Prayers - Marriage -> Possibal Separtation

[mike1976]

I have now been married for almost 5 years and my wife and I have no children. I thought we were doing things correctly, we did not sleep together, learned NFP before married, almost never slept under the same roof until we were married. So when issues came up, they were always new the next day. We lived a hour apart so a issue came up after driving how the evening before, before we met up the next day everything was erased.

Looking back I accounted for many situations in marriage(knew of problems that may arise), but nothing close to what I have been through. I did not even know some of the comments made to me even were out there.

Some of my story may be in previous thread, but things have got so much worse from the last time I posted. Long story short, ,my wife has been emotionally, spiritually, and even a few times physically abusive(and many threats of it).

I have a personal consular(I got a new one), a handful of priest, and now even the marriage consular that tell me to leave. I keep thinking no not me or I am the failure, or the church never hates it so much. I have been isolated from family and friends. I now see my on self worth and dignity slipping away. I am know married sticks in sickness and health, but her problems\actions are now making me myself physically ill.

We are meeting with a new marriage consular this weekend, and my has wife is now in consoling for herself (this started since she left the marriage consoling). Please pray that I do not throw my wife under the bus, but speak on the the things that must change in our marriage. I feel saddened that only possible immediate resolution is going to probably going to be a separation if not divorce for my on sanity and health. After 4.5 years of downright abuse I feel I have change for the worse. I no longer like who I am or the things I say to others.

I also feel extremely let down with the catholic church, I have sought advice from beloved priest that have had my back turned on me, or that preach a great message but when I sit down and talk to then say “that message is not always true”. I had one tell me the priest that married us failed in our prep.

Pray that god guides my though this time, and that even if and when I separate I do not turn my back on my wife. She really has no one but me, she hates her own family, and most of her friends. She has burned most of the bridges she had.

Mental illness(undiagnosed right now for her) effects more then I think most realize.

 

[MaryT777]

Perhaps a separation is necessary if abuse is a problem now or could be in the future.
Not everyone was called for marriage. Some people have impediments that make it such they cannot enter into a valid marriage in the Catholic Church.

I am not expert but you have my prayers.
Mary.

 

[odile53]

The Church does not demand that you remain in an abusive marriage. You are not required to jeopardize your life, your health, and your sanity for the sake of preserving a relationship that sounds as if it may have been flawed from the very start.

Unfortunately, the Church has no ability to make an abuser stop. The abuser must, quite simply, stop being abusive. So there is no “cure” that will fix this. The priests you have spoken with are correct in that, under ideal circumstances, when the abuser sincerely repents and stops the abuse permanently, forgiveness can occur. However, situations like that are few and far between.

Think of this, as well: We are required to take ordinary good care of our health. Staying in this situation is damaging your health. A separation may be the best thing for all concerned, especially you. You are not a failure because your marriage is failing.

 

[mike1976]

Thanks for the comments… all pretty much what I thought… I just really stinks falling into that category… I personally think marriage is a wonderful thing and a great gift in life. So many people take it for granted and when things get rough walk away. I hate to fact people are going to think I thought it was a joke like so many people do.

I do love my wife and would never think she is a horrible or bad person.