Practicing Adult Children?

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marimagi

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I raised my 3 daughters in the Church; parochial school, regular attendance at Mass, home prayer, home activitues, the whole nine years. None of them are practicing adults.

I know that a lot of cradle Catholics in their young adult years drift away from the Church and come back later. I’d be interested in knowing what other parents are experiencing.
I pray for them and will love them always no matter what they do. But I can’t help feeling that I failed. I wasn’t raised Catholic.
 
I feel the same way you do. My two oldest, in their 30s, don’t go to church, after being raised in non-denominational Christian churches. They ran into an abusive pastor when they were young, which didn’t help. I think he was just mean to them, not predatory.
I converted to Catholicism before my 3rd child was born, and raised both he and his sister as Catholics: Catholic schools, mass every week etc. The 19 year old will go to church once or twice a year. The 16 year old will go occasionally but complains loudly. I am not going to force her anymore, but we do have good discussions about it occasionally. All my kids think that I’m judgmental about non-Catholics, although I really don’t think I am. After all, I wasn’t a Catholic most of my life.
I think part of the problem was not having a strong male Catholic figure in their lives. The first two were raised by a single mother, and the 2nd two, my husband is Catholic but doesn’t know the faith and is erratic in attendance. Statistics show that children tend to follow their father’s example more than the mother’s.
We can just keep praying for them, remembering God loves them more than we do.
 
Young people & old refuse to go to church because they believe it has no relevance
to there lives… they think God is just a fairytale passed down through the generations…
the same as tribes of the Desert have sun gods, moon Gods etc…
My Sons no longer have any Faith at all ,although raised through the Catholic School
system… What can I do as a parent ?
What I do is occasionally remind them of God’s Existence ,
and for them to be open minded about it… To me,Jesus is Something you can only
discover by yourself… through personal experience and with an open mind and heart.
 
I was raised Catholic, drifted away, came back, met my now husband who isn’t Catholic, explored other churches in the hopes that we could go to church together as a family, and have come back to Catholic mass as it’s finally clear on both our parts that while he’ll attend church occasionally he’s simply not interested in weekly attendance.

Honestly, I think the best any parent can do is to do their best in teaching the faith and then let their children go and decide for themselves how they will/will not incorporate God into their own lives. I think the reason many children drift after high school is because they’re on their own for the first time and are exploring what they think rather than what their parents raised them to think. Sometimes this manifest itself in exploring other avenues than Catholicism. I don’t think you did anything wrong! Keep on praying and maybe someday those prayers will be answered.
 
On the flip side, my parents are apostates and I am a practicing Catholic. In my case, I was taken to daily Mass by my godfather on the way to school every morning; at first it was either that or walk a mile to school.
 
marimagi said:
I raised my 3 daughters in the Church; parochial school, regular attendance at Mass, home prayer, home activitues, the whole nine years. None of them are practicing adults.

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I was raised the same way. I always believed in the Church but from the age of 18-28 was just too lazy to wake up. Then at 28 I moved to a town where I knew no one, and since I had very little to do started going to church again. I am SO glad for God’s wisdom in having me move 15+ years ago:)

However, my brother was raised in the same house and now calls the Catholic religion ‘My mom’s religion’ as if he doesn’t realize due to baptism, he is a Catholic. Only a miracle will bring him back.

So the long and short of it is, you did nothing wrong. God does not bless everyone with the gift of faith the moment they are born. Also, the sad truth is, in the Catholic school, there are a LOT of kids that go there but their parents are not practicing. Sometimes parents will send their kid to the Catholic school because it is the nearest one, or has the best academics or whatever reason that has nothing to do with religion. I knew a girl who grew up in a town where there was a Catholic school that had a really good basketball team. She really wanted to play on that team but did not live in the appropriate district. She used the angle ‘but I am Catholic and it is the nearest Catholic school’ to get to attend that school with absolutely NO desire to learn the faith.

I also know women who teach at the Catholic school because they want the paycheque but have to refrain from rolling their eyes in front of the kids in the morning when the Lord’s prayer is said over the loud speaker.

Sadly, there are a LOT of bad influences in the Catholic church
 
I think one of the things going against religious practice being carried into adulthood is the importance of the choice of friends, which in our times is difficult for parents to control in adolescence and entirely out of the parents’ hands once college starts. People don’t stay in their home towns their entire lives, and very often they do not come back to their home parish after they leave college. College campuses themselves have become very anti-religious. All the factors are in place for an aimless drift away from religious practice.

There is a program being started by the college Catholic groups with the help of Serra Club called College Connection for Catholics. According to the Serra web site: *A recent study completed by CARA for the U. S. Bishops concerning Catholic Campus Ministry (November, 2005) confirmed a strong opinion that those who were active in Campus Ministry: attended Mass more often than those who did not participate in Campus Ministry; donated more to their Parishes; became leaders in the Parishes; and were more likely to consider a vocation to the Priesthood or Religious Life. The obvious conclusion: increasing the number of students participating in Campus Ministry should greatly benefit the Church in many ways…

Serra Clubs in the United States are being asked to solicit student information from Catholic High Schools and Parish Youth Ministers. This information will allow to preparation of small packets of information about the school’s campus ministry programs and facilities (location - time of Services - who’s in charge – programs –fellowship, etc.).

