Prayers, Please and Advice Regarding Betrayal

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allenr74

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I’m married with 2 children. I moved my family out of NYC due to the heavy taxes and high cost of living as well the congestion. We moved to a different state over 5 years ago.

Our neighbors seemed nice but not overly friendly. In fact, we had the neighbors over more than we were over their houses and we were new to the area. You’d think it would be ther reverse… that they’d invite us over as a welcoming gesture.

My children (boy and younger girl) had 1 boy and 3 girls to play with on the block. Over time, however, we saw that the girls were not nice to our daughter. So my wife approached one of the moms and explained the situation. Then all the girls avoided my daughter.

At the same time, my daughter heard the boy on the block say something disparaging about my son. My son confronted the boy about it and that boy stopped playing with my son. This all happened after about 3 years of being on this block.

A new family moved in further down the block and the mom reached out to my wife through social media before arriving. My wife had no idea who this person was but she saw she was new to the neighborhood and they had 2 boys. In an effort to be nice and Christian, we had them over for dinner a few times and even in our pool.

After a couple of weeks in the Summer of 2016, one of the new boys told my son “My mom said we didn’t have to be friends with you if we didn’t want to after school started”. So, my son stopped showing interest in being with them (of course).

Needless to say, our block does not have very nice children or adults. We’ve never been really welcomed on our block. And the people that aren’t nice seem to be very happy with each other. The kids are kind of like a cult in that we don’t notice any other kids with them.

It probably doesn’t help that our children go to the only Catholic school in the area that’s 4 miles away and their school friends don’t live in our area. Today, my wife saw the boy across the street (original “friend” of my son) with the new boys down the block and she’s very bothered by it.

I asked my son if he wanted to be with all those boys and he said no. He’s happy with his school friends and he does see them outside of class. It doesn’t bother my son or daughter that they don’t play with the kids on the block because they say they’re not nice. It bothers my wife more than anyone. It does bother me some too since I was hoping that moving would be best for everyone. Our old neighborhood in NYC didn’t afford us any nice neighbors either.

I try to help my wife with her feelings by pointing out the people aren’t nice and we shouldn’t want to be with people like them. It’s not all that helpful for her.

Any prayers/advice would be welcome.
 
I am sorry your family is experiencing this. The only thing I can suggest is to nurture the school friendships, even if that means having to drive your children a good distance to make it happen. We once lived 15 miles away from the Catholic school my kids attended, and I drove them back and forth. No kids in our neighborhood, lots of empty nesters. My kids had each other, and their friends at school. You may want to get them involved in scouts, or a church groups, 4H or some other groups.

And also remind your wife that it won’t be like this forever. Kids grow up fast. It sounds like your kids are doing just fine.
 
I can offer prayers for your family. A prayer to those people’s Guardian Angel is also in order so that the Angels would nodge them.

Act of Hope and Confidence in God
Saint Claude de la Colombiere
:signofcross:
My God,
I believe most firmly that You watch over all who hope in You,
and that we can want for nothing when we rely upon You in all things.
Therefore I am resolved for the future…to cast all my cares upon You.
People may deprive me of worldly goods and status.
Sickness may take from me my strength and the means of serving You.
I may even jeopardize our relationship by sin, but my trust shall never leave me.
I will preserve it to the last moment of my life, and the powers of hell shall seek
…… in vain to grab it from me.
Let others seek happiness in their wealth and in their talents.
Let them trust in the purity of their lives,
the severity of their mortifications,
in the number of their good works,
the enthusiasm of their prayers,
as for me, my Rock and my Refuge, my confidence in you fills me with hope.
For You, my Divine Protector, alone have settled me in hope.
“This confidence can never be vain. No one, who has hoped in God, has
…… ever been confounded.”
I am assured, therefore, of my eternal happiness,
…… for I firmly hope in it and all my hope is in You.
“In You, O loving God, have I hoped: let me never be confounded.”
I know too well that I am weak and changeable. I know the power of
…… temptation against the strongest virtue.
I have seen stars fall and foundations of my world crack;
…… these things do not alarm me.
While I hope in You, I am sheltered from all misfortune,
…… and I am sure that my trust shall endure,
…… for I rely upon You to sustain this unfailing hope.
Finally, I know that my confidence cannot exceed Your generosity, and that I
…… shall never receive less than I have hoped for from You.
Therefore I hope that You will sustain me against my evil inclinations,
…… that You will protect me against the deceitful attacks of the evil one,
…… and that You will cause my weakness to triumph over every hostile force.
I hope that You will never cease to love me and that I shall love You unceasingly.
“In You, O loving God, have I hoped: let me never be confounded.”

