Praying 54 days Rosary Novena.. but so hurt now

[shanishani7]

I am in my Day 20 of my 54 Days Rosary Novena since 1 Jan. I am praying for the intention of finding a real partner (future spouse) who also loves God and others.

I met a guy in my local church a year ago but seldom talk, and met him again on Dec, becoming closer starting from Jan. We texting everyday, and care for each other. I have a feeling that he is the one God gives me. And bcoz I am praying 54 days rosary novena which I heard will be answered so I definitely believe its Mary’s help.

We had a first date on last Sunday (2 days ago), I also felt that he treat me more than just normal friend. He told me many things and even talked about why he broke up with his ex-gf whom I also know (They broke up just a few months ago), and also asked mine. We chated a lot and had fun that day. We took photos together.

But then on Monday (yesterday), he suddenly told me that he believe he did have feeling to me/ like me a little bit, but he is really not ready for any relationship. He said that he needs to find himself, find some sort of identity, and to believe himself first before he can start something else. He emphasize he is not ready for any relationship and cannot commit to something which might damage both of us long term if things not work out.

I was totally broke and hurt when he told me these. I even cried to Mary.

I am silly that I was asking Mary didn’t she promise she will answer prayer on 54 days rosary novena, and why this would happen. But, I told Mary that I still trust Her, and still keep on praying this 54 days Novena.

I know I need to accept all these if he insists that… I am just not sure if this is an excuse of rejecting me or what.

And I don’t know what should be my next step? just treat him as a very normal friend which sees very less, just let him go and not see again, or just keep caring for him and wait for him…?

Any suggestions? Thanks!!

 

[Xantippe]

I am in my Day 20 of my 54 Days Rosary Novena since 1 Jan. I am praying for the intention of finding a real partner (future spouse) who also loves God and others.

I met a guy in my local church a year ago but seldom talk, and met him again on Dec, becoming closer starting from Jan. We texting everyday, and care for each other. I have a feeling that he is the one God gives me. And bcoz I am praying 54 days rosary novena which I heard will be answered so I definitely believe its Mary’s help.

We had a first date on last Sunday (2 days ago), I also felt that he treat me more than just normal friend. He told me many things and even talked about why he broke up with his ex-gf whom I also know (They broke up just a few months ago), and also asked mine. We chated a lot and had fun that day. We took photos together.

But then on Monday (yesterday), he suddenly told me that he believe he did have feeling to me/ like me a little bit, but he is really not ready for any relationship. He said that he needs to find himself, find some sort of identity, and to believe himself first before he can start something else. He emphasize he is not ready for any relationship and cannot commit to something which might damage both of us long term if things not work out.

I was totally broke and hurt when he told me these. I even cried to Mary.

I am silly that I was asking Mary didn’t she promise she will answer prayer on 54 days rosary novena, and why this would happen. But, I told Mary that I still trust Her, and still keep on praying this 54 days Novena.

I know I need to accept all these if he insists that… I am just not sure if this is an excuse of rejecting me or what.

And I don’t know what should be my next step? just treat him as a very normal friend which sees very less, just let him go and not see again, or just keep caring for him and wait for him…?

Any suggestions? Thanks!!

Definitely don’t wait for him.

And don’t accidentally wind up in some sort of unofficial relationship with him.

Keep on walking.

 

[shanishani7]

Definitely don’t wait for him.

And don’t accidentally wind up in some sort of unofficial relationship with him.

Keep on walking.

May I know Why? Is it because he thinks im not the one for him, rather than “not ready for any relationship” ?

 

[Regina7]

May I know Why? Is it because he thinks im not the one for him, rather than “not ready for any relationship” ?

Because if your eye is on this guy, you may miss the one Mary really sends your way.

 

[Hodegetria]

Keep praying the novena. If this is the guy for you, you WILL be together.

In the meantime, take this fellow’s words as The TRUTH! If he was interested in a relationship with you, he would never have told you he’s NOT ready! Don’t drive him away by becoming suddenly needy or possessive or desperate. It was probably not easy for him to tell you that, but obviously he felt he needed to do so. Let him find himself, he must feel that he needs this time for himself. Don’t rush him.

You mentioned how he told you many personal things. I hope you weren’t responding in kind, especially telling him how you are so anxious for marriage or a boyfriend. This tends to send guys running in the opposite direction.

