Prayer for a troubled child

[djrakowski]

Dear friends,

I would like to ask that you join me in prayer for my son, Jacob, who is 6.5 years old and affected by autism. For the last several days, he has been going into uncontrollable rages, right before bedtime. He’s falling asleep only after he wears himself out from fighting us. This matter is complicated by the fact that he has very little functional communication (indeed, he doesn’t speak at all). He’s likely enraged because he’s trying to tell us something that we’re simply too dense to get.

Please pray that whatever is bothering our son will either be relieved, that he will be able to communicate his needs, or that we will be able to figure them out.

God Bless,
Dan

 

[BlueRain]

I prayed for your little boy. I hope somehow you may find what is bothering him. I hope he can be consoled.

 

[rayne89]

I will pray for your son.

 

[djrakowski]

It is now midnight, and the rage has been going on for over 3 hours. He’s losing his voice, but still fighting. This is scary stuff, folks. Keep praying.

Dan

 

[rayne89]

You may want consult your doctor. Since this is a sudden change I would have to guess something is bothering him. Maybe nightmares. or fear of the dark? It must be so hard because he can’t tell you.

 

[djrakowski]

rayne89:

You may want consult your doctor. Since this is a sudden change I would have to guess something is bothering him. Maybe nightmares. or fear of the dark? It must be so hard because he can’t tell you.

We always have trouble with seasonal changes, which, as you know, is happening here in Michigan right now. I think it could have something to do with it.

 

[Princess_Abby]

I am so sorry to hear how your son and all of you are suffering.

Do you have services through your school district? Do you have support at school AND at home? Do you have a behavioral therapist who is working on his tantrums, aggression, self-injury or whatever else is going on?

Does he have a speech therapist who works with him on communication, whether it be PECS (Picture Exchange System) or even an oral-motor therapist who is working on his ability to form words and pronounce them?

If you don’t, or you feel like you need to be considered for home program services, PLEASE approach your son’s special ed teacher and/or principal and discuss the needs you have. There is sometimes funding available to help you pay for even a private, independent therapist to come in and support you with behavioral intervention and family coaching.

Does he have receptive listening skills? (Can he understand what you say to him?)

Do you know the function of his tantrum? (Is it over a control issue, task avoidance, sensory or attention seeking?)

Do you know what the antecedent was to this tantrum?

Will he sit in one spot and be contained to self-calm? Does he respond to deep pressure? Will he get into bed and allow you to put the covers over him and rub his body firmly? Even, if he will let you touch him, squeezing his hands…putting forehead to forehead pressure…hand on top of his head and another bracing his chin…

I have no idea what his sensory profile is or the function of his tantrum, but if I were to walk into a crisis tantrum, these are things I would attempt…also make sure there aren’t blaring lights on, that there isn’t a tv on or radio creating excess noise…that if you speak to him, you whisper in order to make him calm down enough to be able to hear (this can take a few times for him to notice).

Has a psychologist ever performed a Fuctional Behavior Assessment on him? (FBA)

Do you all chart his behavior? tantrums, etc

 

[Princess_Abby]

Has something changed about bedtime routine?

Daylight savings is coming up…is it getting darker sooner there?

Have you switched to a different laundry detergent? Does he have an aversion to the actual bed or sheets or pillowcases?

What if one of you crawl into the bed and turn your back to him but lay there quietly. Will he come to you?

When you say you’re fighting him, what does that look like? Is he barreling into all of you? Or is it that you pick him up, put him into bed and he goes ballistic?

If you leave the bedroom and let him roam, without engaging in an interaction, what happens? Is he seeking out a confrontation or is he grateful to let it be able to stop?

 

[betra2000]

You will be in my prayers, for both your son, and your family!

 

[djrakowski]

Hi Abby… yes, he is in a self-contained autistically-impaired classroom with 8 students, a teacher and two aides. He gets regular speech and OT. We’ve tried PECS and sign language, and nothing seems to stick, no matter how hard we work. He exhibits these extreme behaviors only at bedtime. Receptive language is low, but higher than expressive. It is difficult to tell the function of his tantrum, as there’s nothing really that seems to set it off. The change of seasons always seems to trigger these problems in him and his middle sister who is affected by Asperger syndrome (though with her, the effect is less dramatic).

He used to respond to deep pressure, but now, it just agitates him even more. We’ve never charted behaviors, tantrums, etc. because he’s not been a real big problem until lately.

He’s just come to sit with me at the computer. He seems relatively calm, but as soon as I try to get him to comply, he freaks. This is so unusual because he’s normally a very compliant child.

Thanks so much for your concern and these good questions,
Dan

Princess_Abby:

I am so sorry to hear how your son and all of you are suffering.

Do you have services through your school district? Do you have support at school AND at home? Do you have a behavioral therapist who is working on his tantrums, aggression, self-injury or whatever else is going on?

Does he have a speech therapist who works with him on communication, whether it be PECS (Picture Exchange System) or even an oral-motor therapist who is working on his ability to form words and pronounce them?

