Prayers needed marriage on the rocks

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chavez00

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I have been married to my husband since we have been 18 we are now 26 so for 8 years. We have been together for almost 12 years we have three children and he is in the Marine Corps.Since last year I have told him that I would be moving back home during the to go to school and start working on my career which would mean he would be here for almost a year with out me and the kids he seemed fine with it and saying that he was ok with it. We have had a lot of ups and downs with him saying he doesn’t want to be married and than he does. To having two relationships during our marriage. The last was three years ago just before I had found out he was cheating on me he said that he didn’t love me anymore a few days later I found out he had been talking and visiting a women during his lunchtime and texting her when confronted he decided to stay with me but said that he didn’t know if he loved me and wanted I waited 5 months before he said he loved me and wanted to work it out i was hurt by a lot of things said and done during that time but we worked it out. We briefly separated last year because of him not wanting to talk what he had done it left me feeling angry but I came back to him and we have been good until two weeks ago when he said that he dosent love me the same way anymore and he doesn’t want to hurt me. He’s still hugging me and kissing me being affectionate and now talking to me about those things. But makes me feel confused.We will be starting marriage counseling tomorrow but he’s leaving me feeling as if it might not work he says he’s staying mutual on the whole thing that it might work but we might go our separate ways.Keeps asking if i think he is with someone else.So I’m just asking for some extra prayers that everything works out and we continue this journey together as husband and wife.
 
I am very sorry that your husband has broken his vows 3 different times, that must hurt you very much. To be married for 8 years and have 3 children and yet still be hearing from your husband that he doesn’t know if he loves you and he doesn’t know if he wants to be married…It’s a lot less than I would expect of a Marine! Or any man.

I would be very concerned to leave him alone for a year. He doesn’t seem to have any loyalty toward you and does he have any remorse about cheating? I think you should deal with this in counseling and he should man up and repent for these sins.

I will add you to my prayers.
 
Remember, O most loving Virgin Mary,
that never was it known,
that anyone who fled to your protection,
implored your help, or sought your intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
though burdened by my sins,
I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To you I come, before you I stand,
sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions, but in your mercy,
hear and answer me.
Amen.
 
How does one even concider staying with a partner that has cheated multiple times.
 
Isn’t cheating a punishable offense in the military? I think you need some help. Report him to his command, report him to his mom, something. Marriage counseling is a good step, but honestly, it sounds like your husband is using you, and not going into to counseling to really fix the situation.

Try to make it work, but I would make your education a priority too. I don’t understand cheating spouses. Once, sure, but three times to me says he doesn’t care or love you enough to keep himself out of situations that tempt him to cheat. You need to be prepared for him to leave you. Get your education, and maybe even visit a family law attorney for some basic info, so you’re prepared should he ever drop the ball. Stuff like who should move out, and what to do to secure your bank accounts.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
 
CRUE_CAB said:
How does one even concider staying with a partner that has cheated multiple times.
Click to expand...
Until you’ve experienced it, it is a very complex question. When there are children involved it becomes incredibly complex, including care and custody issues.

One question I was asked by someone who is a trained counsellor - why do you let people push you around like this? Why are you so nice to those who have harmed you so much?

Can’t really answer that question for myself, but ask yourself that question and see what you come up with.

To the poster who mentioned taking vows seriously, no where in wedding vows does it say you have to continually be stabbed in the chest (not literally) - which is what it feels like to be cheated on. In many serial cheating cases, the cheating can go back to pre-marriage which would be grounds for an invalid marriage and thus no vows to break.
 
Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee
 
bearkatjen said:
Isn’t cheating a punishable offense in the military? I think you need some help. Report him to his command…
Click to expand...
I’m a former U.S. Army Judge Advocate. Adultery can technically be prosecuted under the UCMJ in a variety of ways (i.e., conduct unbecoming an officer), but most troops are separated by administrative action. I never witnessed or prosecuted a UCMJ action solely based on adulterous conduct. Much depends upon whether the person is an officer or enlisted. In any event, you are playing with fire when you report a troop to his command, most notably an officer. Careful how you proceed!
 
Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee
 
Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee
 
There are times when offering advice is difficult. Yours is certainly one of those situations… So instead of giving you my thoughts on what you should do, I am simply going to say this:

Remember that God ALWAYS blesses those people that do what is good and right in His eyes, most especially when they are faced with unbearable hardships and presented with circumstances that leave them sad or devastated.

