Praying before a meal questions

[yellow8yellowM]

I have two questions about “normal” praying before a meal:

1. When one person starts the prayer and finishes with the Amen, would you consider it rude for another person at the table to add on their own prayer?
2. Is it always proper for the husband to lead the prayer at the dinner table? Is this different when there are guests?

 

[Gordon_Sims]

If I want to add an extra prayer, I’ll ask permission in advance.

I’ll usually lead the prayer at home, but sometimes I’ll have one of the kids do it just to keep them in practice and make sure they’re actually praying.

One thing I consider very poor manners is for a guest at someone’s house to not at least sit quietly while the blessing is being said. If you don’t want to say the prayer, that’s one thing, but you shouldn’t be filling your plate and digging in while the rest of us are praying. If I were saying this out loud and you heard my tone of voice, you’d probably guess that it’s something I’ve been dealing with regularly lately.

 

[Ophelia23]

I have two questions about “normal” praying before a meal:

1. When one person starts the prayer and finishes with the Amen, would you consider it rude for another person at the table to add on their own prayer?
2. Is it always proper for the husband to lead the prayer at the dinner table? Is this different when there are guests?

There are no official rules regarding this. It varies from family to family. Personally, I wouldn’t consider it rude for another person at the table to add their own prayers. I have a hard time finding prayer to be rude in just about any circumstance. It is a guest at my table (whether they are a family member or not) and they are speaking out to God. I take absolutely no issue with that. As for whether the husband should always lead prayer, that again is a personal discretion. It’s up to you, yellow8yellowM!

 

[bzkoss236]

It has always been tradition in my family that the youngest child able prays before the meal. But in my current case, after having gotten married and moved, I have been leading the prayer between my wife and I.

I would agree that asking permission before adding another prayer is the polite way to go, that is, if it is not regularly done that way.

 

[Canuck000]

I have another scenario to add. I will be traveling this week, to the home of people whom do not pray before meals. Is it rude to for my husband and I to pray before the meal in a home that doesn’t pray before meals?

 

[Kelfa28]

We like to keep the meal prayers short and sweet…I have a very small pet peeve when guests jump in to say the prayer but do a long-winded one that takes a long time.

I love God very much…but I’m the one that usually cooks and I’m usually very hungry by the time we sit down to say the blessing.

Anyway…to get to the questions. I do think it’s rude for a guest or someone to jump in after saying amen. We usually include a blessing for the guests in addition to our regular meal blessing. Personally, I think that covers it.

In my little household…hubby says the blessing…our LO is too little to talk yet and is usually already tossing food around by the time we start the blessing.

 

[EasterJoy]

Excepting at an official liturgy, I cannot imagine getting offended because someone spontaneously offered a prayer with the hopes that those present would join in. That’s not to say there isn’t a way to offer a prayer that might offend somebody–“Lord, give my brother the grace to be less of a snotty puke before I lose my mind and kill him” or "Lord, today give us all the grace of self-control, so maybe there will be still some dark meat left by the time the platter gets to me" comes to mind–but I don’t think it is a good idea to be too protective of the group willingness to offer a prayer that is on someone’s heart. If you don’t welcome that, you really have to ask yourself why. (Again, it is a different matter if someone throws out a topic or hope that they ought to know will be controversial within the group present.)

 

[Joe_5859]

Yeah, I would have a hard time calling extra prayer “rude”.

We have friends who usually add an extra prayer after grace and I almost always forget that, so that’s happened to me on many occassions. I don’t mind saying “Amen” twice.

Sure, a little heads up would be nice, but if a family is so accustomed to the extra prayer, they probably don’t think about it. They’re just doing what they are in the habit of doing. It’s hard for me to fault them for that.

We all say grace together, so I never really thought about there being a “leader” before.

 

[Kelfa28]

I have another scenario to add. I will be traveling this week, to the home of people whom do not pray before meals. Is it rude to for my husband and I to pray before the meal in a home that doesn’t pray before meals?

I don’t see why you couldn’t just ask politely and then say a quick grace.

My MIL used to do this and she’d ask very nicely if she could say grace when she was over our house for meals…this was before we converted and weren’t saying grace ourselves.

It got us into the habit fairly quickly.

They might pick up the habit as well.

 

[EasterJoy]

We like to keep the meal prayers short and sweet…I have a very small pet peeve when guests jump in to say the prayer but do a long-winded one that takes a long time.

I love God very much…but I’m the one that usually cooks and I’m usually very hungry by the time we sit down to say the blessing. …

I also hate to go to the trouble to get all the food to the table while it is still hot, only to have someone dawdle about getting to the table and then drone on and on at prayer while it gets cold. That is a bit thoughtless.

 

[Kelfa28]

I also hate to go to the trouble to get all the food to the table while it is still hot, only to have someone dawdle about getting to the table and then drone on and on at prayer while it gets cold. That is a bit thoughtless.

Yes, I have one particular family member that was like this…but hubby has since taken the initiative and sits at the head of the table and always says grace.

He will always include an extra blessing for the guests…which seems to work for us, including any guests we have.

