D
dostoyevskyfan
Guest
I don’t know how effective this will be, but it doesn’t present any risk to me. I have mild bipolar disorder and have been hospitalized three times for contemplating suicide (never actually attempted). I spent around three months in a place that affords you less freedoms than jail, and a few months in a halfway house. But that was 10 years ago. In college I had what I believed was an “inner locution” but my therapist described it as “thought insertion” which is a symptom of my illness. Either way, I started going to mass again because of it. I have never had the “symptom of thought insertion” ever again but I sometimes receive a similar euphoric sensation during prayer, but that’s rare as it usually requires a few solid hours of prayer to obtain that effect. I am almost fully functional now but I can’t fall asleep at night. Death is preferable to the quality of life on mood stabilizers, so I opt out; also because Jesus never took anti-depressants but I suspect he would have been prescribed them had they been available. When I don’t drink alcohol, I end up contemplating God and various other religious subjects, including saints and great works of literature, until 4am. I also have impurity issues, but I very rarely sin against someone other than myself. I’m just hoping someone will toss me a prayer if they get a chance. Thank you.
