Pre-Engagement Prep

[Cataline]

Hi Everyone,

Not sure where to post this, but vocations seemed like a possibly good place. I am 28 and have been dating my boyfriend who is also 28 for 6 months. We have discussed that we are both interested in marrying one another, but an engagement is at least another 6 months out, as we both agreed that about a year of dating is what we are most comfortable with before an engagement.

Now, as far as I know my boyfriend, I feel like he has very good potential to be the one. However, I really wish there were some type of resource – a retreat, a book, a worksheet packet, a class, etc. that could help us discern this BEFORE getting engaged. I am familiar with Engaged Encounter and Pre-Cana classes, but not anything aimed at singles who would like to further discern their dating relationship before taking the leap and getting engaged.

Does anyone know of a resource for non-engaged couples? I am not the best Catholic on earth by any means, but my faith is important to me. I was raised in a fairly religious home and attend 13 years of Catholic school. My boyfriend is also Catholic but his family never placed much emphasis on religion, other than attending mass every week – which he does. He is open to attending events at our parish and we do attend mass together. I have a few doubts about our potential to get married and I think it’s because I have no rubric/direction to make sure we are on the right track. I would love for us to have something that would open up dialog more – we have excellent communication and I am comfortable discussing anything with him; however, I am lost as to what exactly we should discuss. If there were some type of structured program or series for us, I think it would help us out.

Also, we have only prayed together a handful of times. Anyways to incorporate this into our lives more? He was raised in a home that only prayed on holidays. My family did pray every night before we went to bed as a family, but I have never prayed with just one other non-family member before and it’s a tad awkward. Any ideas or resources for this to make it easier?

Finally, although I love my boyfriend a lot, something in the back of my head worries he might not be the one. He treats me great and my family and friends all approve of him. Is it normal to have these doubts? Is there a way to help see if he’s the one?

Thanks all!

 

[skallal]

Hey Cataline,

Wow, you raise some really great questions. Seeing as how you’re really preparing to be married and not just engaged, I think the best thing to focus on is what you both want out of a marriage relationship:

What’s important to you in a marriage relationship?
What **must **you have in your life? and what can you be flexible about?
How do you know that you’re partner is fulfilling his duties in the relationship?
And how does he know if you’re doing your part?
What is your view of marriage and family? And how does that match with what the church teaches?

If you both aren’t sure about Church teaching, check out Christopher West, Mary Beth Bonacci, or Jason Evert (they have books, but also audio if that’s easier for you). Actually, my favorite is Patty Schneier (<www.pattyschneier.com/>)! Patty is an incredible speaker who is so down to earth and so insightful. You’d do yourself a favor just to listen to her.

If you’re not usually a worrier, you may want to listen to these movements of the heart, but if you find yourself worrying about everything that you really care about, then maybe it’s better to consider them a sign that you really do care about this man.