Prayer of Hatred

[USMC_Convert]

Brothers and sisters, sorry If the title was misleading, I’m already having second thoughts on it, but I don’t know what else to put…

When I was converting to Catholicism my deacon told me that we cannot hate anyone even our enemies. Now I’ve been through a lot since then and I don’t remember exactly what he said next, but it has made a huge impact on my life and right now it’s playing hell with me.

I believe he said that we had to ask those whom we have had hatred or anger in our hearts towards for forgiveness. I’ve acted on that belief twice, once immediately with my brother, we forgave each other and have hardly spoken since.

Quite recently I did the same with my sister-in-law, which backfired, she wants more, more, more and now everyone including my wife is infuriated at me either for not giving into her, or for speaking with her at all.

Now I think I need to beg for forgiveness from my neighbor, whom my family has been at war with for 6years. We both have done dumb stuff but of course my family and I feel he has way overstepped just a common neighbor dispute. Anyway, as I’m growing with God, I now am thinking that maybe I need to apologize to him for anything everything but mainly for the anger and hatred I have felt towards him and his family.

My wife can’t take much more of this. She is Catholic, she believes and practices faithfully, but she does not want me to send an apology. Not that it would harm or hurt, probably not even help, but is that what God requires?

Am I correct? I will go with Gods path against my entire family if I must, but is this Gods path? What is the teaching? Where is the parable for the bad neighbor whom I used to despise, but now am fighting with my own family for?

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you…

 

[RedFox0456]

Matthew 18:15-18New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

15 “If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. 16 If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.

I feel as though this may fit your situation(s).

 

[Allegra]

I think if you have actual hatred for someone, you should seek forgiveness from the Lord in confession. It’s not always beneficial to ask for forgiveness from the person you’ve hated. In many cases, the person may not even be aware of your hatred, so your telling them would do no good. If your hatred has led you to sin against them in a tangible way, then you may be obligated to apologize.

 

[Beryllos]

I do not think you are obligated to apologize, explain yourself, or ask for forgiveness. The problem is that these tend to be all about you— your guilt, your point of view, your needs. There may be a time and place for that, but it doesn’t have to be your opening move. You could begin simply by showing kindness, a friendly greeting, a compliment, or showing interest in something the other person does. Make it about the other person. Start small, be patient, and see what happens.

 

[USMC_Convert]

Friends, I very much appreciated your comments and help here. As to the tell him, tell him with people, bring him to the church. I’ve told him, but things escalated. He has called the cops on me dozens (literally) of times, and we, the police and I have told him enough, (except once the cops sided with him about a fence dispute which was settled in court in my favor). He went to all my commands (bosses in the Marines Corps) and even went so far as to contact HQ Marine Corps, which pretty much everyone told him to bug off, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, stupid sometimes, but nothing wrong. Then he managed to convince my 1st Sgt to have a meeting with him and we all sat together and told him yeah, this is ridiculous (after listening to him for an hour+).

I don’t think I’ve felt actual Hatred?!?!?!? Maybe, but I’ve gone to Father Greg, and confessed, had a meeting, and was basically told, from everyone that I can ever remember and have mentioned, to leave it alone, ignore as much as possible, and don’t react.

Hmmm thanks for the help, I’m gonna run with this for now, but anyone else that comments I would love to hear it, I so want to make sure 1: my soul is clean for Christ, 2: I’ve forgiven him, 3: do I need to ask for his forgiveness??? Is obtaining his forgiveness necessary?

Thanks again…

 

[Beryllos]

Last night it was getting late and I didn’t have time to look it up in the Bible, but just now I did. In several passages, Jesus commands us to love one another, or to forgive another’s wrongdoing, but I could not find anywhere that we are explicitly told to ask for the other’s forgiveness.

One passage comes close:

Matthew 5:23-26 New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition
So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister* has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister*, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

** In the Greek, it simply says “brother.”*​

In this passage, we are commanded to reconcile. That means more than you forgiving the other person. It means making it right on both sides, restoring a right relationship. That may involve asking for forgiveness, but directly asking for forgiveness may not be the right approach (may not work) in many cases. What if the other is not disposed to forgive?

First you have to normalize relations. That doesn’t mean you are going to be buddies or start hanging out together. It means bringing hostilities to an end, and developing some kind of mutual understanding of peace, which could still be wary or guarded.

Think of the US and Russia. Things are not perfect between us, there’s friction, there’s not a lot of trust, but at least we are no longer planning to nuke each other out of existence. Give thanks and praise to God! With His help, we might be close allies someday.

 

[Beryllos]

… and with me pray that the Holy Spirit may assist and guide you and your neighbor, and your sister-in-law, your wife, and all your family, toward peace, harmony, goodwill, and love.

 

[fide]

Last night it was getting late and I didn’t have time to look it up in the Bible, but just now I did. In several passages, Jesus commands us to love one another, or to forgive another’s wrongdoing, but I could not find anywhere that we are explicitly told to ask for the other’s forgiveness.

One passage comes close:

Matthew 5:23-26 New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition
So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister* has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister*, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

** In the Greek, it simply says “brother.”*​

In this passage, we are commanded to reconcile. That means more than you forgiving the other person. It means making it right on both sides, restoring a right relationship. That may involve asking for forgiveness, but directly asking for forgiveness may not be the right approach (may not work) in many cases. What if the other is not disposed to forgive?

…

I have another take on this passage, which I’d like to share. Jesus tells us to be reconciled to the brother before offering our gift on the altar. He does not command that the brother be reconciled to us, or that we withhold our worship to God on His altar until that brother becomes reconciled to us. We must be reconciled, not necessarily the other person. He is responsible for his own heart before God; we are responsible for our own heart before God.

Thus:
Rom 12:17 Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all.
Rom 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all.