If you don’t, or you feel like you need to be considered for home program services, PLEASE approach your son’s special ed teacher and/or principal and discuss the needs you have. There is sometimes funding available to help you pay for even a private, independent therapist to come in and support you with behavioral intervention and family coaching.

Does he have receptive listening skills? (Can he understand what you say to him?)

Do you know the function of his tantrum? (Is it over a control issue, task avoidance, sensory or attention seeking?)

Do you know what the antecedent was to this tantrum?

Will he sit in one spot and be contained to self-calm? Does he respond to deep pressure? Will he get into bed and allow you to put the covers over him and rub his body firmly? Even, if he will let you touch him, squeezing his hands…putting forehead to forehead pressure…hand on top of his head and another bracing his chin…

I have no idea what his sensory profile is or the function of his tantrum, but if I were to walk into a crisis tantrum, these are things I would attempt…also make sure there aren’t blaring lights on, that there isn’t a tv on or radio creating excess noise…that if you speak to him, you whisper in order to make him calm down enough to be able to hear (this can take a few times for him to notice).

Has a psychologist ever performed a Fuctional Behavior Assessment on him? (FBA)

Do you all chart his behavior? tantrums, etc

 

[djrakowski]

Princess_Abby:

Has something changed about bedtime routine?

Nope.

Daylight savings is coming up…is it getting darker sooner there?

gradually, like most everywhere else. I think it could be something in the furnace ducts, though, since the heat has started kicking-in at night.

Have you switched to a different laundry detergent? Does he have an aversion to the actual bed or sheets or pillowcases?

No, we switched, but that was about a month ago.

What if one of you crawl into the bed and turn your back to him but lay there quietly. Will he come to you?

No, he wanders. We’ve always had to put him in is bed.

When you say you’re fighting him, what does that look like? Is he barreling into all of you? Or is it that you pick him up, put him into bed and he goes ballistic?

At bedtime, we normally sit quietly to calm him down (which usually works), but these last several nights, he’s kicked, scratched, head-butted, etc. to get free of us.

If you leave the bedroom and let him roam, without engaging in an interaction, what happens? Is he seeking out a confrontation or is he grateful to let it be able to stop?

He tantrums in his room, and eventually leaves to seek us out, but when we try to sit him down again, he goes back into his rage.

You wouldn’t happen to be an OT or special ed teacher, would you?

 

[Princess_Abby]

djrakowski:

Hi Abby… yes, he is in a self-contained autistically-impaired classroom with 8 students, a teacher and two aides. He gets regular speech and OT. We’ve tried PECS and sign language, and nothing seems to stick, no matter how hard we work. He exhibits these extreme behaviors only at bedtime. Receptive language is low, but higher than expressive. It is difficult to tell the function of his tantrum, as there’s nothing really that seems to set it off. The change of seasons always seems to trigger these problems in him and his middle sister who is affected by Asperger syndrome (though with her, the effect is less dramatic).

He used to respond to deep pressure, but now, it just agitates him even more. We’ve never charted behaviors, tantrums, etc. because he’s not been a real big problem until lately.

He’s just come to sit with me at the computer. He seems relatively calm, but as soon as I try to get him to comply, he freaks. This is so unusual because he’s normally a very compliant child.

Thanks so much for your concern and these good questions,
Dan

Has anyone ever worked with Jacob on symbolic play and used it as a device to sort out his bedtime issues? Such as…using a little boy doll and a little bed and a mommy and daddy doll…a script that is maybe even three step and he learns how to “play” going to bed correctly with his doll. I don’t know where he’s at developmentally or his ability to understand or participate in guided pretend play, but it’s amazing how some kids can get over a behavioral rut when they see the “success” played out in a play script. Of course, this is first introduced very slowly and modeled again and again for him, slowly pulling him into doing the script himself semi-independently or whatever his potential is–all during daytime hours and not near bedtime. The point is that he is exposed to a repetitive “success” story of a little boy going to bed on time.

This can be supplemented by stories about successfully going to bed, and even a “social story” about Jacob himself (that you guys actually make yourselves) that points out the routine with actual pictures of Joseph (taken during the day, when it’s a game and not a behavioral trigger) brushing his teeth, changing into pjs, climbing into bed and kissing mom and dad goodnight.
I soooooooooo wish you guys had a private therapist who could come in and observe bedtime and then offer behavioral stategies to break this difficult cycle.

Also…I would just encourage you to keep trying with the communication, whether it be sticking with PECS or sign…if he can actually sign, then how amazing…or if he can understand signs only, then still, that is wonderful too…

It may be that his maintenance is what the problem is and not that it just doesn’t stick, or work, if that makes sense. These kids often have brains that are similar to a large file drawer and its hard for them to see a symbol or hear a word and then go within their “file drawer” and match up with the symbol or word actuallly means–at least not after the vocab gets to a certain level where much memory is required. Sometimes it just means moving at a slower pace or reinforcing learned vocabularly by having one maintenance day a week. Taking data on this helps too.

Anyway you sound like an amazing parent who is trying his or her best. I will sooooooo keep all of you in my prayers.

