Praying for months for a spouse, but I think God has different plans for me. A little guidance please?

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JoyfulAlpaca

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Hi,

Since deciding to become Catholic I have been praying for a spouse in the typical sense, as I thought that was my vocation–but the past couple months I’ve been having a very strong calling off and on of becoming a Sister and to lead a religious life (even though I keep telling myself that can’t be possible!). I wonder why? I use to be Atheist. I am in the process of a divorce and annullment from a non-Christian, and I have quite a bit of debt from student loans. Is it even possible for me to become a Sister? I haven’t even started RCIA yet, as this will happen this year and I am 25 years old. What should I do other than pray. pray, pray, pray? Is it even possible? I feel drawn to either the Dominicans or Franciscans order.

Thank you.

In Christ
 
I would say that you should consult a priest about this for help with discerning what it is you are experiencing. You say you have debts and are in the process of getting a divorce and an annulment, so first things first–get your ducks in a row, so to speak, so you are more free to discern what it is that God wants you to do with your life, free from stress and worry about these kinds of things. Certainly keep praying, and keep discerning, but make sure you take things a day at a time. Whatever is God’s will happens on God’s time. Know that you are in my prayers.

-ACEGC
 
edward_george said:
I would say that you should consult a priest about this for help with discerning what it is you are experiencing. You say you have debts and are in the process of getting a divorce and an annulment, so first things first–get your ducks in a row, so to speak, so you are more free to discern what it is that God wants you to do with your life, free from stress and worry about these kinds of things. Certainly keep praying, and keep discerning, but make sure you take things a day at a time. Whatever is God’s will happens on God’s time. Know that you are in my prayers.

-ACEGC
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Thank you edward_george. Sometimes I need little reminders to slow down and take one day at a time. Often times I’ll be praying and I always get this voice in my head to slow down. I am going to continue to pray and get involved by volunteering at a local convent while I get those ducks in a row. Sometimes I get really excited and get a head of myself.

Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.
 
You have gotten some excellent advice. Yes, you should pray, and talk with a priest. But you should relax and live your life one day at a time.
In my experience of over 70 years, the harder you look for something, the less likely you will find it. In fact, you never know when you have found what you are looking for.
Just relax, thank G*d for the gifts he already has given you, and trust in Him. Let nature take its course. When the time is right, you will know what to do. It will just happen, there will be no great bang or flash of light, or feeling of devine revelation…it will just happen. That is what happens in life. The rest is just Hollywood.
 
Hello - I agree very much with Edward - just an additional thought. Many (most?) relogious communities will not be eager to accept someone with heavy financial debt, because they do not want to assume additional liability, so clearing that up is a good first step.

Having a good priest or spirotual director will be a very good thing, both during the process of learing about the Church and being received into it, as well as afterwards.

If you have specific questions, in the meanwhile, you can probably find many knowledgeable people here.

May God bless and guide your way!
 
I will refrain from giving too much advice on this particular matter because I am in a similar situation. I have never been married. I converted to Catholicism several years ago from a Protestant denomination. Especially when I first converted, many people thought I was a prime candidate for the priesthood and encouraged me to consider it. Actually I was very drawn to the idea except for two things: 1) All I ever wanted in life was to marry, have a family and to be a good husband and father, and 2) I didn’t think I could handle lifelong celibacy. Unfortunately, while I do have some God-given talents which I am happy to have, I have always been quite awkward with women. So despite my desire to marry, I am now in my mid-thirties, still unmarried, and wondering if perhaps my lifelong desire for fatherhood might be realized in a spiritual sense through the priesthood. I have, through difficulty, realized that there are certainly worse things in life than being sexually unfulfilled despite it’s difficulty. However, I still struggle with questions such as “Am I only considering the priesthood or religious life because I see it as an escape - an “easy out” - from my current life situation?” “Am I really fit to be a priest?” “Should I really put myself in a situation where I might be giving advice to lay people when, quite frankly, I didn’t have the answer when I was a lay person?” “Would I really be able to live chastely?” “Am I unmarried not because God doesn’t desire me to marry but because of my own foolishness?”

I apologize for the length of my post. Others have already given you the basic advice: pray and seek direction from a priest or director of vocations. My primary intention was to encourage you by letting you know that there are others with struggles similar to yours. But I will submit to you Proverbs 16:9 “The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.” I interpret this passage to mean that what a person decides to do with his life is his own choice, but once he decides what to do with his life he trusts in God to assist him along the path he has chosen for himself. We should pray, but perhaps if we don’t get an answer to “What do you want me to do with my life?” the reason is that God is giving us the freedom to choose our path for ourself.
 
JoyfulAlpaca said:
Hi,

Since deciding to become Catholic I have been praying for a spouse in the typical sense, as I thought that was my vocation–but the past couple months I’ve been having a very strong calling off and on of becoming a Sister and to lead a religious life (even though I keep telling myself that can’t be possible!). I wonder why? I use to be Atheist. I am in the process of a divorce and annullment from a non-Christian, and I have quite a bit of debt from student loans. Is it even possible for me to become a Sister? I haven’t even started RCIA yet, as this will happen this year and I am 25 years old. What should I do other than pray. pray, pray, pray? Is it even possible? I feel drawn to either the Dominicans or Franciscans order.

Thank you.

In Christ
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I have been Catholic my whole life and always, up until quite recently, prayed for a wife. 🙂

I’m 24 now but come from a large family with lots of small children. My youngest sibling is 2.
(I’m the eldest) The idea of starting my own family has always appealed to me.
However I recently began to discern priesthood and am beginning the Dominican Novitiate in Cork, Ireland, on 14th December this year.

