Prayer Request - Huge Doubt

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Joe_73

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My doubt snuck up on me, and it’s about as big as it get’s. I’m my own devil’s advocate. gradually overtime some of these arguments have built up. I’ve been struggling with whether to believe the Eastern orthodox or Catholic side of view. Yesteryday I just made some good progress in terms of overcoming sin, I went to confession, and then to adoration service last night. I was hoping I might resolve some worries(Eucharistic dounts and uncertainties) But My heart/mind/soul cracked unexpectedly during most of the service.I was crying, but for dark reasons. It was something slowly sneaking up since that morning I think. Intillectually, it felt like I became completely convinced of atheism, that God wasn’t there. these are the the reasons. One, I had opposings argument I had trouble counterting:

1.Religion is the result of evolution/natural selection, first natural selection made people who fear death(in order to survive), then humans evolved and took over surviving very well due to their high inteligence. then as a result of their high inteligence, they understood that everyone dies, and to escape that unshakable fear of death it was easy for them to “take the bait”, and believe in life after death, and eternal happiness. So essentially the claim that religion is an emotional defense against death.
  1. Less strong argument, but the knowledge that everything I know about God has been passed on to me from others, How do I know the original source is reliable? How do I know early believers did not just “take the bait”, as described above, and that history is just painting a positive light on everybody, due to bias. How can I trust the unknown(History, because its so subjective)? All miracles and things I know about, are shrouded in obscurity. some have misleading “facts” being passed around(guadalupe), that would be obviously miraculous, but they aren’t true, like the eye’s dialating, for example. And the “people in the eyes”, claim is not amazing proof. The images are very blobby, and it could well be people reading faces and figures into blobby shapes. People online say it’s “irredescent”, that is, colors change from distance or angle, but due to other misleading claims, I am having a hard time trusting that, and other claims. It is also a fact that the Guadalupe was at least retouched. People are saying the retouched parts aged, and the original didn’t, but see how complicated it gets? It doesn’t feel like this can bolster my faith the way it used to. It’s hard to believe anything about it now. There’s a skeptical angle on every miracle.
  2. What is if this is just me unable to cope with death, and the emotional loss of an imaginary friend who knows me perfectly(because friends in real life don’t really know me on a deep level).
  3. The knowledge of the placebo affect, and many false religions. Even if God wasn’t there in the sacrament, people would still be filled with reverence and praise because they thought he was there. The nagging feeling that we all could be duped.
    (continues)
 
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(continued)
Well anyway. It was awful because it felt like the entire faith of my soul,was absolutely gone, dead.

I did talk to a priest, immedieately after the adoration. His advice for me was kind of along the lines, “sometimes you just have to fake it to you make it”, “this is not an uncommon thing to go through”, “faith is a trust fall”. I was still really worried.

I’m barely managing to keep going, a couple reasons I am barely holding onto to keep going: fear of sin, If denying God is wrong, I don’t want to get in trouble and end up in hell. and If he really did die on the cross for my sins I don’t want to reject that, If he loved that much, I should love him in return.God deserves a chance to prove me wrong, If I get through this faith challenge, there isn’t much left that I won’t know how to handle, and so there could be a reason God let this happen. To emotionally distressing to consider God non existent. Life all amounts to nothing if everyone dies. To disturbing to loose loving friends I’ve found in the faith. I also felt some shame, like no one respect me If I don’t believe in God, I’d betray all their hopes. How could I remain honest, and admit I lost my faith to the priest who decided to pray for me. That is particuarily bothersome, because from previous phsycological struggles, Shame is usually a thing to overcome, to defeat, but I don’t want removeing my shame to remove my faith. the knowledge that If I can overcome these intilectual obstacles, There won’t be much left, and I could probably help other people in their faith, is also something positive to hope for. I’m afraid I’m going to test God. “I’ll give you a chance, but you need to not let me down”.

