Praying for self-knowledge?

[Student09]

Today, and several times in the recent past, I have had the very strong desire to see myself as God sees me - to see all my weaknesses, sins and failings very vividly and all at once. I’m wondering, is this ok to pray for? I know it is praying for a kind of private revelation … what do you think?

 

[aspirant]

Today, and several times in the recent past, I have had the very strong desire to see myself as God sees me - to see all my weaknesses, sins and failings very vividly and all at once. I’m wondering, is this ok to pray for?

I think it’s OK to pray for it, as long as you are willing to (A) receive a “no” or “not as you want it” answer or (B) deal with the consequences of a “yes.”

 

[Student09]

I think it’s OK to pray for it, as long as you are willing to (A) receive a “no” or “not as you want it” answer or (B) deal with the consequences of a “yes.”

Indeed.

 

[aspirant]

!

 

[prodigalson12]

Not sure it’s possible at all for us to process “all at once”, but that’s a good prayer. We should be more mindful of our shortcomings and limitations.

 

[Jesness]

I dunno about all at once. I read somewhere that if a soul were to see all of its sins at once it would die. It was in the diary of divine mercy I believe… At any rate, I admire your courage and your commitment; I think it’s a good prayer, and on a side note, it’s an excellent act of faith I think. Good luck to you.

 

[Dorothy]

I find that if I focus on loving the Lord in all situations, then I get to truly know myself.

He does not want to crush us or allow us to possibly fall into despair.

When you ask Him for self-knowledge why not add “reveal to me what I need to know, according to Your Holy Will.” And, then focus on loving Him.

 

[Monica4316]

Jesus told St Faustina that if she were to truly see all of her sin and misery, she would die. The reason God can look at all that and still love us is because of His mercy. If we were to see it, we might easily fall into despair. God doesn’t bring us to repentance in really harsh ways…He brings us back gently

I suggest praying for greater love for God and a desire to not sin against Him, and for great contrition. It’s not a sin to ask for contrition, that’s a great thing to ask for. But you won’t see all of your sins at once, - if you do you won’t be able to bear it, none of us will. Like it says in Divine Mercy in My Soul, there’s a bottomless abyss between the creature and God, and only his Mercy fills it.

God bless

 

[Student09]

I suppose I assumed that if God were to show me such a thing, He would also give me the strength to bear it without falling into despair. But yeah, maybe you’re right … maybe not ALL … just, enough. This is the problem, I’m not sufficiently convinced of the extent of my own sinfulness. I know it to some extent. One thing that’s confusing to me is that there doesn’t seem to be a direct correlation between sinfulness and actual sins … some of the saints acknowledged that they were sinful despite never having committed a mortal sin. How did they know how sinful they were? God must have given them a revelation …? Or did they just accept it because other people told them to.

I see that God’s mercy has helped me to get out of so many sins, that I would still be stuck in if He had left me where I was. I can rationally tell myself I’m sinful, but sometimes I still have a hard time believing it for some reason.

Maybe the sacraments will change things, I don’t know.

 

[Student09]

UPDATE: After my last post, I went to Mass, and during Mass, I did pray to see my sinfulness. I think God answered my prayer … I didn’t see all of it by any means, but I saw a little, enough to really feel it and be convinced, and at the same time somehow I really understood that I was only glimpsing the edges of it and that it goes so deep. And after seeing this (and I’m still seeing it), I felt such peace in my heart and love for God as I have not felt in weeks. And gratitude for God’s mercy.

I think I will keep praying to receive greater self-knowledge, but only in the measure that God wills for me.

Thanks all for your wise advice.

 

[DBT]

Self-knowledge is a virtue/gift that flows from regular prayer. It comes to us in silence and it has two effects: to illumine us to hidden faults . . . and purge us of them. And if we are faithful in prayer . . . it comes whether we want it or not That is, when we truly learn to listen.

Fortunately self-knowledge comes to us in degrees . . . like peeling back the layers of an onion. So what we see today as virtue might one day be shown to us as imperfection or even vice. For even the good that we do often has a layer of self-seeking involved. Self-knowledge rids us of that . . . helping our intention to become ever more pure . . . our motives less and less mixed.

