Praising people - is it a Catholic "thing"?

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HomeschoolDad

HomeschoolDad

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Is it a Catholic “thing” to praise other people on their piety and moral virtue?

I come from an originally non-Catholic extended family where it is common for some family members to be praised and spoken well of concerning “how good they are”. This can either be one-on-one with the person being praised, or speaking of the virtue of certain other family members.

Is this appropriate for us as Catholics to do? Is it seen as an occasion to pride?

I know this may be a weird question, but ever since I became a Catholic (43 years ago next week), it just hasn’t seemed quite “right” to me.

I would add that I had one aunt, dearly departed now, of whom I think it can safely be said that she was never known to have committed a single willful, formal sin. Everything about her was simple holiness and virtue. She was the most “Marylike” woman I have ever met, though not being Catholic, her devotion to Mary consisted of having a portrait of the Immaculate Heart on the wall of her bedroom. When I asked her about this, she said “you Catholics have no monopoly on Mary!”. I lovingly replied “we don’t want one, we don’t want one!” and it descended into a series of good-natured slapping and poking at one another. I shall always cherish that memory of her.
 
It really depends. If a mom praises her kids for their piety, yes, it could become the sin of pride ie look how well I brought the up

If someone praises themselves, then that is definitely the sin of pride.

If someone mentions a holy act they saw someone do, that is a nice story to share

However, I would like to say, the actions are what is holy. no one knows true holiness until they are in heaven. My mom is ALWAYS mention how ‘so and so’ is such a good Catholic. she seems to think Sunday church attendance is what makes them a good Catholic. My dad, although judgemental of him. would call out their behaviour during the rest of the week
 
I mean it depends on the context

Positive reinforcement in general isn’t a sin and it is a key motivator for encouraging good behaviour. Jesus gave praises for people’s faith!
 
I feel uncomfortable, a little embarrassed, when I’ve been praised for being “holy,” even if that wasn’t that wasn’t exactly the word used. I never quite felt that virtuous or deserving of the praise received.
It can be an awkard situation. It’s okay to tell the cantor, for instance, what a great voice he/she exhibited. I will usually simply say “Thank you” after somebody says something to me after I have read the reading at Mass.
Keep the praise to what is observed, without making assumptions about anything more.
 
Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

For heaven’s sake, it’s just human psychology, which is the way God created us–we need to be reinforced in our behavior, encouraging each other, building each other up. We need to hear that we are doing a “good job.” If we don’t hear this or have any evidence that we’re on the right track, we tend to get discouraged and many will even give up.

Parents praise their children for good behavior and thus encourage their children to continue to do the right thing. Yes, of course parents can go overboard and praise their children for simply breathing (which for someone with cystic fibrosis, would be a good thing to praise!). But most parents manage to find a balance between silliness and actual praise for specific acts of goodness by their children.

We are children of God, and that same word of encouragement and praise helps us to keep up the good fight and work towards holiness and sinlessness. Again, we don’t have to have hourly “Praise Parties”, but there is nothing wrong and MUCH GOOD in praising someone’s acts of goodness, their strong faith, their prayer life, their industriousness, their sacrifices (money, time, talents, etc.), their pleasant demeanor, their words of wisdom, etc.

In his first letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul devotes several chapters to “spiritual gifts.” These are not the “Gifts of the Spirit” that the Catholic Church spells out, but rather, the practical gifts that God gives to each Christian for the purpose of “building up the Church.” (I Corinthians 12-14, and there are several other passages from the various letters of St. Paul and also St. Peter that discuss spiritual gifts.)

One of the ways we discover what our spiritual gifts are is when other people TELL us! When someone says, “You are such a wonderful counselor at the Pregnancy Life Care Center!”–women recognize that God has given them a gift of wisdom to help the Church. Or when a someone says, “You are so faithful about volunteering to set up the Fellowship Hall and make it look nice whenever we have a big parish event”, they recognize that they have been given a gift of “helps” to build up the Church.

One of the reasons why so many people stop coming to church is that they feel useless and can’t seem to find a place to serve God. Talking about spiritual gifts and encouraging each other to use the gifts that GOD the Holy Spirit has given us is one of the best things a parish can do! Satan just loves it when people just sit and do nothing in parishes, and he hates it when people discover their gifts and start using them. The healthiest parishes are those in which every parishioner is using their spiritual gift(s), and often, the way someone recognizes their spiritual gift is when people keep telling them and complimenting them!

Let’s not make something that is GOOD into something evil.
 
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HomeschoolDad said:
Is it a Catholic “thing” to praise other people on their piety and moral virtue?
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No. It’s something that some people do. It’s not specifically or particularly Catholic. Many Catholics don’t go around praising holiness of anyone but saints and other deceased people or very elderly people they consider saintly.

Usually when a Catholic refers to somebody as a “Good Catholic”, it’s someone who appears to be following the rules of the Church. Often I’ve heard it contrasted with some other behavior of the person or their family. “A good Catholic upbringing and she goes and lives in sin with an atheist” etc.
 
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Peeps said:
Satan just loves it when people just sit and do nothing in parishes, and he hates it when people discover their gifts and start using them. The healthiest parishes are those in which every parishioner is using their spiritual gift(s),
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Let us remember that “using your spiritual gifts” in a parish sense and Catholic sense could simply be praying, regularly attending, and donating to the parish. There is nothing Satanic about a person just doing those things.

