Prayer request from a soon-to-be Postulant

[iamMyBeloveds]

JMJT
Hey everyone,
Praised be Jesus Christ.
I would sincerely be grateful for any prayer regarding my upcoming entrance into the convent next Sept. 2009. God-willing, I will be entering the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus, the community for which I am currently a candidate. After undergoing a detailed and involved application process, I was joyfully accepted into their order in Nov. 2007. There was so much peace and certainty of my decision at that moment and the time surrounding that initial excitement. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle some doubt that I often struggle with regarding my entrance? I have lived at home all my life (22yrs) with my family, and it’s so hard to imagine leaving them and entering a whole new reality in a few short months. I just cannot even picture doing this because it’s so different from anything I’ve ever done. I want to be a Sister so much, I want to be a Bride of Christ because I believe He has asked me for this. I also want that challenge to holiness that exists beautifully in religious life. **I just need a little encouragement that I’m not crazy for suddenly having this break away from my family that I love dearly. **The sacrifice is so difficult, but this is how I can give my love to Jesus and console His heart.
Please pray for me. I truly appreciate it. May you be richly blessed.

carmelitedcj.org

http://www.carmelitedcj.org/schedule/at_prayer.jpg

 

[daughterofmary]

From the pen of your Holy Mother Teresa of Avila, " I remember - and I think that this is true - that when I left my father’s house I felt such dreadful distress that the pain of death itself cannot be worse. Every bone in my body seemed to be wrenched asunder. For as I had no love for God to subdue my love for my father and relatives, the whole action did me such violence that, if the Lord had not helped me, my resolution would not have been enough to push me forward. But here He gave me courage to fight myself, and so I carried it through. When I took the habit the Lord immediately showed me how He favors those who do violence to themselves in order to serve Him. No one saw what I endured, or thought that I acted out of anything but pure desire. At the moment of my entrance into this new state I felt a joy so great that it has never failed me even to this day; and God converted the dryness of my soul into a very great tenderness. All the details of the religous life delighted me…For now I know from plentiful experience that if I resolutely persist in the purpose from the beginning, and it is done for God’s sake only, His Majesty rewards me even in this life in ways which only one who has known their joys can understand. In such cases, even before we begin, it is His will that the soul, for the increase of its merits, shall be afraid. Then the greater the fear, the greater and sweeter the subsequent reward will be if we succeed."

“If you penetrate to the intimate depths of my poor heart for a few moments and be aware of the horrible struggle I feel at leaving the beings I adore, you’d take pity on me. But God wants this; and, if it were necessary to go through fire, I wouldn’t draw back since I desire this so ardently, God will give me happiness not only in this life but in eternity, as well.” - St. Teresa de los Andes (letter to her brother, Luis, explaining both the pain and joy that accompany her upcoming entrace to Carmel)

Give the doubts to our Lord and our Lady, and keep before you that our Lord has called you to be His spouse, His beloved. Ask your guardian angel, who is with you always in a very special way, to not allow you to forget the beautiful vocation God has set you apart for.

As you desire to be a Carmelite, and desire to do the Lord’s will I know that creatures of this world are too small to satisfy the infinite aspirations of your soul. You must go to our Lord. He with held nothing for Himself when He loved you from the wood of His cross. He even left His heaven. His divinity was eclipsed. How could you give yourself to him in halves? How generous would it be to keep for yourself those to whom you are most bound? What kind of offering would this be to Him? As He has called you and you have responded, your love for Him must surely be above every created thing. These are the thoughts that St. Teresa of the Andes kept before her when she doubted. And in conclusion, St. Teresa of the Andes wrote, “…and even through my own heart be trampled under foot, and torn to bits with pain, I won’t fail to say my goodbyes, because I love Him madly.” You love Him madly too, and the toughest thing you may ever have to do is to sacrifice everything… particuarlly those to whom your most bound, your family. The doubts your having are written about by many of our beloved Carmelite saints. Every time I think of leaving my family for Carmel, I have them. It is painful to leave them, however keep before you the love Christ has for you - the love Christ had for you on the Cross - and keep before you that this life is so short and very soon you and your family will be in God, together, eternally.

