Pre-Cana NFP

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Depending on the person, one can tell them that the Church takes the Sacraments of Marriage and Holy Orders very seriously as they are “vocational” sacraments and only those called to that particular state receive the Sacrament. Part of the discernment for marriage is not only the mutual selection of husband and wife but a complete understanding of the physical unity unique to the married state.

That being said, part of the vocation of marriage is a full and complete understanding of the physical component both the unitative and the procreative. Since such activity is reserved only to those living within the sacrament of marriage. While one may or may not have a reason to forgo relations during the fertile phase, all of the married may practice NFP (observe and chart or not) and it is prudent to be fully cognizant of the practice and the expected signs and wonders associated with this union prior to the martial embrace.

Engagement for the married can be looked at similarly to the seminary for the priesthood, it is a time of formation for a particular sacramental life and all aspects of the sacrament are important. Priests, whose primary role is the celebration of the Sacraments are highly formed in all aspects of this responsibility. Similarly, the married who are called by God for the procreation and education of children should also be similarly formed in all respects to this responsibility.

Such formation necessarily calls for expertise in NFP as they are the sole human arbiters of its use.
 
Depending on the person, one can tell them that the Church takes the Sacraments of Marriage and Holy Orders very seriously as they are “vocational” sacraments and only those called to that particular state receive the Sacrament. Part of the discernment for marriage is not only the mutual selection of husband and wife but a complete understanding of the physical unity unique to the married state.

That being said, part of the vocation of marriage is a full and complete understanding of the physical component both the unitative and the procreative. Since such activity is reserved only to those living within the sacrament of marriage. While one may or may not have a reason to forgo relations during the fertile phase, all of the married may practice NFP (observe and chart or not) and it is prudent to be fully cognizant of the practice and the expected signs and wonders associated with this union prior to the martial embrace.

Engagement for the married can be looked at similarly to the seminary for the priesthood, it is a time of formation for a particular sacramental life and all aspects of the sacrament are important. Priests, whose primary role is the celebration of the Sacraments are highly formed in all aspects of this responsibility. Similarly, the married who are called by God for the procreation and education of children should also be similarly formed in all respects to this responsibility.

Such formation necessarily calls for expertise in NFP as they are the sole human arbiters of its use.
 
lifeisbeautiful said:
The Church recommends taking a full NFP course with your fiance prior to marriage? I find this interesting because last time I checked it was actually something different bishops had different opinions on. I’m not saying I don’t think this is true, I would just like to read something that shows this, if there is (for personal knowledge, since working in precana/ marriage prep etc is something we are considering).
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vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_13051996_preparation-for-marriage_en.html

see especially these paragraphs:
  1. The engaged should receive instruction regarding the natural requirements of the interpersonal relationship between a man and a woman in God’s plan for marriage and the family: awareness regarding freedom of consent as the foundation of their union, the unity and indissolubility of marriage, the correct concept of responsible parenthood,** the human aspects of conjugal sexuality, the conjugal act with its requirements and ends**, and the proper education of children. All of this is aimed at knowing the moral truth and forming the personal conscience.
Proximate preparation should certainly ascertain whether the engaged have the basic elements of a psychological, pedagogical, legal and medical nature for marriage and family life. However, especially with regard to total self-giving and responsible procreation, the theological and moral formation will have to be given in a particular way. In fact, conjugal love is total, exclusive, faithful and fruitful (cf. Humanae Vitae, 9).

**Today the scientific basis of the natural methods for the regulation of fertility are recognized. Knowledge about these methods is useful. **When there is just cause, their use must not only be a mere behavioral technique but be inserted into the pedagogy and process of the growth of love (cf. EV 97). Then the virtue of chastity will lead the spouses to practice periodic continence (cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church, nos. 2366-2371).

This preparation should also ensure that Christian engaged persons have correct ideas and a sincere “sentire cum ecclesia” regarding marriage itself, the mutual roles of a woman and a man in a couple, the family and society, sexuality and openness towards others.

usccb.org/laity/marriage/mpanalysis.shtml
 
Explain if you can to the person who has the objection…that these statistics are very concerning.
Marriages breakup up more than 50% of the time.
Marriages between couples who cohabited before they wed breakup up greater than 70% of the time.