The fact that you had a great time one day, but then the next day he makes sure that you know he’s “not available” is a HUGE clue. Believe him. You were only on first date and you say you were totally broken and crying— these are signs you are much too anxious for a relationship.

I’m not trying to be cruel. I know this hurts your heart because you have been praying and wanting your answer. Please be patient. Use this time to show this fellow the exact definition of a lady – be patient, kind and not demanding. If you did scare him off, this may show him he had nothing to worry about after all. Believe me, I’m 51 yrs old, married female and had many single girlfriends trying to get married before they hit “40”. The things they did to try to “catch” a man were embarrassing to me! They literally drove some men into hiding! I also see my how brother is being pursued as he’s single and very well off… He also does NOT enjoy being a target. Back off with grace and dignity.

Please trust Mother Mary to decide for you. She won’t make a mistake.

God bless you!

 

[shanishani7]

Keep praying the novena. If this is the guy for you, you WILL be together.

In the meantime, take this fellow’s words as The TRUTH! If he was interested in a relationship with you, he would never have told you he’s NOT ready! Don’t drive him away by becoming suddenly needy or possessive or desperate. It was probably not easy for him to tell you that, but obviously he felt he needed to do so. Let him find himself, he must feel that he needs this time for himself. Don’t rush him.

You mentioned how he told you many personal things. I hope you weren’t responding in kind, especially telling him how you are so anxious for marriage or a boyfriend. This tends to send guys running in the opposite direction.

The fact that you had a great time one day, but then the next day he makes sure that you know he’s “not available” is a HUGE clue. Believe him. You were only on first date and you say you were totally broken and crying— these are signs you are much too anxious for a relationship.

I’m not trying to be cruel. I know this hurts your heart because you have been praying and wanting your answer. Please be patient. Use this time to show this fellow the exact definition of a lady – be patient, kind and not demanding. If you did scare him off, this may show him he had nothing to worry about after all. Believe me, I’m 51 yrs old, married female and had many single girlfriends trying to get married before they hit “40”. The things they did to try to “catch” a man were embarrassing to me! They literally drove some men into hiding! I also see my how brother is being pursued as he’s single and very well off… He also does NOT enjoy being a target. Back off with grace and dignity.

Please trust Mother Mary to decide for you. She won’t make a mistake.

God bless you!

Thanks for the advice. Why would one “Not Ready for a relationship” ? I don’t think there is anything to get ready for a relationship…

So I just need to act like before, or just step further back? or not find him again?

 

[Regina7]

Thanks for the advice. Why would one “Not Ready for a relationship” ? I don’t think there is anything to get ready for a relationship…

So I just need to act like before, or just step further back? or not find him again?

Step WAY back. He told you that he wants space- give it to him. Stop texting him. If you see him at church, smile and say hello, but then walk away. If he wants to talk to you, he will. In the meantime, keep praying your novena. Keep your eyes open to other guys.

 

[Hodegetria]

Thanks for the advice. Why would one “Not Ready for a relationship” ? **I don’t think there is anything to get ready for a relationship…
**
So I just need to act like before, or just step further back? or not find him again?

Yes, I completely agree with Regina7 above.

As I said, I’m 51 and I’ve had 5 or 6 serious relationships in my life…I’ve been NOT ready for a relationship SO MANY times! For many reasons, but mostly I wanted to get my own head on straight before investing myself in another person. Especially after a breakup, one needs alone time. Jumping into a rebound relationship rarely works, because you have to GRIEVE the old broken relationship. I know that I have nothing to offer another person if I am dealing with my own issues. Maybe he’s not over his ex-gf, maybe he’s got personal issues. He told you he’s not ready and you really must accept his words at face value. That means NOT trying to figure out what he meant.

The fact you don’t seem able to grasp the concept of “not ready for a relationship” tells me you’re either very young or very inexperienced or you don’t recognize boundaries in relationships. I’m not trying to be hard on you, my dear, this fellow sounds like he’s got it together because he knows he’s not ready for a relationship. Normal people need alone time. Maybe he needs time to heal from the last relationship. Healing takes time. Don’t intrude on him and allow him time for whatever he needs. Pray for him to get better.