 

[Princess_Abby]

djrakowski:

Nope.
gradually, like most everywhere else. I think it could be something in the furnace ducts, though, since the heat has started kicking-in at night.
No, we switched, but that was about a month ago.
No, he wanders. We’ve always had to put him in is bed.
At bedtime, we normally sit quietly to calm him down (which usually works), but these last several nights, he’s kicked, scratched, head-butted, etc. to get free of us.
He tantrums in his room, and eventually leaves to seek us out, but when we try to sit him down again, he goes back into his rage.

You wouldn’t happen to be an OT or special ed teacher, would you?

Okay, even though you switched a month ago, I would still consider that a small enough time frame to be concerning him on a sensory basis… Sometimes it takes the buildup of constant exposure to certain scents or chemicals to have an effect like you describe… However, I would look for a clothing aversion before p(name removed by moderator)ointing that as really a trigger.

Can you consider changing the goal of him sleeping “in his bed” to him “sleeping in his room” ? What if you put a 20 dollar beanbag in his room and gave him the choice of either/or? (Of course, approaching this in a manner of “Jacob! We’re going to go the store and get you a beanbag to sleep in! Are you ready? Let’s go!” and then letting him assist you in picking it out. Putting it in his room and saying, “Jacob, I am so proud of you for helping pick out this beanbag! Wow, tonight you’re going to have a choice to sleep in either the beanbag or your bed! I’m so excited for you” with a lot of high affect and making it sort of an event. (You could choose a futon or sleeping bag instead of a bean bag.)

This may sound like your’e giving in, but instead you’re really compromising for what will most likely be a short period of time, whereby you both “win”–he sleeps in his room, in a safe place and without the bed being the control issue for the time being. For now, he’s reliving the tantrum in his mind each night because it’s become a habit. If he breaks the habit, the memory will begin to fade for him and association of tantruming during bedtime will cease.

Just a suggestion from all the way over here, that is… I could see a million ways this couldn’t work, but sometimes random ideas like that help you brainstorm OTHER ideas that could be more feasible.

and yes, special ed was my undergrad work and psych my graduate work!

 

[Princess_Abby]

Also there is a recognized sensory issue for autistic children called “seasonal disintegration” and yes, can be caused by physical allergies to mold, dust, etc…

Has he had an allergy workup ever?

…and now I must go to bed, but goodnight and I will pray for you

 

[allhers]

I will keep all of you in my prayers, and I think you may have both hit on it, (if you recently started turning the heat on, and the ducts may be dusty or moldy, or whatever, perhaps it affects his breathing at night or just is too hot for him.) Maybe he’s allergic to something. Just a thought. We spray our ducts out a few times a year with bleach water, it keeps them clean. (but in his case this might not be a good idea, check with your Doctor first, of course their are professionals that clean them too.) One other thing, does he calm down if just left to wander or if you hold him? If so, I’d do that, (if Abbey’s other idea’s don’t work, she’d know more than I.) If he’s been up for three hours at night, it may not take as long for him to fall asleep if he can do something besides get put back to bed over and over. Heck, if he fell asleep in your arms or on the floor even, then you could pick him up and put him in bed. I like Abbey’s idea about the bean bag or sleeping bag better though.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Princess_Abby:

Okay, even though you switched a month ago, I would still consider that a small enough time frame to be concerning him on a sensory basis… Sometimes it takes the buildup of constant exposure to certain scents or chemicals to have an effect like you describe… However, I would look for a clothing aversion before p(name removed by moderator)ointing that as really a trigger.

Can you consider changing the goal of him sleeping “in his bed” to him “sleeping in his room” ? What if you put a 20 dollar beanbag in his room and gave him the choice of either/or? (Of course, approaching this in a manner of “Jacob! We’re going to go the store and get you a beanbag to sleep in! Are you ready? Let’s go!” and then letting him assist you in picking it out. Putting it in his room and saying, “Jacob, I am so proud of you for helping pick out this beanbag! Wow, tonight you’re going to have a choice to sleep in either the beanbag or your bed! I’m so excited for you” with a lot of high affect and making it sort of an event. (You could choose a futon or sleeping bag instead of a bean bag.)

This may sound like your’e giving in, but instead you’re really compromising for what will most likely be a short period of time, whereby you both “win”–he sleeps in his room, in a safe place and without the bed being the control issue for the time being. For now, he’s reliving the tantrum in his mind each night because it’s become a habit. If he breaks the habit, the memory will begin to fade for him and association of tantruming during bedtime will cease.

Just a suggestion from all the way over here, that is… I could see a million ways this couldn’t work, but sometimes random ideas like that help you brainstorm OTHER ideas that could be more feasible.

and yes, a behavioral therapist!

 

[getxtina]

My prayers go out to you and your family. You are being brave by seeking parenting help. Not everyone is likely to admit that their child needs help. Have you sought professional help at the same time? There are actually institutions all over that can help place your child in an environment that promotes growth to children with special needs. Ive recently been reading about this guide here but has anyone heard any Turning Winds review ? Any testimonial would help. I fervently hope that these kids will eventually find the time to seek internal growth among themselves. I really hope your son will see how your love brought him to this world. Therapy does help but sometimes it helps more if it was voluntarily sought. My prayers to you.