Prayer for going thru divorce

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RPicart

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I don’t even know where to begin with this and I apologise for the length. There is so much in my heart and mind that I want to get out and it’s all so painful because I know that writing it all just verifies my thoughts, the truth, that I am a horrible person that has done this to himself. And I just want people to pray for me and my mental health.

I am currently going through a divorce.

Although we are still married, we will be divorced by the end of this year. It’s my fault as well.

Looking back at my actions in hindsight I really do believe that it is down to me having a self-destructive personality but regardless; I cannot blame any of what has happened in my life on anything other than the horrible choices I made when confronted with them.

I was tempted and I chose to take the fork in the road that led me to being unfaithful to my wife of eight years. Unfaithful to the mother of my children, unfaithful to my children, and to my extended family. I knew it was wrong, but I continued because a voice in my head told me that she did not love me and this other woman did. I was lonely. I was lonely and instead of doing everything I could to resist and concentrate on fixing my marriage and my relationship to someone who had been my best friend for 10 years I decided to cheat.

I cheated. And I lied. And I threw away a blessing that I will never have again. I threw away the family that my children were meant to have. I threw away every hope and dream that we had shared for a future together.

My wife had given me a chance before when I had been stupid and had written a stupid note to some random stranger that never led to anything; she forgave me, and I threw that chance away to fix our marriage and find true happiness as a married couple. She called it a trend of unfaithfulness and I was just not someone that she could be with. Everything we had ever had ended when I cheated on her. The love we once had was gone forever. She could not give me another chance, to risk herself being hurt again.

I can’t blame her for that. I did hurt her, the person that I married because I adored and was my best friend I treated like garbage and hurt her beyond words. I lied to her face, looked her in the eyes and lied. It has been three months since all of this happened and I don’t know how to live with myself.

I wanted so badly to reconcile, to seek help and save our marriage; hoping that there was some spark that had remained in her heart for me and for what we had once had, but everything was truly gone. I know heart that I could have changed, with help and guidance from God I could have been the man that she deserved, the man that I was meant to be every single day together.

But why would she want to be with me after what I put her through, I understand it, but it is so difficult to accept because I still love her, I am still in love with her. I still care for her and want to protect her and be with her. Grow old together and see our children have children, to have them see us in our old age happy and together.

I wake up every morning and I think about what I have done and I begin to cry. Cry from guilt for hurting her so badly and doing this to her, doing this to my children. I cry because I know that all the dreams I still have will never become a reality and that is so difficult to live with. I still think about making her dreams come true and I know that it will never happen. I feel I have lost everything. I am so alone and whenever I was in pain she was always there for me and now there is just indifference.

I find myself thinking all sorts of thoughts, like perhaps there is another universe somewhere that had me make all the right decisions in life and in that universe I am still with her and we are happy. That gives me comfort for a while, but then it just ends and I realise that I am kidding myself; there’s only this universe where I destroyed everything. My friends and family know about the divorce and while they are sympathetic they just say I will live and that I need to carry on. I put on a brave face but all I want to do is breakdown and cry. So I get home and cry. I cry, and drink, and smoke.

“He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” That is exactly what I have done. My entire life I have destroyed and now I don’t know what to do. I just feel unbearable pain. I know I need to be strong now for my children because they need their father, but it’s so hard when all I can think about is what I have done.

I am so tired of living like this. I don’t expect sympathy because I know I did this to myself. I haven’t been the best Catholic that I should have been in my life. I have made a lot of mistakes and I am now paying for them; I just want God to help me a little bit. I know he loves everyone, but I really do feel so alone and tired. I have tried to pray or think about everything and there is just no respite.

I know I will never forget what I have done to someone I was meant to love and be with forever, I just wish I could have some sort of calm wash over me and let things be. I don’t even know where I am going with this now, I am starting to ramble because of emotion and not even sure prayers for this would even be listened to.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
If you have not yet done so, go to confession and feel the embrace of God in forgiveness through the words of absolution. If have already done so you are forgiven and need to forgive yourself for this sin, and pick up the pieces with the strength God gives you to
move forward now. Avail yourself to Mass, the sacraments and spending your energy being the best Father you can be to the children you had together and amicable X spouse.

You will be in my prayers.
Mary.
 
MaryT777 said:
If you have not yet done so, go to confession and feel the embrace of God in forgiveness through the words of absolution. If have already done so you are forgiven and need to forgive yourself for this sin, and pick up the pieces with the strength God gives you to
move forward now. Avail yourself to Mass, the sacraments and spending your energy being the best Father you can be to the children you had together and amicable X spouse.

You will be in my prayers.
Mary.
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👍
Also remember that Jesus loves you so much, He would have died for just you.
 
RPicart said:
I don’t even know where to begin with this and I apologise for the length. There is so much in my heart and mind that I want to get out and it’s all so painful because I know that writing it all just verifies my thoughts, the truth, that I am a horrible person that has done this to himself. And I just want people to pray for me and my mental health.

I am currently going through a divorce.

Although we are still married, we will be divorced by the end of this year. It’s my fault as well.