However, one statistic that is staggering and you want to explore why that is…less than 1% of couples who practice NFP after their wedding ever separate and divorce.
You want to know how to be part of that statistic and not part of those other ones.
Any reasonable person would have to be willing to find out why that is…and want the best for their own marriage!And the best part also is that there are no disclaimers like the contraceptive commercials need to air…if you take the XYZ pill you will be more likely to have blood clots, strokes, heart attacks, cancer…etc…increases when you smoke etc.

The only side effect known for NFP…you love each more!
Isn’t that worth the effort!
 
Pre-Cana NFP is a good thing! In our parish we are reqiured to go to that. I know my Fiance and I will be attending a class like that so as to learn what the church teaches so that we may explain it to our children if thier vocation is marriage!
 
Just tell her the rules have changed and the class is required to get married… I know this isn’t funny to you but it is a riot!!! I have marriage age children (ok only 1 of them) but I wouldn’t dream of telling him that…heck I would drive them both there if needed!!! I think it is an absolutely beautiful way to open communications on sexual and family issues before marriage. Yes, I think things like how many kids do you want are a good way to see if you are both on the same page on this aspect of marriage
 
1ke said:
vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/family/documents/rc_pc_family_doc_13051996_preparation-for-marriage_en.html

see especially these paragraphs:
  1. The engaged should receive instruction regarding the natural requirements of the interpersonal relationship between a man and a woman in God’s plan for marriage and the family: awareness regarding freedom of consent as the foundation of their union, the unity and indissolubility of marriage, the correct concept of responsible parenthood,** the human aspects of conjugal sexuality, the conjugal act with its requirements and ends**, and the proper education of children. All of this is aimed at knowing the moral truth and forming the personal conscience.
Proximate preparation should certainly ascertain whether the engaged have the basic elements of a psychological, pedagogical, legal and medical nature for marriage and family life. However, especially with regard to total self-giving and responsible procreation, the theological and moral formation will have to be given in a particular way. In fact, conjugal love is total, exclusive, faithful and fruitful (cf. Humanae Vitae, 9).

**Today the scientific basis of the natural methods for the regulation of fertility are recognized. Knowledge about these methods is useful. **When there is just cause, their use must not only be a mere behavioral technique but be inserted into the pedagogy and process of the growth of love (cf. EV 97). Then the virtue of chastity will lead the spouses to practice periodic continence (cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church, nos. 2366-2371).

This preparation should also ensure that Christian engaged persons have correct ideas and a sincere “sentire cum ecclesia” regarding marriage itself, the mutual roles of a woman and a man in a couple, the family and society, sexuality and openness towards others.

usccb.org/laity/marriage/mpanalysis.shtml
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Yes, but does this instruction have to be a full course of NFP, or can it be an overview of the different methods/ signs of fertility etc, and the knowledge of how the female’s cycle works and the “human aspects of conjugal sexuality, the conjugal act with its requirements and ends”? Even if they do take one full course of one method of NFP, they would probably need to take another course of another method of NFP to fully understand the other aspects of female fertility, if an overview is not sufficient… see what I mean?
By no means am I saying it is a bad idea to take this course premarriage. I just wonder if it is the best time for every couple in general, over all, as opposed to learning it after marriage.
I was reading an article that was actually touching on this subject, which was explaining that in the US they are trying to include more coverage of NFP in pre cana courses in hopes of helping many change over from contraception, since unfortunately so many couples going through precana are already sexually active/contracepting. I understand and it makes sense to do this, but I still wonder whether for a couple that is not in this situation it is always the best to learn NFP before marriage.
 