I spilled every dark thought I could think of here, because from my experience, you need to bring it to the surface to set it straight.

I’m teetering.

I need prayers.
 
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Hi there,
I’m sorry you are having doubt. I will pray for you. I try to pray for all on CAF who are experiencing doubt because I feel really bad for them all, they seem to be struggling greatly with this issue and it is very painful for them.

The Prayer Request forum is specifically for requesting and offering prayers, and we are not supposed to engage in discussions here, including offering advice. I think the priest already gave you some decent advice to be honest. I will say that if you do a cost-benefit analysis of your life and situation, you will end up in the same place (i.e. dead) whether you believe or not. So if God etc. turned out to be all false, then when you die, you will have lost nothing. If on the other hand God turned out to be all true, then when you die, you will have lost everything. Therefore, from a risk mitigation standpoint, the course of action is clear. (I got this discussion point from an elderly priest. )

If you would like more advice, I would suggest starting a thread in one of the other forums like Apologetics or Spirituality.
 
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(posted this on the other thread)
I did some ridiculously philisophical thinking(by means of free writing), It lead me to the conclusion, that atheistic science does not have a very good explanation for consciousness to different degrees, besides the theory that everything is conscious, which doesn’t hold up well with me, because it doesn’t explain localized, but widespread conciousness(in the brain). Why wouldn’t consciousness extend past it? Why does our consciousness stop at “sensors” . Just something beyond our comprehension anyway. It didn’t do too much though, cause at that point things got too incomprehensible and confusing to arrive at any conclusion… the idea of Natural selection was bothering me a bit.But It did fill me with a sense of awe at the vastness of the universe, the unlikeliness of inteligent life, ithe universe would have to start out with a monumentally massive ammount of particles interacting with eachother for organisms as we see them to make sense in terms of probably. Because while indeed god could work through it, it seemed so crude to create a whole bunch of animals just to let them die out and have the survival of the fittest.
Good News
I kinda complained to God, in humbility “I will do try to do my part, but you got to do something to get me through this”.
At one point I thought I should ask God for a sign, and I vaguely got the idea that God was just waiting for me to ask, and to pick one. So I put on a piece of paper the first thing that came to mind for a sign. A rabbit, with a 7 on it, seven rabbits would do as well.

So I went to mass this evening. I knew I was to confused, broken, and needed some guidance, so I refrained from recieving communion, cause I didn’t want to risk it. But It hit me near that time, It’s dark likely that Jesus is here and I’m doing him no good not trusting his church. Still a little confused. But After mass I remembered The testimony of a priest giving a local talk, and he shared that one time there was a guy at the back of the church in sort of a fit, and he prayed for any demonic influences to be driven out(if they were there), and at that moment the guy relaxed. I should trust this guy,so I do have something miraculous to hang on to, even though I forgot about it.

I probably could still use some prayers though. I’m still in a dangerous spot. And my faith is quite weak and troubled; tentative. I was wondering why God doesn’t show himself very much, and I never really got very much of an answer except recalling that sign. I might not need more. but we will see. I think I definately have some more stuff to talk about with a spiritual director or someone.
 
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Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, Implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided
Inspired by this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen. ✝️
 
Prayer for Faith

Lord, I wish to believe in Thee. Let my faith be
full and unreserved. Let it penetrate my way
of judging Divine and human things. Lord, let
my faith give peace and gladness to my spirit.

Lord, let my faith be humble; let it surrender
to the testimony of the Holy Spirit, and not
have any better guarantee than in docility
to Tradition and to the magisterium of the Holy
Church. Amen. 🙏

(Adapted from a prayer by Pope Paul VI.)
 
Your suggestions were followed. This prayer request is now in the spirituality forum. God bless you.
 
Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, Implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To you do I come , before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen
 
St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.
 
Well, as Tis_Bearself said, all we can do in this forum is offer and request prayers.

St. Michael the Archangel, come to Joe’s aid.

St. Michael, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
 
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