The sacrifice is so difficult, but this is how I can give my love to Jesus and console His heart.
Please pray for me. I truly appreciate it. May you be richly blessed.

You are in my prayers. Our Lord has everything worked out. Don’t doubt. Would He call you to this, knowing that in doing this you will forever be absolutely unhappy? Our Lord has called you to this life, knowing that through it, by being His Bride, your soul will find fulfillment and true happiness.

"Love me. I am taking care of everything. You have only to love me." - Jesus (to Sr. Maria Consolata)

 

[onetruechurch]

Wow…I just read the post from daughterof mary…beautiful! There is nothing I can add to that advice.

I will keep you in my prayers tomorrow when I attend mass. You sound like the kind of daughter any parent would be proud of.

 

[iamMyBeloveds]

JMJT
Praised be Jesus Christ
daughterofmary, what beautiful and profound words you have shown to me! I am sincerely and deeply grateful that our Lord has used you as an instrument to bring me closer to trusting in Him! I am nearly in tears reading to words of St. Teresa of Avila! I cannot explain how much this post has touched my heart. I do love Him above everything, and HE must come first in everything because He has loved me first.

the toughest thing you may ever have to do is to sacrifice everything… particuarlly those to whom your most bound, your family.

Yes! You are so right! This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and possibly will ever do in my life. I cannot even imagine it now, but I know that if He wants me in religious life with Him, I will be given all the necessary graces. It’s just so hard to understand with my limited human mind that the suffering I am enduring and will endure even more is a sign I’m not supposed to go this route of religious life. Sometimes when I hurt so much upon thinking about leaving home, I get into the doubtful thought that says things like, “If you were really called, it wouldn’t be this hard”. Thank you for the words of the saints who remind me that they suffered too, and teach me that offering our suffering for Jesus is an unfathomable and beautiful form of love for Him!

Every time I think of leaving my family for Carmel, I have them. It is painful to leave them, however keep before you the love Christ has for you - the love Christ had for you on the Cross - and keep before you that this life is so short and very soon you and your family will be in God, together, eternally.

Are you entering Carmel as well? When and where? I am praying for you! You seem to have such a closeness to our Lord that must make Him radiant with love for you!

Be assured of my prayers. He is with you always! Thank you, thank you, thank you for these profound words! Which particular books of the saints are they from? God bless you always!!

 

[Anlar]

I will include you in my prayers tonight… Just fix your eyes to the Lord and continue walking amidst the great storm and fierce winds…

One question… Does it have to be two years long from the moment of acceptance to their community to becoming a postulant?

May God Bless You!

 

[iamMyBeloveds]

I will include you in my prayers tonight… Just fix your eyes to the Lord and continue walking amidst the great storm and fierce winds…

One question… Does it have to be two years long from the moment of acceptance to their community to becoming a postulant?

May God Bless You!

JMJT

Dear Anlar,
Praised be Jesus Christ!
Thank you so much for your prayers, I truly appreciate them. I will pray for you as well. I will definitely keep walking ahead towards our Lord.
To answer your question about the two years, no it definitely does not have to be two years long from the moment of acceptance to becoming a postulant. In fact, I think two years is the maximum and six months the minimum. The reason I had to wait two years is because after learning to which community I was called, the Sisters and I realized through much prayer that Jesus was not calling me to enter right away, but to finish my last two years of college. In the end, I’m so glad I did!
There was much maturing of my vocation that had to occur, and it was much better on my parents to have me home with them for a little longer, as they have had a really hard time with my entrance into the convent. In summation, it was better for everyone for me to wait for two years. Everyone is different, though!

Thank you so much for your prayers!