lifeisbeautiful said:
Yes, but does this instruction have to be a full course of NFP, or can it be an overview of the different methods/ signs of fertility etc, and the knowledge of how the female’s cycle works and the “human aspects of conjugal sexuality, the conjugal act with its requirements and ends”? Even if they do take one full course of one method of NFP, they would probably need to take another course of another method of NFP to fully understand the other aspects of female fertility, if an overview is not sufficient… see what I mean?
By no means am I saying it is a bad idea to take this course premarriage. I just wonder if it is the best time for every couple in general, over all, as opposed to learning it after marriage.
I was reading an article that was actually touching on this subject, which was explaining that in the US they are trying to include more coverage of NFP in pre cana courses in hopes of helping many change over from contraception, since unfortunately so many couples going through precana are already sexually active/contracepting. I understand and it makes sense to do this, but I still wonder whether for a couple that is not in this situation it is always the best to learn NFP before marriage.
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The method that I practice, Creighton, you must have a month of no genital activity during which time you learn your signs without confusion. A couple who is abstaining and would like to consumate their marriage on the wedding night, will need to take NFP before. I know this is not the most important aspect of the day, but it is something that a newly married couple would like to enjoy not wait another month or more before consumating their marriage. See the dilemma.

I would love for every teenage girl to take NFP, chart, learn about their bodies and how precious theri purity is. I would love to see how this would affect their perception of pre-marital sex and the rate of unwed mothers. If I could do a research project, this would be it. So many girls just don’t get it.
 
ElizaE said:
The method that I practice, Creighton, you must have a month of no genital activity during which time you learn your signs without confusion. A couple who is abstaining and would like to consumate their marriage on the wedding night, will need to take NFP before. I know this is not the most important aspect of the day, but it is something that a newly married couple would like to enjoy not wait another month or more before consumating their marriage. See the dilemma.

I would love for every teenage girl to take NFP, chart, learn about their bodies and how precious theri purity is. I would love to see how this would affect their perception of pre-marital sex and the rate of unwed mothers. If I could do a research project, this would be it. So many girls just don’t get it.
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See, the reason the couple in the example would learn before marriage is because apparently they have discerned they have serious/just reasons to postpone and are planning on practicing it from day one. This is different than saying everyone should learn a method before they marry. Just thinking out loud. To the OP, you can show the woman you mentioned that in some parts of the US it is required to take an NFP course as part of the Catholic marriage preparation.
 
You could also tell this person that John Paul II felt that pre-marriage sex education (regarding both the mechanics of the human body and the spirituality surrounding these matters) was of utmost importance to married happiness. This is discussed in depth in Love and Responsibility
 
lifeisbeautiful said:
See, the reason the couple in the example would learn before marriage is because apparently they have discerned they have serious/just reasons to postpone and are planning on practicing it from day one.
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But here you are thinking wrongly about NFP. NFP is not solely for avoiding. For some couples it’s not even primarily for avoiding. Charting fertility signs can be used for general health observation, for avoiding, and for achieving.

Observing your signs of fertility is a life-long gynochological health routine that can decect cancer, fybroids, PCOS, endometriosis, and other female problems. Women should learn about their fertility and track it even if they are not married or ever plan to be married.

A couple who wants children should learn it. I had friends who had no intention of postponing. They learned Creighton before marriage, and then found out after marriage that they could not conceive even following the instructions for the most fertile time to try. Their up-front knowledge of Creighton allowed them to know they had a problem and to seek treatment.

Lastly, when there a serious reason to avoid presents itself, that is not the time to* learn *NFP. You should already know NFP and be an expert at charting your fertility.
 
1ke said:
But here you are thinking wrongly about NFP. NFP is not solely for avoiding. For some couples it’s not even primarily for avoiding. Charting fertility signs can be used for general health observation, for avoiding, and for achieving.

Observing your signs of fertility is a life-long gynochological health routine that can decect cancer, fybroids, PCOS, endometriosis, and other female problems. Women should learn about their fertility and track it even if they are not married or ever plan to be married.

A couple who wants children should learn it. I had friends who had no intention of postponing. They learned Creighton before marriage, and then found out after marriage that they could not conceive even following the instructions for the most fertile time to try. Their up-front knowledge of Creighton allowed them to know they had a problem and to seek treatment.

