R
redbetta
Guest
So I have not made a prayer thread for myself in ages. It is not that things have been going well, it is just things have been going so poorly that I have lost a lot of faith in prayer. That and the story is so long and complicated that I never felt like writing it all out. But, now I am extremely worried about my health. Basically, fall quarter at university, I was severely depressed for a few weeks and fell so far behind that I had to makeup work for three classes and drop another. It was from a combination of things, like a struggle with a friend I have, abuse from my mom, and having to decide whether I wanted to do pharmacy or medicine. I made up two of the three sets of coursework that I had to, but, that put me so far behind at the beginning of winter quarter that I am struggling with my current classes.
I started winter quarter with my first relationship. I met a great guy here on CAF and we dated for a month and a half during which our relationship experienced a lot of pains because we were both back in school. He dumped me last week and that was a few days after my mom called me and told me that I was born with something wrong with me, I always had something wrong with me mentally, and she insists that I have no friends and that all my setbacks are because people sense something is wrong with me and that makes it run away. She also keeps insisting I have Aspbergers’ despite everybody who has ever evaluated me saying that I am not on the spectrum. I knew she was trying to gaslight me and hung up, but it still hurts.
Now, those of you who have seen some of my earlier threads know that my mom is an emotionally abusive tool. Well, after this latest episode, I emailed my academic advisor about emergency housing options in case I cannot stay at home during school breaks. My dad says that he will make sure she doesn’t bother me during Spring Break. But, he had so many opportunities to do something about her over my lifetime that I think he must be willfully blind. I told him if he cannot control her during Spring Break, I’m going back to campus.
Now, I am occassionally getting strange symptoms that look like angina side effects. I noticed them first after taking a small dose of Adderall as a study drug (I know its wrong, but I was desperate). I used it in the past and it had no effect on me, but, now the symptoms are intense. I haven’t used it in a week because the symptoms were too scary, but I suddenly got the same thing as I was studying today. I workout a lot, I cannot believe that I might be having heart problems at this age. I’m going to contact the student health center tomorrow. I just hope I nothing happens until then.
I started winter quarter with my first relationship. I met a great guy here on CAF and we dated for a month and a half during which our relationship experienced a lot of pains because we were both back in school. He dumped me last week and that was a few days after my mom called me and told me that I was born with something wrong with me, I always had something wrong with me mentally, and she insists that I have no friends and that all my setbacks are because people sense something is wrong with me and that makes it run away. She also keeps insisting I have Aspbergers’ despite everybody who has ever evaluated me saying that I am not on the spectrum. I knew she was trying to gaslight me and hung up, but it still hurts.
Now, those of you who have seen some of my earlier threads know that my mom is an emotionally abusive tool. Well, after this latest episode, I emailed my academic advisor about emergency housing options in case I cannot stay at home during school breaks. My dad says that he will make sure she doesn’t bother me during Spring Break. But, he had so many opportunities to do something about her over my lifetime that I think he must be willfully blind. I told him if he cannot control her during Spring Break, I’m going back to campus.
Now, I am occassionally getting strange symptoms that look like angina side effects. I noticed them first after taking a small dose of Adderall as a study drug (I know its wrong, but I was desperate). I used it in the past and it had no effect on me, but, now the symptoms are intense. I haven’t used it in a week because the symptoms were too scary, but I suddenly got the same thing as I was studying today. I workout a lot, I cannot believe that I might be having heart problems at this age. I’m going to contact the student health center tomorrow. I just hope I nothing happens until then.