Dave

 

[aspirant]

some of the saints acknowledged that they were sinful despite never having committed a mortal sin.

Because they understood, far better than we, the serious tragedy of even venial sin. Venerable John Henry Newman said: “The Catholic Church holds it better for the sun and moon to drop from heaven, for the earth to fall, and for the many millions on it to die of starvation in extremest agony, as far as temporal affliction goes, than that one soul, I will not say, should be lost, but should commit one single venial sin, should tell one willful untruth, or should steal one poor farthing without excuse.” I think it is safe to say that most of us do not yet realize this.

 

[Dorothy]

I suppose I assumed that if God were to show me such a thing, He would also give me the strength to bear it without falling into despair. But yeah, maybe you’re right … maybe not ALL … just, enough. This is the problem, I’m not sufficiently convinced of the extent of my own sinfulness. I know it to some extent. One thing that’s confusing to me is that there doesn’t seem to be a direct correlation between sinfulness and actual sins … some of the saints acknowledged that they were sinful despite never having committed a mortal sin. How did they know how sinful they were? God must have given them a revelation …? Or did they just accept it because other people told them to.

I see that God’s mercy has helped me to get out of so many sins, that I would still be stuck in if He had left me where I was. I can rationally tell myself I’m sinful, but sometimes I still have a hard time believing it for some reason.

Maybe the sacraments will change things, I don’t know.

The saints saw themselves as sinful because of their advanced prayer life. The closer one gets to the Lord, the more His Light reveals to us that we can do nothing without him. Careless acts of uncharity stand out as gross negligence. They then grow in humility and complete dependence on the Lord.

 

[Student09]

The saints saw themselves as sinful because of their advanced prayer life. The closer one gets to the Lord, the more His Light reveals to us that we can do nothing without him. Careless acts of uncharity stand out as gross negligence. They then grow in humility and complete dependence on the Lord.

That’s what I thought. Don’t you think we need to pray for humility and to understand how weak we are and how dependent on God, and for our consciences to be illumined so that we will see our faults?

 

[Student09]

Because they understood, far better than we, the serious tragedy of even venial sin. Venerable John Henry Newman said: “The Catholic Church holds it better for the sun and moon to drop from heaven, for the earth to fall, and for the many millions on it to die of starvation in extremest agony, as far as temporal affliction goes, than that one soul, I will not say, should be lost, but should commit one single venial sin, should tell one willful untruth, or should steal one poor farthing without excuse.”

Wow. I think I will be meditating on this for quite a while.

 

[aspirant]

Wow. I think I will be meditating on this for quite a while.

It’s very challenging.

 

[InLight247]

When the light was dim, we thought our clothes were clean, but when we walk into brighter light, we see spots that were neglected before. The closer we get to the Lord, the brighter light becomes, and the clearer we may see our true self.

God always deals with us at where we are. He never overwhelms us with more than what we can handle. Once we overcome certain sins or shortcomings, he will reveal to us other areas to work on. He leads us gradually into brighter light so we won’t be blinded by the intense light all of a sudden. Working toward holiness is a life time journey.

 

[Monica4316]

I suppose I assumed that if God were to show me such a thing, He would also give me the strength to bear it without falling into despair. But yeah, maybe you’re right … maybe not ALL … just, enough. This is the problem, I’m not sufficiently convinced of the extent of my own sinfulness. I know it to some extent. One thing that’s confusing to me is that there doesn’t seem to be a direct correlation between sinfulness and actual sins … some of the saints acknowledged that they were sinful despite never having committed a mortal sin. How did they know how sinful they were? God must have given them a revelation …? Or did they just accept it because other people told them to.

I’ve heard it said that the closer we come to God, the more we are aware of our sinfulness…maybe what it means is our ability to fall into sin. The Saints didn’t fall into sin by the grace of God…because they cooperated with His grace and were transformed by Him. That’s how I’ve understood it at least

I see that God’s mercy has helped me to get out of so many sins, that I would still be stuck in if He had left me where I was. I can rationally tell myself I’m sinful, but sometimes I still have a hard time believing it for some reason.