 

[daughterofmary]

JMJT

Yes! You are so right! This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and possibly will ever do in my life. I cannot even imagine it now, but I know that if He wants me in religious life with Him, I will be given all the necessary graces. It’s just so hard to understand with my limited human mind that the suffering I am enduring and will endure even more is a sign I’m not supposed to go this route of religious life. Sometimes when I hurt so much upon thinking about leaving home, I get into the doubtful thought that says things like, “If you were really called, it wouldn’t be this hard”. Thank you for the words of the saints who remind me that they suffered too, and teach me that offering our suffering for Jesus is an unfathomable and beautiful form of love for Him!

:hug1:

May our Lord comfort you. Many prayers and hugs for you!

The devil always makes it the most difficult when by something happening much good would come from it. He tries all in his power to stop the something from happening. This something he is trying to hinder now sounds like you entering Carmel. The vocation of a Carmelite, is like St. Teresa of the Andes said, “to love much, to suffer much, and to pray much.” They, through their prayers, save many souls. And the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus have a special life of perpetual sacrifice and prayer which is instrumental in the salvation of many souls - particuarlly the elderly and children. Their whole day and even possibly nights are consecrated to the physical and spiritual care of souls. The devil, I am sure, hates this and does not want to see you belong to our Lord in such a beautiful way. He also too does not want to see these souls cared for or saved. He knows the good God is going to do with you, and he is trying all in his power - that God will allow - to try to convince you not to enter Carmel.

The fact that it is so hard right now just shows the devil is desperate and is really going at it to try to convince you not to enter. But our Lord Himself has called you to give yourself to Him. Can you allow yourself to be distrustful and fearful when He’s the Way, the Truth, and the Life? Continue to pray and keep before you who your future husband is: He is the Lord. He is the King of Heaven and Earth. Trust, and do not let the fool that is the devil keep you from giving yourself totally to Him who has been so good to you and has chosen you, amongst all people, to be His Bride.

Remember that our Holy Mother St. Teresa said that after this trial there will be peace for you here, because our Lord is good and rewards those who sacrifice these things for love of Him.

You will be able to say with St. Teresa of the Andes, “After struggling with so many doubts, I had at last discovered my port, my resting place, my heaven on earth. Only God who sees into my heart can understand how happy I am.”

Are you entering Carmel as well? When and where? I am praying for you!

Hopefully I will enter Carmel. I am praying. I hope to enter the cloister. I am in correspondence with a couple monasteries. I have a year of school to finish, and then one of my best friends is getting married later that fall after I graduate, and then hopefully after I attend her wedding I will be able to enter Carmel and prepare to make my own vows. Your prayers are so much appreciated. I get very scared too and my parents seem a lot like your own, which might be a reason I may have to wait even longer to enter. I hope not. We will pray for each other. :signofthecross:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for these profound words! Which particular books of the saints are they from? God bless you always!!

The Holy Spirit wanted you to see those words, because I hadn’t opened those books in months. I read your post and was just drawn right to them. The quote from St. Teresa was from her autobiography. She speaks of her entering Carmel and the great sacrifice of leaving her father in Ch. 4.

The quotes from St. Teresa of the Andes are from her letters. You can get the book of her letters, if you don’t already have it, at Holy Hill online. Everytime our Lord allows the devil to tempt me with doubts like the ones you are experiencing the Holy Spirit is there and has me open that book of her letters. Her letter to her father (l. 73) and her letter to her brother Luis (l. 81) are probably the most comforting to me at those times. The letters that speak about the vocation of Carmel and what it truly means to be a Carmelite are l. 101 and l. 130. There are some more, but those are the ones I always keep marked. Her letters are beautiful. They will confirm you in your vocation, I know they will.

