Prayer Needed for Marriage

[kage_ar]

Prayers here - one thing that stood out, he may feel that you were talking to him as if you are is mommy instead of his wife. He is a grown up, adults can watch R- rated movies. It may not be the best or most edifying thing for him to watch - but, it is his adult decision to watch that movie.

 

[JLCecilia]

Prayers here - one thing that stood out, he may feel that you were talking to him as if you are is mommy instead of his wife. He is a grown up, adults can watch R- rated movies. It may not be the best or most edifying thing for him to watch - but, it is his adult decision to watch that movie.

But in our situation with the issues DH has had w/ pornography in the past year, I think the more ‘adult/grown-up’ choice to make would be to understand that this is a sensitive issue in our marriage and say to himself ‘you know what, I don’t absolutely HAVE to finish this movie.’ Esp. if he recognizes that it causes me distress. His reaction to my request broke my heart b/c it just seems to me that he is not ready to relinquish this garbage from his life and until he is, we are not going to be able to be as close as I’d like. To me that basically says in a nutshell that being entertained is more important than our relationship.

I was fighting back the tears in bible study last night but I made it through. We had great conversations and all went well, but the minute I got back in my car to head home, I just started sobbing uncontrollably. I have tried several times to bring up current issues to my husband and he isn’t taking the bait. Until we can talk thru these things, I really have a hard time having any kind of interaction with him. When I came home, he could see quite clearly that I had been crying and didn’t say a single word to me, I just went straight to bed. I think he knows that HE is the one causing my distress and he’s tired of feeling like **** about it and tired of my deep depression, but still unwilling to do anything about it.

As much as I am hurt by him, I would have readily accepted any kind of comfort he could have mustered. I am so desperate I would have clung to any small act of kindness with all my life! It’s frustrating that he is the source of my pain, yet he is the only one who can comfort me b/c, apart from these forums, I cannot confide in or talk to anybody else about things without breaching trust. This lonliness is just about unbearable. Just cannot get out from under this rain cloud.

 

[kage_ar]

Please, talk to your Catholic family. While the internet is great, you need your fellow parishioners with skin on.

Does it help that right now I’d trade places with you? Remember, many other people are in their own personal hell - focus on what is good - if the lights are on and you have a house and heat and food - you are so far ahead of many!

 

[alphabet]

My heart truly aches for you. As much as you want to change your spouse, the change has to come from him and can not come from you no matter how much you plead and beg. This can be be very hard to accept. You can only change you and how you respond to him and the things going on in your marriage.

The serenity prayer may be helpful “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

I agree reach out to someone in your parish. Struggling with this on your own is not healthy for you or your marriage.

It also sounds like you need to establish clear boundaries and not waiver. It seems at one point you asked your husband to leave yet it sounds like you are together again. In broken relationships there can be a cycle of unhealthy behavior, ultimatums, followed by guilt, and then a make-up/honeymoon phase which may include promises to improve or change, yet the change never comes and the cycle just repeats over and over again.

Please know prayers are going out to you.