Pray for me in online dating

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edCiv

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I have been entangled with someone I met online since February. It always seems like we are good and some strange problem or obstacle turns up. We are in two separate countries. We have not yet met. I want it to move along faster but stagnates. Pray for clarity for both of us. Pray also for Gods will to prevail. If this person is cheating me, then pray that it may become clear to me and that I may be free of them. I find it hard to leave because we ran into each other during a novena I prayed to st Annah for a spouse and it happened almost providentially. I really did dream of the contact the night before it happened so this makes it difficult to leave because my mind has doubts of risking losing the person I prayed for. But also maybe the person is not thus particular one. Just pray for me, please.

Also have lot of anxiety from time to time when a problem happens and there’s a breakdown in communication. Need peace when dealing with this person. Peace rooted in confidence in divine confidence. Need divine peace.
 
Why get involved with on-line dating? It can be dangerous / you don’t really know Who the person is – especially if the person is in a foreign country. A plain friendship is One thing. But Dating – with intentions of wanting to develop a more serious relationship? What about the people in your local area? People you can See and be around and get to know Their friends, etc. Why would you think the person is cheating on you?

Since you stated you are feeling ‘entangled’ with the person. You question if it’s God’s Will. Well – since you Are feeling ‘entangled’ – 'the concept of ‘when in doubt , Don’t’ would apply. And since you are feeling ‘entangled’ that would be an indication that God is telling you to say ‘good-bye’ to that relationship.

What is a ‘novena’ – so you actually Have met? Well – If the two of you had opportunity to be in the same area for work or college or something – so you could really be around each other for a long time – really get to know each other. God puts people in our paths for various reasons. Sometimes to learn about friendship - - sometimes to share God’s Word – so – between you and God – but a relationship should Not be a bondage.
 
edCiv said:
I have been entangled with someone I met online since February. It always seems like we are good and some strange problem or obstacle turns up. We are in two separate countries. We have not yet met. I want it to move along faster but stagnates. Pray for clarity for both of us. Pray also for Gods will to prevail. If this person is cheating me, then pray that it may become clear to me and that I may be free of them. I find it hard to leave because we ran into each other during a novena I prayed to st Annah for a spouse and it happened almost providentially. I really did dream of the contact the night before it happened so this makes it difficult to leave because my mind has doubts of risking losing the person I prayed for. But also maybe the person is not thus particular one. Just pray for me, please.

Also have lot of anxiety from time to time when a problem happens and there’s a breakdown in communication. Need peace when dealing with this person. Peace rooted in confidence in divine confidence. Need divine peace.
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Since you have never met in person, you shouldn’t get so involved with on line relationships. Maybe it’s hard to find someone in person but to have a stable relationship, one should be in person first. Being from another country, you really don’t know who she is or what is going on and anyone can put whatever on the internet. Maybe the answer to prayers is that this is not the person for you. Accept that and move on. It is better to have something not work out now than finding out much later like in a marriage.
 
I’ve tried something similar, long distance dating, even someone from another country. I know there is a case here and there where someone’s gotten that to work. However, I wouldn’t recommend it.

Why? How can you ever get to know someone well over the internet? There have been cases where people pretend to be something they are not. The person could pretend to be single, when he’s married with children! If that were the case, how would one even know? You’re not there to even check it out.

There was one outrageous case of a lesbian who supposedly got online pretending to be a man. She got all kinds of e-mails…I think from possibly hundreds of women believing this!
That’s just one case, but smaller ones happen everyday.

When you’re not there, the person can lie about…age, marital status, fidelity, living situation, and get away with it!

I know of one case where a lady went half way across the world, and when she got there, the guy looked different. He had sent a picture of himself when he was many years younger! He had turned into an old man, since! Also, he had told the lady that he had a good job, was supporting his mother, etc. Turns out he was unemployed, and his mother was supporting him!

Ah!

People will typically put their best foot forward, and in a long-distance relationship, you might see someone…once every several months. So, you won’t normally see the person when he’s angry. It doesn’t give an accurate picture.

