I hope you don’t mind if I share with you a post that I believe will help you greatly when it comes to forgiveness.
Part 1
Part 2
I would also like to share with you a small extract from a book I stumbled upon regarding forgiveness (
Frances Hogan - Forgiveness) that I believe may help you.
A TRUE STORY OF FORGIVENESS
Before we bring our discussion to a close I would like
to share with you the story of Veronica. It is a true story
but the names and circumstances have been changed to
protect the participants. It concerns two women who
were related to each other, and who, therefore, had all
the emotional ties and deep feelings that go with blood
relationship and family loyalty. The saga began with
Mary’s decision to make a significant change in her
personal circumstances, a fact absolutely rejected by
Veronica, who refused even to discuss the subject.
Veronica felt (wrongly) that it was a slight on herself
and her family, and ended by rejecting Mary altogether.
The situation was complicated by the need for Mary’s
access to an ageing mother. This simple scenario set the
stage for a four-year drama that permanently affected
both their lives, and afterwards, gave so much hope to
others who took courage from hearing it.
Mary was a committed Christian, and sought refuge
in prayer for her hurt feelings. She wanted to obey the
Lord, but did not know what to do specifically, in this
case. She spoke to God in prayer: “Lord, what am I to
do? What can I do? I can’t make her think differently.
And anyway, I am the one who is hurt, not her!” Back
from the Lord came the uncompromising reply:
“Forgive
her. Forgive her from the heart, not from the lips,
and then I can work.” So Mary spent some time
building herself up in prayer where she found the
strength and the courage to let go of her feelings, and
accept Veronica’s rejection in peace.
As soon as Mary was ready the Lord told her to visit
her ageing parent. She went, only to find herself left on
the doorstep with a tirade of abuse, aware that the eyes
of neighbours were watching behind lace curtains. Her
humiliation was complete, when access to the parent
was denied also. She turned away much more hurt than
previously, as this wound sat on the other very recent
one. As she put her hand to the garden gate to go away,
she heard the Lord say:** "Forgive! Forgive from the
heart. Don’t go past the gate without forgiving. As you
open the gate, open your heart to love**. . . . “Lord”,
Mary said, “I can only do it for your sake. I could kill
her, I am so angry!” In the silence of the journey home
Mary was aware that the Lord was whispering very
gently that this response was okay for now, but that in
future, He hoped that she could rise to actually loving
her neighbour! Mary, of course, did not think that this
was a bit fair, and refused to discuss the subject further!
Nevertheless, she sought refuge in prayer again.
What else could she do? Where could she go? There
was no one but the Lord, and He sounded as if He
sympathized with “the other side”! After some time of
healing and strengthening, the cycle started again with
the usual: “Visit your parent” signal, which Mary knew
only spelled more flagellation. And she was right. This
went on… and on … and on, for four long years. The
cycle was rejection, abuse, forgiveness, healing, etc.
until it seemed that the treadmill would never end.
Was anything happening during this time? Was it all
for nothing? No. So much happened, but so quietly that
even Mary did not notice, for she was so concerned
with her own responses that she forgot to look for
changes on the “other side” until she was nudged to do
so by the Lord! It was only then that she noticed the
atmosphere had changed quietly. The rejection had
continued but the abuse had ceased. She was amazed to
notice that her own feelings had changed completely.
She was no longer hurt. She did not even pity Veronica.
She just prayed for her good, in peace. She was no
longer tempted to say to the Lord: “Bless her … but with
a brick!” (A fact that she had consoled herself was just
“a concrete sign of affection!”) She really meant that
she wanted blessing and grace for her opponent.
Somehow the situation was completely different
now. Mary was free emotionally, and realized that God
had done her a great service. He had used this situation
to build her a wonderful fortress where the fiery darts of
the enemy of souls could not penetrate. She had quietly
moved out of Chronos-time where the world dictates, to
Kairos-time, God’s time, where God works in his
vineyard according to His laws, which concern
Redemption. Already this was a good fruit to reap from
the forgiveness, but God’s generosity is infinite, so there
was much more to come.
The next stage was a revelation for Mary, one that
made her laugh at herself and become more free than
ever. She realized with a flash of understanding that she
was not God’s gift to humanity, and that it was okay for
Veronica, or anyone else, not to like her or what she did!
This may seem trivial, but it was very liberating. So what,
if someone rejects you and does not agree with you! Life
does not end there. Life marches on. So what if someone
abuses you? That only reflects where THEY are at. It
does not necessarily reflect where you are at in anything.
Allow others their freedom to respond to life as they
wish. Just pray for them, love and serve them as
circumstances permit. We don’t have to go into negativity
for life just because we have had a bit of a to-do with
someone.
please continue to next post -
Thank you.