Prayers for a difficult home life

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Hi. I’m Kate. My home has been difficult and extremely tense lately. We were a very close, Catholic family but as everyone gets older it all gets worse. My parents have always been very strong Catholics. They are the strongest example of good, Godly parenting. We pray together daily and attend mass together. But two of my older sisters have rebelled seperatly (I’m the 4th girl) and it’s so hard to be home.

The most recent problem is my 16 year old sister. We used to be super close until I saw her kissing a boy last summer and told my parents. My dad is very, very strict. My oldest sister has put him through so much he has come down even harder to make sure we don’t follow down her scandalous path. I respect my parents and their rules so I told. Skip to now and my mother took my sister to the hospital for a flu test but found out she was pregnant.🤤

It has always been known if we get pregnant before being married then the baby will be adopted. No single motherhood and certainly no abortion. She is unreasonably believing she can keep the baby. Her and my parents are either screaming at each other or the silence is so tense. She’s threatened to run away making things much worse. She’s like a pariah or a prisoner. on one hand I love her, she’s my sister and I want to be there for her but on the other hand I don’t agree with anything shes done or is doing. And my heart is so heavy for my parents. I need prayers for all of us, to soften my sister’s heart and put some reason in her head, for all my parents are going thru and that the happy home I grew up in will be happy again.
 
Kate, I am so sorry this is going on in your family.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
 
I don’t know the exact laws, in the exact states, but, in some states, or all, an unwed, underage mother can sue for ‘emancipated minor’ status. That would make it possible for her to keep the baby. Why are your parents so strict, on this point? I pray that it all works out, for the best.
 
Many reasons. If she were to keep this child my parents would likey have to foot the bill. They would probably end up raising the child too. Because boyfriends of single mom are some of the biggest abusers. Many, many reasons but most importantly children need a mom and a dad who are married and prepared for that child.
 
Screaming at each other is not an example of Godly parenting.
If your sister is 16, it would be hard for her to raise a child herself. She would have to rely a great deal on your parents, which might not be something they are willing or able to take on, either financially or emotionally.
And you are right, children need a mom and dad to raise them, ideally.
However, I’ve adopted two children, and I’ll tell you that being placed for adoption is painful for the child. While adoption is a wonderful thing in the majority of cases, when it’s necessary, it still can leave a hurt in a child’s heart, knowing that his birthmother could not care for him.
Sometimes a good plan in these cases is for the family to raise the child, mother and grandparents together. But it sounds as if your parents have decided that’s not for them. And your sister knew that when she put herself in this situation. Of course, it’s the baby who will pay the price.
Perhaps you could pray that your family will be able to sit down and discuss the situation with love and compassion, without screaming or threats to run away. That would be the Christian thing to do. And keeping in mind that a baby is always a blessing, no matter the circumstances of his birth.
Praying for your situation.
 
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About your parents having to raise the child…maybe, maybe not. And, have you read this forum, much? There are always stories of abusive married men, popping up. Not all Catholics prepare perfectly for upcoming marriage.

Every situation is different. Maybe everyone could agree on something, if everyone stopped yelling? I agree, a hard line, one size fits all solution does not sound very Christian!
 
Will pray. Honestly, the boy is the father. He should be encouraged to be the child’s father, not matter how wrongfully their union started. If he is a teen, around her age. He can work part-time. And that wouldn’t be a bad deal for him to earn money and pay for the child. It’s also a good warning to him to be responsible. I had my first job in retail at 16. So it can be done. My family didn’t let my Uncle off, who was 17 at the time, getting my aunt pregnant, who was 16 at the time. Those are the hard breaks of life. And that is how you allow people to grow.

The lack of maturity. The girl falls in love, the father is strict. Could be the strictness may not had been warm affectionate love she needed from her Dad. And so that made her look elsewhere. Dad’s care and rules are good. But the strictness is only one side of him. It’s the often compassionate side ignored. Or never seen.

Personally, if I were a teen, and I got a girl pregnant. I was in love with her. I’d stay by her side. Sure I will face a lot of scrutiny. But nevertheless I did love her. And so with the baby as well. The child’s life is not a mistake. But the mistake was acting on those feelings without being married. And not waiting. It’s like cross the street before the traffic light changes you may cross. There is nothing inherently wrong crossing the street, just not when traffic is going across. Same thing, there’s not mistake in having a child. It’s when and how.