St. Claude de la Colombiere, pray for us!

Apology and Thanksgiving Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Creator of all and source of all goodness and love,
please look kindly upon us,
as we ask for forgiveness for not giving You thanks.
Please receive our heartfelt apology for the lack of gratitude.
Remind us at all times that You are always worthy of our thanks.

Thank You, Heavenly Father,
for all the graces and blessings
You have bestowed upon us:
our faith and religious heritage;
the Priests who bring us the Sacraments;
our life, food and shelter;
our health, the love we have for one another;
our Police Officers and Firefighters who keep us safe;
our Soldiers and Veterans who fight and fought for our Country;
our family and friends.
Thank You for the people You so generously send us;
…everything You grant us
…and of which we are not even aware.
Dear Father, in Your infinite generosity, please grant us the grace of having
…less “give me” and more gratitude throughout the coming
…years so that we may be aware that anything from You is good
…for You turn the “bad” into blessings for us.
Please Lord, grant us the grace of not forgetting that we can thank You
…over and over again for the same gift – and if we
…forget, may our Guardian Angel remind us.
Thank You, Lord.
I Love You, Lord.
Amen… …by Luz María

Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with Thee,
blessed are Thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of Thy womb,
Jesus.

Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
:signofcross:

**Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús `
(Santa Teresa de Ávila
España: 1515—1582)**

Luz María
.
 
I can relate but in reverse. My kids weren’t able to build friendships at their Catholic school but we’re able to in the neighborhood. I think your kids sound like they have a good perspective on life and find no reason to poor water into a bucket that has a hole in it. Seems like they have moved on which is just very positive.

I love a website run by the Irish Jesuits called, Sacred Space, (Google it). Their meditations often include a recommendation to review our day/week/month and see where their was rich fruit and decide to give those areas more time in the future.
 
Children can be bad in their own right, but this sounds more like it’s coming from the parents’ own issues. Maybe they should consider Mark 9:42! I have just said a personal prayer for you and will share this one I just got on line:

O God the Father of mankind, who hast given unto me these my children, and committed them to my charge to bring them up for Thee, and to prepare them for eternal life: help me with Thy heavenly grace, that I may be able to fulfil this most sacred duty and stewardship. Teach me both what to give and what to withhold; when to reprove and when to forbear; make me to be gentle, yet firm; considerate and watchful; and deliver me equally from the weakness of indulgence, and the excess of severity; and grant that, both by word and example, I may be careful to lead them in the ways of wisdom and true piety, so that at last I may, with them, be admitted to the unspeakable joys of our true home in heaven, in the company of the blessed Angels and Saints. Amen.

O Heavenly Father, I commend my children to Thy care. Be Thou their God and Father; and mercifully supply whatever is lacking in me through frailty or negligence. Strengthen them to overcome the corruptions of the world, whether from within or without; and deliver them from the secret snares of the enemy. Pour Thy grace into their hearts, and strengthen and multiply in them the gifts of Thy Holy Spirit, that they may daily grow in grace and in knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ; and so, faithfully serving Thee here, may come to rejoice in Thy presence hereafter. Amen.
 
It bothers my wife more than anyone. It does bother me some too since I was hoping that moving would be best for everyone.
Click to expand...
I try to help my wife with her feelings by pointing out the people aren’t nice and we shouldn’t want to be with people like them. It’s not all that helpful for her.
Click to expand...
You need to remember that you cannot control the behavior of others. Some people will be friendlier than others, some will like you more than others. Avoid judging others, be polite and friendly to all. Generally speaking, adults should not involve themselves in children’s gossip.
 