 

[Snowball7]

The only prayer we’ve ever said in my family
at the family dinner table is what we refer to as “saying grace”,
as in “who’s going to say grace ?” ok, you “say grace”.

Grace before a meal:

---

Bless us, oh Lord, and these Thy gifts
Which we are about to receive.
From Thy Bounty
Through Christ our Lord, Amen. ***

that’s it, (special intentions optional).

Italian catholic family.

 

[Moore11]

I have two questions about “normal” praying before a meal:

1. When one person starts the prayer and finishes with the Amen, would you consider it rude for another person at the table to add on their own prayer?
2. Is it always proper for the husband to lead the prayer at the dinner table? Is this different when there are guests?

1. In the context of a nuclear family if it is done with good intentions I can’t see how that would be a problem.
2. Proper? I dont understand. In our family we all take turns. Proper? what does that even mean in this context?

 

[pnewton]

I have to say that I never see too much prayer as an issue. If heat is such an issue, then it would be simple enough to use crockery that retains heat, or pray before the buns come out of the oven, especially if it is to honor God.

 

[Kelfa28]

I have to say that I never see too much prayer as an issue. If heat is such an issue, then it would be simple enough to use crockery that retains heat, or pray before the buns come out of the oven, especially if it is to honor God.

I still think that it’s not necessary to do anything more then a quick blessing before the meal. I have a 10 month old that just doesn’t wait. She won’t give us more then a second without complaining about sitting at the table and not having food in front of her.

I give her a break and serve her a portion before we say the blessing.
We can actually concentrate on the blessing and properly address God.
I’m sorry, but if she has finished what was in front of her and I have to interrupt the prayer to address the incoming meltdown…it’s gone on for too long.

When she gets older…she can learn patience is a virtue…but I’ll probably have another kiddo to address at that point.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have two questions about “normal” praying before a meal:

1. When one person starts the prayer and finishes with the Amen, would you consider it rude for another person at the table to add on their own prayer?
2. Is it always proper for the husband to lead the prayer at the dinner table? Is this different when there are guests?

1. Yes. “Amen” to my family means it’s all done. They start serving and eating the food after that, and if someone just started up praying again, it would mean they would be “caught” starting to eat and it would be embarrassing to them. I’d call it rude, or at the least, a bit inconsiderate. If they asked, “Excuse me, but may I add another short prayer?” then I would gladly allow it and would make sure my family didn’t start eating. If that person did not warn me or ask permission, I might be inclined to wonder if they see the Catholic grace as somehow inadequate.
2. If the guests are Catholic, it MIGHT be OK to ask them if they want to say the grace. If they are not Catholic, and don’t expect to be asked to say grace, they might not be prepared to do so. If I knew them, and knew they had the custom of asking their guests to say grace, I might go ahead and extend an invitation, knowing it would be whatever form they use and not our “Bless us, O Lord…” format. I’d still say our prayer in my own head. Then you have the problem of “do we make the sign of the cross, or not?”

To avoid these problems, just don’t ever invite a Protestant over for a meal!!

Ha ha, I am KIDDING!!

 

[akela135]

I have another scenario to add. I will be traveling this week, to the home of people whom do not pray before meals. Is it rude to for my husband and I to pray before the meal in a home that doesn’t pray before meals?

I’ve eaten with many groups of people who don’t pray before a meal and they have never commented on my praying or if they have it has been out of curiousity. I usually just quietly withdraw from the conversation, bow my head, make the sign of the cross, say my prayer, then end with the sign of the cross. After that I just resume the normal conversation or eating taking place. If you wished to prayer aloud with your husband you might run that by the host first just to make sure they weren’t caught off guard by it.

 

[VivienneJ]

I am reminded of the first time my husband and I had new friends over to dinner and my husband said, “Let’s say grace” - he and I bowed heads (not Catholic in those days, so no sign of the cross) and the man of the new friend couple said, “Yes! Ha! Ha!” There was a moment of stunned silence, then my husband simply said our usual grace and we proceeded with the meal.

 

[yellow8yellowM]

I have to say that I never see too much prayer as an issue.

I don’t mean to single your quotation out, pnewton, but would you say that if a layperson walked up to the alter after the priest said the Mass has ended and added an extra prayer?

There is a time and a place for everything.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

In my personal family, my husband usually starts the ordinary Catholic meal prayer (Bless us oh Lord…). It’s a habit, but not for any particular “huband as the head of the household” idea - I think he is just ready to eat sooner than I am.

If we have guests, or are with extended family, usually someone is “assigned” to say grace. As in “Mary, as our guest, would you like to say grace?” Or “Grandpa is going to say grace now, come sit down.” (more)

Other than once or twice when my son as a little boy was very hungry, I have never had anyone start eating during before meal prayers!

PS - if someone added a prayer intention at the end of a formal grace, that would be perfectly fine. If someone wanted to say their own version of grace and recited it after the formal grace, that would be weird, but not anything I’d fuss about. Maybe next time we were all eating together I’d suggest that that person lead everyone in grace. “Yellow, why don’t you lead us in your favorute before meal prayer.”