By the way, the Church can marry a girl as young as 14, and a boy as early as 16. I know there are state laws. So that doesn’t undermine what the state says on the license of marriage. But, if the boy really loves this girl, he would get a part-time job. Work to use that money for taking care of his child. And, quite possibly, he and she, hopefully through some maturity, will become emancipated minors. Parents need to understand their children better. And help them to grow. I get restrictions. And no parent should do away with them. But, it’s to train the child to grow and be responsible. Having rules and boundaries. But it shouldn’t limit growth. She made a decision to do something early and foolish (again, it isn’t the child, but the timing and manner she went about it.)

Last note, I know 20 something year olds who sleep with each other, find they are pregnant. And then the man or woman split. Go figure. Adults/teenagers do the same foolish things. Age doesn’t always have to do with it, oddly.
 
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It sounds as if the family involved here is trying to do things the the ‘old fashioned’ way. No discussion. No counseling. No expressed love, or understanding for what the baby’s mother is going through.

In short, an abortion…just, without killing the baby.

Of course, that’s impossible. there is a baby. He has parents. He has grandparents. He has at least three aunts. maybe uncles.

This solution sounds expedient. But, suicides, later family problems, and preventable mental illness has proved this ‘solution’ wrong. Yes, adoption can be a good solution, but not without the parents’ consent. I don’t think it’s even legal, if one goes out of one’s way to force this on a parent.

The OP says the mother is crying. That there is yelling involved. Has anyone tried discussion? Please, this is not an unwanted intrusion, or an illness, or something that can be swept under the rug.

This family agrees (an unusual thing, it seems…agreeing, in this family)that abortion is not an option. But neither is
making this child ‘dead’ to his mother,
for all intents and purposes. This is not about punishment. It is about finding the best option for these new parents, and their family.

It’s probably best if you first speak to your priest. But stop yelling-now! And start discussing what is best for this new life, who regardless of how he started, should welcomed by his family, with love!
 
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Your parents need to consult with a lawyer and your sister’s parental rights need clarified. Lawyer up!
 
Blessings,
I see why the Blessed mother married at 14 yo. We should go back to that—Maybe??’!! I think I’m joking.
Didn’t your family want her to marry the Father. That was a forced issue years ago. If she ran away, where would she go?? What was her choice, of a father, did she make?
One can be pregnant and married and complete High school. There are schools w online HS’s.
Ask your sister, what happened to her family and God’s morals?
This will straighten out. I will say, you can’t go back to innocence. It is ruined. Hurts are there. Scars will cover hurts.
Just keep your life focused and pure. Honoring your Father and Mother, as God calls. When you hit teen age, what will you do?? Prepare yourself to know you will face temptation!
Think! Why do we waste teen years on romance? Can this cute boy marry and take care of you? NOPE. He has hormones raging. One day, he was sweet & loved his family. Testosterone dumped. Then, sons come home and sound and look differently. I said,” Where’d my son go? Did an alien invade your body?” Other Moms feel that way, too. PET SCANS show changes in the brain.
Love God first and you won’t sin. Avoid the occasion of sin. God, Family, school, career, college. Then, start peeking at what is around. NEVER GO TO FRAT PARTIES OR JOIN SORORITIES. PM me if you want to know why.
There’s an Irish saying,” IT ISNT OVER, TILL IT IS THE END. If it isn’t over, it isn’t the end…
I hope that’s correct.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

– St. Teresa of Avila
Good prayer.
St. Francis’s prayer.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.

Serenity prayer
God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
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Our Lady and Saint Joseph were Betrothed (i.e. married.) The consummation of marriage hand’t began yet. God interrupted to that, as Mary’s heart was open to God’s will. Then the Angel spoke onto Mary, the Annunciation. She, a virgin, conceived and bore a child through the Holy Spirit who overshadowed her. And thus Christ was born.

The age of Mary, is relevant in so far as the natural order of creation creation God endowed for child bearing. And so He, by His messenger, asked her to be the Mother of His Son, His only Begotten. And she said yes: “Be it done onto me according to your word.”