My advice to someone who’s dating is to try to find someone local. If you can’t find someone local, then at least find someone you can see enough to get to know well before taking a step like marriage which is irreversible.

I’ve heard people say you can get to know someone better online than in person. I don’t believe that’s true! There’s no substitute for getting to know someone in person.

Now, you are already having doubts with the person’s fidelity, red flags are starting to go up. Trust your instincts, then. You might be right. You certainly can’t find out with the person way over there and you way over here.

Why not look locally? Aren’t there any singles’ events at your church or one nearby?
 
Our Father,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.
 
Praying that the Lord may grant you divine peace and guidance in making a prudent decision in this matter.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen
 
Lord, please grant edCiv many graces for wisdom and courage, that this soul might always make decisions best and in accord with the Father’s merciful will. Send angels to guide and teach this soul about truth and discernment. Grant edCiv wisdom to understand the nature of prayer and God’s responses, expected or unexpected, understood or confusing, that truth grow strong in this soul’s heart. Have mercy, Lord. Our Lady, angels, and saints, pray with us. Amen.
 
You are not dating…you are corresponding. Writing letters in no where near dating. I think you are wishing for a relationship. However, you cannot have a true relationship with a pen pal.
I suggest that you need to involve yourself in some volunteer work through your church and mix with real people. God will put people in your life that will richly reward you, but you have to leave your computer in order for that to happen. Personal interaction is needed. Join a church group or two, volunteer to help out with some type of program assisting others and you will be amazed at all the people you will meet and get to know. I will pray for you to develop some real relationships that have value.
 
O God, send forth your Holy Spirit into edCiv’s heart that they may perceive, into their mind that they may remember, and into their soul that they may meditate.
Inspire edCiv to speak with piety, holiness, tenderness and mercy.
Teach, guide and direct edCiv’s thoughts and senses from beginning to end.
May your grace ever help and correct edCiv, and may edCiv be strengthened now with wisdom from on high, for the sake of your infinite mercy.
Amen
 
May God lead you and guide you forward in this and all of your relationships. Please be careful.
 
Volunteer work is a good way to make friends and meet people! Good suggestion! 🙂
 
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
Online dating worked for me, I’ll be honest.
My husband and I did this almost ten years ago, before eHarmony had that lawsuit (for not arranging homosexual relationships).
I narrowed my range to 100 miles for practicality’s sake-- you can meet online, but you can’t really have a courtship online.

Would you mind some serious advice? Stop praying for this relationship to work.
I was single (celibate!) for six years after I became a Christian, and don’t regret that time of my life for one minute.
Whenever the possibility of a new relationship arose, I prayed on my knees, desperately, for God to take that possibility away, if it was not what He wanted.
The first time I did that, I discovered within a few hours that the very attractive man happened to be ENGAGED to another woman-- and hadn’t got around to mentioning it! After that, I prayed that prayer gladly, with my whole heart. Take it away, Lord! Just let me know!

Nothing more miserable than an unhappy marriage. I can’t think of any better blessing than a happy marriage to a wonderful Christian.
Thanks for humoring me.
Now I’m going to pray for you!
 
Thank you for the advice and prayers from everyone. I’m very grateful.

I’m a woman. He said to meet next month over Christmas. He’ll likely fly here (I’m 5 hours away by plane). We were supposed to meet earlier this year but I moved out and by that time he had not yet come from abroad. When we “met”, I was home and he was abroad planning to come home in a few months. It was on a forum like this, not online dating site, but political forum. I liked him and talked for almost two months before we became friends through private message then emailing. I did not expect to get the opportunity I then got, but I did and I left. He came home about a month after I had left. I am planning to go back home, probably mid next year, but I don’t know. I might get a job and settle in this country. If he comes next month to see me here, is this something I should still pursue? I’m extremely shy and have always struggled in dating for as long as I can remember. I think the reason this has carried on this long is probably because it was online and not in person and made it easier for me.

