Prayers and advice needed with MIL

[Kelfa28]

Let me start out by saying that this isn’t a “typical” MIL rant.
I love her and she loves me. She loves her grandchild like crazy and is wonderful with her.
While she isn’t Catholic, she doesn’t have a problem with my husband and I being Catholic and respects our decisions.
Further more…my husband and his mother have a healthy relationship. He is not a “mama’s boy” and she doesn’t dote upon him or expect him to put her first.

With that being said…we are still in a very difficult situation in regards to her and her decision making skills and the problems she seems to put herself into…and her way of handling these situations.

She has a tendency to apartment hop from cheap place to cheap place. She tries to find the cheapest apartment she can…which tends to result in living in bad areas with crazy, dysfunctional neighbors that cause all kinds of problems.

We thought we had gotten her out of a bad situation with the last apartment and were comfortable that she was now living in a building with her Church friends.
However, this apartment is much worse with a crazy neighbor that has all kinds of mental health issues and a middle-aged son, who lives with her, and is very violent and has made all kinds of threats against my MIL and the other neighbors and the Landlord. He also has a girlfriend who he is violent with…verbally and physically.

My husband and I had no idea this was going on for the better part of a year until this past week.
My MIL came over to visit a few days ago…while hubby was at work…and unloaded everything on me.
Apparently she was served with a restraining order from the neighbors for some bogus reasons that are all delusional and made up…they were claiming she has cat feces piled up and the smell is bothering them (my MIL hasn’t owned a cat or any animal in years) and is constantly whispering hateful things through their walls to them (my MIL isn’t home that much between work, her Church and her family).
The judge upheld the order and now my MIL can’t go home without fear of being arrested.

She doesn’t know what to do…she has no money saved up to either move or get a lawyer, which is another huge issue because my husband and I have no idea what she does with her money.
She has a good job, she lives frugally and doesn’t buy lavish things for herself or anyone else.
We have a funny feeling a huge, majority of the money is going to her Church and we aren’t sure how to approach this or talk to her about it.

She won’t budge with her Church (non-denominational)…but she needs a reality check. I’ve tried to help her find apartments in safer areas with landlords or tenants we know…or possible renting a small cottage to herself.
She always says it’s too expensive and won’t consider it.

She’s going to be staying with us for a little while and we might need to seriously sit down and talk with her and ask some difficult questions.

I guess I’m just asking for prayers and some sound advice…I know this is a bit long but if anyone needs any more details…feel free to ask.

Thanks and God-bless.

 

[EasterJoy]

Do you know any of her other friends from her church? They may have more luck with her than you will.

As for “not having the money”, she may have some that she has saved but is unwilling to spend. Many people consider their retirement savings (or the money they hope to leave to their children or favorite charity when they die) to be sacrosanct. It is untouchable. Others just do not want to open their wallet in the vicinity of a lawyer. You may want to contact your own attorney and ask what it would actually cost to cope with this problem. It may not be as expensive as your MIL thinks, or as affordable as you do.

One possibility is to contact her landlord(s). If he/she/they are aware of the situation and the threats against them, he/she/they may move to evict the problematic tenants or protect the other tenants from them. Obviously, they are in a position to provide information to the judge that there is no evidence of your mother ever having any kind of pet in her unit. If these people are terrorizing their good tenants, the landlords may be willing to take on the expense to step in before they are left only with the problem tenants.

As for the rest, she’s an adult, and you can’t interfere any more with her than she has a right to interfere with you and your decisions. Unless you think she has a health disorder that is distorting her judgment, you can advise her when she asks, but after that you have to let her live her own life.

 

[Kelfa28]

Thank-you for your prayers and advice…

Her landlord knows everything that has happened and actually served these neighbors an eviction notice yesterday.

Unfortunately they have a month to leave…which I’m sure they’ll either figure out a way to fight this or something worse will happen.

We have been trying to be as respectful and understanding as possible…yes, she is an adult and should be treated as such…but I really don’t want to see her get hurt.

She needs a lawyer more then anything but doesn’t seem up to taking the initiative.