Yes, step back. Keep your options open. If and when you see him at church or wherever, be friendly and cheerful, which shows him you’re a happy and well-balanced person with a lot going on in her life–not a desperate case. Men run from needy desperation and the ones who don’t are NOT suitable marriage material. Men who go for needy women are controlling and manipulative. Be glad he’s not one of those.

Keep praying your novena and don’t get hung up on this one guy. There are lots of fish in the sea. Be patient. Don’t be a stalker. (I’m not saying you are being a stalker, just saying don’t be one.) Work on yourself so you are the best “you” possible when you meet your future beloved. Above all, trust in God and your Blessed Mother, They know what you need.

There’s a billboard on a main road in my area that says “You are beautiful.” That’s all it says, no one has any idea who put that sign up or what it means, but I smile every time I see it! Why don’t you print out or make such a sign and put it on your bathroom mirror. It’s true. God bless you!

 

[Xantippe]

May I know Why? Is it because he thinks im not the one for him, rather than “not ready for any relationship” ?

A lack of enthusiasm from either party is a sign to keep on walking.

For a relationship to succeed, he needs to be excited about you and a relationship with you and you need to be excited about him and a relationship with him. It’s not enough for only one of you to be interested.

As they say on another website, aim higher.

It’s not out of the question that he might change his mind eventually, but don’t be waiting around for that to happen.

 

[Xantippe]

Keep praying the novena. If this is the guy for you, you WILL be together.

In the meantime, take this fellow’s words as The TRUTH! If he was interested in a relationship with you, he would never have told you he’s NOT ready! Don’t drive him away by becoming suddenly needy or possessive or desperate. It was probably not easy for him to tell you that, but obviously he felt he needed to do so. Let him find himself, he must feel that he needs this time for himself. Don’t rush him.

You mentioned how he told you many personal things. I hope you weren’t responding in kind, especially telling him how you are so anxious for marriage or a boyfriend. This tends to send guys running in the opposite direction.

The fact that you had a great time one day, but then the next day he makes sure that you know he’s “not available” is a HUGE clue. Believe him. You were only on first date and you say you were totally broken and crying— these are signs you are much too anxious for a relationship.

I’m not trying to be cruel. I know this hurts your heart because you have been praying and wanting your answer. Please be patient. Use this time to show this fellow the exact definition of a lady – be patient, kind and not demanding. If you did scare him off, this may show him he had nothing to worry about after all. Believe me, I’m 51 yrs old, married female and had many single girlfriends trying to get married before they hit “40”. The things they did to try to “catch” a man were embarrassing to me! They literally drove some men into hiding! I also see my how brother is being pursued as he’s single and very well off… He also does NOT enjoy being a target. Back off with grace and dignity.

Please trust Mother Mary to decide for you. She won’t make a mistake.

God bless you!

Yes, yes, and yes!

 

[Xantippe]

Step WAY back. He told you that he wants space- give it to him. Stop texting him. If you see him at church, smile and say hello, but then walk away. If he wants to talk to you, he will. In the meantime, keep praying your novena. Keep your eyes open to other guys.

Yes. And as a rule, measure out your communications with men (and women, too) according to how much they are communicating with you. If you get one text from a guy, don’t answer back with a blast of five texts. That looks CRAZY.

 

[angelcrystal85]

I am in my Day 20 of my 54 Days Rosary Novena since 1 Jan. I am praying for the intention of finding a real partner (future spouse) who also loves God and others.

I met a guy in my local church a year ago but seldom talk, and met him again on Dec, becoming closer starting from Jan. We texting everyday, and care for each other. I have a feeling that he is the one God gives me. And bcoz I am praying 54 days rosary novena which I heard will be answered so I definitely believe its Mary’s help.

We had a first date on last Sunday (2 days ago), I also felt that he treat me more than just normal friend. He told me many things and even talked about why he broke up with his ex-gf whom I also know (They broke up just a few months ago), and also asked mine. We chated a lot and had fun that day. We took photos together.

But then on Monday (yesterday), he suddenly told me that he believe he did have feeling to me/ like me a little bit, but he is really not ready for any relationship. He said that he needs to find himself, find some sort of identity, and to believe himself first before he can start something else. He emphasize he is not ready for any relationship and cannot commit to something which might damage both of us long term if things not work out.

I was totally broke and hurt when he told me these. I even cried to Mary.