This reminds me of a book I just read (although I forget the title). The boy in the book could not make friends which greatly upset his mother. When he was 14, he could no longer live with the guilt of upsetting his mother so he told her some of the kids at school invited him to go away on a ski weekend trip. So early Saturday morning, he left the house with his skis, went to a basement appartment and locked himself in the appartment all weekend so no one would see him and told his mom the reason he didn’t call was because there was no cell phone connection. Far fetched (it was a book), but just goes to show how much kids read into parents.

My advice is to praise your kids for being able to avoid the wrong crowd. If these kids are mean, I would be more concerned if your children were trying to fit in with them. Your kids would either become mean or be walked all over

Also, my dad was very concerned about every little tiff I had with the neighbourhood kids. HIs meddling did more harm than good. Sometimes, it is best to let kids figure it out for themselves

Angie
 
Sounds like your wife, like most mothers, wants everything to be good for your children. This is not a bad thing. But, life is not going to always be good for your children. You are blessed that your children have managed their way through this difficulty. Could mean they aren’t going to be swayed by peer pressure in the future…another blessing. This is all good for your children.

It’s hard, but sometimes parents need to just back off (as a previous poster said). Pray for your neighbors.

Jesus, I trust in you.

God Bless You.
 
I’m confused about why you think there is a “betrayal” here. Do you think the neighbor kids have some obligation to be friends with your kids, just because they happen to live on the same block? Or that, since they at one point did hang out with your kids, that they somehow “betrayed” them when they stopped?

Interestingly, your own children don’t seem to think so.
Our neighbors seemed nice but not overly friendly. In fact, we had the neighbors over more than we were over their houses and we were new to the area. You’d think it would be ther reverse… that they’d invite us over as a welcoming gesture.
Click to expand...
This comment, as well as the general tone of your post, gives me the impression that both you and your wife moved out of NYC with idealistic visions of moving to a very friendly, warm community that would provide the kids with a better experience than living in the cold impersonal big city, and that it is those expectations that have been “betrayed”.

When I was a kid, I was not close friends with kids in the neighborhood though I can think of 3 families that my parents were on friendly terms, that didn’t mean the kids would automatically become friends and I don’t recall my parents expecting that, or lamenting how they weren’t.

The kids weren’t mean or cliquey or anything. But none of them were my age, and we just didn’t have much in common, beyond where we happened to live. My sister did befriend 2 girls who happened to be her same age with similar interests, but I think they’d have become friends even if they met in school or some extracurricular activity.

ETA: As to your concern about your kids having to travel 4 miles to see their school friends, I can think of very rural areas where the closest “neighbors” are more than 4 miles away, doesn’t mean people living in such areas are all isolated with no friends.
 
Thanks Luz. I’ve recently begun to interact more deliberately with my guardian angel but not specifically for this.
Luz_Maria said:
I can offer prayers for your family. A prayer to those people’s Guardian Angel is also in order so that the Angels would nodge them.

Act of Hope and Confidence in God
Saint Claude de la Colombiere
:signofcross:
My God,
I believe most firmly that You watch over all who hope in You,
and that we can want for nothing when we rely upon You in all things.
Therefore I am resolved for the future…to cast all my cares upon You.
People may deprive me of worldly goods and status.
Sickness may take from me my strength and the means of serving You.
I may even jeopardize our relationship by sin, but my trust shall never leave me.
I will preserve it to the last moment of my life, and the powers of hell shall seek
…… in vain to grab it from me.
Let others seek happiness in their wealth and in their talents.
Let them trust in the purity of their lives,
the severity of their mortifications,
in the number of their good works,
the enthusiasm of their prayers,
as for me, my Rock and my Refuge, my confidence in you fills me with hope.
For You, my Divine Protector, alone have settled me in hope.
“This confidence can never be vain. No one, who has hoped in God, has
…… ever been confounded.”
I am assured, therefore, of my eternal happiness,
…… for I firmly hope in it and all my hope is in You.
“In You, O loving God, have I hoped: let me never be confounded.”
I know too well that I am weak and changeable. I know the power of
…… temptation against the strongest virtue.
I have seen stars fall and foundations of my world crack;
…… these things do not alarm me.
While I hope in You, I am sheltered from all misfortune,
…… and I am sure that my trust shall endure,
…… for I rely upon You to sustain this unfailing hope.
Finally, I know that my confidence cannot exceed Your generosity, and that I
…… shall never receive less than I have hoped for from You.
Therefore I hope that You will sustain me against my evil inclinations,
…… that You will protect me against the deceitful attacks of the evil one,
…… and that You will cause my weakness to triumph over every hostile force.
I hope that You will never cease to love me and that I shall love You unceasingly.
“In You, O loving God, have I hoped: let me never be confounded.”