“Believe me. I’m speaking to you sincerely: I used to believe it was impossible ever to fall in love with a God who is unseen; with someone who can’t be hugged and touched. But today I can affirm with my hand over my heart that God completely makes up for that sacrifice. You feel that love so much and those caresses from Our Lord, that it seems God is there by your side. I feel Him so intimately united to me, that I want nothing more, except the beatific vision in heaven. I feel I’m filled with God, and then I hold Him close to my heart and ask Him to make me experience the perfections of His love. There’s no seperation between us. Where I go, God is with me in my poor heart. That’s the little house where I dwell; it’s my heaven here on earth. I live with God; and, despite being on walks, we converse with each other without anyone being able to suprise us or interrupt us. If you knew Him enough, you’d love Him. If you were with Him for one hour, you’d know just what heaven on earth is.” - St. Teresa of the Andes

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

daughterofmary, Your words are absolutely beautiful! I love the quotes you have included from St. Teresa of the Andes. They have reconfirmed my vocation as well to the Carmelite spirituality.

I, like you, want to join the cloister. I imagined at the beginning of my discernment being able to walk the closest with Christ in the cloister, like St. Therese did. I admire and wish to emulate every sacrifice she made to our Beloved Jesus. Somehow, this desire vanished into the background and I forgot how I felt when I dreamed of the cloister. To me, after that, it became a nightmare. The devil thought of all the lies he could to convince me that I wasn’t called to that way of life. Fortunately, by the grace of God, I have endured that trial and I am now, more than ever, convinced that the cloister is where I am called. I know it will be a huge sacrifice in not being able to go home to see my family, but I cannot deny my Jesus the sacrifice of giving up everything as He did for me. If He is truly calling me there, then I know that He will give me the grace to live that life. Now, whenever I think of living a cloistered life, it’s all I can do not to run to Him right now. I’ve been trying to establish a relationship with a cloistered monastery in Savannah, GA (the Discalced Carmelite Nuns of Our Lady of Confidence) because they are an ever present thought in my mind. I know that if I continue to pray, He will lead me to whatever place He has predestined for me. I hope to visit them in the next couple of months after their prioress, Sr. Joann, has returned from visiting other cloistered Carmels. I don’t want to go when she’s not there because she’s been the one that has helped me the most. I have been most blessed to meet her.

I found a picture online of what the refectory looks like. It is so simple and gorgeous. It is truly oriented towards creating a family amongst the sisters.

http://photos-c.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v355/249/60/706051922/n706051922_1341322_8922.jpg

I will pray for all the vocations to my beloved Carmel. I pray that Jesus will lead you to the place He has prepared for you, and that will make you truly happy. God bless!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Beautiful thread … one that tugs at the heartstrings. Will be keeping you in daily prayer CarmeliteGirl…and on the day you enter, may joy flow into your heart and remain…Barb

 

[Trishie]

St Therese suffered doubt regarding her profession and shared it with her superior. Her doubts were swept away. It isn’t unual to have doubts before a major life-change. I’ll keep you in my prayers and Masses.

God bless your generous soul!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Beautiful thread … one that tugs at the heartstrings. Will be keeping you in daily prayer CarmeliteGirl…and on the day you enter, may joy flow into your heart and remain…Barb

Thank you very much, BarbaraTherese. God bless you and all of those who are offering prayers up for vocations. Know that you are in my prayers as well.

 

[iamMyBeloveds]

JMJT
Praised be Jesus Christ!
I am filled with such love tonight for our Lord Jesus Christ. How helpful you all have been to me with your prayers, and I can feel Jesus giving me all the strength I need to endure.
I am so grateful that the good God is allowing me to experience this suffering and these sacrifices so that I can love Him to a degree of which I have never known. I thank Him for giving me a renewed sense of excitement and joy upon thinking about my upcoming entrance. For some time I have been experiencing many temptations and doubt. Jesus has taught me so much, though, especially by showing me that love is always more than a feeling, it is a decision. No matter how I feel with my sporadic and weak human emotions, He has given me a deep love in my soul for Him above all things, and for that I am grateful. Without Him I am nothing! Totally dependent upon His grace we all must be, because apart from Him, we are nothing! I love Him so much, How I love Him!!!
I thank you all for your support and blessings. I will continue to pray for you all!