Looking back at my actions in hindsight I really do believe that it is down to me having a self-destructive personality but regardless; I cannot blame any of what has happened in my life on anything other than the horrible choices I made when confronted with them.

I was tempted and I chose to take the fork in the road that led me to being unfaithful to my wife of eight years. Unfaithful to the mother of my children, unfaithful to my children, and to my extended family. I knew it was wrong, but I continued because a voice in my head told me that she did not love me and this other woman did. I was lonely. I was lonely and instead of doing everything I could to resist and concentrate on fixing my marriage and my relationship to someone who had been my best friend for 10 years I decided to cheat.

I cheated. And I lied. And I threw away a blessing that I will never have again. I threw away the family that my children were meant to have. I threw away every hope and dream that we had shared for a future together.

My wife had given me a chance before when I had been stupid and had written a stupid note to some random stranger that never led to anything; she forgave me, and I threw that chance away to fix our marriage and find true happiness as a married couple. She called it a trend of unfaithfulness and I was just not someone that she could be with. Everything we had ever had ended when I cheated on her. The love we once had was gone forever. She could not give me another chance, to risk herself being hurt again.

I can’t blame her for that. I did hurt her, the person that I married because I adored and was my best friend I treated like garbage and hurt her beyond words. I lied to her face, looked her in the eyes and lied. It has been three months since all of this happened and I don’t know how to live with myself.

I wanted so badly to reconcile, to seek help and save our marriage; hoping that there was some spark that had remained in her heart for me and for what we had once had, but everything was truly gone. I know heart that I could have changed, with help and guidance from God I could have been the man that she deserved, the man that I was meant to be every single day together.

But why would she want to be with me after what I put her through, I understand it, but it is so difficult to accept because I still love her, I am still in love with her. I still care for her and want to protect her and be with her. Grow old together and see our children have children, to have them see us in our old age happy and together.

I wake up every morning and I think about what I have done and I begin to cry. Cry from guilt for hurting her so badly and doing this to her, doing this to my children. I cry because I know that all the dreams I still have will never become a reality and that is so difficult to live with. I still think about making her dreams come true and I know that it will never happen. I feel I have lost everything. I am so alone and whenever I was in pain she was always there for me and now there is just indifference.

I find myself thinking all sorts of thoughts, like perhaps there is another universe somewhere that had me make all the right decisions in life and in that universe I am still with her and we are happy. That gives me comfort for a while, but then it just ends and I realise that I am kidding myself; there’s only this universe where I destroyed everything. My friends and family know about the divorce and while they are sympathetic they just say I will live and that I need to carry on. I put on a brave face but all I want to do is breakdown and cry. So I get home and cry. I cry, and drink, and smoke.

“He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.” That is exactly what I have done. My entire life I have destroyed and now I don’t know what to do. I just feel unbearable pain. I know I need to be strong now for my children because they need their father, but it’s so hard when all I can think about is what I have done.

I am so tired of living like this. I don’t expect sympathy because I know I did this to myself. I haven’t been the best Catholic that I should have been in my life. I have made a lot of mistakes and I am now paying for them; I just want God to help me a little bit. I know he loves everyone, but I really do feel so alone and tired. I have tried to pray or think about everything and there is just no respite.

I know I will never forget what I have done to someone I was meant to love and be with forever, I just wish I could have some sort of calm wash over me and let things be. I don’t even know where I am going with this now, I am starting to ramble because of emotion and not even sure prayers for this would even be listened to.
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These are just some thoughts I had after reading your post. You may never get her back but you can do something. Unless she is wealthy she will be having money problems. Be there for her and expect nothing back. She may have car problems, be available to give her a ride, pick her up from the mechanic and everyday things in life like that. Go along side her through life. Once again expect nothing. She may never trust you enough to take you back but a little of the respect may return. As your post indicates you understand there are consequences to your behavior but there are some things you can do about it.

Annie
 
These are just some thoughts I had after reading your post. You may never get her back, someone in my life has lost all trust and will never get that back he may even now be trustable but only God knows the heart in cannot and will not take a chance. But you can do something. Unless she is wealthy she will be having money problems. Be there for her and expect nothing back. She may have car problems, be available to give her a ride, pick her up from the mechanic and everyday things in life like that. Go along side her through life. Once again expect nothing. She may never trust you enough to take you back but a little of the respect may return. As your post indicates you understand there are consequences to your behavior but there are some things you can do about it.

Annie
 
Don’t give up hope. All is not lost yet.

You made a mistake, that is true. At least you are man enough to admit it was a mistake and seem truly contrite and knowledgable about the damage you have done. This is a good thing…and a painful realization for you.

Now that you understand the hurt that your sin has caused and see how it has not affected just your wife and yourself, but your children and even your friends. Certainly it has hurt the Body, which is the Church. When you sin, it is not just between you and God, but affects all of us who are connected with you in the Body.

This crying and smoking and beating yourself up is not doing anyone the least bit of good, least of all yourself. It is time to get up, wipe the tears from your eyes, go before The Lord in repentance and great trust. Emulate David after he committed the great sin of sleeping with Bathsheba and having her husband killed. When he lost the child of that sinful relationship, he stopped his mourning and wailing and moved on.