Lastly, when there a serious reason to avoid presents itself, that is not the time to* learn *NFP. You should already know NFP and be an expert at charting your fertility.
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I agree, NFP can be used for other reasons than postponing, but if a couple is not going to be postponing off the bat, then why would it be so necessary to learn it before marriage vs after (aside from having to abstain if the method requires it)? Although I agree in part with some of the other things mentioned, I don’t agree that all women need to be tracking their fertility regardless of what situation they are in. Know about it, understand it, yes, track it, not necessarily.
Sorry kevinsgirl, I know this isn’t really that relevant to your question, so I won’t post on this anymore. I do wish you the best in your marriage 🙂 and I hope the ideas we have given you here help you with your situation 🙂
 
ElizaE said:
I would love for every teenage girl to take NFP, chart, learn about their bodies and how precious theri purity is. I would love to see how this would affect their perception of pre-marital sex and the rate of unwed mothers. If I could do a research project, this would be it. So many girls just don’t get it.
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Amen! I learned such nonsense in my health class in an all-girls Catholic high school. You’d think any discharge indicated infection. Seriously, did I need to know the differences between gonorrhea and clamydia symptoms? I could have used a little real information on the full awesomeness of the female body.

And in my high school we had a lot of teen mothers. (Several Catholic schools in my area, at that time, would kick you out if you got pregnant–but of course not if it was known you were sexually active or if you managed to abort without anyone there catching on. So when they got kicked out of one school, they came to us. Also, our nuns ran a home for unwed mothers and they were required to keep up their schooling to live there, and I think they often prefered to get those girls scholarships.) Maybe they thought it would have been like handing us contraception to teach us NFP, but I think it would have made it painfully obvious to sexually active young women how inequitable their relationships were if they had to actually pay attention to their bodies and demand cooperation from their boyfriends.
 
I’m uncomfortable with the posters who have assumed that it was kevinsgirl’s mother who said this. Kevinsgirl said “someone”. It’s kind of insulting and condescending to both of them to assume that.

And if you are right it doesn’t respect the anonymity that kevinsgirl tried to give.
 
Bruised_Reed said:
I’m uncomfortable with the posters who have assumed that it was kevinsgirl’s mother who said this. Kevinsgirl said “someone”. It’s kind of insulting and condescending to both of them to assume that.

And if you are right it doesn’t respect the anonymity that kevinsgirl tried to give.
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I don’t really see why this would make you uncomfortable. I mean, it’s just a guess, and it’s not like if one (or more) of us make that guess it’s going to rip the covers off a secret. If we are right, and her mother isn’t lurking here, then she still doesn’t know. If whoever kevinsgirl is talking about is lurking here, then she has probably already identified herself from the original post.

I really don’t see how taking a guess insults kevinsgirl, her mother, or the “someone”, no matter who that may be. But, kevinsgirl, if you do in fact feel my post was condescending or insulting, that was not my intention and I hope you understand that.

And, for the record, I had in mind several possibilities, all of whom deserve some response besides “Buzz off!” For example: her mother, his mother, a grandmother, venerated aunt, best-friend’s mom who is almost like a second mom, etc. Does it really matter? The person is either close enough to discuss such matters or not. If not, then she doesn’t owe this person an explanation. If this person is close enough, some good responses were offered. But close or not, if kevinsgirl is about to get married, then it’s really between herself and her fiance as to whether this is their time to learn NFP or not.

Scripture discusses leaving a parent’s house, but I think the spirit of the passage could apply to other relationships that will have to take a backseat now that the couple is about to become a family (which happens as soon as they get married, not matter when or if they have children).
 
Yah, I suppose I automatically assumed it was her mom b/c of this line:
I might also add that she didn’t feel I needed to know the “facts of life” until I was 20…
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Generally speaking, one can usually deduce that one is referring to a parent with such a statement.

I definitely wasn’t trying to embarass or make anyone uncomfortable.

This IS an anonymous board, after all…😉

God bless,
StephanieC
(…if that is my real name…mua-ha-ha-ha!!😉 🙂 😃 😛 )
 
C.T said:
And, for the record, I had in mind several possibilities, all of whom deserve some response besides “Buzz off!” For example: her mother, his mother, a grandmother, venerated aunt, best-friend’s mom who is almost like a second mom, etc.
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Yup, the person in question is on this list…😛

Thanks for the concern about privacy–that was very thoughtful, Bruised Reed…and I appreciate it. I was not offended by the assumptions of the posters as my original post they were referring to said nothing about the person in question…but thanks again so much for your considerateness! 🙂

And thanks everyone for all the advice–you’ve given so many good answers and have given me a better appreciation for my marriage preparation and class…🙂

God bless each and every one of you!

kevinsgirl :love:
 
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