I still think one of the biggest sacrifices for me personally will be the idea that I’m giving up a family life but I think all catholics should be open to the possibility of religious life.

God Bless

Adam Peter
 
PaddyMac said:
I will refrain from giving too much advice on this particular matter because I am in a similar situation. I have never been married. I converted to Catholicism several years ago from a Protestant denomination. Especially when I first converted, many people thought I was a prime candidate for the priesthood and encouraged me to consider it. Actually I was very drawn to the idea except for two things: 1) All I ever wanted in life was to marry, have a family and to be a good husband and father, and 2) I didn’t think I could handle lifelong celibacy. Unfortunately, while I do have some God-given talents which I am happy to have, I have always been quite awkward with women. So despite my desire to marry, I am now in my mid-thirties, still unmarried, and wondering if perhaps my lifelong desire for fatherhood might be realized in a spiritual sense through the priesthood. I have, through difficulty, realized that there are certainly worse things in life than being sexually unfulfilled despite it’s difficulty. However, I still struggle with questions such as “Am I only considering the priesthood or religious life because I see it as an escape - an “easy out” - from my current life situation?” “Am I really fit to be a priest?” “Should I really put myself in a situation where I might be giving advice to lay people when, quite frankly, I didn’t have the answer when I was a lay person?” “Would I really be able to live chastely?” “Am I unmarried not because God doesn’t desire me to marry but because of my own foolishness?”

I apologize for the length of my post. Others have already given you the basic advice: pray and seek direction from a priest or director of vocations. My primary intention was to encourage you by letting you know that there are others with struggles similar to yours. But I will submit to you Proverbs 16:9 “The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps.” I interpret this passage to mean that what a person decides to do with his life is his own choice, but once he decides what to do with his life he trusts in God to assist him along the path he has chosen for himself. We should pray, but perhaps if we don’t get an answer to “What do you want me to do with my life?” the reason is that God is giving us the freedom to choose our path for ourself.
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Your post put a smile on my face. I thank you for that, and am so glad to hear your story. 🙂
I will pray for you.
 
AdamPeter said:
I have been Catholic my whole life and always, up until quite recently, prayed for a wife. 🙂

I’m 24 now but come from a large family with lots of small children. My youngest sibling is 2.
(I’m the eldest) The idea of starting my own family has always appealed to me.
However I recently began to discern priesthood and am beginning the Dominican Novitiate in Cork, Ireland, on 14th December this year.

I still think one of the biggest sacrifices for me personally will be the idea that I’m giving up a family life but I think all catholics should be open to the possibility of religious life.

God Bless

Adam Peter
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Thank you. This means so much to me getting all these replies!
 
It is wonderful to read the OP as well as all the responses.
Prayer, prayer, prayer!
Let me say this - you will have to get the annulment done and out of your way. Complete the RCIA and get, rock bottom minimum, two years of active membership in a parish. You have to be an active member for some time before you think about discerning a possible vocation. For instance, go to daily Mass, become a reader or a eucharistic minister and help in whatever your parish needs. Pay as much of your debt as you possibly can. Depending on the funds of the Order you plan to join, they may or may not assume all or part of your debt; however, this only applies towards student loans. You have to liquidate any other debts besides that.
 
Nd
pangaious said:
It is wonderful to read the OP as well as all the responses.
Prayer, prayer, prayer!
Let me say this - you will have to get the annulment done and out of your way. Complete the RCIA and get, rock bottom minimum, two years of active membership in a parish. You have to be an active member for some time before you think about discerning a possible vocation. For instance, go to daily Mass, become a reader or a eucharistic minister and help in whatever your parish needs. Pay as much of your debt as you possibly can. Depending on the funds of the Order you plan to join, they may or may not assume all or part of your debt; however, this only applies towards student loans. You have to liquidate any other debts besides that.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your response. Two years is the minimum number I’ve set aside for this. I have decided to swear off dating so that, at the least I can spend all my time and focus with God–especially since I’m considering a religious life. Daily Mass is something I’ve been striving to do so I will now make that a priority. I also find myself praying all the time. I pray The Rosary every day and watch a lot of EWTN. I know all this takes time, a good deal of patience, praying, and devotion.
 
JoyfulAlpaca said:
Nd

Thank you for your response. Two years is the minimum number I’ve set aside for this. I have decided to swear off dating so that, at the least I can spend all my time and focus with God–especially since I’m considering a religious life. Daily Mass is something I’ve been striving to do so I will now make that a priority. I also find myself praying all the time. I pray The Rosary every day and watch a lot of EWTN. I know all this takes time, a good deal of patience, praying, and devotion.
Click to expand...
Such a pity you can’t “like” posts on CAF!

😉
 
Hurray, God is calling you to become a Catholic!

At least here in Sweden, you normally have need to have lived in full communion with the Church for at least three years before any seminary or order will accept you. I was listening to an interview with an American convert who said that becoming Catholic is like becoming French, it takes quite some time before people start to think that you are a “native”. I do not think he meant that “natives” are better, the freshness of a convert is like a vitamin injection for the Church, but I also think it is important that we are given time to enjoy the experience of being Catholic lay people!

I wish you all the best! Let us all pray for each other!

Nils
 
I just want to say, that even though I am very early in my discernment process I have done a lot of research and have decided that if God-Willing I am definitely called to lead the religious life I’m pretty darn sure I’m going to become a Dominican Sister.

As soon as I am baptized I hope I can get in contact with a Vocation Director in my Diocese to help me with the process. 🙂
 
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