Praying for someone fuels obsessive thoughts?

[Oren]

I’ve gone through a divorce recently. I was praying for him to change his mind and for other things. But, I found that when I was praying for him every day, it fueled my anxiety over the whole situation. I have anxiety and depression so, in such a hard situation, my mind starts obsessively thinking about it and the person, and it leads to bad things in my life in many different ways. Is it ok to stop praying for him, even though he is my husband, if it just fuels these obsessive thoughts? I have stopped praying for him for maybe a month and the thoughts have gone away for the most part. I’m afraid to start praying for him again because the thoughts may come back. But…I know it’s not good to stop praying for someone, especially if it is my own husband who really needs my prayers. I don’t know what to do about it.

 

[Caroline723]

Prayers are heard in eternity. So while we may find comfort (usually) in continuing to offer the same prayers or petition, it doesn’t seem “Godlike” that he ignores the prayer once we stop offering it.

Why not make a final prayer to God for this intention, and leave the rest to His Providence? It sounds like you need to put emotional and mental space between you and your (ex)husband; it’s not a lack of charity. At some point in the future, it may feel very natural to start including him again in your list of personal intentions. For right now, take it easy and do what you have to do to heal.

 

[RoseMary131]

I’ve gone through a divorce recently. I was praying for him to change his mind and for other things. But, I found that when I was praying for him every day, it fueled my anxiety over the whole situation. I have anxiety and depression so, in such a hard situation, my mind starts obsessively thinking about it and the person, and it leads to bad things in my life in many different ways. Is it ok to stop praying for him, even though he is my husband, if it just fuels these obsessive thoughts? I have stopped praying for him for maybe a month and the thoughts have gone away for the most part. I’m afraid to start praying for him again because the thoughts may come back. But…I know it’s not good to stop praying for someone, especially if it is my own husband who really needs my prayers. I don’t know what to do about it.

It may be helpful to find a counselor who can help you to change your habits of thinking. With help, you can learn how not to be anxious, how not to obsess.

Our minds work by habit, by learning how you can break those habits, you can change your thought patterns.

Please speak with your doctor to find a counselor to learn to deal with anxiety and obsessive thoughts.

Please speak with your priest, confessor, or spiritual advisor to assist you as well.

 

[fred_conty]

I’ve gone through a divorce recently. I was praying for him to change his mind and for other things. But, I found that when I was praying for him every day, it fueled my anxiety over the whole situation. I have anxiety and depression so, in such a hard situation, my mind starts obsessively thinking about it and the person, and it leads to bad things in my life in many different ways. Is it ok to stop praying for him, even though he is my husband, if it just fuels these obsessive thoughts? I have stopped praying for him for maybe a month and the thoughts have gone away for the most part. I’m afraid to start praying for him again because the thoughts may come back. But…I know it’s not good to stop praying for someone, especially if it is my own husband who really needs my prayers. I don’t know what to do about it.

Why not say this prayer to Mary,“Mary, I ask that you remember my husband as you see fit when I pray. For it is too hard for me to do this for myself. Thank you my loving mother.”
Leave the rest to her.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[RoseMary131]

It may be helpful to find a counselor who can help you to change your habits of thinking. With help, you can learn how not to be anxious, how not to obsess.

Our minds work by habit, by learning how you can break those habits, you can change your thought patterns.

Please speak with your doctor to find a counselor to learn to deal with anxiety and obsessive thoughts.

Please speak with your priest, confessor, or spiritual advisor to assist you as well.

(In my above message, I forgot to write the most important message - my prayer for you.)

I am sorry you have suffered this divorce.

You may see if your parish or diocese has a program for those who are dealing with the pains and grief of divorce.

Maybe you can simply write your request as a simple prayer and then place the prayer in a special place. “Dear Lord, please bless dear (name).”

Sometimes, the parish has a place to leave your request. You could even fold the prayer and hand it to your priest. You might find a place to leave your simple prayer request on line, with no names. You could ask for a Mass to be offered for your “special intentions”.

God fills in all the rest of your prayer for you. He knows exactly what blessing He would like to place on the needs of your dear (ex) husband.

May God give you Peace. May God lead you to know how to pray without suffering anxiety and obsessive thoughts.

 

[Oren]

Thanks for the replies and prayers. They’ve been helpful.