T
tabsie3210
Guest
I love everyone here! Y’all have been kind, friendly, and have given me good advice that helps me through some of the dark periods. Bless all of you, and I do love you.
Anyway…
I mentioned before I have Depressive Anxiet Disorder, meaning I am subject to Major Depression episodes (unlike Manic Depressive, I start out normal, sink into a serious low, and eventually come back up to normal again, instead of going from a low to a wild, manic high) and panic attacks (reading about flying saucers and alien visitations will throw me into a fit :ehh: ).
One of the symptoms I have is what I call Mental Clutter. I don’t pray very well because I can be in the middle of a solomn prayer and end up totally losing train of thought. I wind up somewhere else, seriously distracted. Usually when I focus closely on something that’s external, I’m able to block out any distractions (which is why when I read I’m oblivious to other people, and why during Mass I can get into both the readings and the homily, since they’re easy to pay attention to). But when I’m trying to be silent or to pray, I have serious trouble keeping up.
Praying aloud doesn’t help much because I’m afraid that I’m just babbling the words, since internally, I’m still not able to focus.
I can write, though. As is evident from the way I’ve been going all over the board over here. When I’m writing I’m collecting my thoughts and organizing them, going back over what I’ve previously written and keeping myself on track.
( I got a BA in English Lit, imagine that.
)
Is writing down a prayer acceptable, instead of saying them aloud. I don’t just mean jotting down prayers and thoughts the way many saints do or did, to record their personal time with God. I mean, writing down things like the Hail Mary or the Glory Be, in order to actually make me focus on what I’m saying and doing and thinking.
Many times I end up getting Hail Mary’s, Glory Be’s and Our Father’s for penance, but I find praying inside the church distracting, since there’s usually something going on, like choir practice (ours is a family church).
I’m wondering if it’s morally acceptable and fits the bill of saying the prayers if I write them out. I don’t just mean jot them down and throw the paper away, I mean… well, write about why I’m saying them and what they mean. Take apart the prayer and explain what it is that each one means to me and to my salvation, and why am I petitioning God, etc.
Because just writing down a prayer is about as useful as mindless repetition, I know. I’m thinking, “study” the prayer.
Or is it better to say the prayers in chruch after confession and then do a discourse when I get home?
Anyway…
I mentioned before I have Depressive Anxiet Disorder, meaning I am subject to Major Depression episodes (unlike Manic Depressive, I start out normal, sink into a serious low, and eventually come back up to normal again, instead of going from a low to a wild, manic high) and panic attacks (reading about flying saucers and alien visitations will throw me into a fit :ehh: ).
One of the symptoms I have is what I call Mental Clutter. I don’t pray very well because I can be in the middle of a solomn prayer and end up totally losing train of thought. I wind up somewhere else, seriously distracted. Usually when I focus closely on something that’s external, I’m able to block out any distractions (which is why when I read I’m oblivious to other people, and why during Mass I can get into both the readings and the homily, since they’re easy to pay attention to). But when I’m trying to be silent or to pray, I have serious trouble keeping up.
Praying aloud doesn’t help much because I’m afraid that I’m just babbling the words, since internally, I’m still not able to focus.
I can write, though. As is evident from the way I’ve been going all over the board over here. When I’m writing I’m collecting my thoughts and organizing them, going back over what I’ve previously written and keeping myself on track.
( I got a BA in English Lit, imagine that.
)Is writing down a prayer acceptable, instead of saying them aloud. I don’t just mean jotting down prayers and thoughts the way many saints do or did, to record their personal time with God. I mean, writing down things like the Hail Mary or the Glory Be, in order to actually make me focus on what I’m saying and doing and thinking.
Many times I end up getting Hail Mary’s, Glory Be’s and Our Father’s for penance, but I find praying inside the church distracting, since there’s usually something going on, like choir practice (ours is a family church).
I’m wondering if it’s morally acceptable and fits the bill of saying the prayers if I write them out. I don’t just mean jot them down and throw the paper away, I mean… well, write about why I’m saying them and what they mean. Take apart the prayer and explain what it is that each one means to me and to my salvation, and why am I petitioning God, etc.
Because just writing down a prayer is about as useful as mindless repetition, I know. I’m thinking, “study” the prayer.
Or is it better to say the prayers in chruch after confession and then do a discourse when I get home?
