Please pray for me. I don't know if you can say that my faith is faltering. I just can't handle the pain of being destroyed completely by someone I loved and trusted. The shame I feel right now makes me want to hide from the Lord. I offended him so greatly. I cannot forgive myself. I was trying to be strong but now I know that I am getting weaker. Before I make a horrible mistake, I want to stop myself. Yesterday I began to have thoughts about killing myself. Forgive me for writing this. Forgive me for thinking this. I just cannot stand it. Six years ago I had a hard time so I told the Lord I couldn't stand it, so please introduce me to the man that will never leave me and I will marry. I still believe that the Lord answered my prayers. But maybe we messed it all up. I really can't bear it anymore. My sins have corrupted my soul and all the prayers and self control I had until now cannot change my mind. I simply cannot forgive myself. It is much easier to understand others and to forgive others than to forgive myself. I cannot bear it any longer. I am just waiting for a miracle. I still pray and try so hard not to think about it. But it seeps in. I earnestly cry out to our Father, "Father, I need your help. I cannot bear this alone. Please help me. I know I have sinned. I do not wish to offend you. But I grow weaker and weaker everyday and will soon fall into temptation. Please help me. I rather die than offend you. But by dying I also offend you. Therefore I ask for your help. I need a miracle. Help me please."