Here are some beautiful quotes I have found to be helpful over time. I post them here for anyone who may find them helpful as well. God bless you all!

-“Once a woman hears the call of God to be His bride, nothing else can satisfy her”. -Edith Stein

-“Oh, how much I want to love my God, my Jesus; to live or to die out of gratitude to Him!” -St. Julie Billiart

-“May my life be a continual prayer, one long act of love. May nothing be able to distract me from You…I would like so much, O my Master, to live with You in silence. But what I love above all is to do Your will, and since You still want me to be in the world. I submit with all my heart for love of You. I offer to You the cell of my heart…come to rest there, I love You so”. –Bl. Elizabeth of the Trinity

-“Do not fear leaving your family. The Lord will give you the grace to enter the convent the moment you decide to do so. Just don’t let your humanity shut out the Divine, who wishes to captivate your heart and have you be His forever.” -Mother M. Wendy, Superior of the Sisters of Reparation

-“Don’t doubt it: Your vocation is the greatest grace our Lord could have given you. Thank Him for it.” -St. Josemaria Escriva

-“What does it matter if anyone thinks us mad to throw away our lives. Jesus has loved us, and given His life for us, and anything we can give Him with gratitude seems a very small thing.” -Sr. Mariam of the Holy Spirit, OCD

-“We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials” -St. Teresa of Avila

-“The truth is no one is worthy but if and when He calls you, obey…and trust in Him because He knows when and how many times you will fall and yet He still wants you to be His bride and will always take care of you, whom He loves and and for whom He was willing to suffer”. -Sr. Tracy
http://www.malahidecarmelites.com/Hi/Elizabeth standing in the snow.jpg
-Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Thank you for all you have shared in a very insightful post:thumbsup: The Lord’s riches on your journey and discerning…Barb

 

[CathPhilosopher]

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, and beautiful thoughts from the saints. A quote to share from St. Therese of Lisieux:

I am very happy, my dear little sister, that you do not feel a sensible attraction to come to the Carmel; that is a treat from Jesus, who wants to receive a gift from you. He knows that it is much sweeter to give than to receive. We have only the brief moment of our life to give to the good God… And he already prepares himself to say: “Now it is my turn…[to give to you]” What happiness to suffer for him who loves us to folly and to pass for fools in the eyes of the world. One judges of others according to onself, and as the world is unreasonable it judges that it is we who are unreasonable. (LT 169, August 19, 1894).

St. Therese thought those who had to struggle with doubts especially blessed: they in a certain sense have a greater gift to gift to Jesus.

Some people will probably always think you’re crazy to leave your family and enter, but keep your heart set on Jesus, keep a sense of humor, and don’t mind worries or doubts too much.

At Last I have Found My Vocation: My Vocation is Love!

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, and beautiful thoughts from the saints. A quote to share from St. Therese of Lisieux:

St. Therese thought those who had to struggle with doubts especially blessed: they in a certain sense have a greater gift to gift to Jesus.

Some people will probably always think you’re crazy to leave your family and enter, but keep your heart set on Jesus, keep a sense of humor, and don’t mind worries or doubts too much.

At Last I have Found My Vocation: My Vocation is Love!

St. Therese has such inspiring words for those who are discerning a call to Carmel, like me. I have had many doubts and fears that I will not be able to do this, then I remember, “I can do everything through Christ, who strengthens me.” (Phillippians 4:13) I have learned that I must rely totally on Him if I am going to do what He asks successfully. There is no way I can do it on my own. :nun1:

 

[daughterofmary]

JMJT
Praised be Jesus Christ!
I am filled with such love tonight for our Lord Jesus Christ. How helpful you all have been to me with your prayers, and I can feel Jesus giving me all the strength I need to endure.
I am so grateful that the good God is allowing me to experience this suffering and these sacrifices so that I can love Him to a degree of which I have never known. I thank Him for giving me a renewed sense of excitement and joy upon thinking about my upcoming entrance. For some time I have been experiencing many temptations and doubt. Jesus has taught me so much, though, especially by showing me that love is always more than a feeling, it is a decision. No matter how I feel with my sporadic and weak human emotions, He has given me a deep love in my soul for Him above all things, and for that I am grateful. Without Him I am nothing! Totally dependent upon His grace we all must be, because apart from Him, we are nothing! I love Him so much, How I love Him!!!
I thank you all for your support and blessings. I will continue to pray for you all!

