Prayers for a worry that has been on mind for 3 years

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theheroof99

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First of all Merry Christmas everyone, it also sad since we are shutting this down once and for all on this site. I do have a question that has been troubling me for a while now, and I believe it better to ask this question or series of questions, because it is really now or never.

I am not married, but have since I was a little boy loved my future wife even before I have met her. I have always desired deep intimacy with her and to love her forever. When I had a reversion back to the faith, I read the passage in which our Lord talks about the one wife and the seven husbands. The conclusion crushed me and I have still have not been able to get over it and have suppressed this for a long time.
I desire to be with my future wife forever as many do. I know we won’t be married in Heaven though I would love to have a similar intimate/exclusive relationship with her forever.

It crushes me how this could be a mute point, and I feel like St.Padre Pio would smack me in the face and say be a man as he did to another young man.

What gives me some sort of hope is based of something St. Jose Maria Escriva said. “Great Sacrament in Christ and in the Church, says Saint Paul, and at the same time and inseparably, a contract that a man and a women establish forever, because-whether we like it or not- the marriage instituted by Jesus Christ is indissoluble.”

This does give me some peace. Could anyone offer some advice.
 
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“I” would speak with Father and understand that it may be a cognitive or other psychological difficulty. I think that perhaps your feelings for an unknown wife developed far too early and too profoundly for your ultimate good. Dunno, but that strikes me from your post.
  1. Father.
  2. Doctor.
 
Thank you, it comes from a fear of having something cherished not be continued on.
I pray there is nothing to worry about in the end.
 
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Don’t worry. Marriage is like a preview of heaven. In marriage, two persons learn how to be one, and the two experience oneness in many ways.

In John 17, Jesus prayed to the Father that we would all be one – one with God and with each other. This is not marriage, but something better. The relationship you have in marriage will not be lost. You and your spouse will discover that your oneness and love are part of God’s oneness and love, and that will make both of you very happy.
 
Thank you for your reply, what’s bothering me is that I won’t have that exclusive relationship with her anymore. That really kills me. I know will all be happy together, I hope you can understand where I am coming from.
 
It is quite understandable.

Here’s something to think about. At first when you are married, you have an exclusive relationship. What do you think happens when you have children? You still have that same relationship with your spouse, that oneness, that love, but you both love your children too. Ideally your love for your children does not detract from your love for each other. You realize that there is more love.

This too is a preview of heaven.
 
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That’s a good way to put it. I know that love is spread to the children, in addition the parents still do have that intimate relationship with each other.
 
theheroof99 said:
… the marriage instituted by Jesus Christ is indissoluble …
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This refers to the sacramental marriage between the baptised.

1 Cor 13
4 Charity is patient, is kind: charity envieth not, dealeth not perversely; is not puffed up; 5 Is not ambitious, seeketh not her own, is not provoked to anger, thinketh no evil;
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Will I be able to Kiss and hug my former wife the way I did here on earth exclusively?
 
What are you trying to say about the last part? I am little confused.
 
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I do desire Charity and I would like to know. Will I be able to hold, to hug or Kiss on the lips my former wife in the next life?
 
The problem, as I see it, is that you have formulated a mental image of a perfect wife - but no human being can possibly match up to the perfection of our concepts. We design in a vacuum, but there is oxygen and rust in the real world.

Neither can we match up to perfect expectations of another. If this has captured your thoughts and imagination from a very early (pre-pubescent) age, I would think that the genesis of this thought process might be examined.

Do you think that you have attachment issues and therefore have not entered into a relationship out of fear of imperfection or loss? These are rhetorical questions which you might ponder.

Since this does not appear to be a spiritual manifestation, but rather a repetitive psychological exercise, “I” would consult with a doctor and explain the unease you feel over all of this. Each day that passes without your expectations being fulfilled may only generate more uneasiness.

Christ desires strongly that you be at peace. Your desires, and mine, might both be unreasonable. We all need to speak with someone from time to time so that our perspective might be reset.

p.s. In order to spend eternity with God we are called to love Him more than any one on earth. The sooner you speak with a professional, the sooner you will experience the peace thst is eluding you.
 
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theheroof99 said:
Will I be able to hold, to hug or Kiss on the lips my former wife in the next life?
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While there’s no reason to think that people in heaven can’t hug each other or otherwise express closeness of a non-sexual nature (since people in heaven don’t have sexual relations), your focusing on this regarding a fantasy wife who you apparently have not met and have no guarantee of meeting in this life is disturbing.

As others have said, I recommend you seek some psychological help.
 
It not disturbing to desire a natural good between a husband and a wife. I will admit, due to the world conditions loneliness has become a personal problem.
 
The problem here is that it sounds like you do not even have a girlfriend or fiancee let alone a wife, and that you are dwelling on fantasies about some perfect wife to the point of worrying about what will happen in the afterlife with her. This is an unhealthy level of attachment to a fantasy woman at this point.

It would make more sense if you had a beloved wife or fiancee and were worried about being separated from her. Coming from somebody who’s apparently single without a prospect of marriage on the horizon, it’s concerning.
 
I have been praying along time about this, and I hope and have faith this person is on the way. I am more in anticipation of this person and being whom I need to be at the time I meet her. On the other point that special bond breaking so abruptly has always shook me, my grandmother still wears her wedding ring even 6 almost 7 years on from my grandfathers death.

I can confidently say their bond is not broken. From what she told my father and I (my grandfather had many miracles occur during his lifetime) he came to her as he did when he was alive. When I discussed this with my spiritual advisor he said he probably needs prayers to leave purgatory. 2 other priests I asked also agreed.
 
Well, yeah, when you’re actually married to someone you love and they die, then yes, you will still have a special relationship with them in Heaven. Nobody is going to dispute that, it’s in pamphlets that Catholic churches hand out to the recently bereaved. Same for your parents, your best friends, etc. Part of why we hope for heaven is to see them all again. Padre Pio reportedly saw his own mother on his deathbed. This isn’t new news. As someone who lost parents and a husband, it’s also not new news that sometimes the bereaved might see or feel the presence of their deceased loved one and that you should pray for deceased loved ones.

The point here, that you seem to be willfully missing, is that you’re fixated to the point of anxiety on what happens in the afterlife with a woman you haven’t even met, and frankly, might never meet.

Pretty much everybody in this thread has tried to kindly tell you that this is a problem and you may want to see a doctor about it. I am leaving this thread now as I think all has been said that can be said.
 
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I understand wanting that intimacy very much. For too many years I labored under the conviction that I was only half a person until I met & married my other half. It’s sounds like you’ve sort of made a god of the idea of finding that one person (I sure did, unwittingly of course).

But God wants to be, for us, that deepest source of the satisfaction that does come from loving and being loved. God himself is the greatest treasure of heaven, not the superb and wonderful people He brings into our lives, many of whom we will share heaven with. Best advice I can give - pursue God with all the passion and desire you have for this person; then look around you and see who else is keeping up.

And be careful not to “use” God and his church as a means to the “greater” end of finding that one person. Keep God first, and all else will fall into place.
 
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