I am silly that I was asking Mary didn’t she promise she will answer prayer on 54 days rosary novena, and why this would happen. But, I told Mary that I still trust Her, and still keep on praying this 54 days Novena.

I know I need to accept all these if he insists that… I am just not sure if this is an excuse of rejecting me or what.

And I don’t know what should be my next step? just treat him as a very normal friend which sees very less, just let him go and not see again, or just keep caring for him and wait for him…?

Any suggestions? Thanks!!

Hello,

I am also praying the 54 day novena for my future spouse and I am also on day 20.
I totally understand how you feel. When a man needs space and is not ready for a relationship,
leave him alone. If you try to talk him out of it or try to change his mind he will run for the hills.
If he just broke up with his ex, he might still have feelings for her and is not fair for you. You don’t want to be used as the rebound girl. You deserve a great man that is focus on you and is interested in pursuing you. Men are hunters by nature, when a guy is interested in you no matter how busy he is, he will pursue until he captures your heart.
In the meantime keep praying the Rosary, go out, do fun things, work on yourself. If guys ask you on dates, go. Don’t wait for him. I know you had your hopes up for this guy, but sometimes we need to be careful not to get attach to quickly, we need to be more prudent and get to know people before we open ourselves to them.
God bless you and I’ll pray for you in my Rosary tonight

 

[Runner1]

There are a few saints I always turn to for guidance…Saint Philomena, Saint Therese, Saint Martha, and and Saint Rita. They are women close to Our Blessed Mother and understand what we are going through.

Please keep praying. There will be someone else if not this person.

 

[shanishani7]

Yes, I completely agree with Regina7 above.

As I said, I’m 51 and I’ve had 5 or 6 serious relationships in my life…I’ve been NOT ready for a relationship SO MANY times! For many reasons, but mostly I wanted to get my own head on straight before investing myself in another person. Especially after a breakup, one needs alone time. Jumping into a rebound relationship rarely works, because you have to GRIEVE the old broken relationship. I know that I have nothing to offer another person if I am dealing with my own issues. Maybe he’s not over his ex-gf, maybe he’s got personal issues. He told you he’s not ready and you really must accept his words at face value. That means NOT trying to figure out what he meant.

The fact you don’t seem able to grasp the concept of “not ready for a relationship” tells me you’re either very young or very inexperienced or you don’t recognize boundaries in relationships. I’m not trying to be hard on you, my dear, this fellow sounds like he’s got it together because he knows he’s not ready for a relationship. Normal people need alone time. Maybe he needs time to heal from the last relationship. Healing takes time. Don’t intrude on him and allow him time for whatever he needs. Pray for him to get better.

Yes, step back. Keep your options open. If and when you see him at church or wherever, be friendly and cheerful, which shows him you’re a happy and well-balanced person with a lot going on in her life–not a desperate case. Men run from needy desperation and the ones who don’t are NOT suitable marriage material. Men who go for needy women are controlling and manipulative. Be glad he’s not one of those.

Keep praying your novena and don’t get hung up on this one guy. There are lots of fish in the sea. Be patient. Don’t be a stalker. (I’m not saying you are being a stalker, just saying don’t be one.) Work on yourself so you are the best “you” possible when you meet your future beloved. Above all, trust in God and your Blessed Mother, They know what you need.

There’s a billboard on a main road in my area that says “You are beautiful.” That’s all it says, no one has any idea who put that sign up or what it means, but I smile every time I see it! Why don’t you print out or make such a sign and put it on your bathroom mirror. It’s true. God bless you!

Thanks for your reply. But even if you feel not ready, you wouldn’t tell him that you are not ready. So I dunno what is the purpose that he told me this!

And I feel that Mary is not hearing and feel hurt and I feel my prayer everyday will go in vain. I need to add another intention of healing my hurt apart from what I am praying for.

 

[Xantippe]

Thanks for your reply. But even if you feel not ready, you wouldn’t tell him that you are not ready. So I dunno what is the purpose that he told me this!

To communicate “We are not going to have a relationship, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I think you’re a good person, but not the right one for me.”

 

[heidi_storage]

Wanting to find a spouse is great. Praying for a spouse is great. However, don 't expect that God will give you a spouse; He may, or He may not. If He does not, will you continue to believe and trust in Him, and to know that He has your ultimate welfare in mind? If your faith in God depends on achieving a certain outcome–well–it’s not much of a faith.

