Prayer Chain used as vehicle to Gossip?

[spiritblows]

I had an experience very recently where I asked someone to pray for me for something personal and confidential, then someone else approached me about it, and it was very awkward because it wasn’t something I wanted to discuss. Sometimes I feel like women use the prayer chain as an excuse to spread news and talk about people’s problems. I guess I should have specified that it was private though.

Has anyone else had this problem?

 

[dulcissima]

I’ve never had it happen, but I know that it does. Sometimes, I think it really is sincere; someone is concerned for you. Other times, I think people use prayer as a vehicle for gossip: “Pray for Susan, her husband is cheating on her.” or “Let’s pray for Jane, her son is getting into so much trouble at school…”

If you have ever seen the movie “Saved” you can see just how bad this can get.

 

[Courtneyjo]

I’ve never had it happen, but at one parish to which I belonged the pastor had to call a meeting of the prayer warriors to remind them of the rules of confidentiality.

 

[Cupofkindness]

Spiritblows:

You point out how difficult it is for so many of us (read that: me) to know when to stop talking! Thank you for the reminder that when we pray for others, God knows what’s is necessary, so we only need to pray for that person.

 

[spiritblows]

Hi everyone,
Yes, I feel very vulnerable now. I guess different people have different sensitivities about what is confidential. Now, I’m not sure who knows about this personal information, because I know people often have a strong urge to share information with others. I regret having asked for prayer.

 

[shannin]

Cupofkindness:

Spiritblows:

You point out how difficult it is for so many of us (read that: me) to know when to stop talking! Thank you for the reminder that when we pray for others, God knows what’s is necessary, so we only need to pray for that person.

Right. We don’t have to go into detail when we ask for prayer. God knows our needs.

 

[goravens]

My mom, who is a grade school teacher, once mentioned that some of the teachers in her school had a group that got together for prayer each morning before school started. I told her I thought that was awesome, but she said she didn’t go. Confused, I asked her why not. She replied that she felt it was used somewhat as a gossip circle. In the past, other teachers had approached her about an issue within our extended family which had apparently been shared by one of the teachers who knew about it. That teacher had asked others to pray for our family, but went into detail about the situation (which, I thought, was not necessary.) And there was no reason, unless to let my mom know they were praying for us, that teachers should have approached her regarding the issue. She said it felt more like she was just being pumped for information, and that it had been brought up in the first place for less than stellar reasons. I think her experience can speak to yours, except she did not even ask for prayers from this group. There need to be clear boundaries, and perhaps in the future you could ask that the group pray for an anonymous intention.

 

[KCT]

I think women do what you say. There are a few people I confide in and when I do, I ask them to keep it confidential. With most people, I don’t tell them anything I wouldn’t want others to know. —KCT

 

[didymus]

spiritblows:

I had an experience very recently where I asked someone to pray for me for something personal and confidential, then someone else approached me about it, and it was very awkward because it wasn’t something I wanted to discuss. Sometimes I feel like women use the prayer chain as an excuse to spread news and talk about people’s problems. I guess I should have specified that it was private though.

Has anyone else had this problem?

I know exactly what you mean. My wife is a born-again and they have raised this form of gossip to an art form. In fact one of her magazines had an article condemning it. A cartoon in the article showed a news program on a Christian network with the blonde anchor saying, “Now here’s who you should pray for . . . and why”

 

[Cupofkindness]

Yesterday in church our pastor announced that we now have a prayer intentions book at the little alter with a statue of St. Jude in the back of the church. We were invited to write down our prayer intentions in the book, and we were also invited to read the intentions and pray at the little alter (really more like a kneeler in front of a table) for the people listed in the book. After reading this thread, this sounds like it could be a problem, I do hope that people writing their prayer requests are careful in what they write down.

 

[Giannawannabe]

Wow!! Just a few days ago, a friend in my prayer group called regarding a bad situation with another member’s teenaged son. She asked that I pray for him and his family. Almost immediately upon hanging up, I picked up the phone to call another friend. I stopped myself though. I realized that it would be gossipy to call someone else, as it was a personal situation that could’ve ruined this boy’s reputation. I’m glad that I didn’t call my other friend to “ask for prayer”-----the whole situation turned out well by that same evening.

I can definitely see how prayer chains can be used for gossip. I agree with other posters. If you ask for prayer, keep it general, and don’t give details that you don’t wish to be known by everyone in town.

 

[StephanieC]

I have also had concerns about prayer petitions / gossip, and here’s how I set my boundaries:

I always assume that the person I’m talking to (unless it’s my husband) will repeat what I’ve said.

Therefore, if I have a need for prayer but do not want that need repeated to others, I say, “Jane, would you please pray for me? I have a special intention. Thank you.”

If Jane asks for more details, I can say, “Oh, it’s something I will tell you more about when I can, but right now I just need your prayers.”

Sometimes this is difficult to do, especially when we really do want to confide the details with someone else. You just need to decide what you need more: a confidante or a prayer partner!

(Here’s a link to a similar thread, just for more food for thought: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=61715)

 

[aimee]

I don’t know…I think in some cases…people are a bit too sensitive. Although, if you want it to be private…do as some have suggested and just ask for prayer.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Cupofkindness:

Yesterday in church our pastor announced that we now have a prayer intentions book at the little alter with a statue of St. Jude in the back of the church. We were invited to write down our prayer intentions in the book, and we were also invited to read the intentions and pray at the little alter (really more like a kneeler in front of a table) for the people listed in the book. After reading this thread, this sounds like it could be a problem, I do hope that people writing their prayer requests are careful in what they write down.

The parish my husband grew up in had something similar. My husband would always write “personal intention” next to our names while we were engaged.

However, two women approached us a couple months into our engagement and asked if they could make their prayer more “powerful” for us if we could help them understand what specifically they should pray for? I remember almost laughing out loud because my husband looked so taken aback that someone would ask what a personal intention was. He just told them they could keep it simple because God knows exactly what we all need.

 

[spiritblows]

Princess_Abby:

The parish my husband grew up in had something similar. My husband would always write “personal intention” next to our names while we were engaged.

However, two women approached us a couple months into our engagement and asked if they could make their prayer more “powerful” for us if we could help them understand what specifically they should pray for? I remember almost laughing out loud because my husband looked so taken aback that someone would ask what a personal intention was. He just told them they could keep it simple because God knows exactly what we all need.

Wow, human curiousity and tendency to gossip is hard to squelch! Your post illustrates it’s irrepressible nature! Thanks for sharing.

I’m going to be a lot more careful from now on!

Originally posted by StephanieC*
I always assume that the person I’m talking to (unless it’s my husband) will repeat what I’ve said.*

Yes, I usually assume this, but didn’t apply this rule to a prayer request. My mistake. I think it’s usually human nature to alway need to confide in one trusted person at least.