 

[yukonbrad]

I am not sure how the leagal system works in the states but up here one does require some evidence to obtain a restraining order and such a hearing would have been disclosed to your MIL at which she would have been able to attend and refute such claims even without a lawyer. It seems odd regardless of process that one could simply obtain a restraining order on heresay alone and a judge would want to hear from all parties BEFORE granting such an order.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am not sure how the leagal system works in the states but up here one does require some evidence to obtain a restraining order and such a hearing would have been disclosed to your MIL at which she would have been able to attend and refute such claims even without a lawyer. It seems odd regardless of process that one could simply obtain a restraining order on heresay alone and a judge would want to hear from all parties BEFORE granting such an order.

This whole thing sets off my “hinky meter.” No judge would issue a restraining order because the person reporting them said they were whispering through the walls! I wonder if there even is a restraining order. The first thing I would do is check to see if it even exists.

OP, your MIL may have mental problems herself. Her neighbors, if they really are this bad, definitely have mental problems. I seriously cannot believe this story about the restraining order. If the neighbors told her that, and she believed it, without any evidence of it, then you will have to do the footwork for her and discover whether any of what she has said is true.

One of the lessons I have learned in this life is that people get what they want. The drama of your MIL’s surroundings is not an accident. It may not be conscious, but it is what she wants. Hard to imagine, but rescuing someone usually doesn’t work.

 

[Kelfa28]

Oh, there is a restraining order. My MIL showed it to me…it’s totally ridiculous!

My MIL currently has a warrant out for her arrest…seriously! For a domestic. She’s a crippled, bible carrying, grandmother…who has never been in trouble for anything in her entire life.

The only thing we can think of is the cop lied on his report and we know the judge didn’t get a good look at the paper because the neighbor went into hysterics and was bawling in front of the judge…complaining about nonsense.

This whole thing is getting out of hand and it’s driving my husband and I crazy. Anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong.

This landlord messed up big time. I guess these tenants are his ex wife’s relatives and he didn’t want to get involved…despite the fact that this son is not on the lease, has a long and violent rap sheet and already tried to kick the door down of my MIL’s neighbor.

Cops were called for that incident and nothing was done…AND we just found out about this today!

Anyone know if we can go after the landlord? If he can wave rent for her while she stays here or be responsible for the retainer for a lawyer?

Looks like hubby and I will be footing this bill…money we can’t afford to give up.

I’m not making this up…prayers please!

 

[EasterJoy]

Oh, there is a restraining order. My MIL showed it to me…it’s totally ridiculous!

My MIL currently has a warrant out for her arrest…seriously! For a domestic. She’s a crippled, bible carrying, grandmother…who has never been in trouble for anything in her entire life.

The only thing we can think of is the cop lied on his report and we know the judge didn’t get a good look at the paper because the neighbor went into hysterics and was bawling in front of the judge…complaining about nonsense.

This whole thing is getting out of hand and it’s driving my husband and I crazy. Anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong.

This landlord messed up big time. I guess these tenants are his ex wife’s relatives and he didn’t want to get involved…despite the fact that this son is not on the lease, has a long and violent rap sheet and already tried to kick the door down of my MIL’s neighbor.

Cops were called for that incident and nothing was done…AND we just found out about this today!

Anyone know if we can go after the landlord? If he can wave rent for her while she stays here or be responsible for the retainer for a lawyer?

Looks like hubby and I will be footing this bill…money we can’t afford to give up.

I’m not making this up…prayers please!

Did she miss a court date? If she has a warrant out for her arrest, then yes, she needs a lawyer. Don’t ask us the legal questions. Ask the lawyer. If her lawyer calls the court with questions, he will not have to divulge anything about where she is or what she has told him. My understanding is that no one else would have that protection, including you. If she is accused of something truly serious, you could get in trouble for harboring her.

You might also contact her pastor. If it is a close-knit congregation, (or she) might be able to offer her some kind of help. Call the lawyer first, though, get instructions concerning what you may and may not say to whom, and follow those instructions to the letter.