I attend parishes with thousands of members. It is not necessary for every person there to have an active role in a parish ministry, nor would it even be practical. Many people are doing their bit by simply raising children and/or going to Mass and being one of the people in the cheap seats, coming to the optional parish Masses and prayer services at least sometimes, as well as Sunday Mass. In doing all these things they are supporting the work of those in the active ministry who work hard to plan and put on the Mary May Crowning or the Tenebrae. And as you mention, the person might be ministering in the community in some way. Perhaps they are a counselor at the pregnancy center, a volunteer for the food bank, or they do animal rescue, or cut the lawn for their elderly neighbor.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Let us remember that “using your spiritual gifts” in a parish sense and Catholic sense could simply be praying, regularly attending, and donating to the parish. There is nothing Satanic about a person just doing those things.
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The spiritual gifts listed in the New Testament in Romans 12: 6-8, I Corinthians 12: 4-11, Ephesians 4: 11-13, and I Peter 4: 10-11 are specific gifts, but the things that you mention are definitely manifestations of these gifts.

And the gifts are for the purpose of “building up the Church,” but that doesn’t mean the gifts are actually used in the actual church building or premises. E.g., counselling at a pregnancy life care center helps to build up the Church in many ways.

This is a link to a good article describing the ways the Catholic church describes “the Gifts of the Holy Spirit” Gifts and Charisms | Roman Catholic Diocese of Lafayette, Louisiana | Lafayette, Louisiana
 
Yes, that’s all fine.
Your post gave the impression, which perhaps you didn’t mean to give, that unless someone was actively involved in their parish, which most Catholics would read as being in a parish administrative or ministry function, they’re somehow doing the Devil’s work.
 
If it bothers you just ignore it. Being praised may lead to the temptations of pride or just encourage someone to stay on their path. It depends.
I prefer niceness than praise.
It’s definitely not constructive to interrupt someone’s praise of someone (you included) because most of the times people get it the wrong way and get angry and feel misunderstood.
 
For me personally I don’t need praise. I do need encouragement in the sense that I would like people not to bash what I do in good faith.

As an example, there were a lot of people in the Church post-Vatican II, and a lot of people even in the Church today, who are very derisive about prayer. They view prayer as something useless done by people who don’t bother to help their neighbor or don’t care about their neighbor. They have the same attitude as the people who mock the whole “Thoughts and Prayers” concept on social media. The underlying theme is that people who devote themselves strongly to prayer do nothing practical to help and are useless, whereas people who do social justice type ministry or devote their whole lives to that are really super holy and it doesn’t matter if they never pray or don’t go to Church or break Church laws, they’re still so super holy.

While I have respect for those who choose social justice ministries, I also think prayer, even dedication to prayer, is very worthy of respect and bears good fruit. It is nice if a person’s life can contain some of both activity, but many people feel strongly called to one or the other, and that’s okay. The person who chooses to say 54 sincere Rosaries for world peace is doing something useful and helpful just like the person who doesn’t like to pray the Rosary but volunteers at the food bank.

I personally feel more called to prayer than volunteering, and I always have felt that way. So when somebody like the Pope is making remarks that sound like he considers prayerful people to be weak or hypocrites, I feel a bit discouraged, even though I know he probably didn’t mean me or people like me. I have seen fewer such remarks reported on lately though, so maybe he realized his quotes were being taken wrong or out of context, or maybe the changes in the Vatican press office have been for the better.
 
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I think “judge not” cuts both ways.

Life can be very messy. I’ve seen people go from super-religious to lives full of sin. I’ve seen it go vice-versa.

I also don’t want people to feel like they have to “act good” for my benefit. I prefer an honest struggle to a Stepford-wife facade.
(Note, I’m not talking about a person who is complacent in their sin. That’s a separate issue. Or somebody giving bad example to children.)

That being said, I have no problem to tell somebody that I really admired the way they handled an situation.
 
I just want to say I think you have an amazing example in your Aunt and in my mind that is worthy of praise. When we lead by example we encourage others to follow. That is what we as Christian should all strive for.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Yes, that’s all fine.
Your post gave the impression, which perhaps you didn’t mean to give, that unless someone was actively involved in their parish, which most Catholics would read as being in a parish administrative or ministry function, they’re somehow doing the Devil’s work.
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Oh, no, sorry!

I think that all Christians have a “task” that God has for them. For many people, that task is praying faithfully for someone or something. For others, it might be heading up the Parish Council.

For me, it’s playing piano and organ. My dad started me on lessons when I was in 3rd grade, and I was blessed to have a teacher who was a church organist and choir director, and she taught me to give God glory through music and to help others to praise Him through song.

In the past, I’ve had a teaching ministry with children, but that’s no longer part of my life, although I do play for children’s choirs.

I also play for secular choirs and other secular settings. IMO, it’s all bringing glory to God.

So I’ve always considered my spiritual gift “helps” or “service” (depends on the translation). Playing piano/organ is a service to others.

I hope that other Catholics who are reading this thread will take a look at the New Testament passages that I listed and do some serious thinking and praying about their spiritual gifts. Once you identify your gifts, you are less likely to say “yes” to something that you don’t have the talent or ability to do well, and you actually take it away from someone who DOES have that talent and ability and who God wants in that spot!
 
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