St. Claude de la Colombiere, pray for us!

Apology and Thanksgiving Prayer
Heavenly Father,
Creator of all and source of all goodness and love,
please look kindly upon us,
as we ask for forgiveness for not giving You thanks.
Please receive our heartfelt apology for the lack of gratitude.
Remind us at all times that You are always worthy of our thanks.

Thank You, Heavenly Father,
for all the graces and blessings
You have bestowed upon us:
our faith and religious heritage;
the Priests who bring us the Sacraments;
our life, food and shelter;
our health, the love we have for one another;
our Police Officers and Firefighters who keep us safe;
our Soldiers and Veterans who fight and fought for our Country;
our family and friends.
Thank You for the people You so generously send us;
…everything You grant us
…and of which we are not even aware.
Dear Father, in Your infinite generosity, please grant us the grace of having
…less “give me” and more gratitude throughout the coming
…years so that we may be aware that anything from You is good
…for You turn the “bad” into blessings for us.
Please Lord, grant us the grace of not forgetting that we can thank You
…over and over again for the same gift – and if we
…forget, may our Guardian Angel remind us.
Thank You, Lord.
I Love You, Lord.
Amen… …by Luz María

Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with Thee,
blessed are Thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of Thy womb,
Jesus.

Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
:signofcross:

Let Nothing Disturb You

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús `
(Santa Teresa de Ávila
España: 1515—1582)

Luz María
.
Click to expand...
 
Thanks, ToeInTheWater. I think a feeling of betrayal is not an incorrect reaction when veiwed from our point of view and how we would handle this. If a parent expressed concern that one of my children were behaving poorly towards their child my wife and I would certainly get to the bottom of it and also see that there were no further repercussions. For the most part, it is heresay except in this case it’s not since my sister-in-law heard the girl mock my daughter’s clothing and weight. But if there were no “ear witnesses” I would ask our children if they saw “so and so” outside. Would I force them to be friends? No. But I would take a peek outside to see what’s going on If my child was a member of a group of kids and one wasn’t seen for a while after playing with the group for over 2 years, I’d ask my child where’s “so and so”? If they said they haven’t been seen then we’d reach out to the parents. That hasn’t happened in this case. Both of the other families have stopped talking to my wife and I other than “Hi and Bye” when we were always cordial and inviting by having them in our home and pool to foster some friendships. Mind you we were the new ones to the neighborhood. But when we asked the family of the girl that was mean and the boy that was speaking poorly about our son the two children started ignoring our children and the rest of the group followed suit. It’s as if the parents asked them what happened, got some explanation and told them to stay away from our kids. Then there’s the new family that WE WELCOMED into the neighborhood by having the mom and boys over for dinner and to hang out (the dad was still in there native state wrapping up stuff). After school started, we didn’t see them anymore and that’s when one of the boys told my son “our mom said we didn’t have to keep hanging out with you if we didn’t want to”. You’re right that my children have handled this extremely well and that a credit to their confidence in themselves and the fact that they do have friends outside the neighborhood. We certainly take them to their friends house and have those friends here. However, when the nice weather rolls around and the kids on the block are running around across the street without a thought about your children and those parents are having backyard fire pit get togethers without a thought of us that welcomed them to our events it gets to you.
ToeInTheWater said:
I’m confused about why you think there is a “betrayal” here. Do you think the neighbor kids have some obligation to be friends with your kids, just because they happen to live on the same block? Or that, since they at one point did hang out with your kids, that they somehow “betrayed” them when they stopped?

Interestingly, your own children don’t seem to think so.

This comment, as well as the general tone of your post, gives me the impression that both you and your wife moved out of NYC with idealistic visions of moving to a very friendly, warm community that would provide the kids with a better experience than living in the cold impersonal big city, and that it is those expectations that have been “betrayed”.