By furnishing the Campus Minister names and addresses of Catholic students coming to their school, the Campus Minister has an opportunity to send a personal invitation to the student to visit their facility when they arrive on campus. Should there be no official “Catholic presence” on campus, the student will receive information about a nearby Parish.*

This is something that parents can do on their own–that is, they can supply the Newman Center at their child’s college or university with contact information for their child. Most universities do not collect information about religious practice with on-campus religious groups, so the student and their family have to reach out to the church, rather than the other way around. The College Connection initiative is designed to give the Catholic groups on campus some opportunity to find the Catholic students and invite them personally to get to Mass and to socialize with other Catholics, as well.

If you’d like to help get College Connection for Catholics into your parish and your local high school, contact your local chapter of Serra Club. They may need only the volunteer manpower to get it done in your parish and high school.

Does sending your student to a Catholic university guarantee that they will practice after they graduate? No, particularly not if they were forced to attend there instead of where they wanted to go. Having said that, when the private college tuition can be afforded (by no means a given), it only helps when a Catholic’s catechesis and life in a Catholic atmosphere doesn’t end at high school graduation. Still, I think that when a high school’s emphasis is far more college preparatory than Catholic, or when the school is infected with religious relativism, the corrosion can start while the teen is still living at home. All that is needed is a place where Catholic practice is not widespread to complete the disconnection, as often by inertia as anything else.

I believe this gradual inertia away from the faith and the spreading of the idea that the Catholic faith is somehow “misogynistic” or “intolerant” or “backwards” are the two great pressures that guide young Catholics gradually from the faith. As C.S. Lewis’ senior demon put it when advising a junior tempter in the Screwtape Letters, “…the only thing that matters is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. It does not matter how small the sins are, provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. Indeed, the safest road to Hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.”
 
My oldest son goes to a non-denom church; my daughter goes to an Episcopal church but has begun mentioning that she is really more Catholic than anything else; and my other two sons claim to be atheistic.
I am not sure what happened (college, maybe). We were assiduous in attending Mass; they attended Catholic schools, we had evening prayer and various home activities, and they served as acolytes for years. Also went to church camp every summer and even served as camp counselors in their late teens.
After college they have become ever more liberal. It is a great sadness to DH and me…we tried so hard to raise them with conservative Catholic values. We pray for them daily. Prayers to St. Monica help and also to the Blessed Mother.
Strangely enough they all want their children in Catholic schools, though…I have a feeling the boys know what’s true and want that for their children.
If I had it to do over again I would have sent them to Franciscan U or some other traditional Catholic university. I am convinced that liberal professors poisoned their minds. All we can do is pray at this point, and we tell them we pray for them. As well as try to show devotion to the sacraments.
 
We have raised our 4 children in the Church as well. Our oldest daughter only received Catholic education through Catechism in preparation for First Communion and Confirmation. She has joined the christian church of future husband. Our son attended Catholic elementary and high school. Since completing university, he has moved in with his girlfriend as he now works where she lives. They are both good people and we are proud of them but accepting their choices has been difficult and saddening.

Our youngest two daughters have been in Catholic elementary schools but both have chosen to go to public high schools. Most of their friends will make similar choices. We rarely see any of their friends attend Mass. Their view of the world is largely tainted by what they read in the media, in particular social media. They both have real difficulty in accepting the Churches’ view on the ordination of women and homosexuality. The explanations don’t hold water with them.

There is only so much you can do as parents. Ultimately your children will make their own decisions in life which you may or may not agree with.
 
I am one of five siblings, and the only one who is even nominally Catholic. We were all raised in the Church, all attended Catholic school, and all attended Mass every Sunday. But when we graduated high school and went to college, every one of us stopped going to Mass. During my senior year I started going again, not because I was drawn back by some grand desire to reconnect with Catholicism, but because I felt a part of my previous life was missing. I had gone to Mass every Sunday for years. It felt strange not to, so I started again. My brothers and sisters, however, have never returned and scoff at the idea of doing so. I was with one of my sisters in a used book store a few month ago looking through the religion/philosophy section when she ran across an old copy of the CCC. After thumbing through it for about 30 seconds she put it back on the shelf with the observation, “BS.”

I actually assign part of the blame to my parents, especially my mother. Her particular brand of “You’ll go to Mass whether you want to or not and if you don’t you’ll find yourself living somewhere else” Catholicism would make the pope abandon the faith.
centerbe said:
There is only so much you can do as parents. Ultimately your children will make their own decisions in life which you may or may not agree with.
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Yes, this is what it boils down to. If a particular religion doesn’t resonate with someone, it’s likely they’ll decide that it has not place in their life.
 
