Prayers needed- relationship implosion, severe stress

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AKDee

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I really need prayers right now. I’ve had an ongoing issue with my mom for about a year and a half. She accused me back then of something I didn’t do, and cut me out of her life. Since then, I’ve been trying to heal the rift between us with cards, flowers, gifts, a letter. I have even tried to talk to her on the phone, prepared to accept the blame for what she says I did, even though I didn’t do any of it. She threw some of my gifts away, and has never responded to any of my cards/letter, and won’t speak with me. We had been very close previously, so this has been devastating for me. I haven’t been able to accept that this is permanent, and it’s been causing me to have health problems due to the constant stress. I am going to start therapy soon to help me learn to deal with it, and I mentioned that to my dad. Why he told my mom that, I have no idea, but he did and her response to that was - “Good. She needs therapy.” It’s a short sentence, but it threw me into a tailspin, because the only reason I need therapy is because of her callous treatment of me and her refusal to have any type of relationship with me. Her comment struck me as extremely cruel. I got really angry about it, which initially felt good. Kind of freeing because it helped me to see how poorly she’s really treated me all this time. For a year and a half I have felt responsible for fixing something I didn’t break. Some of this is driven by my Catholic beliefs- treat your parents with respect, forgive, anger is a sin. But yesterday I felt free to stop trying to fix things, to stop trying to repair the relationship. I don’t want revenge, but I am so tired of her having the power to cause me pain. And while she won’t speak to me directly, my dad becomes a channel for her to get her passive aggressive messages to me. I’ve tried telling my dad to stop telling me what she says, but he can’t help himself. She’s nasty to him too, and I think he uses me as a pressure relief valve. But as a result, I feel so stressed out today, and my health problems are worse when I’m stressed.

Sorry, that got longer than I intended, but I’m so frustrated and sad and angry right now and I just really need prayers for peace in my soul and for peace with this issue with my mom. It’s so hard for me to accept but she has made it clear she not only doesn’t want us to reconcile but that she actually is pleased I’m suffering over it. I also ask you to pray for my mom. She’s a deeply unhappy person, she doesn’t have a relationship with the Lord (she’s into astrology and reincarnation and other new age stuff like that), and whether she ever reconciles with me or not I desperately want her to have a relationship with our Lord.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (AKDee and family), and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.

†

Dear Jesus,

I humbly implore you to grant your special graces to our family. May our home be the shrine of peace, purity, love, labor and faith. I beg you, dear Jesus, to rpotect and bless all of us, absent and present, living and dead.

O Mary,

Loving Mother of Jesus, and our Mother, pray to Jesus for our family, for all the families of the world, to guard the cradle of the newborn, the schools of the young and their vocations.

Blessed Saint Joseph,

holy guardian of Jesus and Mary, assist us by your prayers in all necessities of life. Ask of Jesus that special grace which he granted to you, to watch over our home at the pillow of the sick and the dying, so that with Mary and with you, Heaven may find our family unbroken in the sacred Heart of Jesus.

Amen.

†
 
Praying for you and your mother to rekindle your relationship. God bless you, friend. Amen
 
Stop calling. Stop sending cards. Stop sending gifts. Sometime there are things that just are not fixable other than through the intervention of the Lord.

Your mother sounds to be disturbed in some manner and perhaps even the “experts” can’t change a mind set.

Put it all in the hands of the Lord. Do pray for her. Offer up the Rosary for her and her needs, if you can. Do be respectful at all times. Don’t let your father “suck you in.” It sounds like a trinity of unhappiness. The more you pray for your parents and for the acceptance of the situation, the better you will be able to overcome the pain. All that is advice that may or not be taken, but be assured that I will pray for you and your family. Peace and prayers.
 
I suspect that your mother’s astrology (and other new-agey stuff) and your Catholicism have either a lot to do with this rift, and/or will prevent it healing.

I had an up-and-down relationship with my step-father through childhood, but when I became a Catholic at 21 that was the end of it, for him. He was an old style anti-Catholic atheist and he felt quite comfortable with banishing a Catholic, even while we lived in the same house and ate at the same table. I tried my best to be civil with him, but there was always tension and eventually I exploded, left the home, and didn’t talk to him for 20 years. I got on with my life without him, but included him in my prayers and made a conscious effort to forgive. He eventually reached out to me and when he died we were on good terms. Through all this my mom was troubled and kept making little moves to reconcile us (which I don’t think helped at all, but it was all she could do without taking sides). It was hard for me through those twenty years, living with the silent rift which divided the whole house.