All this is NOT to discourage you from praying for a spouse, but to tell you that it’s highly important to listen to what God is telling you, and to discern what His will for your life is.

And part of becoming ready for a relationship is gaining the emotional maturity not to be so wounded when someone honestly communicates that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. This guy absolutely did you a favor by not keeping you dangling. He did nothing wrong. You WANT that kind of honesty, because otherwise you’re sucked into this will-he-or-won’t-he limbo.

Do be proactive in seeking out eligible men, but remember that you need to work on your own eligibility as a potential wife. That means learning about yourself and about how to navigate the tricky waters of romantic relationships–everything from reading nonverbal cues to communicating honestly; from not allowing fluttery feelings to eclipse your judgment to developing your unselfishness; from–well, you get the idea. Any kind of human interaction is fraught with complexities, let alone romantic relationships!

Best of luck.

 

[Xantippe]

And part of becoming ready for a relationship is gaining the emotional maturity not to be so wounded when someone honestly communicates that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. This guy absolutely did you a favor by not keeping you dangling.

Yes!

He did nothing wrong. You WANT that kind of honesty, because otherwise you’re sucked into this will-he-or-won’t-he limbo.

Exactly. There are a lot of women stuck in relationships with men who are very obviously just waiting for something better to come along. From what I hear, that’s one of the uniquely terrible features of contemporary dating.

 

[shanishani7]

Thanks all for the replies. After I prayed the Rosary tonight, I suddenly had the idea that he should be still thinking of his ex-gf, cannot totally put off her in mind right now, which means he is really not ready. I didn’t have that idea and not sure, until after praying rosary asking Mary. I guess this is what Mary wants me to know!!
And, because he told me all of the personal things and never lie to me. I choose to believe him every word. And he is a person who gets hold of the past and care about the relationships with others.
Rosary is powerful that Mary will really tell you something.

 

[shanishani7]

Wanting to find a spouse is great. Praying for a spouse is great. However, don 't expect that God will give you a spouse; He may, or He may not. If He does not, will you continue to believe and trust in Him, and to know that He has your ultimate welfare in mind? If your faith in God depends on achieving a certain outcome–well–it’s not much of a faith.

All this is NOT to discourage you from praying for a spouse, but to tell you that it’s highly important to listen to what God is telling you, and to discern what His will for your life is.

And part of becoming ready for a relationship is gaining the emotional maturity not to be so wounded when someone honestly communicates that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. This guy absolutely did you a favor by not keeping you dangling. He did nothing wrong. You WANT that kind of honesty, because otherwise you’re sucked into this will-he-or-won’t-he limbo.

Do be proactive in seeking out eligible men, but remember that you need to work on your own eligibility as a potential wife. That means learning about yourself and about how to navigate the tricky waters of romantic relationships–everything from reading nonverbal cues to communicating honestly; from not allowing fluttery feelings to eclipse your judgment to developing your unselfishness; from–well, you get the idea. Any kind of human interaction is fraught with complexities, let alone romantic relationships!

Best of luck.

A few months ago, I thought my vocation is to walk on Religious Path after I heard Mary’s voice telling me to give up worldly things… Then I descern my vocation, but I found no much clue on that… and I want to build my family and children.

I found a Priest, he asked me “What do you want?”… he said that our mind is also from God. If our vocation is Religious Path, I will so want it much. But I don’t feel so, compared to family life.

So if God is not giving me a spouse, what would the God’s will on me? to be Single all my life? That would be too lonely…

I am really weak in handling relationship issues. I always failed in it, either found a wrong person, or failed to handle relationship problems.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

Patience is a virtue.

God may be increasing your virtue in patience and recreating you (possibly recreating your future spouse) as you convert deeper into our rich catholic faith. God used lonliness before original sin to increase Adams admiration of Eve. I have found that lonliness is paired with patience. It’s not the happiest place, but gives much fruit to those who can cultivate it.

I’m married now. I have a loving husband, two loving girls (2&3) and I still experience lonliness admist all the noise and commotion going on. I am glad God used my time as a single lady to cultivate and to teach me patience during times of lonliness. Hope you can find the treasure in your walk too.