To poster above, alwaysasking. Thank you for that piece of advice. I will begin to pray like you for God to take away if it’s not his plan for me every night. I do not want to be with someone if God does not want it for me. Also, he is not a practicing Christian like me, but I like his personality. Should I wait until I meet him to decide before I stop talking to him?
 
I met my husband online. I had a rule with online romances… if I had a thought about becoming romantic with someone I met online, we had to meet in real life, quickly. If we are not close enough to meet for coffee, then we are not close enough to date. If we are not motivated to take a few hours our of our lives and away from the computer screens, to meet in real life for a soda, then we’re not motivated enough to be with each other.

There is no point to meeting people online who are geographically unavailable. Don’t choose to settle to an area based upon an online correspondence relationship.

In real life, people smell, burp, crack their knuckles, wear rumpled clothing (or excessively neat clothing), live among stacks of newspapers, can’t afford to pay the bar tab, have yellow teeth or thinning hair, treat waitresses poorly… some of which may be romance killers for you, but which you’ll never have a clue about until you meet in real life. You won’t even know what all of your romance killers are, until you encounter them in real life. I always thought I’d be sympathetic to a smoker … but when I tried dating one in real life, I realized that there’s the romance disappears for me the minute I smell tobacco.

As long as the fantasy guy is in your mind, on your computer screen, and promising to someday be in your life, it’s going to be hard for you to find Mr. Right.

I suggest you find the quickest way to meet him in real life, to get it over with. If he is not motivated to make it happen, understand that this may be part of the deal with him. He may be lying to you about who he is, or he might simply not have space in his life for a real life relationship. If so, then move on.

In the future, if you find yourself having romantic ideas about someone you meet online (or if you meet on a dating site), make sure they are geographically appropriate, physically available, before investing time in the relationship.

If you cannot find time to get together for even a cup of coffee within a month of deciding you want to spend time together, how in the world will you find a way to fit into each other’s lives for a normal dating life? There are exceptions to the rule, but most people cannot and should not try a long distance relationship. Even friends I have who have had to go long distance (military, job requirements, family burdens requiring someone to move away for a while)… in order to maintain the relationship, they need frequent opportunities to meet and re-charge, they need a definite deadline for the end of the long-distance situation, and they need to have a history of shared experiences… memories built up from time together, to weather the pressures of long distance romance.

Finally, I’m sure you have heard about all the frauds that the internet invites into our lives… I want to talk about something that is maybe as dangerous to our feelings of self-worth, and much more frequent… the internet makes it possible for someone who is afraid of confrontation, to fade out of your life without ever having to tell you that he’s not interested. They can string you along without even knowing they’re doing it, thinking that they’re letting you down gently, and yet every communication you get makes you happy and giddy, thinking that it means something good about the relationship when what it really is, is a feeble attempt to avoid making a commitment. Too many people start multiple relationships, thinking that as long as it’s just online, it’s meaningless… and not understanding at all that the intermittent and unpredictable contact causes our feelings to be stronger, not weaker (like Pavlov’s dogs, believing that a treat will come, and working harder to get it when the treats are rare and unpredictable, than if the treats are frequent).

Now the prayer:

Dear God, Thank you for all the wonderful opportunities we have in life. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to feel affection and love. Thank you for putting me in the right place at the right time to meet my husband, and thank you for making me recognize him clearly when he arrived in my life. Thank you for bringing us into each other’s lives at a time when we had time to spend with each other, so we were not having to endure long absences and make excuses for failing to spend time with each other at a point in the relationship where we really needed to spend more time together.

