Prayers and help for dealing with my inlaws this holiday

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Hello:

I need prayers and help. I posted a while back about my concerns for my godson (a Marine stationed several states away from home planning a wedding outside the church). I did send him a lovingly worded letter that was vetted by my very knowledgeable priest but have heard nothing from him. His mother (my sister-in-law) knows I sent it and even has a copy (I sent it to her at her request) but has also not responded in any way.

I will likely be seeing my in-laws, including my sister-in-law but not likely my godson, this coming holiday weekend and, truth be told, I’m worried about what will happen. My in-laws do tend to be clannish and ignore me unless I speak to them or to criticize my choices. Of course, I’m not planning to bring up my godson’s wedding in any way, but still…

Every time a family gathering like this comes up, I find myself stewing about it for weeks beforehand. I’d love to confront them but I know that what I say will only make things worse. I know Im not perfect but I can’t think of anything I’ve said or done to hurt or anger them (outside of this letter, and it was not my intent to anger them, just to point out Church teaching on marriage).

Prayers and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have also posted this in the prayer intentions thread. If that violates forum rules in any way, I do understand.
 
Can you shorten your visit or relieve it with some outings? Plan something to look forward to during that trip.

With regard to the letter, I wouldn’t have expected anything back from the godson if the answer was “no,” by the way. Under the circumstances, you’re lucky to have gotten out of this without some huge fight.
 
Thanks for the response Xantippe.

I understand what you’re saying, but in all honesty, the big fight will be taking place this weekend, hence my apprehension. Sorry I didn’t make that clear in my first post.
 
Ah–I thought it was Christmas we were talking about. That was a reading fail on my part. Sorry!

I’d say just refuse to participate in “the fight”. If anybody makes a federal case of your letter, just say something like, “I wrote everything I have to say in the letter. Hey, isn’t little Chloe ADORABLE!!!” or alternately, “my letter to nephew is between me and nephew. If he wants to talk to me about it, I’ll talk to him. Could I have another hotdog?” And if they persist, you can wrap it up and go home.

And don’t you start a fight. Just figure out what’s the shortest time you can politely spend at the gathering and head home around then.

It’s too bad you had to send your letter just before a major holiday get together.
 
I am sorry they treat you this way. You did nothing wrong by writing the letter and standing up for your beliefs. A godparent is supposed to inform and guide about the faith.

It was very nice of you to send a copy of the letter to mil, but I don’t understand why she needed it.

As for the clannish behavior, this is difficult. Sometimes no matter what you do, it will still exist. So be true to yourself, and pray that this behavior fails to intimidate you.

The hard part-when you arrive, be the first to say hello and that you are happy to see them.

If someone starts to argue or wants to bring things up-tell them you are very happy to clear the air, but this is not the time and place, as it is a family gathering. They can call you anytime.

It takes courage sometimes to defend your beliefs

I agree with Xantippe–it’s a private matter.
 
Thanks for all the responses one and all. It is all stuff I knew in my head but it helps to have others say it too.

I do intend to do all that you say – go there, smile and try to be as kind as I can. I won’t bring up the issue on my own. If it comes up I will just say, “I’ve said what I had to say in my letter. As he is my Godson, I felt it was my duty to send it. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. But for the rest, it’s between me and him. How 'bout that World Cup, eh?” It’s what I intend to say/do, but I am a very weak human being and I’m praying madly that I handle this as God wants me to. That’s what I’m stewing about – imagining how it will play out (a useless obsession, but there it is).

Yes, I knew when I was writing the letter and in this time since I sent it (about a month ago actually), that it would open a whole can of worms and no one would exactly welcome it with a brass band and bouquets. But, I had to send it or else I would not be doing my job as a godmother. When his mother heard about it, she texted me the next day asking for a copy. I too wondered why (my godson is an adult after all) and also if I should send her a copy. I decided to as I have nothing to hide and perhaps she’s been struggling how to deal with the issue (albeit unbeknownst to me – she’s the in-law I have the most difficulty with as a general rule).

I also figured that this is how it would be – no response other than whatever the fallout will be this weekend (the next time I would probably see that part of the family in person) and whenever I see my godson next (which may be this weekend but probably not until Thanksgiving/Christmas).

Again thanks for the advice, encouragement and above all prayers.
 
Praying for your visit, I would not want to tackle this myself so I will support you with prayer.
 
Monicad:

You are probably right. At the time I sent it to her, I felt my choice was to send it to her or not. I didn’t feel I could word a negative response charitably at the time. My feeling was, “where do you get off, asking for a copy of a letter sent to your ADULT son?” I felt it was more charitable to her to respond as I did. I didn’t really think about what was more charitable concerning my godson at that point.

Perhaps I should clarify at this point – my sister-in-law would not have been aware of my letter at all if I had had my druthers. It seems my husband mentioned it to her at a family gathering the day before. She texted me the next day, asking for a copy of it.

Quite the soap opera, ain’t it?
 
Hello Monicad:

Thank you for the prayers and the advice. It’s nice to know that other people have been in this boat and made the same mistakes I have.

You are right. I will apologize to my nephew IF this issue comes up. As I have heard absolutely no response from anyone yet, I’m inclined to let the matter drop so as to not stir up the hornet’s nest any further.

Whatever happens this weekend happens, God’s Will be done.

Thanks and God bless.
 
I am sorry that you are in an uncomfortable situation. hugs.

So, this woman chose you as godmother to her son and is now upset that you are performing as a caring godmother supporting the teachings of the Church. Hmmm.

She made an excellent choice of godmothers, it’s too bad she can’t appreciate that.

I think you received some very good suggestions above, and I know many here will be praying for the entire family, and for the situation to turn out as it should.
 
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