Maybe the sacraments will change things, I don’t know.

I struggle with the same thing too… I think it just takes some level of spiritual growth the Sacraments do help

UPDATE: After my last post, I went to Mass, and during Mass, I did pray to see my sinfulness. I think God answered my prayer … I didn’t see all of it by any means, but I saw a little, enough to really feel it and be convinced, and at the same time somehow I really understood that I was only glimpsing the edges of it and that it goes so deep. And after seeing this (and I’m still seeing it), I felt such peace in my heart and love for God as I have not felt in weeks. And gratitude for God’s mercy.

wow, that’s awesome! the peace shows that it’s from God. I’m praying for humility and contrition too. I remember one time at Mass I felt a lot of contrition for my sins, but also a lot of peace, like you described. I think when we truly repent and admit our sinfulness…that’s when we are closest to God…HIs grace comes to the humble… and when we know that we are sinners, He embraces us.

I think I will keep praying to receive greater self-knowledge, but only in the measure that God wills for me.

Thanks all for your wise advice.

That’s what I thought. Don’t you think we need to pray for humility and to understand how weak we are and how dependent on God, and for our consciences to be illumined so that we will see our faults?

that’s what I’m praying for too… I need it badly

 

[Lief_Erikson]

I think I will keep praying to receive greater self-knowledge, but only in the measure that God wills for me.

St. Teresa of Avila says we should pray for self-knowledge often. She considers that a truly great gift to the soul, and talks about it in “The Interior Castle.”

On a side note, I just thought I’d mention a piece of self-knowledge I gained a few months ago.

I used to think to myself, “I almost never have told a lie in my life. Isn’t that awesome!” But then I realized after many years that I do lie very frequently, but I lie to myself. When I know something to be right and don’t want to believe it, or when I know something to be wrong and really, really want it, I have often lied to myself. I make myself a victim to sin through my lies aimed at myself. I’ve very rarely lied to anyone else, but I’ve lied very often to myself, and it’s really bad. It’s fascinating and horrible how souls do that, to their own serious detriment.

I suspect I’ve lied a lot to my Guardian Angel too, when he tells me what’s right and I argue with him.

Seems I should go to Confession .

 

[aspirant]

I used to think to myself, “I almost never have told a lie in my life. Isn’t that awesome!” But then I realized after many years that I do lie very frequently, but I lie to myself. When I know something to be right and don’t want to believe it, or when I know something to be wrong and really, really want it, I have often lied to myself. I make myself a victim to sin through my lies aimed at myself. I’ve very rarely lied to anyone else, but I’ve lied very often to myself, and it’s really bad. It’s fascinating and horrible how souls do that, to their own serious detriment.

What a wonderful insight. Thank you for sharing that.

It reminds me of something Fr. Zossima says in the Brothers Karamazov: “Above all, do not lie to yourself. A man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himself or anywhere around him, and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others. Not respecting anyone, he ceases to love, and having no love, he gives himself up to passions and coarse pleasures, in order to occupy and amuse himself, and in his vices reaches complete bestiality, and it all comes from lying continually to others and to himself.”

If I’m not mistaken, the Fr. Zossima character was at least partially inspired by the real-life Orthodox St. Tikhon of Zadonsk. Here’s something St. Tikhon said on the subject of self-knowledge:
“Try to know yourself, your own wickedness. Think on the greatness of God and your wretchedness. Meditate on the suffering of Christ, the magnitude of Whose love and suffering surpass our understanding. Ascribe the good that you do to God alone. Do not think about the sin of a brother but about what in him is better than in yourself … Flee from glory, honors and praise, but if this is impossible, be sorry that such is your lot. Be benevolent to people of low origin. Be freely and willingly obedient not only to those above you but to those below … The lowlier we are in spirit, the better we know ourselves, and without humility we cannot see God.”