When I was a kid, I was not close friends with kids in the neighborhood though I can think of 3 families that my parents were on friendly terms, that didn’t mean the kids would automatically become friends and I don’t recall my parents expecting that, or lamenting how they weren’t.

The kids weren’t mean or cliquey or anything. But none of them were my age, and we just didn’t have much in common, beyond where we happened to live. My sister did befriend 2 girls who happened to be her same age with similar interests, but I think they’d have become friends even if they met in school or some extracurricular activity.

ETA: As to your concern about your kids having to travel 4 miles to see their school friends, I can think of very rural areas where the closest “neighbors” are more than 4 miles away, doesn’t mean people living in such areas are all isolated with no friends.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you, Paul. You’re correct in that we cannot control others’ behavior. But when it’s people that you thought were friendly and had interactions with at your own home for just over 2 years and then they just turn their backs because we approached them about our young, 8 year old daughter, that continually came in crying because their daughter was saying terrible things about her weight and clothing (overheard by my sister-in-law so not gossip) We were polite (and remain so) and friendly (no longer due to their retreating) but had the others turn on us. It wouldn’t have been bad if we reached out but were disregarded initially but that wasn’t the case. We had these individuals in our home for over 2 years.
PaulfromIowa said:
You need to remember that you cannot control the behavior of others. Some people will be friendlier than others, some will like you more than others. Avoid judging others, be polite and friendly to all. Generally speaking, adults should not involve themselves in children’s gossip.
Click to expand...
 
Thank you all for your prayers. We have and will continue to pray for our neighbors. Like anyone that moves to a new area you do hope and pray that people will be nice, polite and respectful. These neighbors seemed nice for over 2 years until my wife approached the other mom after trying to coax our daughter through this and seeing her self-esteem crater and then have my sister-in-law confirm what was happening because she heard the insults first hand. Then to have that followed-up with a new family that we tried to welcome into the neighborhood by having them over tell their sons they don’t have to be with our son after they started school and then have no more interaction from them, you start to get a bit emotional. I guess the Lord is trying to teach us something. We will continue in His Grace.

As I always, I’m thankful for this community and will continue to pray for it.
 
Well, you and your wife obviously feel betrayed by the neighbors, but it seems the kids themselves don’t. Although there are limits to the resiliency of children, it seems in this particular case the stereotype is correct and they have moved on, and understand that not everyone wants to be friends with them. Other than praying, I don’t see much for you to do here when it comes to the kids at this point, unless you witness actual bullying. Simply not playing with your kids do not amount to bullying.

I am sorry that your expectations were not met. BTW I grew up in a city myself and now live in the suburbs, and my experience was that people were MORE friendly and neighborly in the city than the suburbs.
 
Hi Allenr74,

Sorry for the hurt you and your wife are feeling.

Do you know whether the other girls parents know that their daughter was picking on/taunting your daughter?

It’s good to keep in mind that while you would have talked to your daughter about not being cruel to other kids if the shoe was on the other foot,some kids actually learn this mean behaviour from their parents themselves unfortunately.

How well did you get to know the personalities,opinions and demeanours of the couple/s when you had them over to your house?
Did you get to know them well or was it all pleasant small talk?

Your wife and yourself sound like a lovely couple,but the reality is that not everyone is nice.
By not having expectations on people’s behaviour,or that they will reciprocate your kindness and hospitality,you then avoid getting as hurt/affected.
Some people are “pleasant enough”-ie:happy to smile and say hello but don’t want to be too friendly except with like-minded people, and other people can be outright mean or people to be wary of.
In a way,it’s good judgment to not get too close to these types of people (the second group) sometimes.
It’s a great thing to be warm and hospitable,but at the same time it’s wise to get to know people’s character and personalities abit before welcoming them into your home.
You can still be kind and pleasant to them by offering them a wave or simple hello and praying for them.

Like you said,your kids themselves are fine and nonchalant about it.They have each other to play with.Kids are often quite resilient and their childhood can still be a very happy one.
 
It is my prayer for you that you never have to appropriately use the word “betrayal”

Peace, g
 
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