Prayers and advice appreciated re: no more children

[lifeisbeautiful]

Dear newlywed,

I will have you and your husband in my prayers. In no way, shape or form do I think the feelings you have imply that you do not appreciate the blessings you have already. I think it is very reasonable for you to feel how you do given the circumstances (infertility isn’t the same as one person saying they don’t want more kids), but please don’t let this make you feel discouraged. Pray for your husband, maybe he will have a change of heart. Pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you, whether it be helping you find the right words to talk with your husband, or simply help you live your vocation to marriage as best you can. Something for you to think about, no need to answer one here: Are you using NFP or ABC? If ABC, maybe focusing on changing from that to NFP would be the first step you would need to take. If NFP, do you and your husband talk about your reasons to avoid and how you feel about them? Maybe proposing some time to just discuss your reasons would be helpful to have you both on the same page. Prayerful discernment is integral to using NFP while seeking to find God’s will for one’s family.

FWIW… I was thinking about the posts about losing a father. My dad had me in his 20’s (and was very athletic and healthy) and yet he passed away when I was 3 (cancer). I had 2 close friends with older dads and both of them are still alive. In fact, one (she is in her 30’s) just posted a picture of her dad last week celebrating his 80 something birthday with all his kids (6) and grand-kids. Growing up I remember 2 students losing their dads, both in high school. One died in a private plane accident (he was flying it), another her dad (in his early 40’s, so probably had her in his 20’s) passed away from a heart attack. We don’t know what God has in store for our lives and I don’t feel we should live in fear of it.
I don’t know if this helps or not, to know other families that have been able to do it, but my husband and I have a similar age difference and got married at similar ages. He has changed so many diapers, probably rivaling HoosierDaddy and he is still up for changing more if God were to bless us with more (lol, our changing table is the one item we have gotten the most mileage from out of all our baby furniture/equipment.)

Also, remember, though, even if you were to agree to be open to more children, it is still up to God to decide if He will send any. Don’t mourn not reaching a certain number. You do know your vocation includes taking care of your marriage and your current children, and you can pray that your and your husband can seek to find what God plans for you in the future.
I wish you the best, newlywed8, God Bless!

 

[bitterhope]

Dear newlywed,

I will have you and your husband in my prayers. In no way, shape or form do I think the feelings you have imply that you do not appreciate the blessings you have already. I think it is very reasonable for you to feel how you do given the circumstances (infertility isn’t the same as one person saying they don’t want more kids), but please don’t let this make you feel discouraged. Pray for your husband, maybe he will have a change of heart. Pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you, whether it be helping you find the right words to talk with your husband, or simply help you live your vocation to marriage as best you can. Something for you to think about, no need to answer one here: Are you using NFP or ABC? If ABC, maybe focusing on changing from that to NFP would be the first step you would need to take. If NFP, do you and your husband talk about your reasons to avoid and how you feel about them? Maybe proposing some time to just discuss your reasons would be helpful to have you both on the same page. Prayerful discernment is integral to using NFP while seeking to find God’s will for one’s family.

FWIW… I was thinking about the posts about losing a father. My dad had me in his 20’s (and was very athletic and healthy) and yet he passed away when I was 3 (cancer). I had 2 close friends with older dads and both of them are still alive. In fact, one (she is in her 30’s) just posted a picture of her dad last week celebrating his 80 something birthday with all his kids (6) and grand-kids. Growing up I remember 2 students losing their dads, both in high school. One died in a private plane accident (he was flying it), another her dad (in his early 40’s, so probably had her in his 20’s) passed away from a heart attack. We don’t know what God has in store for our lives and I don’t feel we should live in fear of it.
I don’t know if this helps or not, to know other families that have been able to do it, but my husband and I have a similar age difference and got married at similar ages. He has changed so many diapers, probably rivaling HoosierDaddy and he is still up for changing more if God were to bless us with more (lol, our changing table is the one item we have gotten the most mileage from out of all our baby furniture/equipment.)

Also, remember, though, even if you were to agree to be open to more children, it is still up to God to decide if He will send any. Don’t mourn not reaching a certain number. You do know your vocation includes taking care of your marriage and your current children, and you can pray that your and your husband can seek to find what God plans for you in the future.
I wish you the best, newlywed8, God Bless!

Very nice post.

 

[ktmeyer]

My husband didn’t want more children. It was a source of great pain for me. But I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed that he’d change his mind or I would get past the pain. And we talked about it respectfully, because it was important.

And most of all we watched the excellent movie “Yours, Mine, and Ours”, the old version, not the new one. And something about seeing that big, happy family changed his mind.

I’m now 22 weeks pregnant with my fourth

So talk about it, and find out his real issues which may not be the first reasons he gives, and rent that movie

 

[ktmeyer]

Also, do you know people with more kids? Being around men with lots of kids helped my husband a lot too. In our society more than 2 is just so “weird” to many, he needed to see the normalcy of bigger families. I also reminded him that his own father was one of many children, and his grandmother. And we talked about his personal fears…that he wouldn’t have enough time for all the kids (they’d have each other, which makes up for it), that our house was too small (discussed how many generations raised bigger families in much smaller houses and were happy), etc. As for age, having more siblings means they have more family even when we are dead and buried.

But really, that silly Lucille Ball movie was the turning point.

 

[Viki63]

Aging is actually a thing.

:crutches:

Yes, it is.

I was 52 wen we adopted our youngest at 10 months. I knew it might be rocky in the future, but we’re glad we did. She is the love of our lives despite some of our concerns for her lifestyle now, 20 years later.

You never know what the future holds, best to enjoy the present and love the people we have.

.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

I often wonder how many any married woman pre-menopause don’t go through the worry process every month. One way or the other, either hoping they have, or hoping they have not conceived.

Or perhaps more exactly how many women and how often in life are entirely relaxed that what God wants will happen and they are happy either way.

Just a thought ?

I can honestly say I never thought about it for thirteen years…

Ages 12 to 25. And then I got married