Please help this person choose a path in life that is real and satisfying, that includes warmth and personal contact, not a cold, dark, lonely room with a computer screen… please help her meet up with this person she has met online and figure out if this is a real relationship or just a fantasy of what could be, and if it’s only a fantasy, please help her to let it go so she can be free to find something real. Please help her real romantic relationship be ready to arrive in her life, and help her define what is important to her so she can recognize it when it arrives in her life. Please help her distinguish real life from the fantasy of what might be, and help her choose to enjoy a real relationship, despite that it may be nerve-wracking, imperfect, and difficult to accomplish. Please, if this person she has been communicating with is not the right person for her, let him be man enough to make it clear rather than just fading away and fizzling out, leaving her hanging and unable to move on.
 
Just to report feedback. This man faded away and stopped talking to me. I’m very hurt but I hope it’s for the best. We had disagreements, so I’m not sure if it was because of the distance or disagreements. I thought we would meet for christmas, he talked as if he wanted to buy a ticket for me to go back home (him coming here is more inconvenient). Now it dies mot matter. I was entangled and now it’s painful even though we never met. I was hopeful. But I know God will take care of me after all. Thank you for prayers.
 
I’m sorry he faded away, but when you’re online (not in real life), it’s too easy to just disappear. For your next relationship, look for someone close enough to actually meet, and make sure you really do meet them. You don’t want someone who is juggling 3 or 4 or 10 different online relationships and holding out hope for the girl who is cutest, biggest-chested, most naive or richest, to want to take it to real life. He’ll keep stringing all the girls on the hook out until they start fading out on him, and he won’t even think of it as cheating because after all, none of the online things are REAL yet, right?

If it’s impossible to find time to meet you now, how do you think it will change? Understand, if he was too busy, not available, etc., and suddenly BECOMES available for long evenings every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night, afternoon hikes on Saturdays… meeting you for lunch during work on some weekday… how do you think that happened? It’s highly likely that he had some OTHER commitment (a girlfriend? Maybe he was having issues with her and trying to decide if they would work out)… that suddenly went away. So what happens when you and he are dating and have issues of your own? Will he go back online to start flirting but not meeting anyone else, until you and he call it quits?

Please understand, I’m not discussing a specific situation, just a TYPE of situation that is possible because of the internet. Years ago, before the internet, when a person wanted to “play the field”… keep several romantic relationships on the hook and juggle dates with all… their intentions were well-known in their communities, so pretty much everyone knew that was the rule, if you date this person, it’s not serious! Online, it’s easy to keep your intentions and activities more private, more separated from your life, your neighbors, and everyone else. So if you want to play the field… if you want to flirt with one girl while seriously dating another… if you want to line up your next relationship before the last one is really over… it’s possible.

So EVEN IF he EVENTUALLY has time for you, this is not necessarily a good sign.

The only way to control for this is not to date someone … not to THINK you’re dating someone… if it’s entirely online. Just don’t let a romance blossom for you if it’s entirely online.

Let yourself get to the point where you understand this down to your CORE… so much that you understand that you can’t even FEEL the romantic part of a relationship until after you’ve met in real life. You’ve got to feel how he holds hands before you can imagine how nice it would be for him to hold your hands. I mean… what happens with a great guy that you’ve imagined would have strong, warm hands, and when you finally meet and he reaches to touch you, his fingers are cold and bony? Or soft and pudgy? You’ve got to FEEL how it feels to stand next to him, before you start fantasizing about how great it feels to b with him. The REAL person is not the same as the fantasy, so there’s no point to creating a fantasy about a guy who is warm, kind, available…

And if he has anger at you over things like that you really need to MEET him, understand that this anger is not justified… it’s part of what a fraudulent person will do to try to keep you on the hook, but it’s not real.

Dear God, Thank you for everything you have given us. Thank you for scientists and engineers who have created this wonderful new “information age”, where we get to have the internet and meet people this way. Please help this woman find the right way to use this wonderful tool, and help her meet Mr. Right. Please let that person be a good guy who has time in his life for her. Please take out of her heart, the possibility of having feelings for a person who has too many excuses for not making the relationship jump off the internet so that it can happen in real life.

And please help her use this experience to set some rules for herself on how to use the internet to meet people, so that she will not experience this same disappointment again.

Amen.
 
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