BettyBoop416 said:
I was with one of my sisters in a used book store a few month ago looking through the religion/philosophy section when she ran across an old copy of the CCC. After thumbing through it for about 30 seconds she put it back on the shelf with the observation, “BS.”
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Sometimes it is a guilty conscience that says that, a conscience that still knows right from wrong even if it has something legitimate to feel bitter about, too.
BettyBoop416 said:
I actually assign part of the blame to my parents, especially my mother. Her particular brand of “You’ll go to Mass whether you want to or not and if you don’t you’ll find yourself living somewhere else” Catholicism would make the pope abandon the faith.

Yes, this is what it boils down to. If a particular religion doesn’t resonate with someone, it’s likely they’ll decide that it has not place in their life.
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I wouldn’t be so flippant about what would make the Pope abandon the faith. There are, after all, still people who risk their lives in order to hear Mass even once in awhile. If someone really believes in God themselves, they don’t abandon the faith because their parents are draconian about how they attempt to pass on the teaching that the duty to attend Mass is a real obligation. Your parents might deserve criticism, but that doesn’t automatically imply that any of you get a pass on your choice to matter-of-factly kick God off of your priority list. (It is not impossible that your parents scandalized you to that degree, but it is hardly a buck that can be passed so easily as that.)

I also wouldn’t be so flippant about how a parent is going to feel if the truth doesn’t “resonate” with their child. If your child, for instance, never wants a thing to do with learning to read or doing their homework, would you just conclude, “oh, well, its their life, I guess it doesn’t resonate with them”? What if manners don’t “resonate” with them? What if caring about their fellow man doesn’t “resonate”? Driving on the same side of the road with everyone else? So sure, while there will always be people who choose their own way, it does not mean that a parent is not going to feel sadness that their child rejected something real and valuable because they can’t see the reality and value it has. We’re not spiders, that have 1,000 babies and, were they knowing creatures, would know that nature has decreed that only a handful (or maybe none) will live to produce another round of descendants. That is a bit more acceptance than it is realistic to expect.
 
I raised two boys, by myself after their father died.
They did not attend a Catholic school, but a public school.
I converted when they were 10 and almost 13. They both were baptized elsewhere and both attended church with me every Sunday. And they both were confirmed into the Catholic Church had first communion and such.
My oldest married a gal who had no religion at all. They didn’t attend church for a long time. They have since become LDS and have been so for the last 14 years.

My youngest married a gal who was a cradle Catholic and they had a beautiful Catholic wedding and their daughters now attend Catholic school and they are very Catholic.

Both boys are happy with their religions and I am happy that they all attend church.
 
Wow, I have just read all of the previous responses and am sitting here with tears in my eyes. Thanks you all for the time you took to say what was in your minds and hearts.

The last 2 posts really touched me in a particular way; one being from someone raised Catholic (maybe a younger person?) and the response to her response. I couldn’t help but think about what the issue might look like through my daughter’s eyes. I am grateful for this response. The next response seemed to be from a parent. Actually, this was the one that finally transformed the tears in my eyes to tears on my cheeks; such a parent’s perspective expressed in a way I have never been so bold as to consider. No, we mothers don’t have a thousand little spiders. We have a few very precious souls we are charged with caring for, and devoting our lives to, for many, many years (forever in fact.) That kind of dedication and love is a joyous and often difficult journey.

Thank you ALL
 
gh4 said:
My oldest married a gal who had no religion at all. They didn’t attend church for a long time. They have since become LDS and have been so for the last 14 years.
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Your older son does not attend church. He is an apostate and a polytheist, not a Christian.
 
Just don’t ever stop praying for them…our children were not interested in being Confirmed in high school, and I wasn’t about to force a sacrament on a young person of that age. DH and I prayed hard for them, and did our best to set a good example through the years. They have always known how important our Catholic faith is to us, and conversations often revolve around God and faith. When our son started his family, he expressed interest in being Confirmed and his wife came into the church that same Easter. All of the grandchildren have received their sacraments of initiation, also. DD married outside the church, but she and her husband recently approached us on how to find out if his first marriage could be annulled. They have met with a priest, and are working on it.

So…to make a long story short, our prayers are being answered as our now-adult children’s lives unfold. Don’t give up, just keep praying, and entrust them to God. He loves them even more than you, and in His time I’m sure your prayers will bear fruit.
 
aemcpa said:
Your older son does not attend church. He is an apostate and a polytheist, not a Christian.
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He’s one confession away from returning to full communion. Don’t blame his mother if she keeps praying for him. There is more joy in heaven in one sinner that repents…
 
EasterJoy said:
He’s one confession away from returning to full communion. Don’t blame his mother if she keeps praying for him. There is more joy in heaven in one sinner that repents…
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On the contrary, it’s all the more reason to pray for him. She should also inform herself as to what the LDS religion really is and really believes.
 
marimagi said:
Please, please… These issues hurt enough already.
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I can only offer a virtual hug :console:

My children are very young and these problems are far away, but I fear that they will lose their faith and drift away. There is nothing I fear more in this life. Your post has really made me sad and I’ve been thinking about it since I’ve read it. I will pray for you, that God gives you strength and infinite patience, and for their return home.
 
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