Prayer for my healing

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I can’t seem to help myself, I’ve been trying to do the right things (like cutting out TV for example, which I have been successful at), but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I still inevitably keep going back to this stuff for more, like I have no soul or care for the people who are being harmed by this, and for what this is making me, check that has made me. Why can’t I make the decision once and for all to not go back to this, and stick to it?

Every single time I say I won’t, I still do eventually. I’ve even tried cutting out the web, but if I do use it even for church or school, I end up staying on too long, and before I know it, I’ve fallen. I fell twice today in fact, as I had the PC on last night and have simply not turned it off since then (was expecting a message back from someone).
 
Will be keeping you in prayer. Entrenched habits can be very difficult indeed to overcome and it asks persistence even in the face of failure…to continually begin again and again and then again and again…persevering will bring its own reward, but it may take time and prayer and continual persevering and continual prayer…
I know you have said you have left The Church, but The Sacrament of Reconciliation and confessing our weaknesses can be a great source of Grace…
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.
 
You are in my prayers right now. My beloved husband is so addicted to porn. He goes to Mass every morning, confession at least once a week, and he prays two rosaries and a novena every night. He paces the floor for 45 minutes praying for the strength to fight this addiction. It is an ongoing battle and it is nearly killing me. Let me tell you what it has done to his life and maybe it will come to your mind when you are tempted. He is so addicted that he rarely is interested in me. Porn leads to lack of intimacy not more of it. He doesn’t work much because he is so involved in the addiction. He has given me many STD’s. One gave me cervical cancer and one put me in the hospital for a few days a few years ago. Looking at porn can progress into other even more horrible things. He is so involved that he will go to the public library where everyone knows him and try to look at it. Lately he goes to hotel business conference rooms to access it. In recent weeks he has made arrangements to meet women he has matched himself to on the dating sites. It is more that I can bear, yet I know how much God loves a sinner that is constantly picking himself up off the ground to persevere. Don’t fall into despair. Don’t give up. Pray for me and I will pray for you.
Fiat Mihi
 
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that story. I will most definitely pray for you and your husband. I know it can be destructive, my grades in school have slipped as a result of my involvement with this among other things. I have not acted out in real life though somehow, have came close a few times but not given in to the temptations.
 
BarbaraTherese said:
I know you have said you have left The Church, but The Sacrament of Reconciliation and confessing our weaknesses can be a great source of Grace…
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I don’t feel I need confession, I can confess whatever I need to to God himself if need be, and be forgiven right there for all of it. No need for a mediator.
 
thereseozi said:
Your post has been on my mind for the past few days now. It saddens me to think that you have left the Church and have no intention of returning. You are asking prayers for healing from addictions and what is more powerful than Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and His Holy Catholic Church? Attending daily Mass, and receiving all the Church has to offer in the Sacraments, etc., has made a tremendous difference in my life and a wonderful healing. Eucharistic Adoration is also very powerful and life-changing.
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I’d rather put my trust squarely with God, then with any Church. That’s not to say Church wouldn’t help, been trying to watch Church services online a bit of late as a matter of fact.

But at the same time, going to church by itself does not a healing make. Only God can and God alone can take care of that. What it comes down to for me, and this is something I’ve struggled with obviously, is trying to do this my way and not His. That is to say not fully committing myself to cutting everything out and letting God in. I keep letting myself go back (particularly lately in just about every way). I have to trust God, that His way will do much more for me in the long run then my way ever could.

It’s very hard for me though, like recently I had a chance to make some quick cash through an online job doing research for someone for a website. I ended up having to turn it down though, because I just couldn’t reconcile my conscience with doing it, because of the internet time involved, and because of it being related to sports, it could feed bad thoughts.

It sucked, because I really need a job, need to make some money, and part of me isn’t sure if I’ll have another chance at one for a while. But I have to do what I have to do I suppose if I want to get better.
 
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