes either.

Can we ask Father for advice if we have some sin we seem to have made into a habit or should we not break the formal structure of the sacrament?

Thank you for any help you can give me!

Kat

 

[hilde_the_dog]

Kat practically the sin and amount if he wants an explanation let him ask. It’s good that this is set up specifically with him and he knows the circumstances. It would probably not be a good idea just to show up at confession at a parish at the regular scheduled times with alot of question especially if they have lines for confession.

Questioning your faith often can be the means of strengthening it. That in and of itself is not a sin. Now did this kissing lead to other inapproriate actions/thought for either of you?

 

[choy]

you don’t really have to say the number of times committed. most people who sin are out of habit and wouldn’t really have a scoreboard for their sins

just state what you did from the last time you confessed

most of your questions about the specifics of sin is best taken up with your confessor and he will be able to address it much better than any random person here in CAF

 

[Moscati]

You do have to say the number for mortal sins, or estimate the best you can. Something like “I did not attend Mass for four years.” is fine.

Confession still makes me really nervous–if you think it will help, just make a list that you can read off. You don’t have to provide specifics about the situation unless it’s really relevant. “I killed a person who had kidnapped and tortured me” is substantially different than “I killed my neighbor so I could have his car”.

I don’t think you need to confess kissing.

 

[Bookcat]

you don’t really have to say the number of times committed. most people who sin are out of habit and wouldn’t really have a scoreboard for their sins

/QUOTE]

this is NOT the case. We are required to confess all mortal sins…and these must be confessed in number and kind…of course one does what one can…if one does not know the exact number like I killed 3 persons…then one does what one can…I missed Sunday Mass and all Holy Day’s of Obligation for the last three years…or there abouts…

and we would any circumstances that change the nature of the sin…

one of the people I killed was my mother…

that sort of thing…

Venial sins are not required to be confessed…(though it is recommended to confess some at least) and do not need to be in number…

 

[Bookcat]

Hello,

My biggest question is how much detail. I have heard “name the sin and the number of times committed” but I also have heard that you must tell any circumstances that add to the sin.

mortal sins in number and kind…and one would add the circumstances that change the nature of the sin…like lying (often such are venial) but add “under oath” and that is grave matter for mortal sin…or if you kill your wife or something…or steal a gold cup…from Church!

So for example, I missed Sunday Mass for years. Do I just say “for about 4 years I failed to regularly attend Sunday Mass” or do I need to say I missed my obligation because I was questioning/abandoned my belief in God and the Church?

I would in your case…add this detail…and separately as a different sin…

My other question is a bit embarrassing. I know any sex outside of marriage must be confessed. But what about a kiss or something like that? I know it seems so silly but I want to get it right but I don’t want my priest mentally rolling his eyes either.

yes fornication…etc …not just sex outside of marriage…it could be pornography…looking lustfully…kissing and consenting to the arousal or kissing lustfully etc…

Can we ask Father for advice if we have some sin we seem to have made into a habit or should we not break the formal structure of the sacrament?

yes…the structure is at a minimum so you may do just that very thing…

Thank you for any help you can give me!

Kat

hope this helps and feel free to PM me

 

[baltobetsy]

Can we ask Father for advice if we have some sin we seem to have made into a habit or should we not break the formal structure of the sacrament?

Hi, Kat! I’m so happy for you, that you have decided to return to the Sacraments.

I see Bookcat and Moscati have clarified that you do need to confess the number of your sins.

Since you have an appointment for this confession, you may as well take advantage of the opportunity to talk things over with the priest. It would be good to say that you were questioning your faith while you were not going to Mass. Not strictly necessary, but probably helpful to the priest when he counsels you.

Some kisses are sinful, and some are innocent. A kiss as an expression of affection is not sinful; a kiss intended to arouse usually is. Ask the priest about the specific circumstances to help you understand.

Finally, I’m so glad you asked about the protocol and whether or not you must follow a specific formal structure. NO! You don’t need to worry about that at all. So many people think they must find the exact right words to describe their sins, and that they must know for sure what’s mortal and what’s venial, and never deviate from the form, as if it were almost like a magic spell… it’s exhausting just thinking about it. What happens in confession is that you are running to your Father God to pour out your heart and apologize. Now, when you go to confession at the regular time with a line of people behind you, you will want to have your thoughts together so as not to waste everyone’s time. Even then, you may ask for a bit of advice about avoiding your sins in the future or clarifying what is sinful. Just don’t turn it into a full-blown counseling session. But this time - this magical first time back - say anything you want to say and ask anything you need to ask. The priest has made time just for you. It’s going to be wonderful. Please come back and tell us how happy you are!

Betsy

 

[Bookcat]

PS it is good to add at the end “and I accuse myself of all the sins of my life particularly for those of Y”

 

[Kat127]

Thank you everyone for all your help!

I feel much better now. I’m going to make a list to take with me. Hopefully that will help me remain concise and help me remember.

I have a lot of questions and I know my priest would talk to me for hours if I needed it. But he has a lot of demands on his time and I want to make sure I don’t waste any of it. And I know I have a tendency to talk to much.

I’ll let you know how it went.

Kat