Let your conscience be your guide in the sense that you honestly, and I mean HONESTLY, follow the path which you feel is the path God wants you to follow. It may involve enormous sacrifice on your part. You might have to expose yourself to being so so vulnerable. I accept that for now you may not know what that path is, but just dedicate each day as far as you are able to pleasing God. If you do, you are heading straight for sainthood, I promise you.

Saints are not perfect people. They are people who fail and try, fail and try again… and again… God’s reward may not happen tomorrow, or the next day, but believe me it will most certainly come your way if you simply follow what you believe to be right in God’s eyes.

The greatest heroes in this world are people who find themselves in dire situations, but still never cease to pursue what is right, even when loved ones around them let them down…

I pray that God assists you in your situation…

Patrick
 
Sacred Heart of Jesus
I place my trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
I place my trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
I place my trust in Thee
 
Leaving him for a year, while you marriage is in such a fragile state, will just make it easier for him to walk out on you and the children for good in a few months. If you want to remain married, you must be there, take a stand and fight for your husband and family.
 
Sacred Heart of Jesus
I place my trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
I place my trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
I place my trust in Thee
 
We need to unite all of our sufferings with Jesus. He has endured every human suffering and was victorious. Through His Spirit we will overcome them. He will bless us with strength and virtues, through our endurance.

I have been married for twelve years, and have five young child. I’ve always known it was wrong to commit adultery or seek divorce, but it was only about three ago, that I truly began to understand what marriage actually was. We make many sacrifices during marriage for both our spouses and our children. This is truly sanctifying, for everyone.
Most couples today believe a marriage ceremony is when they make a “proclamation” of their “love” for each other, and the promise to “feel” that way forever. Attraction is usually what brings us together, and this is a good thing, however the “to love” in the marriage sacrament, is a verb. The ceremony is about “giving” yourself entirely to the other person, for the rest of your life, regardless of how you are compensated. Jesus said “give without expecting anything in return.” It is assumed at the ceremony that if each person gives themselves totally to each other, than the relationship should not be “one sided” however it often is. It is usually the person who truly gives of themselves (one like yourself), that ends up saving a marriage. You are truly “blessed” with the patience to endure what you already have, and to offer forgiveness to your husband. Most people think adultery is an automatic annulment of the marriage, or reason to get divorced. People make mistakes, some bigger than others.
Pray for your husband, for his conversion.
Go to mass often. Try to get your husband to use the sacraments if possible. (confession/Eucharist).
Read writings of the Saints for guidance. (there are books specifically written about the true meaning of marriage, that may help you discover ways to help your husband understand). Pray for their intercession. Use sacramental’s in your home (e.g. holy water, oils, relics, etc.) Marriage counselling is good. If he has agreed to go, this is some hope.
I will offer prayers for you and your husband.

JJJeff
 
Chavez00,

My heart and prayers go out to you. I am in a similar situation with my husband and three young children. He has had emotional infidelity while dealing with a very difficult chronic illness so I can understand some of the turmoil you’re living with every day.

I think you’ve received some excellent advice on forgiveness. That is what my husband and I are focusing on now: forgiving each other and being more open and communicative. It’s a start. The marriage counseling is also a good start. Go with your gut and pray, pray, PRAY like you’ve never prayed before. Praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet and the rosary has been my stronghold. I’ve turned my prayer requests to the Holy Family. St. Joseph, Mother Mary, of course Jesus and all the saints (Padre Pio, St. Rita, St. Jude, St. Monica, etc) are excellent beacons of faith who can intercede for us to God.

Even if you’re feeling you’re doing this alone, God will give you the grace to continue. I agree that moving out for a year may not be the best approach to saving your marriage. Talk with your husband every day; tell him how hurt you are by his actions. Ask him for forgiveness for your faults in the situation (even if you feel you’re the victim) and let him know you’re forgiving him every…single…day. This is a long and painful process and if you’re in it for the long run, which it sounds like you wish to be, then God will carry you through it. Turn your eyes to Him. Have Faith.

Pray, Hope and don’t worry ~ St. Padre Pio.
 
Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee

Sacred Heart of Jesus
We place our trust in Thee
 
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