The best thing for you to do now is to draw very close to God with humble trust. Become a devout and faithful Catholic. The nearer you are to God, the more you will find peace. Inner peace draws others closer…thus your wife may in time, see not the husband who betrayed her, but a strong, upright, righteous man who has truly learned from his wrongs and is a better person for it.

I’ll be praying for you and your family. God bless.

St. Jude, pray for us!

A Prayer for True Repentance and Pardon

Behold me at Thy feet, O Jesus of Nazareth, behold the most wretched of creatures, who comes into Thy presence humbled and penitent! Have mercy on me, O Lord, according to Thy great mercy! I have sinned and my sins are always before Thee. Yet my soul belongs to Thee, for Thou hast created it, and redeemed it with Thy Precious Blood. Ah, grant that Thy redeeming work be not in vain! Have pity on me; give me tears of true repentance; pardon me for I am Thy child; pardon me as Thou didst pardon the penitent thief; look upon me from Thy throne in heaven and give me Thy blessing.
I believe in God…
 
Do you have an adoration chapel where you live? I suggest you go there and just sit and talk with God. If not, you can do it in a quiet church. I have found this extremely healing in my own really hard times.

Your pain is very evident and my heart goes out to you. Please go to confession if you have not done so yet, and use this experience to draw closer to God. I am praying for you and I will also pray for your family.
 
This has to be one of the most beautiful love ‘letters’ I have ever read. I suggest that if you know your wife’s email that you send her a link to this thread. Many men (and women) never take responsibility for the damage and pain they have caused due to infidelity. You are taking responsibility and have crucified yourself. That ‘indifference’ that you see is a woman who dug down deep for the courage and strength needed to put the shattered pieces together again and built a protective wall.

Is not over until it’s over. When I was at the university, many, many, many years ago; I met a couple who were in their late forties. They were ‘in love’ and it showed more so than the many young couples in campus. It was a truly beautiful site to see. It was really nice to see them holding hands as they were walking to get some lunch with that gleam in their eyes. The woman worked as a secretary and the man would come almost every day to join her for lunch. One day, she told me her story. They were married in their early twenties and he had been unfaithful and they divorced. They met up again almost twenty years later and fell in love again. She forgave his youthful sexual immaturity. Last I saw them there did not seem to be a thing that would separate those two love birds but death.

If the only matter for her is your infidelity, perhaps, she can find it in her heart to forgive you. We all make mistakes. Some relationships are strengthened by the trials and tribulations the couples endure, at the end of that spectrum, there is an additional beauty, peace and matured, tested love added. It’s nice.

There is a group here you may want to join or take a look at: forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=659

Easy with the alcohol and take care of yourself. Remember, to love we need to love ourselves. Have you considered speaking with a priest? Were you married at the Church? Perhaps, you can propose to your wife the two of you speak with the parish priest.

You and your wife and children are in my humble prayers.
 
I know it’s horrible,
but please don’t drink alone. Or drink to 'drown your sorrows" It won’t drown your sorrows, only make things impossible.

Perhaps one of my brothers who resorted to drinking after he lost his family might have begun some kind of new life, but he turned to drinking in his grief and after suffering a great deal due to his drinking alone, and despite all our family efforts to support and help him, died in a single car drink-related accident. He was loved by us all, and could have found a new life, never the same, but a life. He could have in some way still been there sometimes for his children, with limited contact, yet contact nevertheless. Instead, he’s gone and we all miss him.

Of course you grieve but I hope that with God’s grace you determine to create some good following the disaster. A different good, but requiring genuine love and courage. God grant you will be a witness of good arising out of disaster.

God bless and strengthen you.
 
From the bottom of my heart, thank you everyone.

I plan on going to Confession next week, on Wednesday. It has been a very long time. Wish I had gone sooner, wish a lot of stuff. But yeah, that’s life at the minute. I hope you are all well.
 
This is an appalling time of pain for you as you realize the horror which the consequences of sin bring about. I’ve no doubt that your wife also feels the terrible loss of hopes dashed and a family torn apart, and things that should be but which now may never be.

You have received some excellent and loving support here, and going to Confession is the first and best step that you can take. Take your time to prepare and make a good examination of conscience. It will bring you spritual relief and hopefully some clarity in your mind also.

Please do not keep crucifying yourself for your sins. Someone already did that on your behalf, and He did it 2000 years ago. He did it then so that right now you could have a choice to turn back to Him and become a new creation. Please make that choice right away and abondon yourself to Him and His mercy. If your relationship with your wife and children is ever to be in any way restorative, you must demonstrate that you really are a new person who has turned his life around completely with no going back. This will only happen as you walk closer with Jesus and His love shines through you. He is offering you a lifeline here so take it and always remain hopeful.

Please, please do stop drinking. Empty your bottles down the drain so that you will not be tempted further. It will empower you. Low mood and alcohol NEVER go together and only result in more pain and self-destruction.

Finally, contact a local Catholic agency that can give post-separation counselling. You need to guard your mental health and discussing this further can give you a different perspective that can give you a positive plan for going forward.

God Bless you. I prayed for you in Mass today.
 
Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
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