Practicing NFP during Perimenopause

[panorama]

My wife is having premenopause and one of the symptoms is irregular periods. Before this, her cycle is about 25-26 days and now it cannot be predicted anymore. Sometimes she doesn’t have period for 2 months and sometimes her cycle becomes 10 days. But from one period to the next is unpredictable.

We take great precaution of not having another child especially at her age now while at the same time we want to keep on practicing NFP until she has the menopause. We don’t want to rely on cervical mucus method due to this premenopause and we think the safest method is calendar system.

Because of her irregular cycle, we cannot have intercourse before her period but only after and our safe window of having intercourse has been even much smaller than before… The safest time for us to have sexual intercourse now is only on the 6th - 7th day after her period begins. The last time we had sex on the 8th day after her first day of period, resulted in our 3rd child. So, only 2 days of safe window that many times I had to pass because of fatigue or other things. Having sex only in that tight 2 days window is like forcing ourselves to have a military discipline just to have sex or skip it until who knows when.

I know that having only oral sex without sexual intercourse during her fertile period is prohibited. Because we have been holding for intercourse for weeks and in anticipation for the coming sexual intercourse on the 6th and 7th day after her period begins, the longing for it has been building up and we have foreplays on the 3rd - 5th day of her period.

The foreplays that we normally did are french kissing, nipple stimulation & fellatio that don’t lead to any climax! Because she is still in her first 5 days of menstrual cycle, we cannot finish the foreplay with any sexual intercourse. Actually on the 6th - 7th day, her vagina still is not clean yet because there is still some brown blood left there but if we wait till it’s clean or maybe the 8th / 9th day, we run the risk of having the 4th child at her very late age.

My question:
Are the foreplay techniques mentioned above wrong in my specific case?
My specific case as described above is we are trying to practice NFP during the premenopause time of my wife.

After weighing all facts, maybe any special consideration on mortal sin or lenient judgement on this specific case?

I talked to several confessors but they never gave any specific advice regarding this problem so I turn to this forum, hopefully some members can give me the best advice.

Thank you.

 

[alphawoman]

I’m trying to make sense of your logic. Your wife is perimenopausal and is experiencing irregular and extended cycles, so you are opting to use a standard days method calibrated on a fixed cycle length? That doesn’t make sense and seems like you’re setting yourself up for failure, as you’re having intercourse in the pre-ovulatory phase without consideration to your wife’s specific hormonal status at those times. Very risky.

I would encourage you to consider a symptothermal method and use only the confirmed days post ovulation once the requisite temperature and mucus shifts have occurred.

As to the foreplay you mention (I’m puzzled by the misuse of the term, as foreplay implies actions before intercourse), remember that any deliberate stimulation of the genitals for pleasure outside the context of a completed act of intercourse is masturbation, so you’ll have to nix the fellatio.

 

[1ke]

My wife is having premenopause and one of the symptoms is irregular periods. Before this, her cycle is about 25-26 days and now it cannot be predicted anymore.

Modern methods of natural family planning are not predictive, they are observation based. Calendar rhythm is based on averages, and it is not predictive either.

So, I’m not sure what method of NFP you’d be using that is predictive.

Sometimes she doesn’t have period for 2 months and sometimes her cycle becomes 10 days. But from one period to the next is unpredictable.

But she can still observe her signs of fertility every day.

We don’t want to rely on cervical mucus method due to this premenopause and we think the safest method is calendar system.

Calendar rhythm is only 75% effective in its best case scenario, certainly not that effective during peri-menopause.

Because of her irregular cycle, we cannot have intercourse before her period but only after and our safe window of having intercourse has been even much smaller than before… The safest time for us to have sexual intercourse now is only on the 6th - 7th day after her period begins.

I don’t know what to say to that. The post ovulatory phase, called Phase III in Sympto-Thermal and simply “post peak” in Creighton, is the “safest” time for intercourse. Early ovulation could certainly occur once menstruation begins the next cycle.

Please learn Creighton, Billings, Sympto-Thermal or Marquette.

After weighing all facts, maybe any special consideration on mortal sin or lenient judgement on this specific case?

I talked to several confessors but they never gave any specific advice regarding this problem so I turn to this forum, hopefully some members can give me the best advice.

Thank you.

I think the real problem here is some misunderstanding of how to properly use the scientific methods of NFP.

Have you talked to an instructor?

 

[Xantippe]

I’m trying to make sense of your logic. Your wife is perimenopausal and is experiencing irregular and extended cycles, so you are opting to use a standard days method calibrated on a fixed cycle length? That doesn’t make sense and seems like you’re setting yourself up for failure, as you’re having intercourse in the pre-ovulatory phase without consideration to your wife’s specific hormonal status at those times. Very risky.

I would encourage you to consider a symptothermal method and use only the confirmed days post ovulation once the requisite temperature and mucus shifts have occurred.

As to the foreplay you mention (I’m puzzled by the misuse of the term, as foreplay implies actions before intercourse), remember that any deliberate stimulation of the genitals for pleasure outside the context of a completed act of intercourse is masturbation, so you’ll have to nix the fellatio.

Right.

Another thing to bear in mind is that at some point, cycles may get so short that it is possible to get pregnant from intercourse at the very end of Phase 3. (I haven’t seen any expert say this, but I think it follows arithmetically from the fact that very short cycles may have very, very early ovulations.)

 

[Convert_in_99]

We have an unusual situation as well. We have very low fertility, but obviously enough to work one miracle in 9 years. We miscarried and usage been so emotionally devistating that we are not wishing to conceive again anytime soon if ever. But having low fertility I have a bear of a time just trying to figure out what’s going on. Billings method has worked for us, but it involves more abstaining than other methods. We are hoping to start Marquette once we can save up for the monitor and test strips (kind of pricey.). I would think Marquette would be best for you also since her cycles are irregular. It is the most accurate method in my opinion.

 

[alphawoman]

I thought Marquette capped its efficacy at a maximum 42 day cycle. (Please correct me if I’m mistaken.) Do they have a separate method for perimenopause that obviates that limit?

 

[Lorelei12]

I thought Marquette capped its efficacy at a maximum 42 day cycle. (Please correct me if I’m mistaken.) Do they have a separate method for perimenopause that obviates that limit?

Yes, this is right. If you get the occasional long cycle it’s not a big deal since you can just reset the monitor, but for cycles that are frequently this long it’s not recommended.