That’s the only bearing and relevancy her age had. Plus she was betrothed to Saint Joseph at the time. And God came into the midst of their marriage. And hence why the Angel said to Saint Joseph, “Do not be afraid to take Mary your wife.”

God is love. He heard her prayers. He knew the heart of Mary and Joseph.

They were opened to God’s Son.

Even we see this at Finding the Child Jesus in the Temple. Together as parents to Jesus.
 
People should not marry at 14. People should not marry due to “unexpected” pregnancy. Even the Church makes people wait until later. At a young age, you might be adding another layer of problems to an already difficult situation by thinking young people should marry because of a baby. It is difficult enough to marry at an older age, to someone that one loves and thinks is suitable.
 
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Blessings,
I had a little sarcasm in there. Marry at 14, have sex and babies, yada yada. Each situation, I feel is probably different. The maturity of the couple, etc. But, it is not the only avenue to go. Adoption, Keeping baby and Family raising the Mom and Baby together. Mom has to do it all and suffer w responsibility. Is it against the law to chain teens to bed?? My4 kids did not get pregnant out of wedlock. Hallelujah! I had other things, with which to deal.
God bless all. Forgive us and have mercy
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
I haven’t researched the child marriages in US. I only recently found out about it. I thought this was cultural choices in Afghanistan and Iraq?
There was a photo of a ten yo, little girl in a brides dress?? Needless to say, the groom was not 12 yo. Talk about insane
 
Well My dad is taking her to talk to someone at Catholic Charaties and tomorrow a couple from our church that is waiting to adopt will be coming over to meet with her. Prayers she will go ahead and choose to do what is best for this baby
 
That sounds like some progress being made. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
 
I know it is hard and seems unreasonable but the child is THEIR grandchild and your niece or nephew. This same thing happened to my niece and her daughter. She called to tell me about it and my advice to her was “We make mistakes and God turns those mistakes into blessings…” they kept the baby and yes it is hard but there is SO MUCH JOY because of that little girl who just turned 2… Her pictures are all over social media for the family to enjoy watching her grow… Not saying it will happen every time.
My prayer is that your parents hang in there and you to hang in there. Praying that God puts his hands out and holds your family tight!

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amoung women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, NOW and AT THE HOUR of OUR DEATH. Amen.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray and do thou, Oh Prince Of the Heavenly Host,
By the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl
About the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
 
I am so sorry.

Your sister has made a mistake, but, now there is a baby. She has every right to keep and raise her child, and honestly, your parents are being uncharitable. This sort of fear is what drives young women to the abortion clinic 😦

Call Catholic Charities in your state, find out what programs exist to help a teen mom.

I am so very sorry you are witnessing such an ugly thing.
 
TheLittleLady said:
I am so sorry.

Your sister has made a mistake, but, now there is a baby. She has every right to keep and raise her child, and honestly, your parents are being uncharitable. This sort of fear is what drives young women to the abortion clinic 😦

Call Catholic Charities in your state, find out what programs exist to help a teen mom.

I am so very sorry you are witnessing such an ugly thing.
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Are you actually saying that fear of having ones parents give a baby up for adoption drives young women to abortion?

As far as her parents being uncharitable, and calling the situation an ugly thing, I think that is a judgemental comment to make. You do not know any of them, or what their life experiences are, to be telling them they should keep and raise her baby.
 
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Yes, I am saying that kids who grow up hearing “If you ever get pregnant/get a girl pregnant we will not support you, and in order to continue to live in our home you will put that child up for adoption” very, very, very often end up at the clinic.

Anyone who works in crisis pregnancy centers will tell you that it is staggering how many girls have abortions simply because their parents “will disown me if I have a baby”.

I never said that the grandparents should keep and raise the baby. They should love their daughter and help her find a way to keep her child if that is what the girl wants. Teenager is a mother. She has every right to raise her child and we, as Christians, are called to help single mothers.
 
Having her keep the baby is the same as her parent’s raising the baby.

Did you read that they will be speaking to Catholic Charities and looking into adoption? The OP said that they grew up knowing if they got pregnant, the baby would be given up for adoption. Does that sound like a threatening, ugly thing? No, it is how pregnancies used to be dealt with, and what these parents feel would be best for their daughter.
 
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