Prayer for my peace

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Ben_Sinner

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I can never feel at peace. I am always worried about something. This is a habit I have developed over the years after so many scary and disturbing circumstances have happened to me.
  1. Because I went through an experience years ago where I was anxious, depressed and somewhat suicidal.
Then I found Christianity and this really put my life right back on the right track. For years I was back to being happy.
  1. Then I discovered the Catholic faith was the real faith…I came across all these puritan fire and brimstome types of Catholic websites preaching about the fewness saved and stuff and this caused me to develop scrupulosity. (I’m still scrupulous today because of this but I will explain that later).
This was the worst feeling in my life. I was CONVINCED that there was NO hope because I still had a Protestant mentality that “If we aren’t saved by faith alone then there is no hope”. So when I found out about mortal sins and stuff…I thought I was done for.

I literally tried to prepare for hell. I would sit in an extremely hot room in the dark with creepy music playing and stuff. This caused me to go into despair and be angry with God…but behind that anger was an anxiety and sadness that can’t be explained in words. I was so scared that I could literally feel the muscle burning off inside my body.

…eventually though I was properly catechized by orthodox catholic people and re-assured about all the conditions of mortal sins etc…and the fact that the things I worried about being sins were in fact not sins at all.

After this I felt better than ever! Not only did I have hope again but I found the one true faith and I felt like nothing could harm me spiritually ever again because I had something that was infallible for my faith and not something that was left up to interpretation.
  1. But then after about a year of being happy again…I started to get into conspiracy theories and alien stories, etc. etc…these were things that were stating they debunked the Catholic faith and for a while I pretty much almost believed them…Once again I was back at rock bottom because I felt like the Catholic faith, the one I held so dear and caused so much comfort and assurance for me…might be false…I was back to not knowing who to trust and worried about living in a relativity universe, etc. etc.
This caused me to go into another depresion.

…but once again I had the support of many catholics and other people who debunked all these conspiracy theories and stuff…now the church looks stronger than ever for me since it survived all of these conspiracy theories…
  1. I was back to being happy again but then I had a huge relapse of extreme scrupulosity where I felt like I had a very slim chance of being saved…
…Then I finally got a spiritual director that really helped me with this along with the people on these forums.

Right now I am really happy and this is the most content I have felt in almost a decade…BUT…I still have this fear that something very horrible is going to happen in my life again that is going to put me back into a depression.

All these years of having stretches of happiness where I thought the worst was over…then BOOM…something even worse happens to me out of the blue. This cycle seems to keep repeating and repeating.

I’m worried about the next “big problem” coming up.

My prayer request for all of you is to please pray that the next “Big problem” will never happen again in my life and that the worst truly is behind me.

Thank you.
 
Ben, may God bless you and hold you deep in His love.
Lord give Ben deep trust in Your merciful love for him.
Surround him with Your Angels, and help him to live in love of you and in kindness to others.
 
Good morning, Ben Sinner.
I was born and bred in a protestant faith, which gave me a foundation, but quickly lost its lustre in my teens.
In order to marry my wife, at the age of 27, I "had’ to convert to Catholicism. My future father in law’s orders.
When I stepped into the Church and experienced my first Holy Mass, it was like taking a deep breath of fresh air after all the staleness of my young life.

I have struggled, at different times thoughout my life, with waking up in a cloud of doubt and intense self-accusation. I was never sure where it came from until recently. It’s absolutely the enemy’s way of trying to turn that breath of fresh air into a choking gasp, filled with stagnant odors from the past.

I love Mother Angelica’s analogy of God’s forgiveness. She was on beach somewhere, and playfully shook some drops of water from her hands into the ocean. She said the Lord, then, asked her if she could find those drops of water. Her answer was, no, they’re a part of the ocean now. The Lord said the drops of water were her sins, and the ocean was His mercy.

Please don’t let the enemy steal your breath of fresh air. You are worth every drop of His forgiveness.
:yup:
 
Prayer to Our Lady of Hope

O Mary, my Mother, I kneel before you with heavy heart. The burden of my sins oppresses me. The knowledge of my weakness discourages me. I am beset by fears and temptations of every sort. Yet I am so attached to the things of this world that instead of longing for Heaven I am filled with dread at the thought of death.
O Mother of Mercy, have pity on me in my distress. You are all-powerful with your Divine Son. He can refuse no request of your Immaculate Heart. Show yourself a true Mother to me by being my advocate before His throne. O Refuge of Sinners and Hope of the Hopeless, to whom shall I turn if not you? Obtain for me, then, O Mother of Hope, the grace of true sorrow for my sins, the gift of perfect resignation to God’s Holy Will, and the courage to take up my cross and follow Jesus. Beg of His Sacred Heart the special favor that I ask in this novena:

We pray for Ben Sinner to have inner peace, joy, and hope in God’s great and unfathomable mercy…

But above all I pray, O dearest Mother, that through your most powerful intercession my heart may be filled with Holy Hope, so that in life’s darkest hour I may never fail to trust in God my Savior, but by walking in the way of His commandments I may merit to be united with Him, and with you in the eternal joys of Heaven. Amen.
Mary, our Hope, have pity on us.
Hope of the Hopeless, pray for us.

Pray 3 Hail Marys
 
Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
***Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death
Amen.

:crossrc:***
 
Please stop beating yourself up. God loves and totally understands you.
We all feel failure and inadequacy, often abject terror in our lives. God knows this.
The greater your fear, the closer God holds you in his heart, loving and supporting you, no matter how hopeless live seems to you at the time.
When fear and bad thoughts feel overwhelming, just whisper the name of Jesus and help will come - not always immediately - often not as you would expect - but in God’s own way - for HE IS LOVE.:hug3:
 
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