Pre-Cana Class Rant

[AnastasiaRomano]

Correctness begins in childhood, with how the child is being raised.

Children who are properly taught at home from the very beginning seem to have no trouble waiting until after the wedding before moving in together. The “inconvenience” of the girl having her own apartment while she finishes school and works part time is hardly mentioned.

Well, I agree that children ought to be taught chastity. Let’s be careful, though. Just because a couple does not move in together until the wedding does not mean that they are chaste – I personally know two couples from conservative Christian backgrounds who were sleeping together regularly but didn’t move in together because they knew their family and church would flip out about cohabitation. They dealt with the expense of separate households to keep family and church happy, but that doesn’t mean that they were chaste. :-/

 

[Kelfa28]

Correctness begins in childhood, with how the child is being raised.

Children who are properly taught at home from the very beginning seem to have no trouble waiting until after the wedding before moving in together. The “inconvenience” of the girl having her own apartment while she finishes school and works part time is hardly mentioned.

But as long as there is an option presented of “OH well, if you really must” then who is going to go to the expense of becoming an adult and living on one’s own? If you can jump straight from Daddy’s lap into your boyfriend’s lap, and never be required to pay for anything yourself, then - why not?

People always take the path of least resistance, and do whatever requires the least effort on their own part. Girls won’t get jobs and move into their own apartments unless they are not presented with any other option.

If you wait until your child is announcing that she is moving in with her boyfriend, it’s too late to start the training in chastity. Training in chastity begins at birth.

Which is true…if you were given that kind of training.

I wasn’t. My parents encouraged me to move in with my boyfriend. They helped us move.

I was living on my own…but the argument of “why not save some money and go with one apartment” was mentioned once.
That was all it took for me to run with the idea.

Not everyone was brought up Catholic. Not everyone had a Catholic upbringing. My parents were never going to advise me not to move in with a boyfriend. They saw nothing wrong with it, so why would they?

I’m lucky we didn’t break up and I’m lucky we got married. He is the only man, besides my father, I have ever lived with.
It’s still not ideal…and I won’t make excuses beyond we truly didn’t know any better. If I knew it was wrong…and I still moved in with him…then that would be my problem.

I still say my soul is no different from anyone else. I went to confession and truly repented.

 

[Julianna]

Correctness begins in childhood, with how the child is being raised.

Children who are properly taught at home from the very beginning seem to have no trouble waiting until after the wedding before moving in together. The “inconvenience” of the girl having her own apartment while she finishes school and works part time is hardly mentioned.

But as long as there is an option presented of “OH well, if you really must” then who is going to go to the expense of becoming an adult and living on one’s own? If you can jump straight from Daddy’s lap into your boyfriend’s lap, and never be required to pay for anything yourself, then - why not?

People always take the path of least resistance, and do whatever requires the least effort on their own part. Girls won’t get jobs and move into their own apartments unless they are not presented with any other option.

If you wait until your child is announcing that she is moving in with her boyfriend, it’s too late to start the training in chastity. Training in chastity begins at birth.

If you recall back in the day, the young person lived with “mom and dad” until they got married. That is not the way today. It’s get out of mom and dad’s house now or you are labeled a mommas boy or daddy’s girl.

I also know fundy/christians who have a who-do of a time…and said they couldn’t live together because their parents would have a fit. But they were still having a good ol time…and so were the Catholic ones…right under mom and dad’s nose. College used to start the ball rollin’, now it’s high school.

Am I making light of it? Not at all. Cohabitating comes with risks. I took a risk,…I worked, made my own money, we shared expenses. We were married in the Church, our children received the sacraments in the Church. We will be married 32 yrs next month.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

I agree: talk to the bishop. Then go and find a traditional group Latin Mass group and enjoy being around Catholics again. God bless you both.

That doesn’t mean a couple is free of having to take pre-cana. My friend and her now husband were instructed by our FSSP priest, but as per diocesan policy they still had to attend pre-cana. Afterwards they were approached about teaching the pre-cana class in the future because they seemed to have a lot of insight into marriage.

A young diocesan priest publicly stated that it was a sheer miracle that any marriages last compared to any other vocation as it’s entirely based on a few hours with a priest and a weekend doing pre-cana.

 

[jmcrae]

If you recall back in the day, the young person lived with “mom and dad” until they got married. That is not the way today. It’s get out of mom and dad’s house now or you are labeled a mommas boy or daddy’s girl.

How long ago are we talking?

My grandmother moved out of the house and taught elementary school for nine years when she turned 16 in 1925. She married my grandfather in 1934. She kept in close touch with her parents and lived in the same town, but she didn’t stay home after completing school.

My mother moved out of the house and got a job when she turned eighteen in March of 1956. She didn’t move in with my father until they got back from their honeymoon, in June of 1960.

I moved out when I was 18 in 1979, and didn’t move in with my husband until I was almost 26, after our wedding and honeymoon in 1985.

 

[maryjk]

How long ago are we talking?

My grandmother moved out of the house and taught elementary school for nine years when she turned 16 in 1925. She married my grandfather in 1934. She kept in close touch with her parents and lived in the same town, but she didn’t stay home after completing school.

My mother moved out of the house and got a job when she turned eighteen in March of 1956. She didn’t move in with my father until they got back from their honeymoon, in June of 1960.

I moved out when I was 18 in 1979, and didn’t move in with my husband until I was almost 26, after our wedding and honeymoon in 1985.

How about outside of your family?

None of my relatives moved out until they got married.

 

[jmcrae]

How about outside of your family?

Most people my age considered it normal to move out and become a single adult upon turning 18. I wasn’t there for my parents’ and grandparents’ generations, so I don’t know what the general attitudes were, but they were always very clear that a girl needs to spend time on her own fending for herself, so that if she ever becomes widowed, she’ll have an education and a profession to fall back on, and the skills to make it work.

They often repeated how sorry they felt for girls who had never been on their own before, when they became divorced or widowed, how awful it would be for them since they had never had to fend for themselves before, and didn’t know how.