I’m very humbled by all of the affection and the response. I got a little teary eye reading your responses.
Sometimes, it’s easier to tell others that they need to detach than to do so. There was a time when I was teaching everywhere: seminary, religious formation, secular orders, pro-life ministry, CCD, teens, and university. I was doing it all at the same time. I stopped for prayer, ate one meal a day and kept going. I did this as a religious, later as a husband and father and then again as a religious on my return to religious life.
I have always been a very curious person. For example, my first contact with the TLM was quite a while ago. I think I may have attended two, maybe three masses and I didn’t dislike it, but I did not feel that I could not live without it either. In my mind, it was just another form of the mass. My Latin was good enough that I could read along in the missal and I knew what I was reading. So language was never the problem.
As time went on, I kept reading what people were saying about it and meeting people who were very involved with the TLM. One of our brothers who is a priest is very interested in the TLM. I started to read as much as I could about people’s experiences and as much as I could find on the history and theology of the TLM. I actually became quite knowledgeable on the matter. I attended some lectures and workshops as well. To make a long story short (too late), I volunteered to teach it to others. I only got to teach it twice, because of poor health.
The point is that I’ve always been very active be it teaching, learning or doing both at the same time. As time goes on, health and age have started to work against me. Sometimes, it’s very easy to get bored when I’m not up and cramming 30 hours into a 16 hour day.
I look back now and I realize what I would do. When my wife died, I would drive one hour each way to go to work and still run a home with two very young kids, be active in ministry, take care of my mom, earned another degree. You can’t support a family on a theology degree. That’s another story.
Now, I look back and I ask myself, what happened?
I prayed and seriously thought about resigning as superior, but the brothers would not hear it. They have a point. The community is very young. I’m the only one in solemn vows, because I came out of the larger Franciscan family. The other brothers came from the OFS or the larger Catholic community. They would need another religious to lead them and continue their formation. In that regard, I feel blessed to be able to offer them something. They’re so wonderful. They’re very loving, very supportive and very compliant. These men really want to serve God and his people. There is nothing that they won’t do for the Lord. They work very hard. We don’t get any money from any source. Our constitutions reflect the early rule of St. Francis. The brothers must work to eat. Only if they cannot earn enough can they beg. Our brothers work hard in ministry, but also to earn money to eat and pay bills. They share much of what we take in.
Why am I sharing this?
I guess I believe that people should know that religious and communities are real people. We’re not “Going My Way” or “Bells of St. Mary” I wish that life were that simple. As long as religious life is made up of real human beings we will have to deal with the same issues as other human beings: aging, health, finances, sin, virtue, moods, personalities, prayer, fidelity, perseverance, and humility.
I’m probably lacking in many virtues, especially in humility and in docility. Having to spend more time sitting and less time out there is a penance. It’s my little purgatory. I want to be able to offer it up to God with cheer and generosity. I will confess that there are days when I don’t feel overly cheery or too generous. There are days when I feel bored.
I appreciate your prayers, especially that God will grant me the grace to accept limitations and to turn boredom into moments of grace.
Some of you asked me once to write a book. I’ve been working on reviewing some things that I have written and I may have something in the near future. I’m not promising anything. Just saying. What I’d like to write about more than anything else is all of you. God has made each of you a very special gift in my life. You’ve been a gift that has affirmed what I have always believed, every life is sacred, even those whose faces we never see. We must always honor every human being, known and unknown, because each person is a means that God uses to touch our soul.
The Seraphic Father is definitely praying for you, and we need to have a talk about you together. 