That’s my step father. I can understand that it is much deeper with your own mother. Also, I think atheism is easier to deal with than new-agey stuff, because the person has fixed bearings which guide them, albeit in wrong direction.

So, my guess, from this distance, and seeing some parallels with my own experience, is that something weird is going on with your mom and her “religion”, which is setting her against you. I have seen a social study which found that people who identify as “spiritual but not religious” have more mental health issues than both traditional believers and non-believers.

You mention that you had been very close to her previously. That makes it all the more painful and puzzling. 😦
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth: it is not peace I have come to bring, but a sword. For I have come to set son against father, daughter against mother, daughter-in-law against mother-in-law; a person’s enemies will be the members of his own household. No one who prefers father or mother to me is worthy of me. No one who prefers son or daughter to me is worthy of me.
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[Matt 10:36]
Mary_Estelle said:
Stop calling. Stop sending cards. Stop sending gifts. Sometime there are things that just are not fixable other than through the intervention of the Lord.
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:sad_yes:

Be prepared for a long pain and uncertainty. Now you are the senior partner in this relationship, caring for your own mother when she won’t care for you.

I will offer up prayers for you and your family.

:gopray2:

***Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou among women,
and Blessed is the Fruit
of Thy Womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
 
Praying for your personal healing and disengagement from family drama.
 
I appreciate all the advice and prayers. I do feel more at peace right now, so the prayers are working.

I do plan to stop all attempts at contact- no more cards, flowers, gifts, letters or phone calls. I’m going to tell my Dad no more discussions about Mom, and I definitely don’t want to hear another word that she has to say about me. I will continue to pray for her, that’s it.

Everyone says to give it over to God, but that truly is easier said than done. I wish I knew how to just let go.
 
AKDee said:
I appreciate all the advice and prayers. I do feel more at peace right now, so the prayers are working.

I do plan to stop all attempts at contact- no more cards, flowers, gifts, letters or phone calls. I’m going to tell my Dad no more discussions about Mom, and I definitely don’t want to hear another word that she has to say about me. I will continue to pray for her, that’s it.

Everyone says to give it over to God, but that truly is easier said than done. I wish I knew how to just let go.
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Yes, it is hard at first, even grim at first, but time does help heal. I won’t say time heals all wounds, but becoming more reflective and absent from the situation helps lesson the pain. Somehow I feel that your father is a third party and helps conduct the music and not the band leader. He-yes he, should not be an instrument of discord in any way. Do try to make yourself absent from the situation. Prayers for all of you.
 
Praying for you…
+
*O most beautiful Flower of Mount Carmel, Fruitful Vine, Splendor of Heaven, who brought forth the Son of God still remaining a Virgin, assist us in this necessity. *
  • O Star of the Sea, help us, and show us that you are our Mother. *
  • O Holy Mary, Mother of God, Queen of Heaven and earth, we humbly ask you from the depths of our heart to help in this necessity. There are none who can withstand your power.
    *O show us that you are our Mother.
  • O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. Sweet Mother, we place this cause in your hands. Amen.*
Flos Carmeli
 
Gracious and merciful Father, please come to their assistance.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
Amen.
 
njlisa said:
Praying for your personal healing and disengagement from family drama.
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Hail Mary,
Full of grace
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb
Jesus
Holy Mary
Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of death
Amen.
 
Lord, please be with AKDee right now. Please equip her with a great therapist who can help her work through this stressful time in her life. Give her entire family peace and grace to let down their guards and mend relationships. Amen!
 
Good luck with your situation.

Inevitably in family relationship matters both parties have a side in the disturbance. All we can do is work on our side. Sounds like the therapist is a good idea.

PAX
 
**Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.**
 
I have my first appointment with my therapist Monday. I’m really hoping she can help. The stress right now is overwhelming. I pray for God to help me to let go, to give it all over to Him so that I can have peace, but I don’t know how to let it go.
 
AKDee said:
I have my first appointment with my therapist Monday. I’m really hoping she can help. The stress right now is overwhelming. I pray for God to help me to let go, to give it all over to Him so that I can have peace, but I don’t know how to let it go.
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Prayers continuing for you…
+
O most beautiful Flower of Mount Carmel, Fruitful Vine, Splendor of Heaven, who brought forth the Son of God still remaining a Virgin, assist us in this necessity.
O Star of the Sea, help us, and show us that you are our Mother.

O Holy Mary, Mother of God, Queen of Heaven and earth, we humbly ask you from the depths of our heart to help us in this necessity. There are none who can withstand your power.
O show us that you are our Mother.

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. Sweet Mother, we place this cause in your hands. Amen.

Flos Carmeli
 
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