Here are some beautiful quotes I have found to be helpful over time. I post them here for anyone who may find them helpful as well. God bless you all!

-“Once a woman hears the call of God to be His bride, nothing else can satisfy her”. -Edith Stein

-“Oh, how much I want to love my God, my Jesus; to live or to die out of gratitude to Him!” -St. Julie Billiart

-“May my life be a continual prayer, one long act of love. May nothing be able to distract me from You…I would like so much, O my Master, to live with You in silence. But what I love above all is to do Your will, and since You still want me to be in the world. I submit with all my heart for love of You. I offer to You the cell of my heart…come to rest there, I love You so”. –Bl. Elizabeth of the Trinity

-“Do not fear leaving your family. The Lord will give you the grace to enter the convent the moment you decide to do so. Just don’t let your humanity shut out the Divine, who wishes to captivate your heart and have you be His forever.” -Mother M. Wendy, Superior of the Sisters of Reparation

-“Don’t doubt it: Your vocation is the greatest grace our Lord could have given you. Thank Him for it.” -St. Josemaria Escriva

-“What does it matter if anyone thinks us mad to throw away our lives. Jesus has loved us, and given His life for us, and anything we can give Him with gratitude seems a very small thing.” -Sr. Mariam of the Holy Spirit, OCD

-“We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials” -St. Teresa of Avila

-“The truth is no one is worthy but if and when He calls you, obey…and trust in Him because He knows when and how many times you will fall and yet He still wants you to be His bride and will always take care of you, whom He loves and and for whom He was willing to suffer”. -Sr. Tracy
http://www.malahidecarmelites.com/Hi/Elizabeth standing in the snow.jpg
-Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity

So beautiful!

You are in my prayers. Our Lord is going to do such wonderful things with you. Please keep us up to date with how things are going for you.

 

[iamMyBeloveds]

J.M.+J.T.

Hi everyone,
Praised be Jesus Christ!
I just wanted to ask for your prayers again, as my entrance date is most likely going to be changed to Oct. 1st to accommodate some family situations that are happening in Sept (right around the time I would have been scheduled to enter the convent).
This waiting makes everything a little bit harder, in the sense that I cannot wait to live the religious life more fully in the convent, but at the same time it’s nicer in the sense that I get a little bit more time with my family. Is it bad to have mixed feelings about the later date??
I am still a bit nervous about entering (some days VERY nervous when I think about my entire life changing. ) However, there is a lot of peace there too. It’s truly God’s grace that is present with me in all of this. I know that this is what God wants me to do after graduation.
I am trying to live in the here and now, finishing up college and graduating.
Sometimes, however, I just cannot wait to be there, living totally and completely for God, having given up everything for love of Him, and living with my Sisters in the convent. I love the balanced life of prayer, work, and communal fellowship. This doesn’t mean that the adjustment will be easy by any means, but I know that the grace will be there. I trust in Him!!
About 7 months till entrance!
Please, please continue to pray for me , for patience, for perseverance, and to do the will of God in all things.

Thank you all for being there. :nun2:

In the Divine Heart of Jesus,
iamMyBeloveds

 

[iamMyBeloveds]

P.S. Oh, and I heard a wonderful statement from my superior when a woman was questioning me leaving my parents to enter a convent. (People who don’t understand it think I’m being hurtful to my parents in leaving home to pursue my vocation. I’ve dealt with this quite a bit.) She asked the Sisters, “How can she choose to do that?”, and she said, “Our Lord is a very good and jealous lover. He wants all of her. He’ll take care of the rest.”